Art, Herbs, and Kink

October 28, 2019 by

I’ve been decorating tincture bottles with wire, inspired by the massive amounts of herbal research I’ve been doing in the past few months. They make me happy. The idea is to develop this aesthetic further as I explore my thoughts on worth, the economy, classism, energy, healing, nature, capitalism, availability, and erasure (or invisibility).

I filled a clear bottle with a St. John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum) oil I made. It’s great for healing cuts, bruises, scrapes, nerve pain, and sore muscles and it has such a lovely pink color! I’ve begun labeling with oil pens using both a common name and binomial nomenclature (“latin” name), while inscribing lot numbers on the bottom of filled bottles. I’m still developing exactly how I intend for them to be labeled fully, but it’s a good start.

The photo below is a Damiana tincture I made next to a green bottle I decorated. I’ll be concocting a Damiana elixir or bitter from the tincture to fill it with.

What does this have to do with being kinky? Good question! This weekend I was at a queer and kinky play party. I took a “Hot Nuts” challenge someone decided to lead at the event, wherein I ate 10 extremely spicy peanuts, 2 at a time at 5 different heat levels. The first level (the least spicy) started with Carolina Reaper saturated peanuts, and moved on to Carolina Reaper + Ghost Pepper, all the way up to Carolina Reaper, Ghost Pepper, and some insane number of units of pure Capsaicin added in! There was no drinking or eating of other foods between rounds, and we had to sit and wait at least 2 minutes after all the spiced nuts had been chewed and swallowed in order to win the challenge.

I’ve never done a spicy heat challenge before. I don’t even really eat spicy hot food much. I am a masochist though! It was a trip. I loved the challenge, and thoroughly enjoyed the heat and pain which bloomed fiercely in my face and throat. I laughed through the twitching, snotting, and uncontrollable streaming of tears down my very red face for approximately 30 minutes, which is how long the challenge took including the pain that stuck with me afterwards. What I did not like was the cramping and intense nausea which incapacitated me for another half hour when the spice worked its way past my diaphragm toward my stomach. I offer many apologies to the other event attendees for taking over one of our bathrooms for a solid 15 minutes as I alternated between laying on the floor, trying to poop, and dry-heaving… Oy! I won alongside one other adventurer though!

The next day, as you can imagine, my stomach was not very interested in warm or stimulating foods. Elimination was rather punishing as well. I mixed some marshmallow root powder in cold water and shook it in a capped jar until it was nice and thick and viscous. I drank some and waited, and then took sips of it between mouthfuls of food. Marshmallow is the perfect herb to have on hand for this situation. Every single sip felt like a cool happy coating relaxing, nourishing, and comforting my digestive system from mouth to tummy (and beyond). It allowed me to eat without immediately having to use my bowels or getting stomach cramps. Such a lovely friend to have in my time of need.

In the future, should I be confronted with an opportunity like this again, hopefully I’ll be prepared ahead of time. In that instance I’d definitely take marshmallow infusion before eating the spicy things (and probably after), to enjoy my “neck up” masochistic experience without having to deal with that same amount of nausea and discomfort as it passes on down.

I suspect the same curiosity within me which adores breaking the body down masochistically and sadistically is the same curiosity which adores plant medicine and natural healing methodologies. One day perhaps I’ll spell out on my shingle, “Come session with the Dominant who breaks you down and patches you back up naturally!”. There’s something very primal and exciting about trusting one’s body, the skills of one’s friends, and Nature to provide challenging and healing experiences as we roll through life. This 21st century we’re in is overcomplicated and anything but natural when it comes to contemporary lifestyles. We live completely unsustainably, and we don’t have to. There’s a missing knowledge needed to bridge the gap. I want to be part of handing down these wisdoms. I want to offer opportunities for personal examination of physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually realized experiences. The current (overblown and unbalanced) emphasis on mental and intellectual note-taking fractionates what we know of each other and ourselves.

Onward, and into a
Temple of the Body
School of Experience
Love of the Earth that we come from and return to~
Art, Herbs, and Kink. 

