So far this week I feel like I’m winning at being the femmeboy creature I am. I attended a “Drag Brunch” on Sunday. It was fun, and inspired me to spend some time playing with makeup that day. It’s been a while, and I forget I enjoy playing in “painting your face” mediums of expression. Usually when I crack open my make-up kit I’m creating a face for a character, and I don’t think to just play on my own making pretty or interesting things happen on this Creature/Karin-shaped canvas day to day.

This week my chin hairs have been sprouting more fully and my mustache has been darkening. I was a day late taking my shot this past T cycle. It seems as though when I wait longer between shots or take a slightly lower dose than usual my hair sprouts a little more aggressively. Counter intuitive it seems, doesn’t it?

This (less surprisingly) is an inverse of what happens to my clitoris. The higher the dose of Testosterone I take the more my clit grows, gets hard throughout my cycle, seems present on my body throughout the day, and my average daily desire for sexual intercourse seems to go up.

Interestingly, on slightly lower doses of T my desire for BDSM or creative sensual connection seems more present than specifically sexual desire (as in intercourse).

I wonder if I’m the only one like this, if I’m an outlier for noticing things to this level of specificity, or if because I’m not bleeding anymore (due to taking Testosterone injections) that these reactions are actually layered over a monthly hormonal cycle I’ve lost track of? Other T takers: have you noticed similar or different effects?

Tiny locks for tiny chastity cages… One of my favorite sadistic activities is a combination of CBT and orgasm control.

I wish I was a part of a medical study. I’d like to be contributing to the better understanding of what taking Testosterone shots does to AFAB bodies.

Regardless, enjoy the photos! I have a lot of intrigues running through my mind these days. I need more people with whom I can play and express all the different parts of me that run through my imagination. There is a fear that holds me back from putting myself more fully out there on dating sites and such — the fear that I’m too masculine for those who like femmes, and too feminine for those who like masculinity, too trans for people who don’t understand non-binary gender, or not trans enough for those who have an idea of what trans looks like… Silly, I know, because at the end of the day my entire journey is about feeling more like me so that I can ultimately feel more comfortable around others in general. Desire is a rock and a hard place sandwiched between the judges in my head. At least Bound in Boston is happening this weekend, so I’ll get to blow off some steam while throwing rope with friendly strangers!

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

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