ABCs Blog — Page 14

R is for ROUGH BODY PLAY

April 4, 2014 by ABCs Of Kink

Yes, this is a handprint marked on my side... well really it's kindof a fist print. Painful like woah! But damn I enjoyed demo bottoming for this one!

Yes, this is a handprint marked on my side… well really it’s kind of a fist print. Painful like woah! But damn I enjoyed demo bottoming for this beaut!

Slapping, hitting, punching, wrestling, kicking. If this sounds sexy to you, you might enjoy today’s topic of discussion: Rough Body Play! Personally I LOVE it and have a million things to say about the subject, so stick with me, I’ll probably only get through about half of them.

What exactly is rough body play? Well, it’s kinda just what it sounds like. You ever roughhouse as a kid? Well, try it in the bedroom and see if it gets you motor running. I remember the first time I saw a listing for a workshop on the subject by Roughinamorato (a fantasitic teacher) and thought to myself

Why would ANYONE want to do THAT?!?!!?

Skip to a day later and I’m being slapped in the face and punched in the chest for the first time, and feeling amazing about it. Rough body play is a form of impact play that generally means hitting your partner with things that are a part of your body or on your body, and being physically rough with them. It is closer range impact than what you get from a whip, a flogger, a cane, and it is a very human interaction. Altercation. Play form.

Rough body play is a type of impact play, so you need to know more about the body and safety than with less potentially destructive types of kinky interaction. It is very important to know what you can and cannot hit to avoid possibly permanently damaging your partner’s body. Know with what you may hit those areas, with what amount of force, and how to brace your partner appropriately. It is also paramount that you clearly negotiate what you are doing. Know that from most rough body play there are bruises, possible breaks, and definite marks from the impact. As a top it’s important to ask where and if bruising can be allowed during your scene, and if you are a bottom in this play make sure you consider what signs of a beating you want people seeing – as a burlesque performer I know that it takes about a week to heal from my play sessions taking regular doses of arnica internally and externally. I keep my performance schedule very clearly in mind when I enter into rough body playtime for sure. I don’t mind having to wear a turtleneck or long pants in the summer to my other jobs or life events, but there’s not much I can do about my skimpy costumes!

Why would anyone want to do it? This is a VERY interesting question to me. There was a class I took on punching and kicking with Lee Harrington a while back and I realized that I had a very clear idea about why I do it, and this explanation is NOT for everyone, but here goes something from my brain to you:

I think rough body play is a very deeply felt form of feminism and serves as a kind of equality affirmation for me. I have always been a very rough and tumble girl, I always wanted to be thought of as a tomboy but I liked wearing dresses too much. So at some point boys stopped wrestling with me. It wasn’t because those boys were being sexist in and of themselves, it’s just in the culture. I don’t know if any adult ever told them “not to punch a girl”, but at some point I wasn’t invited to play anymore – not the way I wanted to. I could watch. That made me, at a very young age, feel pretty invisible… and as I grew up with this girl body, year after year I started to feel more and more invisible. There were more and more things I wasn’t asked to participate in, more and more games I wasn’t allowed to play… The first time in my adult life that someone (a male person) looked me in the face and said “Have you ever been punched before? Do you want to be?” I felt all of a sudden visible. Worthy. A partner with a strong body and spirit that could be honored as such. And the punch itself resonated through my body in an affirmative way. It felt electric, sexy, real, something to push against or something to accept and bear. It was energy invested in me, my body, I was chosen in that moment and not told how frail I was supposed to be because of my sex, but allowed to join the ranks of the “body people” – people who trust and use their bones, muscles, skin, will, and power to play and define themselves. I was who I want to be. I felt seen. I felt accepted.

Playing with a sadist who was one of the fiercest (and most fun) people I’ve played with… look closely and you can see the beginnings of the boot marks that will be black and purples the following day

Now, I am not in any way saying that being hit by someone is a feminist action in and of itself, oh no. But I am saying that for me, respectfully, consensually, and lovingly being invited to join this adult playground meant for roughhousing feels liberating. There are probably as many reasons to enjoy getting beaten up as there are people who do it. I would say it can be a more painful mode of play, so the more masochistic of us may enjoy the sensations, and I assume many people who use their bodies – dancers, martial artists, sports players, heavy laborers, these may be people who have a trust of their bodies and an enjoyment in pushing their limits this way. And perhaps being a white collar worker with a lust for fight club may be the turn around you’re looking for in life that gets you to the rough body play classes and wrestling mats… I wonder, if you were to let someone roughhouse with you why might you find yourself liking it? Or maybe physical punishment will never appeal to you, and that is completely fine too.

