Honoring the Scales

“What do you want to see in the world? …Be it.”

From “NO SHAME”. Photo by Jennifer Bennett

These words are easy. The struggle to their reality is complicated and difficult. The road forward is often infused with self-delusion, and checkpoints can be missed. Repairs must be made at regular intervals or because of accidents. Parts and service can be expensive. What tools do you have to stay securely on the road to your end destination? What have you been born with? What’s been given you by friends and family, or offered because you seem amiable to those who have the resources to share? Which tools can you afford to buy or how have you built up enough credit to purchase in advance?

We are not equal. That’s simply the truth of the structure we’re tangled within.

We aren’t born with and we’re not taught the same emotional skills or lessons in our lifetimes. Similar coping strategies are not available to each of us—nor even desired to be learned by some. We do not have the same information in our minds, capacity for struggle in our hearts, or strength of muscle and bone. We do not fight the same fights, nor choose the fray equally.

It’s paramount that we work with one another. That we share our resources—be they monetary, emotional, intelligence, perspective, charisma, spiritual, physical, shelter, mechanical, words, healing, teaching, space holding:

Access to food.

We live on a planet with abundance, enough for each of us to thrive. Working within the structures of human divisiveness, we learn to take from one mouth to feed another with lesser need. Gold is positioned on high, exalted, danced around in mass-observed ceremony. We dress our poor in rags and stench to serve as warning to us all: you’ll be this thing too, should you refuse to participate. We build walls. Hide the backstage messiness that reveals the antics of banking and loans when observed more closely—serving to pretty-up the faces of our charismatic caste until they’re able to cash in on their connections. Upward mobility is a fairy tale read each night to the masses, though it’s meant to come true for a very select few. Our dreams push millstones miles along… energy stolen.

When I tell you to pay me for my time and attention it is not a request. It is a fairness. That you appreciate my words, my world, my intelligence, and that I capacity to listen intently, offer advice, perspective, and care is the result of investments I’ve made over my entire lifetime.

He feels his sexuality should be served without giving back.

He’s not looking for love. He’s looking to get off. To use my mind, my skills, my body for endorphins and dopamine. This is not a problem for me (within the boundaries of my offerings) for a professional fee.

He feels his emotional and sensual needs should be listened to and resolved without giving back.

This is not food filling my stomach. Food offering me power to instruct, to carry out the desired sound beating, to give of my time and heart, to afford particular dress, to organize our fantasy negotiated, to gather toys with which to invade and sensitize the flesh, to learn proper technique and to carry forth safely. This is my overhead. The theatrics, showtime, and marketing efforts too, are my work.

I understand the need to save. Each dollar is a percentage of one’s lifetime, a moment struggled more than one wants. It’s part of our constructed fallacy, the divisive divide which keeps us apart. In a perfect universe we’re each serviced as we wish, everyone given opportunity to measured time with loved ones and the Deities, every delight we desire.

Negotiations are not [same = same] though, they do not wish to be. Feeding one’s any-gendered-erection is not what I was born to do, though I may have grown to excel at offering such things. My life, my skills, are my investment, and without food I expire too.

Listen to your neighbors. We aren’t meant for battle, though I know fear lies chokingly nearby. I may never firsthand understand your fantasies or your needs, but I will travel as far as I am able to, to embrace our differences, to let you know I wish you peace. Compatible and not compatible, we share molecules and breath. We effect each other. We orbit one another. In meaningful ways we owe each living thing our livelihood and our lives.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please visit my Patreon, offer one time Support or email me for other options. Thank you.

When Things go Wrong

Image by lumaxart

Image by lumaxart

First, I apologize for the late entry.  I’ve been away from internet.  In line with snafus though, on Tuesday I was supposed to perform at a venue at 9am and at 10am.  Unfortunately I am living in my van while on tour and the place we spent the night didn’t have any phone service or Wi-Fi I could hook into, so my phone (and therefore my phone alarm) died in the night while I was sleeping.  Luckily I woke up in time to scrabble together getting dressed and my butt on the road in enough time to (barely) save my second show from termination.  I called the venue on my way in letting them know we would be there in time to set up for the 10:00 show to go off as planned, but that we would have to cancel the 9:00.  I apologized and mentioned we had the afternoon free, so if they would be able to schedule a second show later in the day to make up for the cancelled one, we would be available for it.  Luckily they did have room in their schedule to make a later show work.  Luckily when we arrived at the venue everyone was lovely to work with, knew who we were, and weren’t snarky about the scheduling situation.  We performed two great shows, and at the end of the second show we were approached by the venue’s booking agent to see if we’d be back next year because they’d love to have us perform for them again…

This scenario was ideal for when the shit hits the fan.

The shit will always hit the fan.  You can be a grounded, prepared person who almost always has their stuff in order and so has to deal with the shit less frequently, but one is never as in charge of destiny as one thinks.  What ultimately matters is this:  when the shit does hit the fan, how do you deal with it?  Who are you in stressful situations that affect other people?

Take kink…  Say I had been in the middle of a scene and my partner hit me at a weird angle, or I moved at an inopportune time, or something got broken, or someone else got hurt, or or or…  How my play partner(s) and I respond to the situation will not only effect how we take care of the mistake in the moment, but it will greatly influence how we feel about one another in the long run.  Will this person be someone I continue to feel safe with, or has this moment defined for me a bunch of reasons I never want to play with them again.

Kink is no different than any other interpersonal arrangement, and the longer you’re with someone, the more mistakes you’ll celebrate making with them.  After you’ve healed from/gotten through/had some time to process the harm done, it’s a good idea to think about what you did to make the situation better or worse than it could have been.  Take some time to think critically (rather than judgmentally) about how your partner handled the situation with you.  Having a conversation about what was hard about the situation, what you were glad happened in response, and bringing up what parts were hard for you that you think could have gone smoother, are great ways to learn from what happened.  I highly recommend learning from mistakes – they’ll help you get better at fielding them when they happen, and better at not making the same mistakes again.

I’ve had my share of problems in scene, and whether the turmoil resulting was physical, mental, or emotional, I’ve always tried to get on the right side of it in the end.  Sometimes the right side of a problem is letting a friend or partner go off and do their own thing, sometimes it means just listening and being supportive, sometimes it means bringing someone to the hospital or apologizing profusely.  Humility and the willingness to go an extra mile to make everyone involved happier is how best to get back on your feet I’ve found.  Blaming and distancing yourself from responsibility tends to be more destructive than useful…  In the end, learning to fall is what gives us grace.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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~Thank you.

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