One of the tools I utilize while engaging in submission training is homework. There are many reasons to assign work when my sub is away. It may be in demand of a regular self care regimen, it might be in order to keep a trainee accountable to our agreements, sometimes it’s to practice service tasks in order to serve me better on the days we meet, sometimes it’s to learn something more about the person, or offer them time to articulate something they’re struggling with, sometimes it’s to research a subject useful for personal life or training goals… there are as many reasons to assign homework as the number of assignments I can make. Recently I asked a sub of mine to write me an essay about what the meaning of service is. I’m sharing their thoughts here today.
Whether training or serving (or being in any type of relationship), the bonding process unfolds over time. There are steps in any relationship which lead to closeness, expectations, and rituals that grow over time. At the end of the day, what roles we play in our relationships become most rewarding when we adopt these roles as our own. Sometimes the work and games we play with one another feel silly or useless, or as though they could be rushed through without deeper thought. One aspect of D/s relationships I like (at least the style of D/s I practice) is that consideration of these steps is part of a continual learning and deepening process. These steps are natural check-in points too, in order to keep modifying and updating where the path of each relationship goes. Within the wide world of BDSM, I think examining what we practice is part of the fun, and part of how we lower ourselves even more deeply into the joys and triumphs of our game.
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To Serve: An Essay
by little eee
To serve, according to the dictionary, means “To perform duties or services for (another person or an organization)”. But what does it mean to serve another person? In our D/s relationship we explore this concept. As the person on the right side of the slash, i hold an obligation to serve You, and to direct my efforts to make Your life easier. Through those efforts, i grow myself, and this growth is felt on both sides of the slash. Through my service to You, i also find myself serving others, as well as serving with others.
Serving You means more than just bringing You a cup of coffee or scrubbing down a counter. I must internalize the protocol for how the tasks expected of me are to be performed, and execute these tasks precisely. To be present is important; to be the servant of Creature Sir is a sublime privilege, and I am to be an expression of the joy of that privilege. The spaces You occupy are spaces of peace, growth, healing, and pleasure, and it is important for me to be an embodiment of and extension of these energies. As Your property, i should strive to be the best of objects for you to enjoy and benefit from.
In order to achieve this ideal, i have much growth to do. The homework and daily tasks You assign me are designed to foster this growth, and to perform them is just as much a part of serving You as vacuuming Your house is. You have a design for me, and part of my duty to serve is to let go and trust in Your design. It is not always an easy thing, to turn control of one’s life to another, even the private and most personal aspects. For myself, personally, building a lifestyle where time is budgeted daily for self improvement has been a challenge. But challenges are meant to be overcome, and I must strive to always do the daily requirements of my service.
In fulfilling these tasks, thereby growing myself, i am better able to fulfill my role as servant. i feel better, both physically and emotionally. It becomes easier to perform tasks, both for You and for myself. Energetically, i am better able to put forth my best self, and fill the spaces around me with warmth and joy. Through serving, i grow myself, and when i grow myself, i provide You with a better servant. In this way a symbiotic circle is maintained.
On occasion i am called to serve You in larger settings. At these times, i am required to serve other individuals, and to work with other servants. When these occasions arise, i am both an extension and a reflection of You. my actions reflect the quality of Your training, and I must put my best foot forward to see to the needs of the other Dominants in the space. To work well with the other servants is an obligation as well; to find and obey my role, and to serve it to the point of excellence.
To serve is to offer; to give with an open hand and a heart full of joy. To serve is to obey, and to fulfill whatever is asked of me. To serve is to be diligent, and to complete and work on assignments daily. To serve is to grow, and watch the joy on the faces of the served grow as well. To serve is to love: to love myself, the position i fulfill, the space I occupy, and the person i serve; the wonderful Sir who guides me to new heights.
To service.
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I take pleasure offering others an opportunity to serve me, but this is also a thing I’ve struggled with in the past. It’s a common struggle with people who Dominate. Feeling uncomfortable being served is tied to my experience being socialized as a female person in society. I’ve been taught to serve others since a young age in multitudes of ways, both overtly and covertly. Since youth I’ve been taught to clean, cook, nurture, and care for the people in my life both through observation of the people close to me, and by clearly understanding the archetypical roles and expectations surrounding my perceived place in society. I’ve inherited the struggle to recognize what value people get from being around me (which is essentially a struggle to understand my own value as a person—that both the patriarchy and capitalism perpetuate in order to maintain control of the population). It can be hard to accept others doing tasks I truly appreciate having done. It’s important to let people help me though, deeply so, in order to experience balance, and in order to grow. I desire mastering all sides of these communal roles. With reverence and respect I approach D/s relations. Service is a significant part of what I love in relationships, and one way I’ve learned to accept love from others, who I also help.
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
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