The People I Meet: Matthew

The blog that I publish on Wednesdays is meant to encompass a plethora of different ideas, perspectives, and experiences in the universe of kink.  Often I ask people to write me with their own experiences and points of view about any aspect of the subject that interests them.  Today I share with you writing that was given to me from the POV of someone coming to terms with their own Dominant side in their exploration of BDSM.  It’s also kind of a sweet love story…

I hope you enjoy the writing as much as I do.  And please, Dear Readers, consider taking a page from this person’s book and share some of your own thoughts and experiences with me.  You can be anonymously credited, have a name or pen name attached, and you are free to write me with whatever thoughts you are having.  Thank you in advance, a very warm thank you to this week’s author, and I hope you enjoy this Wednesday’s “Perspective”.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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1946-1959 (years of publication for magazine) Source"Bizarre" magazine AuthorJohn Willie, pseudonym for John Alexander Scott Coutts

1946-1959 “Bizarre” magazine
Author John Willie, pseudonym for John Alexander Scott Coutts

I have been struggling with how BDSM fits into my life. It wasn’t something I always knew I enjoyed.  In fact, I feel as though I have been stumbling clumsily through everything I enjoy.  Sometimes I think I’m not good enough to be competent and confident in my abilities.  Of course, my competency and confidence will grow the more I practice and talk about what I do enjoy.  Despite having some really fantastic first experiences, my doubts still keep me asking why do I nurture these feelings, emotions, and interests.

A moment that really stands out for me involves a cage.  Well, it involves 3 cages.  We were in Seattle visiting a friend of hers.  He is also kinky.  His house was complete with a dungeon and 3 cages of varying sizes scattered throughout his house.  The cages all have stories, were hand crafted, and were of varying sizes and uses.  After going out for dinner, we get a tour of the house along with all 3 of his cages.

The first cage was fairly large.  To give you an idea, you could pretty uncomfortably fit about 6 people inside.  I’m given the key and the lock.  After checking to see if the lock worked properly, I have my partner get in and sit down.  She looks pretty comfortable smiling out at me with a cup of coffee in her hands.  So we all sit in this room, talking about this cage while my partner is happily locked inside.  I wasn’t sure why I wanted to see her locked in but it might have been the novelty of seeing someone locked in a cage.  All I knew was that I enjoyed seeing her behind these bars, sitting comfortably, and drinking a cup of coffee.  Then I remembered there were 2 more.  One of them I saw earlier in the living room.  That was probably 1/3 of the size and the thought of my partner squeezing into this one was even more exciting.

So, I unlocked cage 1 and we were taken back to the living room to play with cage 2.  This cage was much shorter, maybe 2 feet high, so she had to get down on her knees to be inside.  It opened via a hatch on top, where the locking mechanism was built in.  This cage might be about 4-5 feet long.  She could sit and lie down in this cage pretty comfortably for a short period of time, if she bent her body in certain ways, before her limbs would get a little stiff.  She kept smiling at me, as she got comfortable.  We stayed at this cage for a little longer than the first. She was comfortable and I wanted to see her squirm around trying to find the most comfortable spot.

After I unlocked the 2nd cage, we were led down into the basement, where the 3rd cage was kept.  This one was my favorite.  It was a similar size to the 2nd cage but there was extra rods that could be inserted and locked vertically and horizontally.  My partner fit in pretty easily and comfortably to begin with.  First, I started placing rods in random areas just to see how they affected the space.  Once I noticed how my partner was placing her body to accommodate them, I started putting more thought and care into the locations I chose for the remaining rods.  Her body curved over and under iron rods, forcing her to hold the position she was in.  She was on her forearms and knees, her ass resting on one of the iron rods, a couple of them under her stomach, another below her breasts, and one right below her throat.  Her arms were stretched over the last iron rod, she was on her forearms with her hands outside of the cage.  This was her position as she tried to relax into it and find comfort.  She did beautifully.  Her body looked incredible tangled up in a small cage.  Her hands were still free to do as they pleased, though.  I asked our host for a bit of rope so I could bind them together.  That was the finishing touch.  I wanted to sit there and watch her.  Then I unbound her hands, carefully removed the iron rods, and opened the cage so she could exit.

In the car that night, she asked what that was like for me.  How did it feel?  I immediately responded with, “It felt great but I don’t have a cage fetish”.  She looked inquisitive and asked me to elaborate.  The more I thought about it and spoke about my thoughts with her, the more I realized I did enjoy cages much more than I thought I would.  The thought of owning my own cage is very pleasant.

The reason I enjoyed seeing her caged was because I saw that she was giving up her freedom and comfort for me.  She knew I enjoyed seeing her in those positions, little by little trying to take small amounts of comfort from her, to push her a little more.  She gave that comfort up and found her own pleasure in the situation.  The lasting impression I took away from this experience was that of love and devotion.  I put her in those cages because I love her.  She allowed me to put her in those cages because she loves and trusts me.  It was an epiphany that didn’t fully make sense.  Though, there’s no other way to describe it.  I look upon that evening with a full heart and butterflies in my stomach; fully turned on.  This is one reason I want to continue to nurture my explorations into BDSM.

