C is for CANES

Caning.  Never a more classic, socially accepted, nor terrifying object exists, I think, in the world of kink…

Canes: Bringing kink to the Euler Bernoulli beam theory. Photo by Dirk Hünniger

Canes: Bringing kink to the Euler Bernoulli beam theory. Photo by Dirk Hünniger

“Do you like it more thuddy or more stingy?” is a question frequently asked while negotiating a scene or rummaging through a toybag, choosing which implements of loving destruction you might most be inspired by in your coming hours of play.  It is the CANES, to my mind, that represent the stingiest of the stingy.  For a long time I was quite afraid of them, and could see no reason to ever subject myself to their bite, being a lover of thuddy type sensations… initially that is.

My experiences:  One day I had a friend gift me three canes that he couldn’t bring in his luggage on the plane back home, and for a long time there they have sat, resting against the wall in my room reminding me that there were sensations I had yet to experience and decide about first hand…  Over time my mind softened to the experience, my curiosity caught fire, and the next time someone pulled an array of canes from their bag of tricks, I was ready…

At a kinky play party I was lucky enough to meet someone I regard as a gear fetishist.

He had brought a LOT of toys to play with, and was interested in experimenting with me to find limits and observe responses (this was early on in my journey of finding out about my particular masochistic tendencies).  That plan in mind, I got cuffed to a cross, and he picked up the first item.  The process went like this:  He would take a toy from his bag and show it to me.  He would tell me all about it, where he had gotten the toy, what it was made of, how people usually responded to it, and he would innumerate on the ways it could be used.   Then he would then ask if I was interested in trying it out, use it on me softly at first, illustrating the different planes and edges of the toy and allowing me to note varying sensations coming from the same implement used in these different ways.  If he liked my response we’d play a bit longer and harder with that particular toy…   It went on like this for quite a while and I think we went through most of his toys in our time together.  This was my first introduction to the “evil stick” – a tiny thin metal stick that hurts like a bitch when it hits you, like white hot fire on your skin…  He had many cane-type toys with him, and it was in fact those very toys I seemed to be enjoying the most.

The canes I have include bamboo and rattan. I have yet to acquire metal, hardwood, "evil sticks", Polyethylene, nylon...

The canes I have include bamboo and rattan. I have yet to acquire metal, hardwood, “evil sticks”, Polyethylene, nylon…

Considerations for caning:  What I like when it comes to pain, are sensations that have different layers embedded in them. Canes are great for this, especially heavy ones.  You can get a thuddy pain sensation from the impact of a heavier cane, and then comes the ensuing sting of the small round surface ringing through your body, ebbing and flowing.  Canes can be used in different ways to create radically different sensations too.  Whether you are using the tip of your stick or the middle of the shaft to hit with, you will find quite a variance of sensation.  Consider your grip: are you using your whole arm to hit with or are you flicking the cane like a switch?  What part of the body you are hitting, are you aiming for the same exact same spot each time, covering a larger area of skin systematically, or are you hitting spots that are more or less sensitive?  How long or effectively have you warmed the body up before hitting with a cane?  A body that’s been warmed can take a lot more stingy sensation than one which has not.  And consider the material of your implement, the rattan cane shown in the photo above is a very soft wood that can bend easily and wrap well during impact, which is something you might either want to work with, or ward against.  Metal, hardwood, “evil sticks”, Polyethylene, or nylon.  During a “Food Play” class I was demo bottoming for at Floating World I ended up being caned with a long taffy…  All of these materials (even taffy) have their own properties to consider when hitting someone with them, as do their various diameters and lengths – there’s a huge difference in sensation between a cane that is 1/4″ or 1/8″ thick.  What is the sensation or experience you want your partner to have, and what is the best toy for that job?

Rhythm Caning:  At the most recent Bound in Boston, I took a workshop in “Rhythm Caning” taught by NHSlutWhisperer.  It was a fun class where I got to make my own rattan cane, and then watch as a woman on a massage table laid on her stomach and was worked over with two canes at once, as if her body was a drum and the drummer was using the center of his long rattan drumsticks to hit with.  The effect was that the rattan would bend around her body, and so she was taking impact on the sides and across the flat of the back in each stroke.  Because most of the length of the stick was coming in contact with her skin, the impact was less intense on one specific spot, and more spread out.  I didn’t have the opportunity to try it out myself, but it seemed more relaxing than super painful…

Other thoughts on the subject:  I find Canes romantic in a particular kinda way.  They illicit images of Ballet teachers, or schoolteachers (I’ve disclosed my teacher fetish, yes?), of corporal punishment, strict older relatives, and cranky unapproachable people who would trip up someone too full of themselves.  It’s a strikingly confident tool, one that I assume is used by people who have an eye for specificity and particulars.  I like things to be clearly outlined, and if you have felt the bite of a switch you know how articulately the sensation will speak.  Canes can poke, prod, or put one quickly in their place, as well as hit.  Canes can be used in pony play too.  Canes catch the eye of my curiosity, and while I *hate* the experience of being hit with them, I love the after effect – and unfolding avalanche of rising and falling, concentrated and melting pieces of pain and warmth.  The skin welted red and clearly showing off each and every strike taken.

