Mining for Maleness

Boys Book PhotoLately I have been looking for books on what it means to be male and live a holistic and sensitive life embracing one’s male identity.  I have found very little of use out there.  It seems most book stores are full of tips on being a gentleman or fishing and fighting in their Male Studies section (if they even have such a section)…  Recently suggested to me by friends have been the titles:

  • Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by William Pollack and Mary Pipher
  • The New Male Sexuality
  • The Joy of Sex
  • No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
  • Fire in the Belly by Sam Keene
  • Iron John by Robert Bly
  • www.MarkManson.net

At a used book store I found The Prince and the King: Healing of the Father-Son Wound by Michael Gurian, we’ll see how that one turns out, it’s an interesting take on masculinity at least…

I have been questing for these resources because of the relationship I am in with a cis-gendered male who has grown up with little support of his sensitive side, and has had little interest in the macho representation of masculinity he’s found pervasive in his communities.  I think it is important for people to be able to solidly understand cultural context for identity – both born and chosen – enough to build a strong personal point of view about the various components of who one is.  Without understanding context for “the rule”, it is hard to break from it, hard to critique it, and hard to embrace our innate personal differences in confident and healthy ways.

Let me know if you have any books, articles, or resources to add to the list. I’d love more input and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject too.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

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Be an ABCs contributor: Do you have a story or perspective to share about kink or would you like to promote a kinky event? Email Karin directly at: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site. Don’t know what to write about? Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently. Happy writing, and thanks!

Male Sexuality as it Pertains to Other Men

Photo by Victorrrmz

Photo by Victorrrmz

I am in need of help from people with a male perspective/experience who are willing to talk to me about their sexuality.

I am currently working on a project centered around the idea of men’s sexuality as it pertains to other men.  I am looking to collect stories, perspectives, and thoughts on the subject from as many sources as I can.

Please email me: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com
or comment below if you’re interested in helping or learning more and don’t mind sharing publicly. Here’s a little more about what I’m looking for:

It occurs to me that in the United States (and many other countries) boy people/people with a masculine perspective/body/gender/sex history are under a lot of different types of societal pressure when it comes to their understanding of self where it pertains to other men. I think our patriarchal reality perpetuates a lot of threatening and violent messages toward men on the subject of sexual interest or curiosity in other men.

The experience of male (identified or experienced) people who are attracted to, interested in, or curious about other men in any kind of sexual way are a subject of great interest to me, and one I would like to understand more fully. As a not-male person I would like to know better what that experience is like for the half of the population who does.

In the process of coming out to myself as some form of bisexual (I now identify as “sexual”) I hunted high and low for personal accounts of bisexuality, and I mostly found scientific writing which didn’t make me feel better about the emotional turmoil I was going through.  It did not suffice to better my understanding of my identity as I was feeling it for the period of time I was actively questioning, exploring, and coming to terms with who I might be and what that meant.  I got through that process with the support of a LOT of peers and a wonderful (mostly artistic) community…  I know men today who are going through this same questioning, and it has given me pause, made me curious about how that process might be different for guys.

So, people who know what I am talking about, I ask you to help me understand better.  Here’s what I am looking for from those who are interested in talking to me; please send me something relating to this list (it can be anything at all you think to be an interesting or personal perspective on the subject):

  • Coming out stories (regardless of whether you are straight, bisexual, curious, onmi, pan, gay… whatever), just stories about what coming out means or has meant to you.
  • Thoughts on the difference between your sexual orientation and your sexual behaviors (if there are any).
  • Thoughts or experiences about why men sometimes choose to be “on the DL” about their orientation or sexual behaviors, even with loved ones.
  • Links to your favorite erotica or porn or images (written, drawn, photographed, video… etc) that has to do with attraction to masculinity, or other men, or men and other genders.
  • Stories about various experiences you’ve had with people of various genders and how you feel it does or does not effect your orientation
  • Links or writing resources on whatever you might consider bisexual/queer/curious/etc sexiness
  • Stories of how your partner(s) have or have not helped you or supported you as you’ve come to terms with your desires/urges/interests/whathaveyou as you’ve looked at what those are.
  • Experiences you’ve had with other men and how that did or did not effect the way you look at your sexuality.
  • What you think the difference is between various sexualities and curiosities
  • Stories about questioning your sexuality that either end in you changing your feeling about your orientation or not.
  • Anything else this list makes you think of that I haven’t mentioned explicitly…

Thank you for your help, I look forward to reading as much as I can on the subject.  Please share resources and do feel free to write me if you are a non-male-identified person who also has thoughts on this subject.  I appreciate it all greatly.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Do you dave a story or perspective to share about kink or would you like to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

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