How is rough body play not abuse? This is an important question. Considering that some of the physical activities those engaging in rough body play are executing are often similar to actions abusers employ, it is really important to consider this question. There are important differences in impact play negotiations and abuse, but for this blog I’ll outline the most important one:

CONSENT. Like the sentence above mentions, impact play “negotiations” are negotiated between partners and should always be consensual. Even in situations of non-consensual consent, the people involved will have talked in length about what the bottom’s limits are, and the top will have a very clear understanding of what their partner likes, dislikes, can tolerate, cannot tolerate, and they will have played together enough to know how the bottom reacts when they are tiring out, harmed, or overwhelmed (in a bad way) to the activity. A responsible, non abusive top will take responsibility for their actions, and take care not to harm their partners or even hurt them more than their partners have voiced they wish to be.

Consent. Consent. Consent. There is little more I need to say here.

On being beaten: I could tell a LOT of stories here, I LOVE rough body play. But I want to tell one that was not just about a kink interaction, but was a situation that taught me more about my own self… I was at a convention in New Jersey for a weekend last year to, well, have fun, but also to demo bottom for a few classes, volunteer, find some play time (and partners), and take a bunch of classes. It was a great weekend all in all. I met wonderful people, started to feel more a part of the “community” as it was the first convention I went to where I started recognizing more faces and meeting people because they’d seen me demo. I had a blast. I found some excellent people to play with, took wonderful classes with people I respect and enjoy listening to, and I got some totally new experiences in.

One of the people I played with that weekend I had an excellent, very intense, and heavy on the rough body play (kicking, punching, slapping, along with some predicament bondage, nipple clams to beat the band, knife play, bullwhip, floggers, canes, a metal fan –oof–, breath play, and pressure point body control… I think that’s about it) scene with on Friday night. Saturday we had another impromptu scene-ish interaction early in the evening, heavy on the chest punching, and then later Saturday night I engaged with another person in wrestling play. My wrestling partner was a good hundred pounds of muscle heavier than I and about a foot taller. He was very rough and tried his hardest to make me call uncle! There was a lot of being pinned and punched, especially to my left pectoral area (as he was right handed), and on my end a lot of taking the impact and catching my breath before wriggling out of it somehow or another… We wrestled for quite some time, I had a lot of fun, and I must say that wrestling does bring out the competitive side of me. I have a hard time giving in, and honestly haven’t had to very much historically.

When finally the game was over, and I’d had a moment to catch my breath, I briefly checked through my body to make sure all the pain was bruising soreness, and I realized that I was pretty sure it was not. The fact was that the rib on the left side of my chest, just under my clavicle had been broken. This was confirmed over the next few hours by a plethora of doctors and EMTs who were working at and attending the conference. There isn’t much you can do with a broken rib other than ice it and wait 6 weeks for it to heal on its own. You also have to learn to let people help you (that was maybe the biggest lesson of the situation)… But not the point of this story. The lesson I learned that was most important was (get this):

I am not invincible

Simple. But powerful. This fracture could not be blamed on one of my play partners, or both of them even. A large part of the responsibility for this happening was mine. I realized that I needed to be better at knowing my body in the moment of play. I needed to learn from this situation and have clearer limits. I can’t just run into every situation I see and join the fray. I need to know when I’ve had enough for rough body play to continue to be fun. A 6 week hiatus from this loved and favorite type of engagement gave me a lot of time to figure out where my limits should lie inside my will’s expansive ability to take it all and then some.

So, I know that I shouldn’t wrestle without certain types of negotiation first, and letting my partner know that I get competitive and might not red out when I should. I probably shouldn’t wrestle people who are that much larger than me in the first place. I should check in with my body if I’m taking a lot of impact in the same place over a short period of time – three intense scenes which each included a lot of chest punching in the span of 24 hours seems to have been too much for me. That’s ok. I can do other things and rest my pecs and other impact-used up areas if I’m not done yet…

This weekend in my life I am glad for. I failed at being able to take it all and not break. But I learned a LOT about myself, and even in breaking I healed a smarter and more savvy kinkster. I don’t think one should always (or most of the time) learn by going too far in this game, but I’m glad that I had responsible partners, great friends, and willing resources to help me along my way when I did fall. These things are gold.

