Kink Conventions: The Best Weekends

Some of the tools I teach with…

I spent this past weekend at the Fetish Fair put on by NELA. As usual it was jam packed full of an amazing array of people and events to check out and learn from. Vendors were selling everything from lubes to leather, rope to metal and electronics, sex toys, fetish wear, chainmail, kink implements, and all sorts of oddities you didn’t know you needed but are really excited to discover! There was a stellar line-up of teachers imparting decades upon decades of perspective on how kink works within community, as a relationship style, and as an ever evolving set of skills to be approached with safety, research, and technique in mind. There was wonderful people-watching, play, private parties, and “lounges” for attendees to interact, learn, and practice new skills in. I enjoyed peeking into the spaces set up for hypnosis, pony play, a little’s playpen, a puppy park, quiet space for unwinding and decompression, and I even got some whip-cracking time in too (prrrrr). There were performances by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” showing, a High Protocol Dinner, and mixers such as “Leather, Boots, and Chocolate”, a FemDom Meetup, POC socials, and places to explore and connect over Sacred Sexuality practices. There were even parts of the con I sadly never found, like an art gallery somewhere in the building and some classrooms buried in the bowels of the hotel…

The Fetish “Flea” was the first Kink Con I ever attended, back about 20 years ago, and it remains one of my favorites. Speaking of 20 years ago, I bumped into my old boss, Kim Airs, from my time at Grand Opening!. She was about to host a panel about the Flea’s history, and it was great to see her and catch up. Time does fly… The first few times I attended the flea I spent 100% of my time there as a sex toy vendor, and never made it to a workshop or meet-up. I was able to see a couple shows, attend a fetish ball, and participated in my first ever scene at a party (RIP MOB, you were my first interactive safe space/community, welcoming me to explore my kinky tendencies and find friends).

We’re in such a different social space than we were 20 years ago when it comes to communication surrounding kink, safety, and community standards. Though the queer and BDSM communities are leagues ahead of vanilla society when it comes to learning about and conversing about consent and negotiation, even the kink world is undergoing important shifts these days. In the past influences have been rather cis male dominated, frequently assuming a heteronormative narrative. These days I’m excited to see more events boosting voices within their queer and fem leaders. We still have a lot of work to do when it comes to seeing POC representation though.

I was lucky enough to attend the classes of some of my favorite kink educators including: Lee Harrington, Wiseguy, Thista Minai, Wintersong, Skyla, and Midori (a shoutout to other educator friends of mine who were teaching this weekend too: Sara Scalper and Rope Rider).

This convention and events like these are absolutely places I go to for my own socialization and fun, but they are also some of my favorite places to continue my education as an educator, as a professional Dominant, and as a sexuality, kink, and identity coach. Community lifts us up, expands our world view, increases one’s ability to play powerfully and gracefully, and makes the world and our dreams more reachable. I’m thankful organizations like NELA, NEDS, TES, Dark Odyssey, MAsT, and so many more exist and organize for the benefit of us all.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
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Introducing: M.O.B.

I was at a MOB meeting this weekend, and attended their “Sadistic Micro-Bondage” workshop with fabulous guest presenter Athena_Kali (which you could take at this spring’s Bound in Boston weekend).  I had an absolute blast, so this Wednesday I thought I’d write about the group I’ve know about the longest here in kinky Boston: the one and only collective of ‘Multi-Orgasmic Bitches’ known as MOB!

The official bio goes like this:  

Mob New England is a group for all women, including transsexual/transgender/intersex women who live their daily lives as women, and all female-born transgender/genderqueer persons age 21 and over who have an interest in BDSM. We offer social and play events, educational demos, and informal opportunities to socialize, have fun and build a sense of community. We claim as positive forces in our lives our many and varied interests in kink, bondage, domination and submission, sadomasochism, leather and perversion.  Please visit our website for more info: mobnewengland.org

I’ve known about MOB since 1999 when I started working at Grand Opening! Sexuality Boutique.  I would work the Fetish Fairs as a vendor, and these sexy leather and sometimes hanky clad women would come by my table, flirt, and drop me info about the party they were hosting that weekend (MOB is known for the awesome parties it hosts)…  I went to one with a performer friend of mine, and it was the first kink/sex party I’d ever been to!  It was amazing.  I remember not knowing anyone and being nervous around all the leather and implements of destruction, nipple clamps, spanking sounds, and obviously loving and developed connections between partygoers.  So I sat quietly in a corner out of the way and watched.  I was drawn to a scene where a woman was being mummified with plastic wrap and scotch tape by a group of attendees.  It was beautiful, raw, loving, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of what was happening.  I caught the eye of the ringleader and was offered a place to come help…  and so I was invited into my first ever kinky interaction.  After finishing the mummification and some rough play, we led this person, blindfolded and vulnerable all over the hotel.  I remember we ended up in Midori’s room (one of my by-far favorite kink teachers), where she asked if anyone knew how to blow an egg.  I did, so proceeded to blow the raw egg white and yolk out of it’s shell while the rest of the party hung out and chatted about Midori’s workshop the following day – something about redirecting people’s expectations in a scene.  The egg was going to be filled with lemon juice before being used on a workshop participant as a ball gag.  The participant would be told that the egg had been filled with some other liquid that morning, as it put in their mouth, and it would be mentioned that Midori had drunk a lot of water the night before…  It was a fun time hanging out, and eventually we left, brought the mummified woman and her partner to their room and went our separate ways.

