The following rant is not the way to make money (unfortunately), but hopefully it serves as education and a mental jog for entitled dudes. Yes, in my experience it’s pretty much always dudes who think sliding into my DMs with a “hey” or “I’d love to sit on your table”, and then get all, “oh I didn’t know you’re only here for professional” (or worse, like throwing a tantrum or becoming agro/offensive), when I offer to share my rates, is a way to connect with me or literally get anything they want from anyone ever.
For context, my profiles are very clear about what I’m looking for on Fetlife and other professionally oriented places I advertise my services. I offer: professional Domination; BDSM skills and safety classes; sexuality, gender, identity, and relationship coaching; relaxation massage informed by a background of various dance/physical alignment modalities and from the perspective of sexological bodywork.
Unless a person is capable of actual seduction in an environment where I’m looking to be seduced—not form community and find clients—there’s absolutely no reason why I’d be interested in servicing said stranger, or engaging in some inarticulate thing which takes up my time, energy, and career knowledge. This is especially true considering what these people are looking for is within my industry, and so I have plethora investment and skills in sensuality, BDSM, and sexuality education. I deserve better. So does every person alive. Therefore, to the people who insist on chatting me up in the least interesting and most entitled ways possible, I have this to say:
Your communication is lacking, your profile usually doesn’t tell me anything about you (almost every single time your information, photos, even your kinks haven’t been filled out), and your approach of me is extremely less than considered. Honestly, you’re categorically not my type outside of client relations. You’re not even my type within client relations, but I’ll spend more energy getting to know someone who’s paying me for my time to do so. I’m sure you understand, I mean it’s pretty basic when you consider the fact that I, stranger you find attractive, don’t owe you anything.
Please do feel free to talk to me like a human being who has something you desire and value though. Approach me in a manner befitting someone you are attracted to for reasons. If you decide I’m worth your energy and thoughtful consideration, feel free to try and befriend me without expecting anything other than friendship. Alternately, if you’d like an experience where you don’t have to try as hard, and will compensate me for my time and energy to that end, definitely let me know in your introduction.
When I share my rates with you, it’s best that you either don’t respond because you’re not interested, or respond generously and thank me for my time. It’s even appropriate to let me know you can’t afford my rates, or wonder if I’d ever consider trade or an alternate arrangement. As long as you acknowledge that you’re asking for something of value from me and understand you’ll have to put in energy too if you have any hope of gaining these things you desire, we can at least have a respectful exchange before I decide whether or not I’m interested.
I don’t owe you my time, attention, skills, consideration, or anything else. I enjoy working with patrons who value me, and I share my skills when appropriate and joyfully with people I’m close to—I even share a ton of knowledge for free through my kink blog. You, stranger popping up in my feed, aren’t these things to me. You’re a boring entitled waste of my time and energy, and I delete a lot of you from my inbox daily.
Spend your own energy before you attempt to pilfer mine.
For those of you who are realizing that you yourselves, perhaps, have approached women, queers, sex worker professionals, and other regularly sexualized, fetishized, or objectified persons with such demand or ignorance: I’m glad you can see it. It’s not hard to change, you just have to write a thoughtful sentence before you hit send. Just write one thoughtful sharing thing to say, that might pique the receiver’s actual interest in you as a person. Eventually you might work up to two or three sentences, and someday you very may well knock my socks off with a (not narcissistic or completely self absorbed) couple of paragraphs cultivated in order to let me know a bit about you, why you are interested in me, what you’d like to offer me for my attention, and a bit about what specifically you’re looking for.
We’re both adults (otherwise you shouldn’t be approaching me about such things in the first place), and I expect adult behavior from people who want to engage in adult activities. Everyone starts at the beginning, don’t get stuck before you’ve learned a single thing.
Absolutely no one is into it. This behavior is no one’s kink.
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
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