More education on the subject:  As always I completely recommend Kink Academy  as a wonderful resource for learning all about canes.  Videos and blog entries on that site address more than just how to hit; you can explore information on how to clean your cane, how to use them without impact, and a plethora of other ideas.  On my shelf at home I have The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning by Greenery Press, and Greenery has a lot of well written books on hundreds of kinky subjects.  I enjoy both their authors’ writings as well as the general POV they bring to information on the world of kink.  Last, a word of advice:  Try your canes out on yourself before hitting someone else.  Get an idea of the sensation you’re doling out before you bestow it on another person.  Start slowly, don’t be afraid of feedback, have fun, and send me the pictures!

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

The People I Meet: Balin

Today’s entry is a couple of short stories written by someone I met randomly one day.  I was working on this blog and they asked what I was writing.  Being the very out person I am (even with strangers), I answered that I write a kink blog and was working on entries for that.  We got into an interesting conversation on the subject, and I offered that if he wanted to write anything for the blog I was taking submissions.  Soon after I was presented with these two stories.  I hope you enjoy this stranger’s thoughts on kink, sex, and (just a little bit) me!

To Breathe and Being,
~ Karin

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Balin the Virgin

written by Anonymous

Gauguin's "Death of a Virgin"

Gauguin’s “Death of a Virgin”

Balin is a 35 year-old Virgin. He has a birthday coming up… but does not plan on losing his virginity before this auspicious date. Or on it. He doubts it will ever happen for him. Most likely it started out as a religious thing, fire and brimstone, thought of himself as a good kid, wanted to do the right thing, afraid to upset anyone, afraid of intimacy.

He might be wrong.

Maybe he’s not a virgin.

Do fingers count? Are they so different from penis? What about not so dry humping? Sarah was in her panties and Balin in his boxers. She was flooding. He was like, this is surely just as unsafe… for him… as unsafe sex.

“I’m so wet,” she said.

His penis rubbed the mystical boundary between her pussy lips. Did this not count as sex because of the thin layer of fabric between their parts? Her panties had come off. Maybe he’s not a virgin.

I am. He maintains. To not be a virgin one full insertion is required.

Though it’s hard for him to justify why this particular insertion should command such mystical significance. However, it does. It has defined his life, the impossibility of fully encountering someone, the punishment for so doing.

“Everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

If that’s true, Balin is definitely not a virgin.

Digital versus penile. Photon versus penile. Digital versus photon. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. What if you close your eyes and breathe on it? The line where Sarah begins and Balin ends feels arbitrary when postulating virginity and making it your life story.

This is my life story.

I am Balin.

How deep can I go?

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Balin and Porn

written by Anonymous

Ever since his lap top died, last April, Balin had not seen porn. Not that he didn’t try to find it on his iPad. However the sites he had become accustomed to visiting did not seem to work, and he had found no alternatives.

Without porn available, Balin turned to YouTube for aid on his quest to get off.

Ironically this censored environment opened up a world of fetish that Balin might not have otherwise discovered. Before he had been mostly satisfied with traditional porn, though had also glimpsed bondage and machine sex scenes. On YouTube he discovered JOI, CEI, oily dance, POV hand jobs by sudsy Japanese girls in bathtubs, balloon fetish, foot fetish, stocking fetish, sucking bananas, sucking lollipops, teens who could not possibly be 18 dancing in their underwear, cleavage in bouncing cars, nipple slips, and people imitating the sex act with their own belly fat or other objects that once he realized were not actual cocks and pussies became insulting. Not to mention international car show go-go girls, dominatrices demanding tribute, and hot girls who turn out to be men… always alarming for the mildly homophobic (when it came to his own position on the spectrum) Balin.

All this ended for him last night, when he discovered free porn sites once again open to him on his iPad. Not just the thirty second clips to which he had become accustomed, but full twenty-five minute episodes of his favorite porn star, Lucy Lee, in her first ever sex scene and her first ever anal scene. He was saddened to learn of her recent car accident and the time she spent in jail for drunk driving. However, after some time, all that repetitive thrusting became boring.

Instead he found the kinkiest, uncensored JOI he head ever seen.

After his extended hiatus into the perversions of YouTube, Balin returns to the less restricted world of XXX armed with new genres to explore. Thus his continued virginity seems assured… and more twisted than ever… in a form far from the purity and innocence with which virginity is often ascribed.

Balin daydreams wistfully, that UnAmerika’s Sweetheart Karin Webb mourns his isolated and marginalized existence and raises her fist at porn. Nevertheless, cowardly twisted Balin locks himself away, alone, deep in his lair in Moria. A narrow shaft of iPad light his only connection to the outside world of kink and fetish that other people share and could await him too. Might Karin find a way to reach him there?

