Some of the tools I teach with…

I’ve been thinking about my fantasies a lot lately. I think I need to get a little black (and crimson?) book to write them down in… Fantasies are a beautiful stepping stone to scenario, and scenario is a gorgeous stop on the path to planning and play. I am thinking about fantasies because I want to play…

Who’s down for being mummified? Interrogated? Pierced, poked, slapped, hot waxed, led on a leash, stepped on, or wants my flesh therapeutically under their fingers? Anyone for being an ashtray? Pet? Gender bent? How about a power exchange role play? There are so many games which have been played on me that I am excited to flip the script about and Top or Dominate. My brain won’t stop ticking — it’s really quite amusing.

But what, Monsignor Karin?! Aren’t you a sub my boy? Yes! Well, I have been consistently for a number of years now… I’ve seeked out experiences and play from so many places, done extensive research on kinky things, taught classes and demo’d for workshops, helped partners, and I’ve been lucky (and occasionally unlucky) enough to play with a wide range of people doing inventive, nasty things to delight me. I think I’m ready to find some of my own playthings… Teaching has always brought me close to Dominance, I suppose. That role, Teacher, has kept me firmly in a place of Top with regularity for a few years. “Dominating” during class though is something I have divorced myself from the pleasure of… Recently I’ve had multiple experiences where the scales got tipped somehow. I found myself not just demonstrating “how to” but finding blurred lines and exciting new territory as the experience deepened (consensually) into scening and switch. Like my experiences moving from being an actor to Directing — I find incredible strength and pleasure from being able to communicate with my actors. I salivate while drawing out what is the best of theirs and pushing them to go a little further still, to find excellence before the end. I find I am empathic, understanding the feelings my own actor self might be experiencing in their process, riding the energy of the room as we unfold and find our scene. I leave excited about the connection and the work, happy to have helped… but more.

Something has opened in my heart recently. A desire to serve by lead. A readiness and a feeling of safety I haven’t felt before. An ease with my own self-worth, I think. It’s been this toy, tossed in the room, which I’ve been contemplating for awhile from the corner. I finally batted it about a bit… and then… then… well then, I got excited. Now I want to pounce some more.

It’s interesting that though I’ve considered (and loved) myself submissive, I’ve been intentionally building knowledge, opinions, experiences, connections, researching, teaching classes, and now finally a desire to move from sub, to sub who teaches, to sub who teaches and demos, to freshly blooming Dominant.

Does this mean I don’t want you to beat me up if we’ve got a good thing going?! HELL NO!!! Even therapists have therapists, teachers have teachers, and my sadistic ass didn’t get less masochistic… I don’t know that I’ll ever not want to be handled by a talented, loving, sadistic, hot-as-fuck D-type too… Even if the both of us, for a moment, maybe turn on you…

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

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