It was one of the first magical evenings in my life.  It spun my head around 360 degrees, and I never looked at my own sexuality the same way again, though it would be almost 15 years until I was ready to find the kink community and find myself in that world again.  When I realized I had to be a part of the kink community here in Boston, that I needed to find myself outside of the relationships I’d had where there was no room for that over the years, I re-found MOB.  I will never be less than grateful that they still exist and that they create a space for people – wherever they are at on their journey – to find safety, inspiration, and sometimes home.

If you’re at the Winter Fleamarket this March in Warwick/Providence area Rhode Island, hit up the MOB table and support them if you can.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

I is for INTERROGATION

Undercover costume complete...

Undercover Spy costume complete…

I mentioned a while back that “electricity is one of the only things that’s “broken” me (grinning as I say it)…“.  Now is the time for that particular story.  I welcome you to the wonderful world of INTERROGATION!

Seriously?!  Interrogation?:  Why yes.  Interrogation.  This word conjures up pictures of harsh lights on the suspect’s face, varied types of torture, manipulation of the accused, threats…  And those are just some of the ways you can make this desire come to life in a scene.  As you may or may not already think about, not all kink is about physical sensations.  Sometimes kinksters like to engage in the emotional or psychological realms in play, and interrogation is definitely one of the ideas I’ll talk about that moves further into emotional and psychological exploration (though it can incorporate a healthy dose of physical endurance as well).  Also, to be clear, interrogation is a more advanced subject/type of play, so please approach it with respect and a level of care that goes beyond some more straight forward endeavors you’d take on.

Ok, so what IS interrogation play?  As with most play, interrogation can be done very different ways, and to vastly different levels or ends, and for different reasons for every person participating in it.  Interrogation is a game where the Top/Interrogator is trying to get some bit of information from the bottom/interrogation subject before the scene ends, and employs all types of coercion to get it.  The information that is being chased can be anything from a person’s name, to a string of numbers, or another bit of information planted pre-scene into the subject’s consciousness, or it can be something more ‘real’ – a story or bit of real life information that the interrogator wants to have given over by their subject.  There are a lot of techniques which can be employed in the extraction of this information, and usually the toybag of a good interrogator contains tools that pull on the heartstrings and brainfolds of the person holding out, not only on their physical constitution or endurance.

The morning after Violet Wand torture thigh marks

The morning after Violet Wand torture

Negotiation:  Negotiation is arguably the most important part of a successful interrogation scene.  Unlike some types of play you might engage in, interrogation negotiation must be pretty extensive and cover territory you might not be used to covering.  Not only do the often asked questions about physical constitution apply (and you want to make sure you are rather rigorous about knowing as much as possible), but you want to know as much as you can about how the bottom might respond to emotional or psychological triggers.  You want to know if there *are* triggers this person is aware of, and how the person behaves when triggered.  You want to know what subjects to steer clear of when taunting them or pushing their buttons.  Interrogation can get mean, and because of this you want to make sure there is really clear communication about the use of safe words for reasons differing from physical fatigue.  Both the Top and bottom in the scene should feel comfortable stopping a scene in the middle of play if they feel something is off.  During an interrogation scene the combination of physical, emotional, and psychological manipulation can tire out a bottom more quickly than anyone thinks probable.  So spend time negotiating.  Spend a few weeks to a month or more planning with one another.  Do your research as an interrogator, and know how to come up from a scene if you find your bottom spiraling down to a place you feel is unhealthy or harmful.

