Dear Creature: Large Hands for Fisting

October 16, 2017 by

I want to fist but I’m told my hands are too big. What can I do?
~ Big Hand in the Bush

Hi there BHitB,

Thank you for the question. First, I ask you to consider that sexual and sensual acts aren’t always as goal oriented as we might think. Fisting is an activity that usually takes some time, a certain degree of training the receiver’s body to relax and open up, trust, lots of lube, and a higher level of foreplay and turn on for the fistee. There are biological components which play into the subject, such as how wide someone’s hips are or how wide someone’s hands are. Not every hand will fit in any orifice safely or pleasantly, even with all of the strategy mentioned above.

If you’re interested in the basics of fisting, I wrote a blog on it a while back, F is for Fisting.
Reading it might help you begin negotiating the activity with an interested partner.

There are lots of people who LOVE fisting, be it anal and/or vaginal, and have the natural physiology to easily accommodate larger fists, or have trained their bodies to be able to. My fisting blog is one of the most popular ones on this site, over the years it consistently has the most daily hits — so there is definitely interest from a general population (or a handful of people read it over and over on the daily). If you are on Fetlife or other sexual/kink websites serving as social forums and/or dating pools, post on the appropriate pages or on your profile that you’re interested in fisting and that you have big hands. I assure you that there are people who are looking for exactly that. If you have partners who you feel comfortable talking about your desire to try fisting with, you should bring up the subject with them and see if they’d be comfortable trying it with you.

Now for a note on mechanics: Chances are you may not get your entire hand in on the first, second, or even third try, and maybe not ever. But you will be fisting! The process of getting there, I promise you, is a huge part of the excitement of the activity. It is worth the journey when partners are listening to one another, connecting well, and enjoying the ride. A few other thoughts which may help you too: When I say that it helps to be very turned on and relaxed, I mean that 1,000%. First, try a lot of mutually satisfying activities leading up to getting all of your fingers in. Having great sex where both you and your partner are able to climax (if that’s something you do together), or edging multiple times so that the body feels wanting of more intensive attention and further sensation can help open the body up too. After climax, or with a lot of time and tease, you and your partner will definitely be more warmed up and relaxed, and probably feeling more adventurous. Your partner will probably have a higher threshold for pain and intense stimulation as well. When you tease to the point that someone really wants to be fucked hard, that’s a great time to start ramping up your play. Start with one finger and work your way up. Lube lube lube… Don’t forget to multi task with pleasure centers while you’re concentrating on getting your hand more and more fully in your partner’s body. Take pauses from pressure inward to play with nipples, the clitoris, penis, sensitive skin around the vulva or anus, and any other erogenous zones your partner has. Get to a place of firm pressure and hold it there without forcing past the point of your partner’s feeling of want, and then back out a little and continue to play. Use a vibrator if it helps. Being able to talk with one another and check in about sensations on this journey is very important, so make sure you are both comfortable asking one another for what you want, and speaking up about what something feels like at any moment. Only play with people you trust to speak up about their needs, and follow orders immediately when the fistee tells you what they want.

Fisting is not necessarily painful for everyone. Sometimes it feels like intense pressure rather than “pain”. With larger hands, it might be more on the painful side for most people. It matters that your partner is open to and familiar with pain processing to some extent and knows their body well enough to advocate for what feels like “too much”. This is not a good activity to do while on drugs or after drinking. Anything which dulls the receiver’s understanding of what’s going on with their body can be potentially dangerous, and messes with consent.

So really, large hands or not, fisting is an activity that you should be able to have fun trying out with willing and excited partners to whatever end you’re able. Whether or not you ever get past the point of your knuckles, it’s really less interesting than everything leading up to it. Set aside a good amount of time, and be prepared with lube and other things you might want and need. Check out my first blog on the subject for more tips and tricks, communicate clearly, and have a ton of fun!

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Sensuality

October 12, 2017 by

Vibrant beautiful little things, reminding us to slow down and notice them…

This week I’m immersed in a lot of things. The theme seems to be sensuality — a meditation on connecting with the body and surrounding environment at a visceral, emotional, and sensual level. It fits well with the oncoming season change. These Northern temperatures shift drastically throughout the day, followed by humidity, scattered weather, and emotional states… We are preparing for colder times. Times we want to wall off, but also time we would benefit from the heat of others and warmer environs. It is a good time to collaborate.

Speaking of collaboration, I am currently in tech week for a show I am Directing. The show is full of circus performers who are highly skilled but sometimes less actor/storyteller connected to their material within performance. Over and over again the direction I give boils down to breath, to being in the moment, to slowing down and using the apparatus they’re on like a scene partner, to have a sensual connection with their medium between “tricks” to support the piece’s story arc… Sensuality. That we are connected to our Mother Earth and environment at all times — not just when we’re doing an exciting winning move.

I’ve found this recently in a more sexual context too. I was with a partner who enjoys exhibitionism and we met someone who enjoys watching couples have sex, so invited them over for a show. It was a pretty fun time together, but it was also an interesting study in how people who don’t know one another and are not going to have sex, can still communicate sexually and sensually with one another quite openly. Our watcher had such a sweet face and was definitely interested in both me and my partner’s bodies (my partner was in their’s as well). As the scene was not about us interacting with this person sexually though, it became about a few other things instead.

