Photo by RADskillZ Photography 2013
You do not have the right to:
- You do not have the right to anybody else’s body but your own. Ever. Period.
Because this principle so frequently seems to need a list of reminders about what it means, here goes.
You do not have the right to:
- Grab my ass without my consent.
- Grab my pussy, tits, or any other body part you haven’t asked to grab and been given the go ahead about.
- Stick your fingers, genitals, sex toys, or any other object in any of my orifices without my explicit consent.
- Tell me your fantasies about me unless I ask you to, or I consent when you ask for my permission to share them.
- Tell me your sexual/sensual/kink fantasies which don’t include me unless I ask you to, or I consent when you ask my permission to share them.
- Threaten me, act passively aggressive, act plain ‘ol aggressive, bully me, peer pressure me, or any other form of not accepting what I’m telling you when I turn you down or let you know I am disinterested in your advances.
- Drug me without my knowledge.
- Take advantage of me when I’m not capable of consent due to any form of drug, alcohol, or emotionally/psychologically dissociative condition.
- Restrict my ability to leave a situation if and when I chose to.
- Ignore me or continue on when I tell you to stop.
- Restrain me in any way so that you may continue on when I have told you to stop.
- Remove a condom or other barrier method without my knowledge, exposing myself or yourself to any number of health risks including pregnancy. This takes my autonomy and my choice away from me, and it is a form of rape.
- Make sexual advances on people who are underage if you are an adult.
- Shame me for the choices I make for and about my own body.
- Shame me for the sexual and sensual partners I choose to engage with consensually.
- Shame me for the sexual and sensual activities I engage in with consenting adult partners.
No, this list is not exhaustive.
No, I don’t care if it’s an orgy or sex party or there are multiple people within arms reach who are also getting sexy. All of the above realities still apply.
You do have permission (not a right) to:
- Touch the person who invited you to join the orgy/sex party/multiple-people-getting-sexy-space, BUT only in the ways you’ve negotiated, and continue to negotiate permissions with them. You must ask before you touch anyone else involved in the scene or nearby. If you want to touch, you must negotiate first.
- Do the things we’ve negotiated doing in the way we’ve negotiated doing them.
You do have the right to:
- Ask me if I want to know about your fantasies which include me.
- Ask me if I want to know about your fantasies which do not include me.
- Ask me how much I’ve had to drink or how inebriated I am before negotiating with me, touching, or playing with me.
- Check in frequently about whether what we’re doing is ok, still ok, enjoyable, if I’d like something different, etc.
- Ask me for what you would like.
- Ask me whatever questions you have about how I feel and what I need (unless I’ve asked you not to).
- Let me know that you respect me and my wishes and you don’t want to coerce me (if that is indeed the truth).
Did you notice how most of these things involve asking?!
Yes, there are a lot of ways to verbally and non-verbally negotiate. HOWEVER, if you non-verbally communicate about what you’re doing, and later on someone let’s you know you fucked up, that’s totally on YOU for not gaining the enthusiastic “yes” consent before moving on.
If someone says yes to a thing and then part way through they change their mind and say no, it’s on YOU to stop and listen and check in and make sure you’re giving that change of consent the space it needs to be respected, acknowledged, and appropriately acted on.
This has been your daily reminder that asking for consent, pre-negotiations, and talking about sex frequently (and hopefully eventually more and more fluently) is the way to a happier, sexier, more empowered, and less fucking stressed out and abusive nation.
These guidelines also help you not be a rapist. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Don’t be coercive. Don’t be a rapist.
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist
~Thank you.