H is for HOMEWORK

Finishing this homework led to one of the sexiest events of my life…

I really enjoy homework. Homework is a creative prompt with which I aim to please my partner. Homework gives me permission to let go and get raunchy and overtly sexual, to be nurturing in a welcomed way, or be useful as set specifically forth by my lover. Homework can stretch my ideas about what I’m capable of, or help me get inspired by new situations I had never dreamed of. Homework definitely presses my “desire to please” buttons, which is a turn on for me too. As for giving homework, it gives me a chance to ask (or demand) what I want from a partner, knowing that they want and value my instruction. It gives me permission to want and practice asking. I delight in the gifts and updates my partner brings me, and each completed task feels like respect and love. Giving also presses my empathic buttons, and I get to enjoy constructing an experience that affects someone, to feel their desire for me as they jump through my hoops…

Some homework instructions I’ve been given, or have given others:

  • “Go to the hardware store, pick out the hardware needed to create hardpoints for our bed, then come to my work and lay them on the counter in front of you. Remain standing in front of them until I come over.”
  • “When you get up this morning, insert the Duotone balls and edge seven times. Text me asking to orgasm when you’ve gotten to that point. I might let you.”
  • “Write me about a fantasy of yours… Be careful what you wish for”
  • “Write: “I am a very naughty boy” after every hit you take, and number each entry. You had better have good penmanship.”
  • “Go into the bathroom and take a photo of “X” (X = toy I’m wearing, me topless, fingering myself, me bruising myself… any number of deviant or perverse things) and text it to me before returning to the party/dinner/roadtrip.”
  • “Write to me and tell me three things you’re interested in experiencing.”
  • “Show up to our date with toys.”
  • “I am not your “Mistress”, that title doesn’t suit Me. I expect you to show up to our dinner with a handwritten apology for both incorrectly assuming My title, and that you’re worthy of speaking it without My explicit instruction. You may address Me as Sir in your letter.”
  • “You need to take better care of yourself, make sure you take a bath today. Tell me about it when you’ve finished.”
  • Here are examples of my favorite homework assignments completed: the blogs Sports Bar Fantasy and Homework, and the photo above…

As fun as it seems homework can be hard to navigate though, and it takes commitment from both sides of the equation to pan out well. Homework can be hard to negotiate in a few ways, and easily become a game people fall out of playing or get stressed out over rather than turned on by. Creating the right amount of tension and finding the best types of tension in play in any relationship dynamic is hard, BDSM and kink games are no different. Here are some things to consider:

For the Dominant/Top/Asker/Homework Giver: It’s important to remember that the Top in the homework game needs to be held accountable too. If the person providing homework doesn’t check the homework or respond when it’s complete, the bottom’s incentive to be a “good boy/girl/creature” starts to diffuse. If that happens too many times, your bottom may no longer feel like homework is fun, and it may start to feel less like foreplay and more like a thankless chore. This isn’t to say all homework must be fun, per se, though an eye to balance is always helpful in a heartening relationship. Part of what gives homework its appeal are fresh opportunities to please a partner, and ultimately the connection (or “treats”) one gets from their D-type for doing a good thing. When no one checks your homework or comments on it, or brings things to the next level as reward for a job well done (or not well done), what’s the point of doing it in the first place? The magic will begin to fizzle. Notice what homework your partner enjoys completing, is good at, is awful at, seems depressed or stressed out by, etc. It’s your prerogative to only give challenging, hard, stressful, unforgiving, depressing homework to your partner, but it’s also their prerogative to think you’re an asshole and stop playing with you. For best results consider how much homework someone has, and how that affects the rest of their life. There is a fine line between asking too little and too much. A good amount of tension can work well in this game and a Sadist who enjoys eliciting a manageable level of stress might use this knowledge to their benefit.

For the s-type/homework receiver: You must be willing to let your D-type know what is on your plate so that the game can be played in a way where what is asked of you continues to feel fulfilling/sexy/fun/flirtatious/the right kind of stressful/a turn on… Know what affects your ability to say “yes”, and be willing to draw necessary boundaries and say “no” when those boundaries are being violated. There is a big difference between homework which makes you creatively problem solve to get it done, and homework which threatens something you don’t want affected by a your sexual or kinky relationship. For instance, I am a very driven and focused worker. I have a lot of deadlines, and a large portion of my sense of self is derived from meeting my professional goals and a job well done. If I have a really busy day with very little time for myself, and a long list of things to do from my Dominant shows up with a deadline of that evening, I am probably going to be really stressed out — and not in a good way. I may not have time to accomplish all that is on the list and I’ll feel torn between my professional life and my partnership (which for me is an ultimate “not sexy” turmoil). If I have three rehearsals that day, two meetings, and I need to get a blog written, you better believe I’m not excited about a list of time consuming expectations due before dinner. In fact, I’ll probably get emotionally bent out of shape about it, or just feel tired and the opposite of playfully turned on and connected to my partner. I may feel they are being a domineering jerk who doesn’t respect my professionalism rather than my loving thoughtful Dominant trying to add some color and connection into my day. It is my job to let my partner know that I have these boundaries around my work life. It is my job to ask for a later deadline to get this homework done, or essentially safeword out of that tasklist. If I do charge into my day with that list in hand, the homework I accomplish will be under duress, shoddily done, or completed with resentment… No manner of “good boy” head patting at the end of the day will lift my spirits from not taking pride and deviant joy in doing my homework, or worse from having compromised my professional focus and personal values.