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If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

M is for MUMMIFICATION

Photo by André

I realized this past Monday that touring has addled my brains and I completely skipped over “M” last week.  So, this Friday we look at one of the most curious and persistent fetishes I’ve come across in my time playing in or around the kink scene:  Mummification!

Mummifi-what?!?!  Good question, this is a pretty action/emotion/trust-packed activity in the world of kink.  The amount of trust you need to have with your partner for an activity like this one is a pretty high.  Mummification is physically debilitating effecting even the bottom’s breathing, and is heavy on the sensory deprivation scale – not for the faint of heart, definitely not for the claustrophobic.  For those claustrophiliacs out there though, this may become a favorite activity.

Things to think about:  There is a lot to consider when entering into the mummification arena.  You want to make sure you know about anatomy and that you aren’t binding your mummy too tightly in certain areas.  You need to consider the rise and fall of the breath and that you will be constricting that breath to a certain extent when taping the chest region.  Think about how extremely you are limiting your mummy’s senses too.  Sensory deprivation is best done in degrees and if you are playing with someone who isn’t used to losing one or two senses to begin with, being completely mummified and immobile will be a shock to them that may not be tolerable.  I would say mummification is an emotional event too.  Your connection with your play partner matters a great deal when you are giving up complete control of your body.  Trust is integral to a healthy process.  Have a safeword agreed upon in the form of a hum or grunt, so that you can continue to communicate clearly with one another during your scene.  You might want to think about whether you want the head to be mummified or not, and if you do but have a lack of experience think about starting out using a hood or blindfold rather than mummifying that body part on your own.  You’ll want to think about the materials you’re using too.  What type of plastic wrap do you like, and in what quantities do you want to buy it in?  You can get some types at the grocery store, others at a local UHaul or packing supply place, and others you’ll have to order in bulk online…  You’ll need duct tape or another type of tape to create structure and a thicker bind to your wrapping.  Think about aesthetics too, do you want a form fitted mummy, a multi-colored one?  Choose your materials for look as well as workability if you like.  Last but definitely not least consider what types of play you’d like to employ when the mummy is wrapped.  Do you want body parts accessible to you or toys, do you want to strap the body to a board to stop it from moving even a little, are you going to cut holes in the encasement for nipple play, CBT, vibrator access, hands, or just body part visibility?

AND BEFORE YOU START: OWN SAFETY SCISSORS (you can get them even cheaper at your local drugstore probably)!  These are probably the most important tool for what you’re going to do.  They will allow you to cut away the encasement without cutting your play partner.  Remember, don’t break your human toys or you can’t play with them anymore.

Mummifying Me:  Mummification has been an interesting touchstone for me when it comes to kink.  I wrote in a prior entry about my first real brush with kink where I was invited during a play party to participate in a mummification scene.  Just being a helper in that scene spun my head around and made me rethink what sex could be, and what turned on really was…  So, when I decided that it was time to write this blog, I knew that mummification was an “M” I wanted to expound on and experience further.

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I am lucky enough to have a friend who is very much into mummification and all sorts of bondage.  We got talking one day, and decided to have a play session that would feature mummification as our main point of investigation.  I was excited and nervous to try it out, and glad that I trusted my friend (even though we did not have a lot of play experience with one another under our belts at that point).  And so we started.  We started out slowly with a few other activities to get into the headspace required, and then started in.

IMG_7598The process of mummifying takes a lot of thought and time, I personally like how intentional and focused the activity can be.  He used a clear plastic wrap to bind various parts of my upper body and arms.  I was surprised at how warm the plastic wrap made me.  It was like being hugged in a warm hug.  Then he fastened the plastic wrap with duct tape to work on the shaping of the end result.  The duct tape was starkly different feeling – cold and hard.  Whatever breathing room I could find in the stretch of the plastic wrap was cut off with the tape layer.  The tape created a structure for the mummification that made the event a much more intense and sensory depriving experience.  Each layer of tape cuts your skin off from the world a little more and adds to the feeling that you are getting further and further from the surface; like you are floating away and being cut off from the world.

Next came my head covering.  This is not for the newly initiated – make sure you’ve done mummification before and understand breathing and safety before mummifying someone’s head (I recommend starting out using a hood until you feel confident about your head wrapping technique).  And last went the rest of my body…  I was completely immobile.  Completely.  To make things even more intense, my friend had a board he strapped my body and head to. This made it impossible to undulate my spine even.  The only movement I was allowed was the (restricted) rise and fall of my chest while breathing.  Nothing else was wriggling even a little bit.
IMG_7602IMG_7605At first I felt peaceful.  The experience was one of letting go.  Letting go of control, letting go of my body, my choices, my voice…  That period of time was beautiful.  I must say my top was really great in this process as well.  He was making sure to check in with me regularly, he was touching my body constantly even as I was being wrapped.  I always felt very attended to and safe in that cocoon.  When he was done securing and placing my body, he played with me a little, which I quite enjoyed, and I couldn’t always tell what was happening…  Our Safeword for this type of play, since my face was covered and I couldn’t drop a ball or move to signal to him, was a specific hum.  If I hummed 5 times in succession it meant I was calling safeword or needed to be let out.  It worked well for us, though I wish we’d have had a yellow hum too – something to plan for the future!

