Transition?

October 15, 2018 by

Makeup from a music video shoot this past weekend. I love the “both/and” present on my face..

Recently a number of people have mentioned something about my “transition” during conversation. They’ve been curious to know how I feel about what it’ll be like on the “other side”. I want to talk about this idea more fully. It strikes me that the question doesn’t quite pertain to my trans experience.

First off, I’m super glad to finally be read as something other than cis femme by people! It’s been a lifelong desire not to be boxed over in that perfectly wonderful, yet not quite me part of the gender world. Secondly, I want to voice the idea that I don’t consider myself to be in a “transition”. I don’t feel that word really applies to me.

I’m not from one place and going to another. I’m living my life as well as I know how to. I’m taking what, for me, has proven to be an anti-anxiety and anti-depression medicine: testosterone. This medicine also gives me facial hair and a bigger clit (among other attributes), which is awesome because I’ve always wanted facial hair and a bigger clit (among other attributes). For as long as I can remember I’ve been into body modification and costumes. Body mods which make me feel more like myself in little ways such as piercings and tattoos have never been geared toward assimilation with beauty standards set by society, but toward the ways in which I would like to see myself.

I’m genderfluid and I’m non-binary. I’m also, by way of career, a shapeshifter and a character actor. I’ve been so professionally since the age of 11 when I wrote my first monologue, which also happened to be my first drag performance. I hold all of the options within me. This is what makes me happy. I’m not interested in being a “man” in exactly the same way as I’ve never been interested in being a “girl”. I love my identities as a Woman and a Boy though, and I will forever be the creature and imp before you.

When the idea of “binary as ultimate trans designation” started to break down, and then was coupled with an emergence of non-binary options, an entire trans spectrum became more visible. That did more for my gender experience than almost anything else in my life. Suddenly I was free from the expectation that I can only be trans if I feel as though I am “the [binary] other”. I am not “the [binary] other”, I am many others and both. My journey taking Testosterone has led to a deeper love and respect for myself, and to higher levels of joy in my existence. Doors have opened, an enlarged perspective of the world is still being discovered, and a continually persisting disinterest in passing as anything other than exactly who I am is my ultimate goal. What you see is what you get. My body here and now is capable of a great many things regardless of its androgyny or it’s manifestations as femme and masc and…

As for the questions anyone might have: please never stop asking them! I don’t want to be less inspired to write things like this. I want to articulate personal things which shed light on matters of interest. I hope this perspective has inspired new questions too.

Love from inside the Creature, not the Chrysalis.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Support my writing on Patreon. For one time Donations: Support the Artist or email.
This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art. Thank you.

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Reflections and Intentions: A New Moon Tonight

October 8, 2018 by

Planting intentions to grow alongside the New Moon — we’re on tonight. At 11:47pm EST tonight, the full moon in Libra will be out, not shining over us all. We’re in the midst of stepping from the productiveness of summer into the reflections and hibernation that fall and winter bring. It’s a wonderful time to set intentions for where you’d like to be in a month’s time, and about what you’d like to manifest within yourself to help bring on meaningful change — change which many of us so desperately want to see in the world right now. We are in a time of consequence, and it’s important be able to be here, very fully, right now.

One of the reasons I’m kinky is that I grew up in the woods and fields of Maine, playing outdoors, making up rituals, and being connected to all I was surrounded by. I spent eons watching bugs do what bugs do, imagining the clouds as various characters while they drifted lazily overhead, and running around getting scraped up, jumping in and out of trees, splashing around in mud, and dealing with consistently intense bouts of poison ivy… Mine was not a clean and safe childhood, but a dirty and a natural one.

Dirty and natural.

The difference between good clean dirt and unsanitary grime is vast. Grabbing produce from a field and rubbing it off on my shorts before wolfing it down is different than dropping food on the floor of a train station or on the sidewalk of a concrete jungle. How we communicate with one another in general these days, how we communicate about today’s politics, the social pressure to be recorded/receipted as “right” instead of complex and challenging, and the desire for life to be simpler and more “partisan” — these problems pop up frequently in my conversations.

I believe in giving people chances, that’s plural. I don’t believe in letting anyone walk all over me.

I believe in participating in the process we are tied to, while also questioning it and even redefining how it functions when need be.

I believe in the larger community and all of its moving parts working together to create an arc which bends toward progress, even if it feels in any given moment like we’re regressing.

I believe in checks and balances.

I believe in understanding before rejection. I do not believe in rejection before understanding.

For these ideals to flourish within myself I must remain balanced and continue to do my part.

I am afraid. It’s important to make mention of personal facts such as emotion before critiquing a situation from the perspective of that feeling. If my perspective is “right” and not “my perspective”, there is no conversation to be had. I wish more people would speak of their feelings responsibly rather than pointing their fingers and putting others on the defense. Conversations could develop in new and exciting ways rather than petering out with anger and unhealthy escalation, exhausted by sound bites and the tiring rhetoric of unchecked “facts”. If one wants empathy (and it seems a lot of people talk about that word these days) we must be empathetic with people we wish were less ignorant of or more supportive of our own causes and interests.

