Today, September 23rd, is “Celebrate Bisexuality Day” also known as “Bi Visibility Day”! Yay!!! I identify as “Sexual”, as in: I’m attracted to you or I’m not, just like everybody else.
In my lifetime, being a “Sexual” person has certainly covered bisexual/pansexual/etc. behaviors. My particular orientation hasn’t discriminated according to gender or sex lines. I love loving whom I love, at the times and in the ways it makes sense to love the people that I do. I love being empowered to negotiate all sorts of romantic, sexual, sensual, friendly, exploratory, and even sometimes surprising types of connection with people who want to enjoy these things with me too.
I didn’t always identify this way. For a long time I considered myself to be a “straight woman who dreamed about, had sex with, and wanted other women” (’cause that’s a thing?)…It literally took someone giving me permission to be bisexual and to go take up space in clubs and other places where I could be around women who liked women, for me to embrace the true nature of my desire to be around and feel accepted by all the types of people I found attractive. Before that moment in time I spent a lot of time self-repressing. In my mind women who liked women didn’t like women who also liked men, and it literally took someone saying, “You’re allowed”, for me to show up at my first dyke bar. Even after that it took me a long time, and much stripping away of internalized fears, to fully believe that I was “enough” and deserved to be part of the amazingly diverse and beautiful queer family I’m now a part of.
Today I endeavor to pay back that kindness, and give permission to anyone who needs it. To anyone who’s ever wondered if it was ok to be attracted to someone, even though they were attracted to other types of people too: You are enough. In fact, that you like different types of people IS WHAT MAKES YOU bi/pan/omni/sexual/queer/open/insert new and original terms here. You exist! Other people like you exist! Just because you’re in a relationship with one person doesn’t mean you cease to exist as a whole person with complex and beautiful attractions! Come out and play!
Take a moment to (at least mentally) fuck the binary, and have some fun figuring out what actually makes you tick. It’s ok if you realize your curiosity isn’t a lifestyle or a forever identity. Just don’t be a repressive jerk about it if you return to a binary identity. As you’ve had the opportunity to play and learn, use that journey as a way to accept and respect others more deeply for their similarities and their differences. Thoughtfully and consensually have a blast with your heart and body, you only get one of them in this short lifetime. Don’t hold back because you fear you won’t fit in the same as someone else. Take care of yourself and your partners.
In general I highly recommend framing one’s sexuality within an ideal of “openness” regardless of who you are. If you’re more on the black and white ends of the spectrum, that’s great though I still think it’s important to empathize with people who are not. Thinking of yourself as someone who has the capacity (even if you’ve never had the experience) of being attracted to someone outside your “type” can help you understand and accept others more deeply and at face value. At the very least this way of thinking may help you become a safer person for LGBTQIA+ people to connect with. At most it could change your life and allow more wonderful creative people to enter your life in varying capacities.
NO SHAME is the name of my solo show, and it’s also a mantra which helps me revel in my life as I greet it every morning. If you’re someone who’s had a hard time resolving your thoughts and feelings on the subjects of sexuality, orientation, gender, sexual behavior, relationships, monogamy, kink, or any other facet of identity, consider personal or couple’s coaching from someone who is familiar with these subjects. I offer classes and coaching sessions for people working on these aspects of their lives, and am passionate about the work. We all deserve to be ourselves fully, and in this society that isn’t easy to figure out without support. Feel free to contact me for more information or with any questions you have, and happy Bisexual Visibility Day!
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
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