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

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Dear Creature: What Are My Kinky Motivations?

October 24, 2019 by

Dear Creature,

I hope you wont mind me asking you something, you seem to have such a wonderful grasp of the the dynamics and psychology of most things sexual. I, on the other hand, have only just discovered the “Domme Daughter/sub daddy” thing. Here’s the thing: as a single Dad whose wife passed when my daughter was only 3 years old, I raised her all on my own. She’s 33 now. I never had one single sexual or inappropriate thought about her. Never did. Never have. Never will. So… why is it that I found the dynamic of this scenario so very enticing when I stumbled across it online? What’s driving me? ~Stumped by Motives

###

Dear Stumped,

What a great question! Many people struggle with similar questions when their fantasies are socially taboo. Sexual shame and sexual shaming is so prevalent in our society, it’s not just age players who worry about whether or not their desires are “wrong” or wonder where they even came from in the first place.

Sexual fantasies are stimulated by a number of factors, and we don’t always know exactly what drives them. Having an interesting fantasy is also not the same thing as desiring actualization of the fantasy played out in real life or within established relationships. Your interest in exploring a Dom Daughter/daddy sub dynamic could be rooted in lots of things. First, consider what about the dynamic is exciting to you.

When you’re faced with an unfamiliar intrigue you want to know more about, think about the specific parts of the dynamic or scenario that turn you on. This is a great way to suss out what attracts you to it. In my experience age play and related dynamics aren’t usually about “age” specifically (though for some people it is). More often than not people who engage in age play (Big/little, Little/big, DD/lg, Daddy/boy Mommy/boy, Mommy/girl, Caregiver/little, etc.) dynamics are seeking to create a safe space to experience things like: innocence, the idea of a simpler time in life, the joy of caregiving (giving and receiving), indulging the senses in less than grown-up ways (sometimes including adult activities), being allowed to play pretend or enjoy playtime, personal stress management for high pressure work, cultivation of relationships where you can enjoy being in charge without the usual consequences of pulling rank, wanting permission to get whatever you truly desire in a scene without feeling guilty for wanting certain things, or sometimes even just simply enjoying taboo and perverse concepts in a safe environment with consenting playfriends…

We’ve all been kids, and we’ve all had experiences being cared for in our youths. Regardless of whether or not a person has parenting experience, many people are interested in age play, kinky familial play, and exploring culturally inappropriate or taboo subjects. As a person who has parenting skills you might feel you’d be good at roleplaying that dynamic, which is certainly a relaxing and potentially stimulating concept. Maybe you adore nurturing, pleasing, or being at the mercy of someone smaller than you? The Daughter-as-Dom spin on the more common Daddy Dom/little girl (DDlg) dynamic might point to you not wanting to be in control, even as you enjoy caregiving or being a nurturing partner. We all grow up, but that doesn’t mean we stop needing playtime or to exercise our imaginations. 

More specific to this particular dynamic and role, when I brainstorm the idea of “daddy as sub”, I can come up with lots of ideas that make it an attractive play option:

  • Its intersection with age play
  • Fun with taboo and/or role play
  • Taking on the role of caregiver without that role being in conflict with having a sexual appetite in a relationship
  • Enjoyment of being in charge (Daddy) without having to be in charge of what happens (sub daddy)
  • A desire to be “taken” by someone smaller or more innocent than yourself
  • A love of cute things (if your fantasy Daughter is such)
  • Liking the idea of “teaching” someone about their sexuality on their terms
  • An attraction to youth explored consensually and legally
  • Desire to cater to or be in a relationship with a “Princess” type
  • There might be stories from your youth about this type of relationship being romanticized or sexualized
  • The power differential is different than what’s commonly depicted in D/s “norms”, which may give you freedom to distance yourself from other gendered stereotypes you might not be comfortable with
  • A desire to be Dommed by someone you feel safe with, more trusting of, or more deeply connected to than one who simply considers themselves Dominant
  • D/s that feels like it’s built off more equal ground (age differential favors Daddy, D/s differential favors Daughter)
  • There are hundreds of ideas I could generate about why this scenario is potentially attractive, but you’ll find more fitting answers exploring your own thoughts on the subject

You can travel as deeply as you like down the rabbit hole of psychological meaning making. At the end of the day, if an idea turns you on and negotiating play in a healthy manner with consenting adults is something you’d like to try, why not do just that? However, if your fantasy is more pleasurable than roleplay might be, just keep fantasizing.