It became about talking. It became about D/s negotiation. It became about sound, about the thickness of the air in the room. It became about orgasm control, about watching (and watching the watching), it became about selective touch and well placed flirtatious stimulation shy of graphic involvement… It became about playing at the edges of sex and firmly in the world of this intoxicant called sensuality.

On another adventure one day I met a sub who had refrained from orgasm at my request for four days before we met. They edged themselves 32 times over those day (a personal record for them), reporting to me each 5th time, writing to me about how they were feeling… By the time we were face to face all I had to do was touch their leg with my foot under the table to elicit a full body shudder and smile. Sensuality wins in my book.

The feeling of cool crisp air and full sun on my face as I walk the streets of this old, beautifully built city reminds me I am happy living this life. The slower movements of a stroll after a heavy meal, touching the bushes and fence railings along my path. The perfume of flowers I have  stopped to smell, crushing herb leaves in my fingers and offering my hands up to a friend’s nose. Walking closer to another’s body until reaching an arm around is the natural instinct followed, a head close enough to a shoulder that my hand reaches up to guide it there softly, feeling the letting go… Through our senses, we animals know this world intimately, and have an opportunity to dance more closely. We can read tension in our own or another’s body when we slow down enough to notice how the world around us feels, and how the world in us is doing.

I love feeling the world around me. It calms me. My anxieties loosen. My schedule seems manageable and I gut level know I will show up for the next moment successfully after I leave the one I am in. Sensual intelligence teaches me to simply “be”, which is stimulating and calming both. Healthy.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fluidity from Polarization

September 24, 2017 by

Recently I walked into a room of beautiful naked people who hadn’t seen me in a few months. Immediately I tore off my clothes, jumped on top of the pile, and while hugging all the bodies I could reach to squeeze, I asked what they were watching on TV…

One person remarked “you look really great, kind of different, what have you been up to?”, and I replied, “I started taking Testosterone!”. This particular foursome didn’t know I had been considering hormone replacement therapy, and they hadn’t seen me since my first shot. They do though (obviously), each know me at least semi intimately, and immediately smiles popped up all around with remarks like “it’s doing you good”, “I didn’t know you were going to do that, but it suits you”, and finally a room wide round of smiles and head nods as one person simply paused, then looked at me and said:

“Well it sounds weird to say, but you look more like yourself than I’ve ever seen you look before.”

What a blessing to have people in every port of my life not bat an eye when I let them know what’s up with my current explorations of self. What a gift of reflection back to me about following my heart and abandoning layers of anxiety. Thank you, Intimates, for celebrating the me outside of you — the one you watch pass through and do not need to define for yourselves to love. It is a gift to belong to you on my terms, and to have you joyfully and knowingly smile when I’ve decimated a box you’ve observed me keep myself within over time.

I also have to thank my little siblings, masters of the generation Millennial, who watched some of us Xers flounder and dissatisfying cluck and balk at the binary, the roles we were supposed to champion, but felt some level of unease around. That discomfort, our in-between-nesses and dissatisfied bitching, you read as a problem to be solved, a theory to work out anew, an upgrade to spitball wildly and freely about during redesign. Today I can more clearly understand my particular discomforts and the pain I felt coming out 20 years ago. There’s new language to articulate that instinctual angst: I have never been the “either” or the “or”, I have always been the “yeses” in between.

Thank you, flitting fluid little siblings, for helping me find comfort in my identity/body/impulse/home — I thought my place might forever be burdened with the sounds of argument and debate about where I was supposed to fit, which side I should relinquish to and take on with hardened pride. You emptied boxes of colorful dress-up clothes and glitter-bomb flash mobs on my floor, you thrust pretty flowered beards, impossibly androgynous crossdressing (if it’s even possible anymore) runway models, and hormone cocktails prescribed without “the script” at my generation’s rebellious “guyliner” beginnings. How beautiful was that day.

I remember you years before, your worry that you weren’t “trans enough” or “queer enough” to belong. In Jr. High and High School you and your friends showed up dressed to the nines made up like little miniature rockstars flocking to my gender bending performance troupe’s “Drag King 101” and “Gender, Orientation, and Identity Round Table Discussion” classes — it’s been a decade at least already. I was shocked way back then. I remembered how threatening and dangerous it was to be perceived as gay or lesbian at all when I had been your age, and there hadn’t even been a LGBT alliance in my school… You and your friends have ushered in an age which pledges allegiance to each queer’s inner flag, and we each, every one, find ourselves more deeply because of it.

Thank you for letting me teach you to tie your first tie — as “Drag King Papa Webb” it was an honor to initiate you into a realm of Queerdom. Thank you for repainting our clubhouse and blowing out a couple walls in the process. We needed fresh air, new inspirations, and a reinjection of Pride which invites a world of Wonderers, not only the recognizable queer archetype conformists inside.

Fluidity from polarization. The water we drink now, instead of the bread that we break. We can try on the clothes of any characters we’d like to play, and change as many times as we want in a day. Sure, we keep some favorite ensembles around, knowing they don’t have to match anything else in the closet also squirreled away… It feels fantastic celebrating the knowledge that what we do and do not wear on our bodies is but the expression of a moment. Art, revelry, and adjustment belong to each of us, dynamically, in our own time.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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