Remembering Roller Skates

January 27, 2014 by

Roller Skating.  Further proof things never change…

Roller skates from an exhibit at The Children's Museum of Indianapolis

Roller skates from an exhibit at The Children’s Museum of Indianapolis

I was five.  It was a kindergarden field trip to the roller rink in Augusta, Maine.  My mother was a chaperone with a bunch of other mothers.  It was the first time I had ever worn roller skates.  So, like most 5 year olds strapping wheels to their feet, I fell.  A lot.

But I kinda liked it…

I worked my way around the ring a couple times hanging onto the railing, falling all over it, watching the better skaters spin by fast without falling, moving their skates in time to “Manic Monday”.  And I couldn’t figure out what about this was supposed to be fun.  I kept wondering why people did this and I felt disappointed and tethered to the wall.

And then I saw that center ring.

The one where the really good skaters would do their tricks unencumbered by people whizzing past or railings and safety measures.  There weren’t that many good skaters in the rink that day, so I decided I’d take that open space and fly off my tether, away from the crowd.

And of course I fell.

Oh.  I fell.  And fell.  And fell.  And fell some more…

And then it changed.

All in a moment what I was doing ceased to be a frustrating exercise in futility, and it started taking on a shape and journey of its own…  All of a sudden I felt the rush of my body through air, the crash on my ass/stomach/side, and the realization that this, THIS, was funny.  And exhilarating.  And I was completely ok after falling.  And I could do fun, funny things with each fall.  I could crash and slide and sprawl and leap and crumple and fly and split and heap!  Over and over I yelled to my mom “Hey!  Look at this one!”  I was high on it.  Flying.  Crashing.  Feeling my body under me.  Pushing past physical and fearful limits and making something from the ridiculous game of wheels on your shoes.  It was my own.

Another parent came up to my mother at some point and said “I don’t think Karin really gets it, does she?”.  My mother replied “Oh no, she gets it alright.  She just gets it in her own way.”

I think about this when I think about kink, about masochism, about pain and social construct.  I think about stories like this one from my childhood (and there are many like this one) when I consider the role that conquering fear has had in my lifetime.  Or conquering boredom, or chasing an experience, or embracing curiosity…

I have never not been who I am.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

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Transparency

January 20, 2014 by

 Transparency in relationships is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately…  How does it work for you?

Photo by Yellow.Cat

Photo by Yellow.Cat

I am the type of person who needs complete transparency to feel safe and build trust or keep trust with my partners.  I know it doesn’t function like this for everyone.  I will say that it seems to me that the successful poly-type people I know who are in relationships all seem to be people who tell one another everything (whatever everything means to them) and who can process with one another/communicate with one another extremely well.  They also are people who care deeply for one another’s feelings and needs as well as their own.

I like that.  I like that both as a person who dates people who have primary partners (I don’t often have to worry where I stand with someone’s significant other, and I know I can reach out to them personally if something seems awry), and as someone who endeavors to build relationships that are lasting, respectful, and healthy for everyone involved.  I like that practicing transparency will probably bring me closer to the people I love in the long run.

For more ideas related to transparency, you can do some research on Radical Honesty, and think about the ways you might censor yourself (much less mislead or edit your thoughts and feelings when sharing them with the people around you).

What does transparency mean to me?   It means being 100% honest with yourself.  It means taking that honesty and sharing it with your partners.  It means risking displeasing your partners at times because it is as important to name your needs outside the relationship as it is to cultivate what happens within the relationship itself.  It means listening to the parts of your brain that don’t want to broach an important subject because you are afraid of what will happen if you do, how you will feel, how the energy in the room might change…, but taking the steps to do it anyhow.  It means telling the people you care about the things you know they’ll want to know before they ask a half dozen questions about a subject.  It means taking responsibility for making mistakes – we all make mistakes.  It means letting the people around you know when something has shifted or changed, and advocating for that shift to be worked through.  It means taking responsibility for your feelings, your fears, and your part in the communication process.  It indicates (to me) a level of loyalty to both yourself and your partners.  It is taking responsibility for your autonomy by sharing yourself with the people who you have chosen to be, in some ways, your biggest supporters.

