DEATH PLAY: The final frontier in Kinkland? Well… let’s break it down and look at exactly what’s going on here:
The Evil Queen toasts her conquered enemy, drinking the Kingdom’s finest wine in celebration…
When you were a kid did you ever play that you were in battle or war or stepped into the role of evil villain killer? Did you watch death scenes in romantic movies and marvel at the beauty of someone slipping out of consciousness, or cheer when the psycho killer in a horror flick got done-in in the final scene? Have you ever been attracted to the Vampire world – a universe created to play with the subject of death from so many different angles? Have you had near death experiences in your own life that ended up wiring things in new ways surrounding your relationship with the subject? Are you interested in ‘the unknown’ to a degree in which logical conclusion is your intellectual playground? DEATH PLAY and those who engage in it aren’t that much different from anyone else fantasizing about the taboo – they are just fantasizing about, perhaps literally, the ultimate one.
This taste of victory shall be unparalleled
A word from our common sense in this subject matter: The important word here is “Play”. As adults, we get to engage in sensations and fantasies, relive edgy emotions, and entertain fears just like kids do. As adults the sexual playground is natural fodder for many of these explorations, and as adults when we engage in edgy or sexual play we are expected to know the difference between legal and illegal activities, how to engage in safer edgeplay and the difference between that and sheer stupidity. We own all the responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Edgeplay does not require less consent, negotiation, checking in, and forethought, it requires MORE.
The spoils of war are sweet indeed. Intoxicating
When searching for information on the internet about Death Play or Necrophilia Play, it’s kind of hard to find information that is more on the reasonable/grounded side of the subject. Death is obviously a very loaded topic for many people, as is sexuality, and the combination can be downright explosive as a topic of conversation in mixed company. There are forums though, resources and groups devoted to this subject on sites like Fetlife and Dark Fetish Network. If you’re interested in learning more or want to find people who might share these darker fantasies, those are great places to set up an account and friend up.
What’s this, the wine poisoned?!
Lets take a moment for discussion of hard limits, legal concerns, and negotiations: Most forums you’re on that support, healthily converse about, or allow space for death play conversation/exploration/enjoyment are going to have a TOS/disclaimer to the effect of:
“Please keep in mind, that there is to be absolutely NO REAL-DEATH, UNDERAGE or PRIVATE content here… Remember that this site is all for fantasy, not real-death.”
~ excerpt taken from Dark Fetish Network’s front page
It IS important to point out the hard limits, the rules, and the boundaries that DO exist in Kinkland and in our own personal interests/disinterests during negotiation, because we’re dealing with, let’s face it, kinda scary stuff sometimes. When boundaries are clearly defined in scene negotiations, the people involved are able to let go and enjoy the play part of what they’re doing. They’re able to find trust with their partners and play more freely knowing they’re safe within whatever was said out loud and agreed to. This leaves people free to explore all the things they’d really like to do within those predefined limits. I know people who are able to indulge in many “scary” kinks safely with their partners who are game to indulge them (and perhaps share these same kinks) because they have negotiated the finer points of what is and is not ok to happen in a scene, and they trust one another to adhere to those limits. So, they are free to enjoy the physical sensations, psychological or emotional experiences, and connection in what might seem unconscionable conditions by an outsider who wonders where the limits might actually lie. When negotiating a death play scene, being able to say things like “actual death is a hard limit”, and “I don’t want anything to happen to me that would land me in a hospital” are valid boundaries and great ideas to reinforce by saying out loud. When negotiating a scene that doesn’t involve fetishizing death/dying/killing/torture, these words might seem obvious or overkill but they’re great reference points for playing out fantasies that actually address these scenarios directly.
Will no one help our Lady? Her strength fades fast…
So, what will you find on a Death Play forum? You’ll find a lot of things:
- People who think they are really messed up for having fantasies involving death or playing on the edge of death, and people looking for community, emotional support, and information concerning these things.
- People speaking about their fantasies very eloquently, sometimes disturbingly realistically, and often without the disclaimer that “what I’m saying is a fantasy not an actual experience”.
- Very open minded people who are able to talk about what turns them on, support and entertain what does it for others, and at the same time hold reason to light and remind everyone time to time that these are play-acting opportunities not realistic desires.
- People who are into the play aspects of “killing”, “being killed”, or enacting “play necrophilia”.
- People who are into kink skills that aren’t specific to death play, but in a way that applies to it such as: breath play, knife play, extreme rough body play, rope for hanging… The edges of play with these skills might be referred to differently within this context.
- Talk about depression, suicide, coming at the moment of biting the bullet, and other romantic/macabre notions.
- As in every forum there will be healthy, intelligent, sensible, fun and sexy people who approach their kink as safely and sanely as they can, and there are people who are unhealthy in their communication standards or questionable in their mental states, and there are all the players in between. IT IS ALWAYS UP TO YOU TO USE YOUR BEST JUDGMENT AND SAFETY PRACTICES when meeting someone, engaging in any way, or negotiating in risky behavior with a partner. This subject is certainly not at all an exception to that rule.
A bitter end for the woman who had it all, and used her wealth unkindly…
My Experiences with Death Play: I had a really fun time with this one (as you can see from the photos). I personally have not had death fantasies, and I was surprised at how easily and un-creepily I felt about engaging in that roleplay. The scenario I played with, and had photographed, was built off of one that I’d discussed with a friend who’s been into death play for a long time. My friend’s interest lies in the beauty, romanticism, and fantasy of the death/dying story, and then sexually in object worship – that molesting a body of the loved/worshiped deceased can be an act transforming corpse into idol.
While the scenario itself was a GGG (Good, Game, Giving) kind of exploration, what I found definitely did appeal to me was this: I enjoyed coming up with a character and story that would please my friend, and I really enjoyed playing my part to the teeth and having fun with the scenario. I enjoyed the objectification part of playing this role (objectification is something I already find to be a turn on). The scenario I played out for the camera was one that allowed me to perform, look great, feel great, and one I could easily enjoy in the aftermath with photos. If I had a sexual partner who was into death play I think having had this experience with the subject already, that negotiating specifics from other points of view could be fun.
Obviously, in this first exploration I selected a scenario that didn’t bother me, and I’m sure I could have been confronted with something that jibed much less with my comfort zone while entertaining someone else’s interest, but that’s why negotiation reigns supreme!
Final Thoughts? Take it step by step! Talk to your partners about fantasies. Some of them are things you’ll want to broach enacting, some are not. Usually getting used to a new idea – especially one that isn’t shared by all parties – takes time, research, consideration, a little bit of energy, and imagination. Know and advocate for your limits.
In my opinion, repression is what makes people crazy. Talking about our feelings and trying to meet one another in safer informed places where we can entertain our differences healthily is not. Negotiate on, my friends! Find your fun, and love one another the best ways you can find.
To Breath and Being,
~ Karin
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PS. The photographer who took the photos in this blog and I are putting together a couple posters or small booklet scenarios for purchase. Write me if you’re interested in buying prints of any of the photographs above or seeing the other photo scenarios we captured. I’ll let you know when we’re ready to go to print. Fill out the form below or on the Contact page of this site.
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~Thank you.
