Kink for Life

July 27, 2018 by

A photograph from one of the most painful and invigorating play sessions I’ve had to date. Many of the bruises showed up a day later. I was sad to end this one…

Today is my 40th birthday! I’ve been thinking a lot about the past few years and this upcoming 4th decade. I am circling endlessly around the thought that I love BDSM — not just the concept and play of it, but the growth which conscious BDSM exploration can engender, the healing and retraining of behaviors, the opportunity for physical and emotional reconnection with parts of ourselves that have been taken away because of society, trauma, shame, or any other number of reasons.

Being a professional Dominant, sexuality educator, and performance artist fulfills different pieces of me and allows me to be in touch with (and openly address) my politics up close and personally with the public and my clients. I see changes in those I’ve worked with. Not infrequently I receive feedback from clients about how they’ve grown, become more comfortable in their own skins, or found a deepening internal peace about who they are and what they want in life and their relationships. I adore this work… except the many days when trolls are out, time wasters are playing whack-a-mole with my schedule, and people without understanding or reasonable boundaries are puking their disease in my general direction… So far on most days though, this is the work I feel excited to hustle about. That’s no small thing for me — my many careers are all about the hustle.

I am working toward a goal. The final product in my mind is a mix of my art, performance, sexuality education, kink sensibilities, and deep enjoyment I get working one on one with clients, shepherding in new experiences. The final image I have of this project includes command of a commercial space, something I can’t yet afford. I’ve been talking about this idea for the past couple years to those closest to me, and it hasn’t yet faded into a different dream, the idea has only become clearer and more meaningful to me in this time. Right now it seems like all of my paths are leading to the actualization of this vision, which is exciting. In honor of my entry into the beginning of mid-life, a new chapter of adulting, and the next decade, I’ve decided to invite you, dear readers, into the world I’m building. If you wish to be a part of my journey, here are a couple ideas about how you might interact with me and my ever rooting work…

The following is in its rough draft state. I’d love thoughts and feedback. I’ve outlined a membership club for people who wish to work regularly with me, as well as a pay-it-forward program for anyone who wishes to help me to afford working with clients who can benefit from my skills but not afford the fees.

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Session of the Month Club*

Creature Sir’s Session of the Month Club (SotM): $120/yr ~ A great opportunity to bond with Creature Sir and expand one’s interests and experiences, while saving money and maintaining a regular regimen of BDSM and submissive practices. Being a SodM Club member (in good standing) entitles you to:

  • A one hour session each month encompassing the activity offered that month at 15% off: ($300) $255 = $540/yr savings for monthly clients**
  • 10% off private BDSM skill lessons taught by Sir: ($150) $135/hr
  • Free attendance at group BDSM classes Sir hosts and teaches (not applicable to full day or multi day workshops)
  • SotM Club members will be asked for input about which activities they would like to see offered in future months

*Limited Availability: There are a limited number of SotM Club memberships available, and they will only be offered to clients who have experienced at least one regular session with Sir and who are in good standing at the time of purchase.
**Clients who session regularly with Sir and are in good standing (including but not limited to SotM Club members) may be given the opportunity to serve at and/or attend events and parties with Sir throughout the year as the need becomes available.

A Sample SotM Club Schedule:

  • January: Rough Body Play
  • February: Worship
  • March: Rope
  • April: Mummification
  • May: Sensual Massage
  • June: CBT and VT
  • July: Violet Wand
  • August: Needles
  • September: Micro Bondage
  • October: Pet Play
  • November: Whipping and/or Impact Play
  • December: Wax
  • Other potential SotM Club activities: sissification/CD, latex, sounding, nylons, balloons, suspension, fantasy/role-play, fire cupping, ASMR, hypnosis, wrestling, etc…

Rules and Restrictions:

  • All Session of the Month (SotM) Club one hour sessions must be scheduled by the 15th of the prior month to qualify for club rate.
  • All SotM Club session activities must be scheduled to fall within the month they are offered (ie: you may not schedule a session for July’s SotM Club activity on August 1st, you may only schedule a session for August’s SotM Club activity on that date).
  • SotM Club sessions may be scheduled in tandem with another session or extended past the one hour mark, however the SotM Club discount only applies to the first hour of the session itself. After one hour of a SotM Club activity Sir’s normal rate of $300/hr applies.
  • Sir’s $150.00 non-refundable (within 24 hours) session cancellation deposit still applies to SotM Club members. Failure to pay cancellation fees before scheduling your next session with Creature Sir automatically puts you on probation and out of “good standing” status, thus forfeiting your SotM Club benefits for the period you are on probation.
  • To maintain a status “in good standing”, the SotM Club member must be up to date with all payments and cancellation fees, and must not have been put on probation for behavioral issues. For the period of time a SotM Club member is not in good standing their discounts and other perks shall be suspended until such time that the SotM Club member has resolved their debt and/or addressed and rectified the behaviors which placed them on probation. SotM Club members will be given two warnings about any concerning behavior before being placed on behavioral probation.
  • SotM Club memberships activate on the first day of the month and are active for 12 consecutive months thereafter.
  • SotM Club membership fees must be paid in full, and are non-refundable and non-transferrable.

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Pay it Forward Fund

Creature Sir’s Pay it Forward Fund (PiF): Being in our bodies as fully as we are able to be is every being’s birthright.

Sexual trauma, the patriarchal structure of our civilization, unequal opportunities within the communal system, and adverse effects of socialization disproportionately harm minority people and women. It is not my duty nor intention to work only with clients who have the financial security to afford BDSM lessons, sexuality education, coaching, sub training, kink sessions, or identity exploration classes. These opportunities are often affordable to people with social privilege in combination with a lack of (or less) personal trauma experiences. We live in a society which disproportionately and demographically favors some people over others, leaving many behind struggling to afford basic needs over personal exploration — an important need which society has largely deemed “luxury”. I do not believe that learning to be in touch with one’s body, emotions, mind, one’s sexuality, gender, or personal identity should be considered a luxury.

I began my own journey into sex work — sexuality education, camming, sugaring, performing sexuality on stage, and professional Dominance — as a means to pay my rent, feed myself, and support my artistic career as a female who is visibly queer, trans, and who grew up (and has continued to live) significantly under the poverty line. I also recognize that my ability to do these jobs while advocating for my own boundaries and navigating the system in a way which has felt relatively safe to me over the years is absolutely connected to my privileges as a college educated white person. My female socialization, queer community navigation, and poor person’s work ethic have taught me a lot about how to be an effective sexuality educator, identity coach, and BDSM practitioner. These same traits and experiences have also instilled in me the importance of paying my communities back by working with and being available to those who are underprivileged and in need. While I must build up a client base of people who have lives which allow them to pay for my services in full, I must also serve and share with those who are in need and unable to.

Not everyone who can benefit from BDSM sessions, sexuality education, or coaching can afford to pay for these services. In order to afford offering sessions to these clients (especially low income LGBT, PoC, and female clients), Creature Sir asks those who can afford to to donate to the PiF Fund. Creature Sir’s PiF Fund offers the financial flexibility Sir needs to offer free or discounted sessions to clients in financial need. Sir matches all PiF Fund donations with their time, so your dollars count twice. Consider donating into the PiF Fund as an opportunity to recognize the privileges you enjoy and actively do something positive with them. There are many ways to think about what or how to contribute to the PiF Fund including:

  • Pay for an hour of a BDSM session: $300/hr
  • Pay for an hour or more of private BDSM skill building instruction: $150/hr
  • Pay whatever dollar amount you’re able to into the PiF Fund which will free up a partial or full scholarship to someone in need whenever funds are available
  • All donations are matched with Creature Sir’s time (ex: if you donate $300, Creature Sir will offer two hours of session time to client(s) in need)

PiF Funds are anonymous. Neither donors nor benefactors of PiF Funds will be revealed to one another or any third parties by Creature Sir ever. If you would like to donate to the PiF Fund you may let Sir know your intentions to do so and they will discuss your options for a secure and anonymous contribution. If you are interested in applying for a PiF Fund scholarship you may contact Creature Sir to discuss your circumstances and see what options are available at that time.

