H is for HOMEWORK

Finishing this homework led to one of the sexiest events of my life…

I really enjoy homework. Homework is a creative prompt with which I aim to please my partner. Homework gives me permission to let go and get raunchy and overtly sexual, to be nurturing in a welcomed way, or be useful as set specifically forth by my lover. Homework can stretch my ideas about what I’m capable of, or help me get inspired by new situations I had never dreamed of. Homework definitely presses my “desire to please” buttons, which is a turn on for me too. As for giving homework, it gives me a chance to ask (or demand) what I want from a partner, knowing that they want and value my instruction. It gives me permission to want and practice asking. I delight in the gifts and updates my partner brings me, and each completed task feels like respect and love. Giving also presses my empathic buttons, and I get to enjoy constructing an experience that affects someone, to feel their desire for me as they jump through my hoops…

Some homework instructions I’ve been given, or have given others:

  • “Go to the hardware store, pick out the hardware needed to create hardpoints for our bed, then come to my work and lay them on the counter in front of you. Remain standing in front of them until I come over.”
  • “When you get up this morning, insert the Duotone balls and edge seven times. Text me asking to orgasm when you’ve gotten to that point. I might let you.”
  • “Write me about a fantasy of yours… Be careful what you wish for”
  • “Write: “I am a very naughty boy” after every hit you take, and number each entry. You had better have good penmanship.”
  • “Go into the bathroom and take a photo of “X” (X = toy I’m wearing, me topless, fingering myself, me bruising myself… any number of deviant or perverse things) and text it to me before returning to the party/dinner/roadtrip.”
  • “Write to me and tell me three things you’re interested in experiencing.”
  • “Show up to our date with toys.”
  • “I am not your “Mistress”, that title doesn’t suit Me. I expect you to show up to our dinner with a handwritten apology for both incorrectly assuming My title, and that you’re worthy of speaking it without My explicit instruction. You may address Me as Sir in your letter.”
  • “You need to take better care of yourself, make sure you take a bath today. Tell me about it when you’ve finished.”
  • Here are examples of my favorite homework assignments completed: the blogs Sports Bar Fantasy and Homework, and the photo above…

As fun as it seems homework can be hard to navigate though, and it takes commitment from both sides of the equation to pan out well. Homework can be hard to negotiate in a few ways, and easily become a game people fall out of playing or get stressed out over rather than turned on by. Creating the right amount of tension and finding the best types of tension in play in any relationship dynamic is hard, BDSM and kink games are no different. Here are some things to consider:

For the Dominant/Top/Asker/Homework Giver: It’s important to remember that the Top in the homework game needs to be held accountable too. If the person providing homework doesn’t check the homework or respond when it’s complete, the bottom’s incentive to be a “good boy/girl/creature” starts to diffuse. If that happens too many times, your bottom may no longer feel like homework is fun, and it may start to feel less like foreplay and more like a thankless chore. This isn’t to say all homework must be fun, per se, though an eye to balance is always helpful in a heartening relationship. Part of what gives homework its appeal are fresh opportunities to please a partner, and ultimately the connection (or “treats”) one gets from their D-type for doing a good thing. When no one checks your homework or comments on it, or brings things to the next level as reward for a job well done (or not well done), what’s the point of doing it in the first place? The magic will begin to fizzle. Notice what homework your partner enjoys completing, is good at, is awful at, seems depressed or stressed out by, etc. It’s your prerogative to only give challenging, hard, stressful, unforgiving, depressing homework to your partner, but it’s also their prerogative to think you’re an asshole and stop playing with you. For best results consider how much homework someone has, and how that affects the rest of their life. There is a fine line between asking too little and too much. A good amount of tension can work well in this game and a Sadist who enjoys eliciting a manageable level of stress might use this knowledge to their benefit.

For the s-type/homework receiver: You must be willing to let your D-type know what is on your plate so that the game can be played in a way where what is asked of you continues to feel fulfilling/sexy/fun/flirtatious/the right kind of stressful/a turn on… Know what affects your ability to say “yes”, and be willing to draw necessary boundaries and say “no” when those boundaries are being violated. There is a big difference between homework which makes you creatively problem solve to get it done, and homework which threatens something you don’t want affected by a your sexual or kinky relationship. For instance, I am a very driven and focused worker. I have a lot of deadlines, and a large portion of my sense of self is derived from meeting my professional goals and a job well done. If I have a really busy day with very little time for myself, and a long list of things to do from my Dominant shows up with a deadline of that evening, I am probably going to be really stressed out — and not in a good way. I may not have time to accomplish all that is on the list and I’ll feel torn between my professional life and my partnership (which for me is an ultimate “not sexy” turmoil). If I have three rehearsals that day, two meetings, and I need to get a blog written, you better believe I’m not excited about a list of time consuming expectations due before dinner. In fact, I’ll probably get emotionally bent out of shape about it, or just feel tired and the opposite of playfully turned on and connected to my partner. I may feel they are being a domineering jerk who doesn’t respect my professionalism rather than my loving thoughtful Dominant trying to add some color and connection into my day. It is my job to let my partner know that I have these boundaries around my work life. It is my job to ask for a later deadline to get this homework done, or essentially safeword out of that tasklist. If I do charge into my day with that list in hand, the homework I accomplish will be under duress, shoddily done, or completed with resentment… No manner of “good boy” head patting at the end of the day will lift my spirits from not taking pride and deviant joy in doing my homework, or worse from having compromised my professional focus and personal values.