What types of circumstances are exciting for you to give under? What types of circumstances are undermining to the intent homework is trying to cultivate? What feelings do you want homework to inspire in you or in your partner? What feelings or circumstances do you not want to face while being asked to do homework? What kinds of homework turn you or your partner on? What types of homework are you ambivalent about? What types of homework do you loathe? What types of homework will you not do?… The more you know yourselves and the clearer you are with one another about what does and doesn’t work, the easier it will be to help each other know what to ask and what not to ask for a strong connection and desireable turnout. The more an s-type shares with their partner, the better a D-type will be able to read them and decide where and how to challenge as they see fit… What D-type doesn’t want that?

I hope you think up a million ways to play with one another, and send me the stories of your favorite challenges and homeworks along the way… To adult imaginations, finding the proper tension, and satisfying, perverted play!

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Spring

Karin Performing with Clothspins

Photo by Rachel Leah Blumenthal

This photo was taken at a show a number of years ago. I was at the CD release party for a friend’s band, performing as MC and doing a number of acts myself. It happened on the Spring Equinox. This year I am performing for Beltane in a ritual space.

I’m in a place of change within my career (appropriate for the time of year). More and more parts of my message traipse across continually blurred lines within my artistic and personal practices. I’ve been having a hard time writing this month, and I think it’s because there’s an internal struggle waging inside me about the legitimacy of being who I am — how to embrace and balance all that I do.

Is my art separate from my kink writing? Is my kink writing separate from my personal relationships? Are my personal relationships separate from my professional relationships? Are my professional relationships meant to be ones where I put on a public face or a show to please others outside of my personal comfort zone?… To all of these questions I answer a resounding “No!”, yet still, my ease has a hard time being as clear as my heart and my mind, and discomfort, fear, and worry that my movements are incorrect sometimes overwhelms my sense of what’s right. I struggle.

What is it I want to say? I want to say that we get to be who we are dynamically in our lifetimes. Sexually and nurturingly, with childish intuition and with wisdom, fiercely and subtly. I want to create a performance where people are able to use my body as an altar for their own process, a wishing fountain, a plot of earth to seed with visions for the next year. This is, after all, what I have to offer.

Descending from winter stress, cold weather contemplation, sitting and planning, blanket-wrapped comforts from the cold, it’s time to undress, to step onto cool wet earth, to see a point on the horizon and set out towards it… I don’t know what this will look like in the end, but I know enough to keep my feet on the ground.

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

It Seems I’m a Little Sadistic

We probably knew this, yes, though I don’t frequently have reason to connect with that part of my psyche as I exercise the deeply masochistic sub/bottom parts most often. Following are a bunch of photos from a recent encounter I had teaching my friend to needle top. I teach needle topping not infrequently to friends and students, and so I get pin-cushioned relatively often by people who haven’t ever stuck pointy objects into someone else’s body on purpose before. On this occasion I took on a student who is sadistic, interested in needles, and who is also delightfully masochistic and was interested in knowing what it felt like to receive. I have needle topped myself many times but this was the first time I got to do the deed to another person. Gosh, I must say it’s lovely! I had no idea I would salivate while inflicting pain as much as I did, or really marvel at the needle-feeding so thoroughly. My student may have made a monster out of me, I’d love to do this regularly… Enjoy some photos and brief commentary:

Let’s start with blood: One of the things I love most about needle play is the bloodletting aspect of it. There is, I find, a calming release which happens when needles are taken out. I get completely amourous and sometimes buzz during this part of play.

This photo is from the first time I had needles stuck in me during a scene a number of years ago. It was a beautiful experience.

The photo after this one is a little brutal looking, so first I’ll show an example of one of the ways you can play with the relatively common “endorphin button” technique of needle stacking:

Endorphin button torture… Photo by Jroq Studios

Eight needles in a pretty packed space, all shallowly (read: painfully) placed. The pinks are 18g with 1 1/2″ length shafts, the blues are 23g x 1 1/2″, and the greys 27g x 1/2″ and are set in vertically. You may notice that the longer needles have been laced in and out a few times, have tips buried, and a few of them were backed out and put back in multiple times.

The endorphin button in its full glory. Photo by Jroq Studios

When I stuck my student I made a much smaller endorphin button, as we only had a few needles left:

I really enjoyed making this Dominant squirm. Even a few needles can do the job well when you know how to play with them. Photo by Jroq Studios

Here I am: Happy Needle Top!!!

Don’t mind me, just gonna squeeze these and press them in a bit… Photo by Jroq Studios

Who’s next? Anyone want to trade a massage for some needle play? This tour may have kicked the crap out of my hips, but it’s done a lot to make me smile too.

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

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