I want to fist but I’m told my hands are too big. What can I do?
~ Big Hand in the Bush
Hi there BHitB,
Thank you for the question. First, I ask you to consider that sexual and sensual acts aren’t always as goal oriented as we might think. Fisting is an activity that usually takes some time, a certain degree of training the receiver’s body to relax and open up, trust, lots of lube, and a higher level of foreplay and turn on for the fistee. There are biological components which play into the subject, such as how wide someone’s hips are or how wide someone’s hands are. Not every hand will fit in any orifice safely or pleasantly, even with all of the strategy mentioned above.
If you’re interested in the basics of fisting, I wrote a blog on it a while back, F is for Fisting.
Reading it might help you begin negotiating the activity with an interested partner.
There are lots of people who LOVE fisting, be it anal and/or vaginal, and have the natural physiology to easily accommodate larger fists, or have trained their bodies to be able to. My fisting blog is one of the most popular ones on this site, over the years it consistently has the most daily hits — so there is definitely interest from a general population (or a handful of people read it over and over on the daily). If you are on Fetlife or other sexual/kink websites serving as social forums and/or dating pools, post on the appropriate pages or on your profile that you’re interested in fisting and that you have big hands. I assure you that there are people who are looking for exactly that. If you have partners who you feel comfortable talking about your desire to try fisting with, you should bring up the subject with them and see if they’d be comfortable trying it with you.
Now for a note on mechanics: Chances are you may not get your entire hand in on the first, second, or even third try, and maybe not ever. But you will be fisting! The process of getting there, I promise you, is a huge part of the excitement of the activity. It is worth the journey when partners are listening to one another, connecting well, and enjoying the ride. A few other thoughts which may help you too: When I say that it helps to be very turned on and relaxed, I mean that 1,000%. First, try a lot of mutually satisfying activities leading up to getting all of your fingers in. Having great sex where both you and your partner are able to climax (if that’s something you do together), or edging multiple times so that the body feels wanting of more intensive attention and further sensation can help open the body up too. After climax, or with a lot of time and tease, you and your partner will definitely be more warmed up and relaxed, and probably feeling more adventurous. Your partner will probably have a higher threshold for pain and intense stimulation as well. When you tease to the point that someone really wants to be fucked hard, that’s a great time to start ramping up your play. Start with one finger and work your way up. Lube lube lube… Don’t forget to multi task with pleasure centers while you’re concentrating on getting your hand more and more fully in your partner’s body. Take pauses from pressure inward to play with nipples, the clitoris, penis, sensitive skin around the vulva or anus, and any other erogenous zones your partner has. Get to a place of firm pressure and hold it there without forcing past the point of your partner’s feeling of want, and then back out a little and continue to play. Use a vibrator if it helps. Being able to talk with one another and check in about sensations on this journey is very important, so make sure you are both comfortable asking one another for what you want, and speaking up about what something feels like at any moment. Only play with people you trust to speak up about their needs, and follow orders immediately when the fistee tells you what they want.
Fisting is not necessarily painful for everyone. Sometimes it feels like intense pressure rather than “pain”. With larger hands, it might be more on the painful side for most people. It matters that your partner is open to and familiar with pain processing to some extent and knows their body well enough to advocate for what feels like “too much”. This is not a good activity to do while on drugs or after drinking. Anything which dulls the receiver’s understanding of what’s going on with their body can be potentially dangerous, and messes with consent.
So really, large hands or not, fisting is an activity that you should be able to have fun trying out with willing and excited partners to whatever end you’re able. Whether or not you ever get past the point of your knuckles, it’s really less interesting than everything leading up to it. Set aside a good amount of time, and be prepared with lube and other things you might want and need. Check out my first blog on the subject for more tips and tricks, communicate clearly, and have a ton of fun!
Play On My Friends,
~ Creature
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~Thank you.