This is my life story.

I am Balin.

How deep can I go?

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Please write in to share your own thoughts and connections on kink by either filling out the comment form below or emailing me directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Some Beginning Thoughts on Pain Processing

From my first "scene" ever - a 5 1/2 hour long exploration of sensation with a wonderfully varied Dominant sailing the ship. Here I am tied "Ebi" style, not so bad initially as I am quite flexible, but you see my leg going blue from cut off circulation... It was precisely the LACK of sensation, rather than any pain I felt that scared me most in this part of the scene... Leg's fine now, a narmal "Karin's Leg color". And an interesting experience for sure.

From my first “scene” ever – a 5 1/2 hour long exploration of sensation with a wonderfully varied Dominant-type friend sailing the ship. Here I am tied “Ebi” style.  It wasn’t so bad initially, as I am quite flexible, but you can see my leg going a little blue from cut off circulation over a longer period of time… It was precisely the LACK of sensation, rather than any pain I felt that bothered/scared me most in this part of our play.  The leg’s fine (and was immediately after release), a normal “Karin’s Leg color” now. It was interesting to learn that I have a harder time with no feeling, than with pain itself.  Of note: this particular tie was created for torture.

I’ve been talking to a few people about pain lately, and ‘pain processing’ – something one does in a scene where they are taking on a certain degree of pain like being hit in rough body play, receiving sharps (needles), using hitting toys, etc, so that they can play longer or to take more pain without ending the play.  Some people who take on pain are masochists (meaning they derive pleasure from pain itself), and some are not but are willing to bear pain for submissive reasons, for the endorphin rush, or to succeed at accomplishing a particular feat or goal.

I was describing what I think is going on with me while I am pain processing to someone I had played with, and I’m wondering how it is like or unlike what others experience. Let me know your thoughts by filling out the anonymous contact form, or emailing me at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com.

The circles in the center of the bruised areas was made with a flat wooden paddle... Happy Birthday to me!

The circles in the center of the bruised areas were made with a flat wooden paddle… Happy Birthday to me!

Here’s what I wrote:  “Pain is experienced as a lot of really distinct layers for me. Kind of like a complex wine… There are sometimes layers of pain that are horrible and too much, types that are warm, types which spread slowly and have an emotional component, types which are very much sexy and a turn on, types that surprise or fry my system… And usually when I’m receiving pain – especially in the context of Rough Body Play – each sensation holds way more than one layer of pain. When I process it’s about searching through the sensations and lifting the ones that are too much to ready myself for the next moment.  So, I think I’m not processing the whole thing each time I take a break, just the parts I need to to come back to center quickly.  I also try to hold on to the layers of pain that are enjoyable and connected to my partner more deeply. It helps, I know, to experience pain that has both terrible and wonderful layers in it at once, because I can hold onto the good parts and melt into those (in a way) while holding the terrible ones at bay for as long as possible…”

My first "sharps" in the form of an "endorphin button"... I loved this experience.

My first “sharps” in the form of an “endorphin button”… I loved this experience.

After having written that, I found and started reading “Nociceptors and the Perception of Pain” by Alan Fein, Ph.D, and right off the bat some of what he’s written seems to coincide with the experience of pain that I describe.  He explains that various nociceptors (pain sensors) register sensation at different speeds – hence my “layers” of pain experience, I think.  I learned that “pain” itself is not a sensation, rather it is an emotional reaction to a particular sensation which elicits varied response in different people; so some people can take more pain than others, and someone can “decide” to toughen up and take a higher level of sensation past the point they normally would when they deem it important to do such.  When I describe the different feelings that accompany pain, I think I am describing a combination of various different types of nociceptor signals (mechanical, chemical, thermal, and the difference between somatic and visceral pain), combined with the emotional reaction I have to those various signals – while “thuddy” pain is more tolerable to me than “stingy” pain, that is in part because I am not as afraid of or reactive to that sensation so I have the ability to more easily take on impact that leads to one type of sensation over the other.  I can also acknowledge the emotional reaction I have to stingy sensation and accept that experience to a higher degree by understanding the difference between physical reality and emotional angst.  Breathing, staying really present with the moment, and swimming between these understandings is part of how I process pain so that I can get to a level of sensation during playtime that I find rewarding – physically, emotionally, sexually, chemically, and relationally.

I’m still reading up on the reality of how bodies function with pain, but I love that one’s ability to recognize sensation and decide what to do with it (fight, flight, enjoy, bear, push deeper, relax into, reject, accept…) are not solely physical limitations, but emotional and psychological challenges as well, and that our actual limits are a flexible and fluctuating conversation between these three states.  The body is a wondrous thing!  What have your experiences with pain processing been?

To Breath and Being,
Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

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