Healthy BDSM encounters offer the opportunity to experience things we wouldn’t explore or can’t explore without negative consequences. We humans are curious creatures. When something is banned in society, it’s natural for a part of our brains to speak up and say, “but what if…?”. Consensual BDSM offers a sensual and sexual framework to explore these questions ethically, and (hopefully) gain pleasure from negotiating well with others!

When Rhode Island decriminalized indoor prostitution for six years at the turn of this last century, some interesting statistics surfaced. Specifically, in that period of time incidences of forceable rape went down statewide by 31%. The largest portion of that statistic applied to the city of Providence where much of the state’s sex work industry is centered. Rape declining by a third is nothing to scoff at! It was legal to engage in indoor sex work during that period of time, meaning sex workers themselves were able to report without consequence, so these numbers wouldn’t reflect that proportion of rapes shifting onto sex workers themselves. While we don’t know exactly why this happened, what it brings to mind is the possibility that people who may relieve sexual tension through non-consensual behaviors were presented with another less stigmatized outlet to fulfill their needs: legal, accessible, indoor working (which is statistically safer than street encountered) sex workers.

I bring this point up because there are people out there who do struggle with problematic thoughts, desires, fantasies, and urges which sometimes result in unsafe or violent behaviors. Whether a person is hiring a sex worker to help them address their needs, or they find relief with consenting partners utilizing BDSM activities and role play, the opportunity to shed shame and stigma while engaging in a fetish, fantasy, or fulfilling a need without harming others is a huge benefit to those people who might act out harmfully otherwise, their potential victims, and our larger community as a whole.

You’ve stated that your interest in Daughter Doms isn’t connected to your parenting relationship to a real human being. Honestly, there’s no reason it should be conflated as such in the first place. Your role as a parent is not the same as your role as a sexual human being. There’s no way to know for sure what specific mechanisms are at work for you outside your own thoughts on the subject. At the end of the day, if you’re attracted to the idea of being a sub daddy to a Daughter Dom, online BDSM communities like Fetlife are a great place to learn more about the dynamic. You can get to know others who enjoy that type of play too. Good luck kinking!

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me out by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational session with me. Thank you!

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Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Special?

October 11, 2019 by
Headshot of Creature Karin Webb. Pierced septum and medusa, glasses on top of forehead. Medium length light brown hair, light chin hairs, faint sparse mustache, blue eyes.

I don’t think it’s controversial to say that many (the majority, all?) people feel something lacking in their lives. The rules of passing (by definition) demand that we assemble versions of ourselves to present to the public which look like others’. In high school unpopular kids turned their noses up at peers who were able to find a place within groups made up of characters who were “different like everyone else”. Today it seems there’s still a desire to be seen as “different like my own self”, and perhaps the group of people desiring these things are from a larger circle than one might expect. The condition of never feeing “enough” has stopped many people from coming out in their lives, or even entertaining an acknowledgement within themselves about subjects which seem taboo.

I can’t tell you how regularly and from how many differently presenting people I hear about the desire to be understood as “special”, “different from the pack”, “individually recognized for their personal values, against type”… Ironically, I feel as though being seen in the world for who I am—queer, genderfluid, “sexual” rather than type-X-oriented—incites the opposite desire. I’d prefer people to see me (and those traits) as normal. After all, sex and gender variations are normal, as is sensual desire across a spectrum of types. These things are evident throughout all of nature, they’re well documented and acknowledged within our contemporary society, and they’ve been present across cultures and nations historically.

Desire for pleasure to be felt in the body—any place on the body—stimulated by a person who can be connected with safely and amorously: is normal.

The desire to be seen as a valuable individual, not simply generalized as part of a larger group’s legacy: is normal.