More to think about: DO THE RESEARCH! Take classes in this subject or have experienced friends and partners show you the ropes before you lay your hands on another person’s body. YOU CAN DO REAL DAMAGE TO SOMEONE by hitting them in the wrong way, so know your stuff first. Read up on anatomy and physiology. There are body parts you shouldn’t hit, and there are certain body parts that aren’t designed to take impact regardless of whether or not you hit them directly. I repeat: DO THE RESEARCH! You’ll also have waaay more friends and fun buddies that way. Kink Academy has some excellent videos on the subject and you can learn a LOT from the teachers on that platform. Local classes and learning opportunities at conventions or play events are excellent ways to get your feet wet and even get some hands on practice in. Punch yourself! Try things out on your own body, know what these sensations are before you share them with others – and I still recommend knowing how to hit yourself before jumping into it. Be prepared to heal. Give yourself time. Listen to your body. Communicate clearly about what you want, you don’t want, and don’t be afraid to “yellow” or “red” out of a scene or situation. I would consider this one of those types of play I want to have a higher degree of trust and confidence in my partners to bottom to (at least if I desire the most fun)… Now YOU go have fun!

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor: Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event? Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site. Don’t know what to write about? Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently. Happy writing, and thanks!

Filed Under: ABCs Blog Tagged With: kink, Kink Academy, kink is not abuse, lee harrington, my favorite kink, punching kicking hitting for fun, rough body play, roughinamorato

Q is for QUESTIONING

March 28, 2014 by ABCs Of Kink

Photo by Becca A. Lewis

Right now you might be thinking to yourself, “how is questioning a kink activity?!” Well, aside from the fact that questioning is a kink of mine, I’ll fill you in on just how important it is! Grab a ‘cuppa your favorite and come right on down the rabbit hole my friends…

Questioning kink: Being a sexual explorer is natural. Most of us have physical, sexual, or kink related feelings, urges, turn-ons, questions, curiosities, and desires at some point in our lives (or ongoing). Whether they are born from attraction to another person, evolve from fantasies we’ve seen, heard, or read about, whether they are of our own creative design, learned methods, or are inexplicably developed fetishes, we human beings have gotten nowhere in our evolution without questioning and without investing in these questions. Kinky sexuality is defined as someone who includes sexual activities deemed culturally abnormal in their play. It follows that the people practicing kinky behaviors are people who have invested some amount of thought and research into the subject of their practices. This, to my mind, makes the very idea of being a kink practitioner a Sexy Scientist type endeavor. Inquire on please!

But more than just wondering “what will happen if…” I believe it is important that we ask ourselves:

Who are we interested in playing with
What exactly is it that turns us on, our partners on, or our curiosities up, and what do we expect to get from the experience
Why is the chosen activity a good one for this time with these partners
When is it appropriate and safe to forge ahead
Where is the right place to start researching/playing/laying the groundwork
How do we navigate through our ideas and bring them into being respectfully, responsibly, and healthfully (or safely, sanely, and consensually) for everyone involved

Questioning partners: It is of utmost importance that you be able to openly and respectfully negotiate with the people you play with. I will say this applies to a lot more than just kink play, and it is a great rule of thumb for becoming a valued coworker, friend, partner, family member, community participant, and lover in general. But it can be really scary. It can be terrifying to ask someone you are or would like to be intimate with to look at your private desires and participate in making them realities. It is unthinkable to some people that they would put themselves in the hot spot for possible judgment. To be rejected is an unbearable thought sometimes, but it is also a part of life. “Nothing risked, nothing gained” is good balance for thought; if you never say what it is that you truly want, your chances of getting it are much much slimmer than if you can muster up the courage to simply ask. And one rejection does not mean the entire world is likely to say no. Imagine moving on and finding the strength to locate a community of people who will share your joy and participate happily in the things that fulfill you the most.

For those who are bringing up the subject of kink for the first time with their partners, or those who do not know if their desires will go over well, starting slowly and carefully is advisable. Remember that just because you are going out on a limb to state your needs does not mean that hearing all about them will feel completely safe and worry free to the listener. Like a good caning, warming up to an idea before going all in has its value in resilience, not everyone will tolerate to the same level at all times. Consider timing and pace as you work out how to approach new ideas with a partner who is less precocious or versed in the matters of your interest.

