Feelings, Always Feelings…

"Head of Medusa" by Rubens

“Head of Medusa” by Rubens

There is a silent rage that eats me from the inside.
You can find her between the quiet moments sometimes.
Look for a flatness in my voice,
The unsmiling furrow of my brow.
Leaden silence wraps its blanket arms around me,
Tension fills my body, and I give it games to occupy the time,
Goals to keep it busy, an essay to write on how not to show its face in present company.
We keep to ourselves for a while.

You skitter, fail, fall in the quietness around us,
But this isn’t your legacy until you make it your own.
Be careful what you pick up in here,
Some items are alarmed.

Turn your attention to the bookshelves of my body language,
Study quietly the card catalog winding ’round my mouth and eyes,
Reference breath falling heavily out my nose,
Record data in exhales, mouth measured and formed for the task.

If reach out you must, let it be even pressure, the warm hug of palm on my forearm,
A full handprint firmly and unasking on my back.
Breathe with me when in doubt,
Notice the growing pain in your own chest when it rises and falls as mine.
Let me know you are simply here, no more.

There are things you cannot know;
I ask you to let my body be mine.
Approach me with a gift too enticing for decline… a little later.
I will again want the shining box of joy, understanding, support, and love you want to give –
Sensations that aren’t going to cling to my skin.
But for now be careful not to rattle my cage, I cannot find the calm I need to come back.

If you want me to be free,
Take your time;
Help me change my breath.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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~Thank you.

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