I spent this past weekend at the Fetish Fair put on by NELA. As usual it was jam packed full of an amazing array of people and events to check out and learn from. Vendors were selling everything from lubes to leather, rope to metal and electronics, sex toys, fetish wear, chainmail, kink implements, and all sorts of oddities you didn’t know you needed but are really excited to discover! There was a stellar line-up of teachers imparting decades upon decades of perspective on how kink works within community, as a relationship style, and as an ever evolving set of skills to be approached with safety, research, and technique in mind. There was wonderful people-watching, play, private parties, and “lounges” for attendees to interact, learn, and practice new skills in. I enjoyed peeking into the spaces set up for hypnosis, pony play, a little’s playpen, a puppy park, quiet space for unwinding and decompression, and I even got some whip-cracking time in too (prrrrr). There were performances by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” showing, a High Protocol Dinner, and mixers such as “Leather, Boots, and Chocolate”, a FemDom Meetup, POC socials, and places to explore and connect over Sacred Sexuality practices. There were even parts of the con I sadly never found, like an art gallery somewhere in the building and some classrooms buried in the bowels of the hotel…

The Fetish “Flea” was the first Kink Con I ever attended, back about 20 years ago, and it remains one of my favorites. Speaking of 20 years ago, I bumped into my old boss, Kim Airs, from my time at Grand Opening!. She was about to host a panel about the Flea’s history, and it was great to see her and catch up. Time does fly… The first few times I attended the flea I spent 100% of my time there as a sex toy vendor, and never made it to a workshop or meet-up. I was able to see a couple shows, attend a fetish ball, and participated in my first ever scene at a party (RIP MOB, you were my first interactive safe space/community, welcoming me to explore my kinky tendencies and find friends).

We’re in such a different social space than we were 20 years ago when it comes to communication surrounding kink, safety, and community standards. Though the queer and BDSM communities are leagues ahead of vanilla society when it comes to learning about and conversing about consent and negotiation, even the kink world is undergoing important shifts these days. In the past influences have been rather cis male dominated, frequently assuming a heteronormative narrative. These days I’m excited to see more events boosting voices within their queer and fem leaders. We still have a lot of work to do when it comes to seeing POC representation though.

I was lucky enough to attend the classes of some of my favorite kink educators including: Lee Harrington, Wiseguy, Thista Minai, Wintersong, Skyla, and Midori (a shoutout to other educator friends of mine who were teaching this weekend too: Sara Scalper and Rope Rider).

This convention and events like these are absolutely places I go to for my own socialization and fun, but they are also some of my favorite places to continue my education as an educator, as a professional Dominant, and as a sexuality, kink, and identity coach. Community lifts us up, expands our world view, increases one’s ability to play powerfully and gracefully, and makes the world and our dreams more reachable. I’m thankful organizations like NELA, NEDS, TES, Dark Odyssey, MAsT, and so many more exist and organize for the benefit of us all.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

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