Talk about your ideas, find out what interests the people you are playing with, compromise, try new things out, start slowly, do your research, and check in frequently. Let your questions rather than your assumptions lead you. You will build the world you want by being curious and committed to respectful journeying more quickly than you will by startling a lover or being deemed unsafe, untrustworthy, or assumptive in a moment of play.

Question yourself: I think most people go into various subjects with a pre-conditioned (and often two-dimensional or unrealistic) idea about what the subject is all about. Part of the joy of learning more on a new subject is discovering all the things you don’t know about it, uncovering reality as it actually is, and adding new dimension to your thinking. Kink is no different, and one of the greatest things about kink is that YOUR experience of the subject will be different than the experiences of others. It is subjective and personal and though you will probably share a lot of common experiences and reference points with others, you have the opportunity to define what it is to you on your own terms. So question what you might already assume about various activities or relations, see if the way you always thought something had to be done can be done in a way that’s even more exciting to you and your partners, experiment! I find one of the best ways to come up with experiments I’d like to try is by having a question about why something does or doesn’t work for me as well as I think it could. From there I meditate on the question, free associate, do some research so I’m not reinventing too many wheels, and fantasize about new scenarios from what I’ve learned. This is all to play with myself and figure out what might most turn me on before I invest in putting it in motion – is my new endeavor something I’ve already tried, something I’ve found out about from another source, or maybe something I imagined somewhere down the line? How do I want to move forward with this newly refined idea? Who might be a great partner in crime? How might I come about having this newly designed experience? What do I think will work or not work about the scenario? How can I tweak it to fit the needs of my partners too?

By questioning myself I learn a lot of new things, I try a lot of new things, and I realize that my values have a lot to offer when it comes to getting unstuck from a paradigm I realize no longer serves me. It is also great practice for being comfortable questioning concepts in general and questioning people or situations in particular.

Questioning me: I love it when someone approaches me with a question about a subject that I know a lot about or with something particular they’d like to know about me. It feels radical and wonderful and exciting and challenging. I can feel my mind and emotions gearing up for something tasty. I feel valued. Everything is possible, and we enter into a world meant for dance. The first time I negotiated a scene with a play partner it was beautiful. The energy and desire to play was established between us: first energetically as we met, and then verbally as we chatted and decided to make time to play. We made a pre-play date to negotiate. He came to my room at the convention hotel and sat on my bed and asked

Who are you? What do you want to experience tonight?

My answer was that I wasn’t sure. I knew I liked being challenged and had very little experience with kink. I let him know I didn’t know my physical boundaries, my emotional limits, or what to expect from play, but that I was game. He talked about the things he liked: rope, canes, power exchange, needles… and I thought we should try them all grounded in the idea that we would pay attention to what my body seemed to like and what I was adverse to. We would take care to look for boundaries and we would communicate throughout the scene as we had new ideas or tired of an activity. Sex was off the table. He had me kneel by his feet while he told me he liked to be called “Sir” during play, and asked me if I was comfortable with that. I told him I didn’t like playacting and that I wouldn’t use words like that if I didn’t mean them, but I would keep that in mind if I felt them while we played. He understood and agreed that was best. Needles were particularly interesting to me and I wanted to make sure we got them in. He found that ending an evening of play was a good time to get to ‘sharps’, that they were a great activity to wind down an evening with (by the end of that night, I found I agreed).

This first negotiation differed greatly from the next scene partner I played with. This partner knew what he wanted and knew I had little experience in they type of play he liked best. We had very little time to explore together, and so the scene itself was a kind of negotiation and experimental interview:

Have you ever been punched before?

No.

Would you like to be?

Sure.

The impact felt wonderful… slaps across the face, a choking throat hold, being thrown on the bed, teased… all with consistent and playful engagement, each time asking my consent and permission to act first.

Others have been straightforward list checkers who want my Red/Yellow/Green assessment of various activities, or fantasy storytellers who ask me to add to their picture of what could happen in the scenario they unfold. Each partner a negotiator the way that works best for them, each a person with desire and libido behind the questions asking me to participate, accepting my varied responses, and a better partner because of these things.

Asking and answering, listening and responding helps us know one another better and become closer. It is in feeling heard that I am most at ease and turned on and trusting.