IMG_7613IMG_7617When I started to have problems was when I let my mind get away from me.  I do have a little piece of my brain that activates when I don’t have control over my body that loudly announces that I’m going to die and I’ve made horrible choices and I’ll probably never be heard from again (even though I do take really good precautions and back up my actions with safety calls, make sure I’m playing with trustworthy people who I have friendships with and references from, etc.)…  This part of my brain knows there is no REAL way of ever controlling another human being, and it fights hard and bloody sometimes in my head as I’m trying to relax and enjoy my kink with friends.  After a bit of time in my mummy state, I started having one of those experiences.  I focused on my breathing for a while which helped, and every time my partner would touch me or talk to me, I calmed down a lot.  It was the moments he was somewhere else in the room, or sitting quietly near me when I didn’t know where he was that the worry and anxiety magnified.  So, note to self, I really feel calmed by knowing I’m not alone!  Breathing helped and talking myself down in my head helped.  At some point though a couple of my joints started aching, and as my arms were crossed over my chest the pressure felt magnified and my ribs started hurting…  When I got to the point where these things were more painful and distracting than simple uncomfortabilities, I hummed my safeword to halt our play.  It took a little while to get me out completely.  It’s remarkable how long it takes the body to remember how not to be immobile too.  Even after my release, I still wanted to lay there and just breathe freely.  It took a little of that to get the energy up to move from my place on the floor and stretch out.

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I will do this again.  I want to work on my endurance, my ability to trust and lay still.  I want to try it out with my arms next to my body, rather than crossed on top of my chest, maybe with some foam between my bony joints.  I would like to have a mummy “yellow” safeword so that rather than ending play that takes so long to set up, if I’m feeling the need to check in I can do that instead of stopping everything completely…  A really successful and beautiful experience, I must say.

How do I find more?  Mummification is a pretty advanced activity, and I highly recommend anyone considering trying mummification to do a lot of homework first.  As always, places like Fetlife and the Kink Academy are wonderful resources for both learning the ropes and being introduced to new ideas.  They are also great for support and conversation on the subject.  Happy learning, my friends!

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

 

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Photos of my mummification by Dominic Tiernan

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Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

Toybags

Everyone has at least one, right?  Maybe you just pack when you travel, maybe you have a mini-bag you carry everywhere just in case, or maybe you have several – each carefully put together for the right occasion…  Here are some of the toybags I’ve come across; I think it’s interesting to see the various different personalities represented by forethought in gear:

Photo by Jhayne

Photo by Jhayne

Toybag:

  • Nipple Clamps
  • Small Egg Vibrator
  • Hemp Rope (various lengths)
  • Hitachi Magic Wand and Attachments
  • Flogger
  • Condoms and Lube
  • Safety Scissors

Toybag:

  • I keep a 3 foot piece of string in my pocket wherever I go

Toybag:

  • Blindfold
  • Rope (various lengths, longer ones used most often)
  • 12” hardwood paddle
  • Safety Scissors

Toybag:

  • Plastic Wrap
  • Duck Tape
  • Rope
  • Vibrator
  • Safety Scissors

Toybag:

  • Knife
  • Butterfly Clamps
  • Clothespins
  • Handcuffs
  • Ankle cuffs
  • Hardware
  • Rope
  • Flogger
  • Bullwhip
  • Paddles
  • Cane
  • Metal Fan
  • Blindfold
  • Safety Scissors
  • Safer Sex Supplies

Toybag:

  • Rope (lots and lots of rope)
  • Hood
  • Canes
  • Blankets and Towels
  • Sharps, Supplies, and Discard Container
  • Gloves
  • Safety Scissors
  • Animal Crackers and Apple Juice
  • Inhaler

Toybag:

  • ALL the hitty toys you can imagine – floggers, canes, paddles, and improvised and personally constructed things to whack with
  • Wrist and Ankle Cuffs
  • Hardware
  • Spreader Bars
  • Knifes

Toybag:

  • ALL the rope you can imagine – hemp, jute, coconut, all various lengths and diameters
  • Rope Bat
  • Iron Knuckles
  • Clothespin Zipper
  • Safety Scissors

Toybag:

  • Fur Paw with Sharp Nails
  • Feather Tickler
  • Nipple Clamps
  • Candles and Lighter
  • Tarp and Sheets
  • Condoms, Lube, Gloves
  • Vibrator

So…  what’s in yours?

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

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Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

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