Sluggish Heart

Pen and ink by Creature KPW

When the Heart is wounded it takes time to heal. Your Heart may need to remain motionless in critical care down a long white corridor, through those electronically locked double doors. Your Brain will tell you that while your heart rests it’s perfectly fine taking over to help sort out what’s needed. That Brain of yours is a smart cookie though, it’ll keep you afloat for a long, very long time. Faerie time, in fact.

Years might go by as Heart rests. The morning its eyes flutter open, Heart will probably believe it has revived after a deep sleep or short mini-vacation. Heart will be ready to face another day, refreshed and happy. It will catch a cab to work, arriving early. Your Heart will grab a cup of coffee from the office kitchenette and weave its way through well trod pathways toward its cubicle seat wondering how much has piled up during its time away. Your Heart will discover Brain working feverishly, right there in front of the computer that’s always been assigned to Heart.

“Oh… hi there”, your Heart might confusedly say, “Um, I’m back.”

“It’s been a while, Heart. We’re good here though, no need to worry yourself about coming in today”, Brain mumbles perfunctorily, “I’ve got this on lockdown. Take a little more time to rest, I’m sure we’ll need you again soon enough—no reason to come in when there’s nothing to do. Catch some porn or flirt online, treat yourself. Take a walk in the woods, this time of year is gorgeous they say. Obviously I’ll call you when you’re needed. Don’t worry about it.”

Heart might turn away at this point, and do just that.

Heart might walk home or to somewhere entertaining, half-heartedly toying with a project idea it dreamed about in the past.

Heart will wait for a call from its friend Brain. Days will pass…

Then more time will slide by.

Though Heart calls Brain from time to time to see if there’s any work, Brain always seems one step ahead. Brain never really needs anything.

In time Heart takes up needlepoint.

Heart develops online friendships, brightening up the day of those who like quirky photos and funny memes.

Heart collects likes and does well online.

Heart calls Brain less frequently.

One day Heart forgets it even has an office to call. Brain doesn’t mind.

Heart steadily forgets how to navigate work stuff like first dates, a request to kiss, and the difference between NSA, FWB, and casually hooking up.

Brain is taking charge of everything and Heart doesn’t want to mess it up…

It’s easier this way.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

Better with Time

I intern weekly at an herbal apothecary, and had a sweet interaction the other day. An older gentleman was checking out, asking questions about some herbs, and then shared a bit about his experience as a man who was estranged from his father for most of his life. He spoke with compassion for this man who had not been a good father, but who he had learned to befriend later in life. As his father grew old and needed care, he cared for him. This man spoke about how he could see the young child in this toothless old man father, laughing at silly things in the hospital as he circled closer to death. He spoke about how much he still learns and discovers about his father’s perspective and journey, and with how much less complication he feels love for this man, even after death, as he grows older himself. He sees his father more and more clearly in the mirror.

I have a not-dissimilar relationship with my father. It’s been fascinating growing to understand parts of that person as I get older. It is not through spending time with him (an option I don’t readily have), but through a better understanding of my own evolving self. I see and feel the parts of me that are like him more and more as time moves on.

We are all connected.

We are each capable of hurting others and of being hurt ourselves. We are all capable of forgiveness—a state that at the end of the day benefits ourselves most deeply. We are all capable of learning something new about another person’s perspective, struggles, journey, and life choices. We human beings are not our behaviors, but our behaviors are what we have between one another. Behaviors are the messengers through which we communicate, connect, disconnect, or flag each other about what a relationship between us will look like. Behaviors are learned, practiced, often in need of updating, and also under our control for the most part. We become different people as we grow, change, and shift our practices throughout life. We are not our behaviors, but our behaviors are our legacies. We can invest in doubling down and never letting another person in, or we can face discomfort during confrontation and questioning, and we can adapt, grow.

The function of family throughout life is such a strong and relentless challenge. Family dynamics run deep. One may be able to put space between themselves and family, but those people, your family members, are always there in the world somewhere and we don’t forget them. Family, in all its frustrating, painful, loving, abusive, nourishing, chaotic truths, is ground. It is Earth. It is where we come from, and where we always refer back to as we grow. We search out new families in life—especially and prolifically do the queers, marginalized people, people without traceable/available families, and those without relatives nearby. Finding people to bond with outside of shared DNA is important for all beings. We seek out the families we want to belong to, and the families we want to help create. When we create new families we also recreate ourselves. Part of this seeking is departure from the language we first learned in order that we might learn new tongues, see more of life’s big picture, and establish ourselves in our own image apart from our origins. We belong to one another as deeply as we belong to ourselves, and so we must change from where we began, even as we cling to (or cannot shed) much of our primary teachings.