What types of circumstances are exciting for you to give under? What types of circumstances are undermining to the intent homework is trying to cultivate? What feelings do you want homework to inspire in you or in your partner? What feelings or circumstances do you not want to face while being asked to do homework? What kinds of homework turn you or your partner on? What types of homework are you ambivalent about? What types of homework do you loathe? What types of homework will you not do?… The more you know yourselves and the clearer you are with one another about what does and doesn’t work, the easier it will be to help each other know what to ask and what not to ask for a strong connection and desireable turnout. The more an s-type shares with their partner, the better a D-type will be able to read them and decide where and how to challenge as they see fit… What D-type doesn’t want that?

I hope you think up a million ways to play with one another, and send me the stories of your favorite challenges and homeworks along the way… To adult imaginations, finding the proper tension, and satisfying, perverted play!

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Actor Turned Director

Some of the tools I teach with…

I’ve been thinking about my fantasies a lot lately. I think I need to get a little black (and crimson?) book to write them down in… Fantasies are a beautiful stepping stone to scenario, and scenario is a gorgeous stop on the path to planning and play. I am thinking about fantasies because I want to play…

Who’s down for being mummified? Interrogated? Pierced, poked, slapped, hot waxed, led on a leash, stepped on, or wants my flesh therapeutically under their fingers? Anyone for being an ashtray? Pet? Gender bent? How about a power exchange role play? There are so many games which have been played on me that I am excited to flip the script about and Top or Dominate. My brain won’t stop ticking — it’s really quite amusing.

But what, Monsignor Karin?! Aren’t you a sub my boy? Yes! Well, I have been consistently for a number of years now… I’ve seeked out experiences and play from so many places, done extensive research on kinky things, taught classes and demo’d for workshops, helped partners, and I’ve been lucky (and occasionally unlucky) enough to play with a wide range of people doing inventive, nasty things to delight me. I think I’m ready to find some of my own playthings… Teaching has always brought me close to Dominance, I suppose. That role, Teacher, has kept me firmly in a place of Top with regularity for a few years. “Dominating” during class though is something I have divorced myself from the pleasure of… Recently I’ve had multiple experiences where the scales got tipped somehow. I found myself not just demonstrating “how to” but finding blurred lines and exciting new territory as the experience deepened (consensually) into scening and switch. Like my experiences moving from being an actor to Directing — I find incredible strength and pleasure from being able to communicate with my actors. I salivate while drawing out what is the best of theirs and pushing them to go a little further still, to find excellence before the end. I find I am empathic, understanding the feelings my own actor self might be experiencing in their process, riding the energy of the room as we unfold and find our scene. I leave excited about the connection and the work, happy to have helped… but more.

Something has opened in my heart recently. A desire to serve by lead. A readiness and a feeling of safety I haven’t felt before. An ease with my own self-worth, I think. It’s been this toy, tossed in the room, which I’ve been contemplating for awhile from the corner. I finally batted it about a bit… and then… then… well then, I got excited. Now I want to pounce some more.

It’s interesting that though I’ve considered (and loved) myself submissive, I’ve been intentionally building knowledge, opinions, experiences, connections, researching, teaching classes, and now finally a desire to move from sub, to sub who teaches, to sub who teaches and demos, to freshly blooming Dominant.

Does this mean I don’t want you to beat me up if we’ve got a good thing going?! HELL NO!!! Even therapists have therapists, teachers have teachers, and my sadistic ass didn’t get less masochistic… I don’t know that I’ll ever not want to be handled by a talented, loving, sadistic, hot-as-fuck D-type too… Even if the both of us, for a moment, maybe turn on you…

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Face

Photo by Jonathan Beckley

by Karin Webb

Have we forgotten this dance?

Years of understanding each other through online articles: stories about how fucked up this thing was, or how different that situation should’a been…

It’s hard not to wonder if when I see you whether or not I’ll stumble and fall, like those people the articles are about all did — and our friends agree how awful it was when stuff like that happened… What does that mean about possible future me?

Oxytocin can be harvested from the dilation of an eye’s pupil.

Can you dig that? By looking you squarely in the eye and smiling we can get high. I need you.

(But that’s inappropriate, and anyhow the back of my brain is addicted to another version of this game: how many people liked my last update?… I’ll just check it real quick now… now… now… … … … now.)

It’s easier than looking.

###

The shape of your mouth when it moves as if no one is watching (and I suspect no one has watched in awhile), is startling. It is an ode to inner conversations, conflicts, and held back feelings which run deep…

Your eyes, filling with everything, and silence all around clicking away, fingertips on screens, downturned heads, this room is filled with so many conversations not said out loud.

There are people here who aren’t present and can’t see the room we are in, will never regard this masterpiece of a quietly working you.

Hands filled with foot.

Your arms are real, your shape has dimension, you are full of strength and soft.

Love offers you up in silence,

A quiet moment of connection to another body.

Love, your body.

###

And I watch.

My pupils dilate.

Seeing and feeling you here,

Naked of screen,

Vulnerable dressed in flesh, meat and bones only,

No appendages, no other worldly conversations, no stimulation but “now” between your fingertips.

Your eyes, filling with everything, is a masterpiece I love more than anything.

I would sail the ocean and throw every electronic overboard to live here forever.

Watching you massage,

As you feel quietly,

In a room of people,

Where only I am watching.

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

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