I am sick today. My head is pounding. I am a snot factory. My throat is a bit better than yesterday, though still on fire. I’ve got shit to do! Luckily I have a a sub who is “under consideration” right now. This is someone I’ve pledged to connect with and ask service of as I/we evaluate whether a long distance connection is worth it to both of us over a longer period of time. While I usually prefer long distance relationships in general, BDSM relationships are much harder for me to navigate this way. I prefer to live through my hands rather than my mind completely—though it’s not impossible to find both, even with distance. Today I have assigned it (“it” is it’s identity to Me) to send me something to make me smile while I work through the fog of this flu. I was sent this:

A good start! It did make me smile. It also prompted me to tell it to send me a photo, when it gets home from work, of how it would be dressed if, as Dobby, it was offered free reign over expression… I look forward to having my spirits lifted through such a lovely representation of self care, service, and entertainment.

We are new to this relationship arrangement, though this is someone I have been interfacing with for a few years here and again. When I think of service, I usually imagine getting my house cleaned or my body massaged. I think of physical tasks that need getting done or that I may need help with. Painted toes, delicious food, in a clean home. I think of ordering a butt plug to be worn while the dishes get done, tying up an arm as my cook struggles to get the dinner finished. I think of cuddles and nuzzles and pups wiggling by my feet.

The experience of watching someone say “yes, Sir”, and then commit to fully experiencing the ask I’ve made, is where levity resides when we’re playing face to face. Perhaps one of the most neglected forms of service I ask for is simply to ask for levity… to be picked up and dusted off from the grind and focus of my own survival by the absurdity or pleasure of another person’s trial is delicious to me. I love being joined on this clown-life path, filled with amazement and a sense that one can, whatever that silly seeming thing may be.

I’ve been working on a much deeper more complex writing for the past couple weeks, but my brain is not in the place to publish it today. I want to be sure that my editing and writing is carefully looked over and fully developed before sharing. I worry that I won’t be able to get my work done if I start a new writing today. I struggle because I’m sick and because I feel badly about my own limited capabilities. My energy is reserved and there is not a lot to give. My world is not a prism-colored rainbow of all the righteously shared and considered things this week, and I myself am not fun to be around right now. I take that struggle on as yet another energy drain when I look at the roles I am expected (and want) to play. Doms, moms, and other busy folk shouldn’t have to get sick (though I suppose it’s helpful psychologically when we take time)…

I also suppose that service-as-levity is in some ways exactly what service is meant to be.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

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