Many animals, when they hurdle through pubescence, leave home to find another pack. Humans are no different in this respect, especially in our modern era. Animals find another family to join and they establish their own bloodline, still connected to the past. Mixing bloodlines keeps the lineage healthier, more viable.

Mixing bloodlines keeps the lineage healthier, more viable.

This concept in today’s world seems particularly suitable for meditation. What world would we live in if we never left home? What if we were never exposed to other families and ways of being? What if no other cultures or traditions were able to influence and inform our own experiences and interests?

We know the short answer to this. Demographically, the spots on Earth where we see the most diversity in cohabitation (urban areas, especially urban areas with international influences), have a tendency to boast more liberal and progressive communities. Healthy exposure to differences stimulates an open mind. One cannot un-know what they have been exposed to, and it is isolation which leads to ignorance (“ignorance” is an interesting concept to think on, especially when linked to the idea of: to ignore). Education that accurately represents the entirety of the world in its lesson plan allows for students to negotiate a larger portion of the planet comfortably. Travel makes the world smaller and easier to understand. Our behaviors change and update as we come to understand a larger spectrum of perspectives. This is one reason reading improves empathy—it offers exposure to different walks of life without ever having to leave home.

Screen time is a double sided coin in this respect. It’s too easy to point a finger at the screen and blame or praise its worth. The person will always dictate what is wrung from any experience. What is the quality of one’s time with the world at their fingertips? Does one choose the fast food equivalent of never leaving their own region/town/house to navigate their basic needs? Do they have questions and skim through only the first answer they’re provided with, assuming it’s the hard and fast truth? Does one seek out multiple answers from multiple sources in order to better understand the subject they’re looking into?…

We are all connected. Like cells in a living organism, we represent one, yet affect all.

With that thought I wish you a happy Winter and Holiday Season. May your time with family, chosen or of origin, be illuminating and offer you more to work with than you had yesteryear. It takes humility to become a bigger animal. May the new year see each of us expand and grow.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

No Shame: Workshop Space

I’m looking for a storefront space or accessible first floor of a residential building with enough room to create and teach in. I have until March to find the place I want to be next, but I’d like to potentially move or expand my situation sooner than that. I like the Providence area, though I’m not married to it. I’d love to be in a space that’s live-work, though work-only is doable. My budget is on the small side, but my need for open space is important. As with all performance artists, I’m asking what seems to be the impossible from the universe. But I’m still asking.

Super Grandpa in his workshop (which was really just me moving parts of my workshop to the Oberon Stage for performance)…

Ideally I would have the ability to have a lot of plants in this space (sunlight!) and an herb garden outside. A first floor space is ideal, or a private entrance if it’s a building with multiple units on one floor. I’d want to build out a small reception area in the front, a changing room off the reception area, and to build out sufficient storage space in the back. The main space (what’s remaining) would be large and open, taking up about 70% of the floor plan. There will need to be a restroom, and hopefully a sink and stove of some sort. I would like room to teach about 20 people in the space while displaying my art, and have room to create. If I was producing a larger event a 100 person capacity would be divine.

A favorite needlepoint piece of mine (2019)

Does anyone know how to help me find such a thing? Does anyone have such a thing they’d like to work with me on? Does anyone know where, in this economy, I can find a landlord who will not gouge me and who will allow this space to be mine for as long as the projects I have in mind are served by the space and our agreements? I’m an extremely clean and responsible tenant, a hard worker, and respectful of my environment and communities. Let me know if you have ideas. I am calling this space to me.

“Medusa” played by Creature at Pulqueria Los Insurgentes en Cuidad de México as a part of The Scarlet Tongue Project. Photo by Juan Carlos Ruiz Vargas

The hardest part of being an artist without means is having so little control of my environments. Renting is all I can afford. I wish that were not my situation. It’s hard for me to stay in a space I can’t plant a garden at, paint and design to my desires, superficially restructure as needed for various projects, teach in (due to space size, neighbors, and noise)… and so forth. I want a space I can make my own, which is sustainable for all of the varied types of work I do.

Meet “General”, my first puppet made completely from scratch

I want a space I can share with other creators and with audience, patrons, clients, and students. I want a wonder shop, a place people are inspired to visit, and who value a living, unfolding, representation of my voice and my work here on Earth. A space that can inspire and invite others to join in and play.

Hunkering down and making a place my own is important for moving forward. The vision of who I want to be and what I want to be able to provide within community is contingent on being able to find the space to do these things. Having space to teach in would be ideal on its own, and I’d like my space to be a resource for more people than myself.

It’s intimidating to advocate for myself and my work this way. I don’t know how I will get to the place I want to be, but I do know that I must keep on placing one foot in front of the other, dreaming of the day I’m able to share my space with all who are curious enough to show up and spend time with me.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

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