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Thank you for reading. I’d love to know your thoughts…

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon, or for one time: Support the Artist or email me.
~Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Sexology

May 19, 2018 by

Photo by Jhayne

I’m considering getting a certification in Sexology. Why? Good question. Currently the United States doesn’t legally recognize such certifications. Legally anyone can say they’re a sex coach whether they’ve had training in the field or not. In my career I’ve completed trainings, have many years of research, and have worked in various aspects of sex counseling and education. I’ve been teaching about and creating art about sex, gender, orientation, and identity for 20+ years now (what?)! Yet still, I feel like I’m “not enough”.

AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists, does offer certification in sex therapy, sex counseling, and sex education. Each of AASECT’s certifications requires a degree in the psychology field — something which I don’t have, and am unsure if I want to find the funding for or make the time to obtain. There are also certification options which require less money and less time. Going after a certification in sex coaching seems more relevant to what I do currently, but I question if it is “enough” even if it isn’t strictly speaking, necessary?

How do I see myself functioning in a year or two from now? Right now I engage in so many different types of sexuality outreach and education I find it hard to see exactly what I’m building up for in the long run. It wouldn’t be enough to get hired to work as a legitimate therapist or to offer insurance options. It would be a start to stepping more confidently into the work I do, and perhaps learn to run the business end of my life more effectively. I love connecting with and helping the talk clients I have, and I’m glad that I work with clients in others ways as well. Lecturing at schools and with community groups, weaving aspects of sensuality and sexual dialogue into my performance art is another long standing and important way that I do this work, working with individuals as a Professional Dominant is extremely rewarding, so is writing this blog. None of it pays enough or steadily though. That is a struggle I am tired of.

At the end of the day I need to be able to sum up and understand all of the various ways that I engage in this work and decide what it is that I am doing. I don’t have a grasp on how to articulate it yet, and I think articulation is a good step toward running a business which is successful. I live the gig economy life, coupled with a degree in theater I don’t really understand anything else… I may be good at seeing other people and serving them in ways they need, however I have a spectacularly hard time seeing myself and selling.

I unendingly struggle with thinking and feeling I am not enough. I find how we organize worth on this planet confusing and hard. I get angry at how difficult it is to be taken seriously if you aren’t “playing the game” right, and often “playing the game” means being from a demographic I haven’t been born into or experience (though I’ve got it leagues easier than others too). I believe everyone has a purpose and inherent worth and that there is enough in the world to keep everyone above water. I wish it was easier to share wealth along lines of value. I know I am valuable, even if I am lost when it comes to selling my worth.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon, or for one time: Support the Artist or email me.
~Thank you.

 

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In Service to Gold

April 9, 2018 by

My “Ropes” performance adjusted for a film scene. Photo still from the short film “Legitimate” by Izzy Lee

I’ve been trying to figure out where to put my energy these days, and it’s a little overwhelming. Moving forward in a career which I feel has no real definition other than “utilizing my talents and drive” is hard. It takes risk, and energy, and for building blocks to be invented and reinvented constantly.

I write this blog on kink, sexuaity, gender, identity, and politics. I get paid through my Patreon campaign to support it. It’s steady work even if it isn’t a lot of money, I make about $375/month. That’s not as much as I’d like, but I’m grateful to have built up to this point. Hopefully as my blog’s reach grows so will my patreon supporters. I know I need to be better at advertising and asking people to support it directly. Here’s practice: If you enjoy reading this blog, or have mentioned it to someone else, or have found yourself thinking about my writing from time to time, please consider contributing to support me through My Patron Campaign. Thank you.