Photo by Rachel Leah Blumenthal

Quest on: One of the most valuable things you can find on a journey through the self is partnership. By this I mean others along the way who you can bounce ideas off of, work concepts out with, feel connected to, and know you’re not alone because of. On your journey into the center of what kink can mean to you, I hope you find partners of all shapes and sizes to fulfill your various needs – friends to commiserate with, lovers for inspiration and experimentation, travelers who will infest you with new ideas, and teachers to help get you to the places you’d like to go. Simply talking to the people around you is a great place to start. I wish you the strength and joy of conversation in the subjects that interest you; you’ll be surprised at how common various experiences are, and how kind and curious people can be even when they don’t understand a concept fully. Of course there are bigots and dangerous people to beware of, and I do not advocate forging ahead in any conversation without measured awareness, but also people can be wonderful healing springs in a desert of fear when you let them be. I hope you find your fellow journeymen. Good luck asking the hard questions when you need to, and have fun with the easy ones along the way…

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Filed Under: ABCs Blog Tagged With: advocating for yourself in, healthy communication in relationships, kink, Negotiation, Questioning your sexuality

P is for PAIN PROCESSING

March 14, 2014 by ABCs Of Kink

Pain is an interesting subject for me to tackle. Since I was rather young I remember thinking that pain

was just a feeling like any other, and that if I could hold onto that thought when I was experiencing it, I could probably tolerate more

A photograph from one of the most painful and invigorating play sessions I’ve had to date. Many of the bruises showed up a day later. I was sad to end this one

Was my childhood particularly painful? No, I don’t think so. I was lucky enough to grow up running around barefoot and was pretty fearless in the backwoods of Maine. I got cut, stung, bitten, burned, smashed, and injured a lot; pain was a pretty regular consequence of my play (so not that much has changed).

I’ve written before on the subject, “Some Beginning Thoughts on Pain Processing“, but today I want to talk more about the diversity of what the subject means to people. I’ve taken a class with the amazing and wonderful Lee Harrington on the subject. He also has some great thoughts on video at the Kink Academy (along with other excellent educators), so check that out if you’re interested in more detailed ideas or other points of reference on this subject.

So, what is pain processing again? In short it’s how you live with pain. In a kinky sense, it’s how you deal with the sensation of pain to allow yourself to continue on with a scene or activity that requires you to be with it to a certain degree instead of tapping out or safewording to end the activity. A common reason for processing painful sensations is that the receiver of these sensations might want to tolerate pain for a longer amount of time or to a more intense degree. There are a LOT of ways to process pain. Think about how you already accomplish living with various types of pain – when you cut a finger or stub a toe, when you have the flu, when you are engaged in a painful activity to accomplish a particular end result, you might endure pain to test your boundaries, for the bragging rights, or because you are curious what the consequences to a certain action might be… There are definitely common pain processing tools, but take a little time to think about what you do to endure pain in your life already.

What are some of these common pain processing tools you speak of? I would say that the most common ones are breath control, movement, and vocal release. These are probably the most common ones I employ, at least. When you wiggle because you have to pee, you are managing your pain. When you breathe slowly and steadily, sucking air through your teeth after being stepped on, you are pain processing. When you moan or giggle or scream or mumble or swear, you are letting yourself let pieces of your physical sensations go. It is common to clench and unclench your hands into fists, focus directly into the sensation, or focus on something – anything – other than the pain you are receiving. It is common to intellectualize the sensation, telling yourself that everything is ok, your sensation is tolerable and not destructive and alright to experience. It is common to try and turn the sensation you are receiving into another sensation or funnel it into an emotion. People commonly invest in emotions and ideas to get through pain, feelings like love and adoration or ideas that might look like challenge and endurance. Sometimes having an end goal is what allows you to suffer through it – there’s something more that you want at the end of the experience. Some people have out of body experiences or regress… like I said, there are a million ways to approach enduring painful sensations. Some will work for you, others will not, and many will work sometimes or in particular situations but not in others. There is no right or wrong about the ones that you choose as long as you are aware of the line that turns from hurt into harm.