To want to be viewed as separate from whichever archetypes you represent or appear to align with: is normal.

To want your story to count is human: and normal.

People who’ve spent their lives unable to profit off the patriarchy because they don’t pass social standards, have spent time wrestling with their defined differences from the norm. Within wrestling most of us come to love ourselves in spite of, and even for the very things we feel rejected about or harassed for. I wonder, in this ever polarizing world where community member is pitted against community member for survival, if it’s just simply time for a tide named “different” to sweep the land? May we all be better nourished if that is so.

Acceptance of self requires a growing acceptance of others. From an early age we learn to identify “against” rather than “with”. This type of divide perpetuates an “us against them” mentality which serves to keep all of us down. I hope we’re starting to value the need for individual acceptance over herd mentality. I’m all for it, but not at the expense of othering people as collateral damage on the path to perceived freedom. In an ideal vision of growth we’re able to share our hard won identities with pride, without posing over those we’ve climbed over in order to get there, or painting others into a corner in order that we might stand out as “more enough than they are”.

We cannot use the master’s tools to destroy the master’s house.

We’re born alone, we die alone, and we have gifts to offer the universe which are simply our gifts to give.

Capitalism, our prevailing paradigm, incites fear, belief in baseline instability, and promotes unkind behavior in reaction to the idea that anything valuable exists within a starvation economy. These ideas extend to concepts which are bottomless by nature—love, compassion, empathy, and admiration, for example. The games we’ve learned to play in order to survive have taught us that if we aren’t “on top”, there will be too little to live off of. Those beliefs (lies) steal from us the very human traits which link us to one another meaningfully and contribute to communal success. Our society was built off the concept of: hierarchical placement = value of personhood. If we truly believe one human is more valuable than another, we’re also doomed to acknowledge our own specialness as important only when it offers power over others. This measure of a person’s individual gifts to community is against the concept of community.

Today is National Coming Out Day. Just a couple days ago the Supreme Court heard arguments about, and is currently ruminating on, whether LGBT people deserve equal rights and protection in the workplace. Can you even wrap your head around that? I have a hard time doing it. We live in a country that defines itself as the “land of the free”, and has as its founding principle a separation of church and state. Still though, our State feels the need to consider whether or not some people are more free than others when it comes to physical presentation, sexual attraction, and opportunity to identify oneself honestly.

But Capitalism, am I right?!…

Follow the money.
Look to the power
Your cup of cool-aid is on the table.

It’s not hard to understand the intersection where people get stuck: wanting to be actualized through creativity, inspiration, and congress with positive, pleasurable energies we feel comfort around; while being bound to an environment which denies safe access of basic needs to those who don’t effectively pass while playing the game.

The game is bigoted. We all know this.

Trauma from trying to survive in society is real. Not a single one of us and no single group of us owns that hurt. To create meaningful change it will take many of us calling to the powers that be, the ones who have “won” the game, and holding them accountable concerning how the system hurts us all. That, or a violent uprising, but miles may vary on those…

We run into problems when we turn people into symbols. Conflating an individual with a symbol, archetype, social role, defining them by their job, other identity affiliations, belief system, pleasure activities, or any other single corner of a their experience, is a way to cut down and control them. We endeavor to control others in order to keep ourselves safe and profitable. Knowing one’s place in the pecking order (thereby buying in to the pecking order in the first place) offers us opportunity to harm others in our stead. Those with none below them, and those who decline superiority, suffer in this system. More of us must suffer for the system to collapse, and eventually the masses of those who suffer must teach their suffering to those who remain less touched.

In the quest for specialness (which is really a quest for acknowledgement that we are enough) perhaps the most important thing to remember is that we all deserve things which make us happy, especially things which do no harm to others. I don’t think it’s possible to be meaningfully “special” without celebrating the specialness of others and striving toward egalitarianism. I hope that idea helps heal current divides. Divides serve to rob people of a sense of self which is expansive and complex. Working within a limited sense of self, what specialness exists that a person can be proud of in the first place?

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me pay rent: join Patreon, offer Support or email me directly. Thank you

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