Dear Creature,
###
Dear Stumped,
What a great question! Many people struggle with similar questions when their fantasies are socially taboo. Sexual shame and sexual shaming is so prevalent in our society, it’s not just age players who worry about whether or not their desires are “wrong” or wonder where they even came from in the first place.
Sexual fantasies are stimulated by a number of factors, and we don’t always know exactly what drives them. Having an interesting fantasy is also not the same thing as desiring actualization of the fantasy played out in real life or within established relationships. Your interest in exploring a Dom Daughter/daddy sub dynamic could be rooted in lots of things. First, consider what about the dynamic is exciting to you.
When you’re faced with an unfamiliar intrigue you want to know more about, think about the specific parts of the dynamic or scenario that turn you on. This is a great way to suss out what attracts you to it. In my experience age play and related dynamics aren’t usually about “age” specifically (though for some people it is). More often than not people who engage in age play (Big/little, Little/big, DD/lg, Daddy/boy Mommy/boy, Mommy/girl, Caregiver/little, etc.) dynamics are seeking to create a safe space to experience things like: innocence, the idea of a simpler time in life, the joy of caregiving (giving and receiving), indulging the senses in less than grown-up ways (sometimes including adult activities), being allowed to play pretend or enjoy playtime, personal stress management for high pressure work, cultivation of relationships where you can enjoy being in charge without the usual consequences of pulling rank, wanting permission to get whatever you truly desire in a scene without feeling guilty for wanting certain things, or sometimes even just simply enjoying taboo and perverse concepts in a safe environment with consenting playfriends…
We’ve all been kids, and we’ve all had experiences being cared for in our youths. Regardless of whether or not a person has parenting experience, many people are interested in age play, kinky familial play, and exploring culturally inappropriate or taboo subjects. As a person who has parenting skills you might feel you’d be good at roleplaying that dynamic, which is certainly a relaxing and potentially stimulating concept. Maybe you adore nurturing, pleasing, or being at the mercy of someone smaller than you? The Daughter-as-Dom spin on the more common Daddy Dom/little girl (DDlg) dynamic might point to you not wanting to be in control, even as you enjoy caregiving or being a nurturing partner. We all grow up, but that doesn’t mean we stop needing playtime or to exercise our imaginations.
More specific to this particular dynamic and role, when I brainstorm the idea of “daddy as sub”, I can come up with lots of ideas that make it an attractive play option:
- Its intersection with age play
- Fun with taboo and/or role play
- Taking on the role of caregiver without that role being in conflict with having a sexual appetite in a relationship
- Enjoyment of being in charge (Daddy) without having to be in charge of what happens (sub daddy)
- A desire to be “taken” by someone smaller or more innocent than yourself
- A love of cute things (if your fantasy Daughter is such)
- Liking the idea of “teaching” someone about their sexuality on their terms
- An attraction to youth explored consensually and legally
- Desire to cater to or be in a relationship with a “Princess” type
- There might be stories from your youth about this type of relationship being romanticized or sexualized
- The power differential is different than what’s commonly depicted in D/s “norms”, which may give you freedom to distance yourself from other gendered stereotypes you might not be comfortable with
- A desire to be Dommed by someone you feel safe with, more trusting of, or more deeply connected to than one who simply considers themselves Dominant
- D/s that feels like it’s built off more equal ground (age differential favors Daddy, D/s differential favors Daughter)
- There are hundreds of ideas I could generate about why this scenario is potentially attractive, but you’ll find more fitting answers exploring your own thoughts on the subject
You can travel as deeply as you like down the rabbit hole of psychological meaning making. At the end of the day, if an idea turns you on and negotiating play in a healthy manner with consenting adults is something you’d like to try, why not do just that? However, if your fantasy is more pleasurable than roleplay might be, just keep fantasizing.
Healthy BDSM encounters offer the opportunity to experience things we wouldn’t explore or can’t explore without negative consequences. We humans are curious creatures. When something is banned in society, it’s natural for a part of our brains to speak up and say, “but what if…?”. Consensual BDSM offers a sensual and sexual framework to explore these questions ethically, and (hopefully) gain pleasure from negotiating well with others!
When Rhode Island decriminalized indoor prostitution for six years at the turn of this last century, some interesting statistics surfaced. Specifically, in that period of time incidences of forceable rape went down statewide by 31%. The largest portion of that statistic applied to the city of Providence where much of the state’s sex work industry is centered. Rape declining by a third is nothing to scoff at! It was legal to engage in indoor sex work during that period of time, meaning sex workers themselves were able to report without consequence, so these numbers wouldn’t reflect that proportion of rapes shifting onto sex workers themselves. While we don’t know exactly why this happened, what it brings to mind is the possibility that people who may relieve sexual tension through non-consensual behaviors were presented with another less stigmatized outlet to fulfill their needs: legal, accessible, indoor working (which is statistically safer than street encountered) sex workers.
I bring this point up because there are people out there who do struggle with problematic thoughts, desires, fantasies, and urges which sometimes result in unsafe or violent behaviors. Whether a person is hiring a sex worker to help them address their needs, or they find relief with consenting partners utilizing BDSM activities and role play, the opportunity to shed shame and stigma while engaging in a fetish, fantasy, or fulfilling a need without harming others is a huge benefit to those people who might act out harmfully otherwise, their potential victims, and our larger community as a whole.
You’ve stated that your interest in Daughter Doms isn’t connected to your parenting relationship to a real human being. Honestly, there’s no reason it should be conflated as such in the first place. Your role as a parent is not the same as your role as a sexual human being. There’s no way to know for sure what specific mechanisms are at work for you outside your own thoughts on the subject. At the end of the day, if you’re attracted to the idea of being a sub daddy to a Daughter Dom, online BDSM communities like Fetlife are a great place to learn more about the dynamic. You can get to know others who enjoy that type of play too. Good luck kinking!
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me out by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational session with me. Thank you!
I hope you wont mind me asking you something, you seem to have such a wonderful grasp of the the dynamics and psychology of most things sexual. I, on the other hand, have only just discovered the “Domme Daughter/sub daddy” thing. Here’s the thing: as a single Dad whose wife passed when my daughter was only 3 years old, I raised her all on my own. She’s 33 now. I never had one single sexual or inappropriate thought about her. Never did. Never have. Never will. So… why is it that I found the dynamic of this scenario so very enticing when I stumbled across it online? What’s driving me? ~Stumped by Motives