Because LGBTQI+ people have been speaking to loved ones one-on-one for decades about themselves, their struggles, and the hardships in their lives, the state of our governing body concerning LGBTQI+ issues has radically shifted during my lifetime. Of course we still have far to go, but looking back can be heartening sometimes. It is this type of personal conversation which helps individual people evolve past ignorance, and helps a person give up old or objectionable stories in favor of wider acceptance and more complex meaning making. When we personalize our politics and talk about our hardships with loved ones, it’s proven to make meaningful change at a mass level over time. It has always rested on the shoulders of those who are not of the status quo to educate society and bring it around to more humane daily practice.

The macrocosm which is the world of Statistics can only integrate meaningfully with an individual’s journey to redefine their empathies when the forest is known from the trees. I make mention of one’s emotional state here again. We must clearly understand our own emotional worlds as separate from the ethics of a society (and other individuals in that society) in order to meaningfully connect with others on ethical subjects. This means we must take a step back and untangle our view from any belief that we have “all of the information we need” in any conversation, or that we are unwaveringly “right”. For every person who rants about or vilifies “minority people as too PC to talk to”, are individuals who would actually prefer to call people out for poor word choices rather than get messy within a conversation by asking questions or endeavoring to educate.

In the US we’re taught to be comfortable judging others and reacting as though our judgements are righteous. Taking a person to task for the indelicacy of their articulations, rather than spending time with self-reflection or cultivating new personal behaviors, is what we’re taught is normal. It’s on each of us to face the uncomfortable reality of sharing this society in order to make it a better one for more people.

Tonight the new Moon in Libra shall shine darkly upon me and I will be paying attention. I’ll take a moment to write about what I’d like to manifest in the coming month. Listening will be on this list, questioning without judgement, and cultivating meaningful change within my interactions will be too. I’m heartbroken by the current discourse and actions of my Nation. I’m part of this discourse too, and it’s my job to plant seeds for change by consciously being that change.

Please join me tonight. Light a candle, consider the ways you would like to effect the world you live in, consider the tools you’re honing these days, and ask for the things you might need. Write, burn paper, or whisper your intentions to our Dark Lady in the sky. Together, open to the energy of the world we are infinitely tied to, we can step forward together, more balanced. We must listen to our own selves first, and grow from what we hear. That we continue this work on our own and together is the hope I have for this world tonight.

From the dirt and messes, the compost of our misuses, may there be education, growth, change, and prosperity. This is the ritual of connection I’d like to share with you, my kinky readers, tonight.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Support my writing on Patreon. For one time Donations: Support the Artist or email.
This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art. Thank you.

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Connection and Consent: A Gallery Exhibition and Performance

September 29, 2018 by

Photo by Juan Carlos Ruiz Vargas of my performance, “Listen, No Speaking, Touch”, as Medusa at Pulqueria los Insurgentes, Cuidad de México, September 6, 2018. This performance was part of The Scarlet Tongue Project/El Proyecto de la Lengua Escarlata.

I have been asked by one of my favorite artists to install a piece of art and to perform during the opening event of a gallery show running the month of November and into December. Please come by, there are some really fabulous artists on the bill and it would be great to catch you at the opening on November 15th:

***

Ourselves
An exhibition of transgender and non-binary artists making work about the trans experience

Exhibition: November 5- December 6
Reception: November 15, 5-9pm
University of Rhode Island, Providence
80 Washington St, Providence, RI 02903

Curated by Caleb Cole Artists:
Chai Anstett, Sam Bodian, Ria Brodell, Eli Brown, Caleb Cole, Leah Corbett, Arlo Crateau, Catherine Graffam, Jamezie Helenski, Rob Lorino, Cobi Moules, Lenny Schnier, Austen Shumway, J. Turk, Creature Karin Webb

***

The installation and performance I’m bringing to this show is an iteration of the work I started this month in Mexico. I’m excited to bring my work to a third type of venue — from club space, to black box theater, to art gallery!

***

“Listen. No Speaking. Touch.”
by Creature Karin Webb

Installation: A small nook area is set up/created with red fabric walls, it is warmly and dimly lit (as possible). Inside the nook there are 2 chairs and a small side table set with roses, a basin of water, with a stack of washcloths nearby. Scattered around the table, chairs, and floor are rose petals. Each petal is marked with a fingerprint of blood from the artist. There is a small swatch of red fabric with thread revealing a number of stitches already stitched in, the needle still attached, is prepared for more. The shape taking form on the fabric is the figure of a person. On the floor, a chalk circle surrounds the space (alternatively this can be taped or painted — whatever works best with the venue’s floor and traffic patterns).