I am also a professional Dominant. I don’t gig doing this very regularly. Though when I do have the opportunity to, I enjoy it extraordinarily. I am a consummate lover of connection, and have a personal fetish for being paid and feeling valued on the job. Professional Dominance highlights my interpersonal skills, natural sadomasochism, lust for research, enjoyment of teaching and challenging the people around me, love of doing things well, and affecting others. It challenges me to be fully in the moment with my client. Each scene is just that (similar to my theatrical practice), a moment in time with a beginning, middle, and end, and we rehearse these adult games, these flesh sports, these sensational experiences for so many varied reasons — definable and not. It is a fantastic ride. I do BDSM sessions, and I also train people in submission and service. I enjoy guesting at various dungeons and sceneing with other Doms when I have the opportunity to as well.

I just started camming. It’s an ok way to make some money on the side. So far other than it being a bit on the boring side, it’s entertaining enough. I enjoy private shows the most — again being a connection lover it feels more rewarding financially, conversationally, and in the moment. There’s definitely a learning curve I’m on, but it’s an interesting way to fill a few hours when I’ve got them.

I teach drag king classes, performance art skills, all about the creative process, ballet and other movement techniques, character development and acting, gender exploration workshops, sex/gender/identity lectures, sexuality education, BDSM skills, the list goes on, and I also direct. My clients are high school GSAs, colleges and universities, business companies, people who organize a group of friends to get together, individuals who approach me for help with a certain project, piece of art, personal idea, or desire. I love these gigs and feeling helpful when I’m supporting someone in a way that’s important to them, or encouraging a person to try something new, or teaching skills that are valued.

I perform my own original performance pieces for production companies, party hosts, bachelor and bachelorette parties, event coordinators, bars, theaters, and schools who hire me to be in their curriculum all over the country. I create new content, choose from a long list of performances I’ve created over the years, offer up my solo show: NO SHAME, or rework a favorite piece to be more appropriate to the particular audience I’m performing for. My work spans performance art genres from drag to burlesque, monologues, character acting, spoken word, mask, dance, puppetry, interactive characters, living statue, storytelling, physical theater, and straight up performance art. I’ve been a professional in this career since I was 11 years old, and have multiple degrees, certificates, and awards in my field.

I make art. Visual art. I’m immersed in a couple of projects currently. I create my own costumes, props, sometimes set pieces, and other objects my performance and visual art installations require. My visual art is multimedia spanning across costuming, jewelry making, puppet and doll creation, design, painting, found object manipulation, photography, animation, and whatever else I need to learn to make an idea materialize.

None of these things on their own are paying my rent. Together they are keeping me at a level barely afloat, and I wish I was not as close to my bottom line. For now it seems to be working though, and I’m grateful to be at the place I am at. It’s been a lifetime to get here. I spend a good percentage of my time doing administrative work rather than actually creatively building and gigging. Booking, negotiating, applying for opportunities, website building and maintenance, outreach, networking, research on whatever specific idea I’m currently working on, trying to maintain a reasonable social media presence, the list goes on… That’s the bulk of where my time is spent.

Do I wish I made more money and that it wasn’t so hard to stay afloat? Yes.

Do I think I’m valued by the communities of people I work with? Yes, in fact very much by some, and that feels extraordinary to me. It helps me not give up (I often feel as though I could).

Do I wish I was spending more time creating and gigging than grinding away at office duties for most of my day? Absolutely! I would love to have a booking manager/office manager supporting me by piecing this crazy career together. It’s hard to find someone with the skills I need though who’s willing to get paid gig by gig.

Am I grateful to be where I am? Very grateful. Thank you.

Thank you for reading this blog. Thank you to those of you who find ways outside of reading to support me. Thank you to people who send gigs my way, hire me directly, and think of me when they have questions about identity or sexuality, or hire me to have talk sessions or counsel them as they work toward personal goals of their own. I am passionate about these things, and all of the pieces help me grow into who I mean to be.

I don’t see the difference between art which is hanging in a gallery, the art which is my body telling a story on stage, or the beauty and gold I can cultivate and coax out of someone’s body/mind/emotional experience when we intentionally meet with a goal in mind. I love people. I admire struggle and meaning making and connection. I get excited to share what I know and what I see and explore unknowns with those interested and willing. This work is real work, and sometimes it’s hard to reckon with the reality that even attendants of fantasy and muses with far-reaching skills need to eat.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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