Why is important to know how I process pain or how my partners might? When we decide to play with pain we are deciding to give and receive sensations that are ultimately pleasurable in one way or another. Surviving pain can flood us with chemicals that make us feel great! Endorphins are a natural high people have chased in a wide variety of situations for centuries, and there are other chemical rewards for survival as well. Often people gain a sense of accomplishment from survival in an almost competitive way. Sharing a painful experience with someone can be a beautiful connector as well as an amazing way to energy exchange. Regardless of why you want to play with pain though, you should know how your partners tolerate it, what their experience of pain might be like outside your scene, and what their processing could look like. If your partner goes limp and silent when they reach a certain point, yet this indicates they are in their own little zen bubble of feelings and drifting in subspace ecstasy, it isn’t ideal for the top in that scene to stop every couple minutes to check in or stop the scene altogether because they are worried. Same goes for someone who might giggle loudly or seem angry… Knowing how your partner might react to receiving pain will help you build a great scene and have the time and presence of mind to enjoy it. When in doubt about what’s going on ALWAYS check in with your partner, and ALWAYS talk about what pain processing might look like in your pre-scene negotiations. It’s not just safety on the line here, it’s connection, pleasure, good communication, and the opportunity to play again.

Photo by M

My life with pain: I’ve pain processed in a bunch of different ways and the ways I’ve processed my pain have largely been a product of what is going on in the scene or situation. On top of being a rough and tumble kid I was also a classical ballet dancer who danced en pointe by the time was twelve. My feet were bruised, blistered and bloody frequently, yet I still made it through class twice a week. I am female bodied and have enjoyed a wide range of wildly painful sensations monthly, from a dull ache to full on crippling seized up impossibility. I am what I describe as a “body person”, I have always been very in tune with what’s going on with me physically. I care about my sensations – all of them – and what they mean, I do not use pain killers or pretty much any western medicine unless an illness gets to a level I can no longer tolerate. I have had a piece of iron rebar puncture halfway through the bottom of my foot and had to dance in two shows less than a week later, I’ve had a tree fall on me, I’ve been punched to the point of having the rib below my clavicle break (and not taken pain medication in the healing process that followed), I’ve scened with people who describe themselves as serious sadists, I’ve been set on fire, I’ve been poked with needles (on purpose and because I sometimes don’t notice all the pins I drop while sewing), I’ve had my skin broken multiple times from a good singletail whipping, and I’ve had solid black and blue ass cheeks for a couple weeks after many a play session, I’ve found myself in turns pleading to end an activity because I couldn’t tolerate the sensation, and I’ve found myself giggling or deeply and loudly belly laughing at the painful sensations I’m on the receiving end of. I can go on… Most of these examples were consensual, some the product of my “grace of a clown” disposition.

What has worked for me consists often of breathing and movement, with a good dose of vocal reaction to help out. I can be pretty loud (actor trained lungs and all) when I’m receiving a good beating, and find the release of my voice helps turn the painful sensations I’m receiving into something distinctly pleasurable at times. Breath has works for me this way too, allowing me to take a moment and recalibrate before moving on often. Wiggling, jerking, shaking out, tensing, dancing, bouncing, all these things are probably a primary level of pain processing I enact. I will employ a good intellectual debate at times and that does the trick quite nicely. I trust myself when I say to me

You’re going to be ok. You can take this. Your body is strong and you can survive this… Oh look, shiny chemical bliss feelings over there!

And I know. I trust my instinct, and I work on having a pretty solid one. I know when it’s time to call it, to say stop/red/to tap out. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned from them. I pick good play partners who are willing and able to listen to me, to check in, and who have been wonderfully supportive in their ability to talk to me and to notice when I’m getting tired or have reached a peak. When we play, we all pay attention and the result has consistently been pretty rewarding.

Last thoughts: Playing with pain can be a really fun, informative, very connecting and powerful activity to (consensually) explore with yourself and partners. You need to have explicit consent to hurt another person, and it’s really important to know the difference between hurt and harm. Hurt implies sensation exploration that does not have permanent nor destructive physically, emotionally, or psychologically negative consequences. Harm is going past hurt and causing negative or lasting damage to the person receiving. Those practicing the more painful side of BDSM strive hard to stay in the realm of Hurt without Harm. Research so that you are clear on pertinent physiology, biology, and the consequences physical, emotional, and psychological manipulation can wreak on a person. It is not just good form, but the mark of a respectful and responsible player. It will ensure you and your partners have a much more pleasurable (and hopefully repeatable) time. Take care of one another.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Filed Under: ABCs Blog Tagged With: breathing, disassociation, how to tolerate more pain, kink, masochism, Pain Processing, sadism, vocal release

R is for ROUGH BODY PLAY

Q is for QUESTIONING

P is for PAIN PROCESSING

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