Performance: The artist is dressed in comfortable, casual, sensual clothing. Outside of the circle on the floor, presented toward the audience, the artist places three signs: “Listen”, “No Speaking”, and “Touch”. The artist takes their place within the installation on one of the chairs. There are a few iterations of this performance which include different “offerings”. I am proposing “Washing” for this venue. The water basin and stack of wash cloths are used. Participants who wish to interact with the artist are welcomed non-verbally into the circle to sit in a chair. The entire one-on-one performance within the circle is non-verbally conducted. There is no expectation of what will happen or not happen. The offering to wash or be washed is physically present, though it is the connection between the two participants which is impetus for all action which occurs. This is a study in non-verbal communication, connection, desire, and consent. Performances with each participant vary in length. Each connection the artist makes over the course of the performance while in character (participants, audience members, etc.) is marked as one added stitch to the piece of red cloth. Eventually the form stitched will be stuffed with petals saved from each performance, and as the work continues, stitches of beading will be added until the object is complete.

Statement: I’ve been meditating on this piece of art and performance for a few years, and I began it’s practice in la Cuidad de México on September 6th, 2018. So far I’ve performed and installed this project in two different venues: the Mexican nightclub, “Pulqueria los Insurgentes”, and in a Mexican theater space, “La NaBe foro”. Both of these performances were created in collaboration with artists during an artist retreat as part of The Scarlet Tongue Project. Installation and performance at the University of Rhode Island will be my third venue. I plan to bring this piece to many venues of varying type and size throughout the next few years. Please write me if you have interest in booking this performance, other of my work, or to bring me to your venue as a speaker or educator: Contact

“Listen. No Speaking. Touch.” is a meditation on the artist I’ve become, the human I am presently, and the rules I’ve needed to break or ask permission to explore along the way. Its performance is an invitation for viewers and participants to grow with me, to experience communication non-verbally, to offer, accept, to hold boundaries, and ultimately to risk being present with another human intimately. “Listen. No Speaking. Touch.” elicits recollections of the ways I (and many people) have been marked, whether by society, socialization, or specific people, throughout our histories in ways which disrupt our naïveté and the fairy tale of what connection, love, sex, romance, and friendship are “supposed to” look like. We struggle, in this society, to find our way within a culture which promises personal rights and opportunities, yet enforces repression of individual expressions of identity through violence, non-consensual acts, systematic poverty, refusal to acknowledge the needs of minorities, through institutionalized bigotry, and largely through fear. We are beautiful as we are, marked though we may be. With “Listen. No Speaking. Touch.”, I want to create space for individuals to connect with me, the queer artist, in basic ways which allow curiosity a chance—by way of simple actions and silence we might discover co-creation. “Listen. No Speaking. Touch.” also invites one to explore thoughts and feelings around current discussions of the #MeToo movement. As we practice and/or witness non-verbal negotiation one becomes more attuned to the subtleties of a language which is physical and energetic, and must begin to take responsibility for the ways we are able to “Listen”, to understand the desires and boundaries of the people around us. We are complicit, we are aware, and we must take responsibility for the moments we create with one another, positive, negative, neutral, and complicated.

***

Many of the artistic opportunities I engage in, and frequently the ones I believe in the most and want to continue to cultivate, are unpaid events. The work I create that is paid usually doesn’t break even and rarely profits for the materials invested and travel expenditures acquired. I don’t have the luxury to consider time and labor costs for my endeavors: rehearsals, tech time, actual time spent developing, creating, and performing, or installing a piece. I have been a professional storyteller since age 11 and have a degree, a certificate, and an entire year of Master’s work under my belt invested in my performance career, as well as decades of touring, producing, artistic direction, directorship, teaching, and troupe management under my belt. To date I’ve performed in almost all of the States, in four countries, and on two continents.

The reason I do what I do is because I believe in humanity and I believe in the power of an engaged community. I believe culture moves toward meaningful progress and improves conditions for under-privileged people because individuals “do” something to push these important conversations forward. My writing of this blog, the performances I bring to stage, the visual art I create, and the subjects and ways I educate are all part of how I, as an individual and an artist, bring my personal resources to the table to try and effect change. I made a choice early on in my career to work for my own creative brain and to develop a performance/artistic aesthetic and mission of my own, and to speak with my own voice to the audiences I find. Rather than audition for the theater community at large, I believe that as a queer person, as a woman, and a person who comes from and lives in poverty, that my voice is needed in contrast to the straight, white, cis, ableist, middle-to-upper class, patriarchal environment we are governed by and exist within.

If you admire or are inspired by any of the ways that I produce as an artist or educator I ask you to become a patron of mine and contribute to my Patreon campaign. My patrons are the only steady (ish) source of income I have, and they are the reason I’m able to invest in my art further and further as time moves on. I currently make about $450 a month. This is the base pay I live off of, supplemented by whatever other gigs I am able to book, and some months there are very few or none. I would like this base of patronage to grow so I can spend more of my time creating my art, producing, teaching, and performing, and less of my time trying to book paying gigs outside of my primary focus. I publish paid content through my Patreon page six times a month. It’s possible for you to pledge at whatever level you wish and to cap the amount that you pay if you desire to. Any amount helps. Please donate, and please share. Thank you.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Support my writing on Patreon. For one time Donations: Support the Artist or email.
This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art. Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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