I am happy today. I’m engaged in a number of things which I love. As I write this I’m training a submissive who has been in service to me for a while, I’m writing for my blog (hi!), and preparing to teach a student about Dominance later on. That my sub brought vegan croissants and I’ve taught them how to properly make my coffee certainly adds to my joy as well. Together we’ve created space for joy, deep connection, work to get done, and play. A simple life is often the most excellent one.
Last week was tough. My sub was suffering from the collision of a number of vital life issues which happened to explode at the same time. This (reasonably) thoroughly ungrounded them in the week leading up to our service date. They arrived without having done work I required, and in no headspace to attend to the tasks and adventures I had constructed for us to share that day.
We got the most vital work out of the way, and I redirected the remainder of our time together toward acknowledging and working through what was going on. We spoke at length about their situation and how it could be managed and resolved most easily and stably. Amidst an onslaught of apologies and self-flagellation (something I accept and acknowledge once or twice, but suffer not as a tool of attention seeking or derailment), we found space to talk about what was going on. They spoke to the complicated feelings and triggered fears that were a part of why these problems had such an emotional and destabilizing impact. We built—dreamed even—on how to move into a better place. By the end of our time together they were in much better shape, and ready to face the trials of their upcoming week positively, feeling centered again.
I’m happy to say they came to me this week doing much better, with solutions to their issues in play and moving onward. I do not wish ill on others in any way, but I do take pleasure from being a rock to those I care for. It feels great to be a useful partner, navigating my loved ones out from under their anxieties, and into a place of openness and re-found pleasure.
Mornings like this one make me feel as though all’s right in the world. I wish I was able to command them more frequently… all in good in time.
I wrote a mantra for this sub which I have them recite each time I collar them for service. One of the lines is, “…To follow and to serve Creature Sir most excellently”. Last week for homework they were to write an essay on what this line means to them, to break it down concept by concept, and to speak to the idea as a whole. I was not disappointed with their offering when I read their thoughts on the subject today.
Understanding the reasons why we do a thing or need is a gift. The gift of knowing can be an uneasy one, gratifying, eye-opening, worrisome, pleasurable, and/or a million other things. By understanding our personal motivations, we’re given the gift of choice. Choice to engage further or to end engagement, choice to renegotiate or to stay the course, choice to embrace a moment or to struggle onward, choice to get creative, choice to solve for whatever issues we haven’t fully figured out yet. For myself as Dominant and for those who are switching or submissive, that we come to the seesaw of D/s with an idea of what makes power exchange a positive or important form of play for us as individuals, is to be present at the fulcrum of autonomy and community with dignity, grace, with an ability to ask for exactly what it is we need and desire.
The fulcrum of a seesaw is the point from which all hinges and from where all movement comes. All balances out, clicks into place, or falls apart at this point. The fulcrum is a place where we have the ability to transform and expand. The mundane can become a nourishing and spectacular thing. Any idea or action has opportunity to slow down and be enjoyed deeply when true balance is struck here.
How does one negotiate good balance in D/s? I believe first and foremost we must be willing to listen to our own desires. We must be courageous enough to say what they are, and we must do the internal work of strengthening our abilities to trust and to disengage from untrustworthy partners and situations. We must listen to one another, and we must dedicate ourselves to being beholden to something, anything, which our exchange agreement rests upon.
What do you desire, really truly deeply down inside? Do you dare cultivate a life which includes those things? Can you find partners who you trust will help you, guide you, co-create with you along the way?
Meet me by the seesaw. I love to listen, I love to connect, I love to teach, and I love to instigate.
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
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