Healing Process/Aftercare:  Just like negotiation the aftercare process will be one you want to make sure you are really clear about.  Depending on how well you know one another or how personally intense the interrogation gets, the bottom may or may not want to engage in a physically close and comforting type of aftercare.  The top in the this scene may have some more needs that usual too – they have, after all, ventured into a land of manipulation and possibly sadistic offense that may be hard for them to resolve in the aftermath.  Regardless, I like thinking of the aftercare of an interrogation scene (or kidnapping, rape play, any type of more emotional/psychologically intrusive play) as a healing process.  If the interrogation play went pretty far beyond anyone’s comfort zones you may be looking at weeks of healing rather than a few hours of cuddle.  Make sure you come out of the  scene giving one another the care and space you respectively need as well as making sure the top is checking in with the bottom a few day after, a week after, and possibly longer.  What might feel ok in the moment of the experience may prick the imagination of the person being interrogated and work at the fears and insecurities that already reside in that person’s psyche creating a triggered state after the scene has ended.  And it is possible to trigger the bottom during play without meaning to creating a situation where they may be looking at a longer process of healing or finding resolution than anyone set out to create.  Make sure you find one another in the aftermath supportively.

My very own dungeon torture interrogation scene:  I was interrogated by a good friend at a spy-themed kinky sex party a while back.  This was a person I was very comfortable playing with,  communicating openly with, someone I trusted and enjoyed, and who I felt I had a great creative rapport with.  We took a good couple months talking about the scene leading up to the party, covering as many negotiation points as we could think of.  Because I was planning this scene with a friend I trusted for an event that I knew I would know most of the people at, I felt very safe not knowing a certain amount of the details about how the scene would go down.  What I did know was that there would be at least one or two other people involved (and I had given my interrogator a list of trusted friends who I knew would be at the party), that the scene would be videotaped on a closed circuit camera and shown on a big TV screen in the “security surveillance room” at the party, that the scene wouldn’t be sexual in nature (but that sex could be threatened), that my physical limitations and hard limits were outlined clearly, that my scene partner knew what types of physical torture I could bear, what my emotional and psychological triggers were, and that we had a game plan for aftercare.  I had no idea what information the interrogator wanted from me, how the scene would begin or end, or what would be happening with me during the scene…

The party was a really fun success, everyone had dressed to the nines and had characters or various plans for the evening.  Before the party had really begun a someone slipped a piece of paper in my hand and I was instructed to memorize the information on it.  It was a series of numbers…  At some point early on in the night, completely out of the blue a bag was thrown over my head, I was held firmly by a couple of people, my legs and arms were quick tied, and I was slung over the shoulder of a large man and carried down to what I assumed was the venue’s dungeon space.

I couldn’t tell how many people were around me or involved in my kidnapping, but I started to recognize some of the voices around me, mainly my interrogator’s, as I was chained, hands over my head, standing, to an anchor point in the ceiling.  I was frisked, manhandled, and talked at for a time…  I can’t say my performer’s mind for script and witty repartee didn’t win out inviting my interrogator to be all the rougher and committed to his vicious role in this arrangement.  A lot of different things happened to me physically during this scene, at some point a spanking bench was employed, and various tools of the sadist’s delight…  The bag came off my head for a time, and was put back on – each time plunging me into darkness and questioning what might be coming next.  There was a bright lightbulb shone into my face upon removal of the bag, and other disorienting visual information on hand.  I realized at some point that beyond the light there was a line of chairs set up and party goers were sitting politely and with morbid fascination watching this scene unfold…  I was strapped into a bondage chair for most of the time with my head, neck, upper arms, forearms, thighs, shins, feet, and waist immobilized.  From that point the physical coercion came mostly from a Violet Wand and dog tag chain used as whipping implement (much more effective then you might think).  Outside of the physical situation though, I was surprised most by the persona of my captor.  He was easy and relaxed, slow to ask for what he wanted, friendly in his demeanor, and quick to remind me that we didn’t have to be enemies or at odds at all, it was entirely my own design if he had to resort to consequences for my failure to cooperate…  He did a really great job playing his part.  I was surprised at the mental exhaustion physical actions took.  Where usually I can bear a great deal of pain, this arrangement caused me to second guess my ability to overcome – to rethink how much I could actually resist, or even wanted to…

The scene progressed slowly and had a great arc to the storytelling.  Eventually I did utter the four numbers I had been told to memorize earlier, and I was comforted a while before being let loose to unwind and enjoy our aftercare.  I think it was a really great first interrogation scene, and I’d be happy to engage in this type of play again for sure.

Evidence of an evening well planned and beautifully played...

Evidence of an evening well planned and beautifully played…

More resources:  I’ll tell you once, and I’ll tell you a thousand times that Kink AcademyFetlife, and your local events are great places to go for more information.  The Kink Academy website hosts quite a few videos on the subject by Danorama (of the awesome duo that is Two Knotty Boys) that are quite good.  Here in New England, NELA and MOB are great resources as well.  In this instance I would really highly recommend talking with other people who have done interrogation before engaging in it yourself along with doing a fair amount of research first.  Have fun messing up your loved ones in the best and most responsible ways possible…

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

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