In short if means telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…  and then admitting the times you realize you haven’t been so good at doing that and getting better.

The best part about it it that it gets easier the more you practice.  You might be astonished by what happens when you find people who want to support you – who love you for who you are, not who they wish you’d be – and who give you positive reinforcement for sharing your needs, thoughts, desires, and most intimate self.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

Filed Under: Brain on Download Blog Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Too Many Books by my Bed

January 13, 2014 by

For years I was the book buyer at “Grand Opening!” sexuality boutique (where Good Vibrations is now in Brookline, MA).  We were a tiny little sex store that was owned and run by women and had deep roots in the sexy/kinky/fetish/makers communities here in the Boston area.  I miss that job a lot.  Sufficed to say, I am a total sex geek, and today I thought I would share with you:

Books I’m reading right now (I think maybe I juggle a bit more than a lot…):

conquermeConquer Me: girl-to-girl wisdom about fulfilling your submissive desires
by Kacie Cunningham

The first time I read this book I wept because I felt I had never read or heard said out loud so many of the feelings I have (and have had for a long time) about my desires in relationship.  This book helped me commit to my progress and continued search in the kink community and in life for my place and my joy.  Reading Conquer Me felt all at once like a painful, scary, and extraordinarily relieving coming out to myself.  I am reading it again as my relationship status changes as a reminder of what I thought then and as an exercise to consider what applies now.  I will pass it on to my partner when I’m done.  I think it will put a few things in perspective and at the very least encourage more great conversations between us.

24_-_when_someone_you_love

When Someone You Love is Kinky
by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

These are also the authors of one of my all time favorite books, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities (which technically I’m also reading right now, as a read out loud with a friend).

When Someone You Love is Kinky is (so far) not only compelling, but a solid conversation of the basics of communication and capable walkthrough of the subject at hand.  It is also a “pull on your heartstrings” beautifully presented reminder that you can be as academic as you like about subjects that effect people emotionally, but presenting the words of people working through their feelings is a powerful tool as well.  I love the varied perspectives into the subject it offers.  I recommend this book to anyone with questions – even the kinkster novice.

bbtb_medThe New Bottoming Book
by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

You sense a theme here, don’t you?  I can’t live without Greenery Press, or the amazing duo that is Dossie and Catherine…

These are classic books that have been around for a bit and are great introductions to what topping and bottoming entail respectively.  The New Bottoming Book so far is a really fun read, has some great ideas, good first hand stories, and gives great perspective on the many reasons why people bottom.  It is a great resource for thinking of the even more diverse ways to approach it yourself…

07_-_sm_101SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
By Jay Wiseman

This book is a one stop starter for people who wonder how it’s all done (and what it all is)…  I’ve been flipping through the pages of this particular soft cover for nearly 15 years.  Though aspects of the POV may be slightly dated, I think it’s a wonderful resource and this book helped me get my mind around a lot of kinky concepts when I was first learning about the subject.

Research and reference happily continues!

clowns

The History of Clowns for Beginners
by Joe Lee

Well, I am a clown school dropout, and this is one of the best books ever created ever.  Seriously.  You can learn a lot about life and love and foolishness and primal tendencies and undermining social values by learning your clown history.

Also, outside the concept of having a clown fetish, if you don’t think clowns are some of the sexiest, kinkiest, most deviant-in-the-best-ways-possible people/creatures/concepts you’ll ever meet – you haven’t met the right clowns.  Fact.

Here’s a couple more titles in the pile next to my bed, books I’ve thumbed through and will get into soon:

My bookshelf’s sexuality section is rather extensive (as you might have guessed), and the titles above are just the ones I’ve pulled recently to read or reread…  Have a title you think I should know about?  Please drop me a line, I’d love to hear about your favorite books too.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

Filed Under: Brain on Download Blog Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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