Ritual for Reconnection with the Loved Self

  • Gather many roses, wild flowers, or other plant entities from where you may. It matters not whether these flowers or assemblage of petals are bought or picked, gifted, or perhaps pieced together from the gathering of your potted babes. Remember even grass cuttings and fallen leaves are no less a part of what is born of and returns to our family-in-dirt. Maybe you select greenery with mythical, spiritual, and magickal meaning or specificity, you might choose for aesthetics, memory, personal connection, other inspired intentions, you might take what is on hand only, or piece together what intuitively feels right… there is no wrong course to take, but that you choose and that you acquire.
  • Candle(s). One or many.
  • A bowl of water and a clean cloth
  • If you gathered roses, I recommend that at least one of these roses smells heavily (rose for heart/pericardium-opening). If you choose other plant friends to play with consider anointing yourself with rose oil, or with a rosewater hydrosol with which you might spray scent around your space. Alternately, choose an oil scent, incense, or hydrosol, or other fragrant flowers, which calm your insides and deepen your breathing—a scent which feels warm and safe, like a home you want to spend time inside. Perhaps this scent reminds you of something wild and real, yet at the same time is gentle and loving…
  • Bring with you a particular item for which you feel a personally grounding affinity.

If you are the type to clear, sanctify, charge, or anoint your space in particular ways, do so as a part of this recipe. If you prefer to launch into these instructions solely, you may. Working with what you have and what feels right to you is at the root of this solo play. Even if this ritual is performed simply in your mind, you and what you have at hand are enough, and always will be.

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Make sure your environment is warm enough and protected enough to spend some time undiscovered and free from being called away. It should be a space where you can allow for disrobing and other personal intimacies.

Build a circle with the flowers and petals you’ve gathered. This space will be large enough to feel freedom within without sacrificing a clear sense of intimacy. Listen to your spirit’s sense of space today.

Place candles around the circle and your surrounding space aesthetically in ways that please you. Allow for inspiration and creativity. Find satisfaction in the final placement of everything. All candles nested in the border of the circle or outside may be lit as a part of your ritual setup. One candle is to be set inside your circle, unlit, next to a means for lighting it.

The bowl filled with water and your cloth shall be set inside the circle, gently.

If you are using oil or another scent aside from the flowers you’ve gathered, place this inside the circle as well, with appreciation.

Inside the circle place your grounding object while whispering a blessing.

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When all is right, you yourself may step inside.

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Sit or stand and settle your bones for a moment in this space
Appreciate this moment with yourself
Light your candle
Pause to speak some intentions, and continue onward…

The bowl and cloth are for washing your body head to toe, not avoiding any body parts, and not lingering on body parts either. Let this cleansing be neutral, without expectation, egalitarian, appreciative, and soft…

After washing, breathe the fragrance of your flowers in deeply, picking up a flower if you choose to, and letting the scent linger inside. Notice how it effects your internal world. Alternately, anoint yourself with scented oils at this moment, perfume the air, light incense… fully appreciate breathing this moment in.

Caress yourself all over, not avoiding any body parts, and not lingering too intently on any body parts. Take time to feel your own touch on each part of the body—even in your hands and fingers that are doing the caressing. Give each body part the time and attention it asks for. No goals. No expectations. Just listening.

After this full body caress turn your attention to the grounding object you have brought with you. Pick it up or let it sit a comfortable distance away, and use it as a visual focal point on which to meditate. Invest in this object an acknowledgement of your body as a part of what grounding can be too. Become friends in the realm of solidity.

Last, lay back and feel whole.
Connect with yourself
Connect with the items you are working with
Connect with the Circle you’ve made and what life it represents
Connect with what is beyond the circle—your space, your neighborhood, the larger community, the world, the universe, infinity…

When you’ve traveled as far as you can imagine going, come back home little by little, pass back through the layers of beyond, back into this space you occupy, this body you reside in. Here and now.

Thank your body by pressing each part of it and giving thanks.

Take a moment to breathe.

Extinguish your candle.

Break the circle, leaving with all you have found during this contemplation.

This space is yours and may be found at any time, inside.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

Curious Suitors are the Best Suitors

“I’ve been fantasizing about you”, a perfect stranger who’s hit me up on a dating app texts, “I want you to cum in my mouth…”
“Never happened before, I doubt that would happen”, I reply.
“Guaranteed!”, he answers back.
“Lol. I don’t cum for oral. Such a funny thing for people to expect…”

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As both a professional in the sex industry and as someone who often engages in sex within the gay community, I get told by a lot of cis men what sex is supposed to look like, feel like, and work out to be like. I have numerous fantasies thrown in my general direction, with the underlying assumption being that they’ll somehow “stick”. This behavior is usually accompanied by very few questions (if any) directed toward me about what I actually want or happen to enjoy.

What is this misogynous bullshit, you may find yourself asking?! I agree. Just because someone wants me to cum doesn’t make them a good person or even capable of fulfilling that goal. It doesn’t make them not a pushy dude. It doesn’t add up to treating me as a valued equal with individual desires and needs. I don’t get turned on by inconsiderate people, pushy dudes, or suitors who don’t treat me as equal and uniquely individual.

The fact is everyone is different. What we’ve been taught about sex in this society is extremely limited and represents the tip of a very large and majorly invisible iceberg. I find scenarios like the one above both fitting and ironic. Fitting because most people aren’t taught enough about sex to understand how different it can be for others. Ironic because I’m in the sex industry pretty much specifically because sex enacted in most of the “normal” ways is: at best hard for me; at worst dehumanizing or emotionally traumatic; and on average dull, painful, or less than exciting rather than pleasurable. My fantasies have nothing to do with cumming in someone’s mouth. I’m definitely not against it, I just don’t believe it would come to physically manifest, so it seems like a really boring and stressful thing to negotiate, especially considering sexy times would ideally be a pleasurable event.

To delve more deeply into what I’m talking about, let’s start here: it’s very hard to make me cum. It takes a long time. It takes a lot of stimulation performed in just the right way. It often takes being under the influence of something which helps get me out of my hyper-vigilant head, and places me more deeply into my body. It takes emotional, physical, and psychological trust in my play partner(s). Inviting an absolute stranger over to perform cunnilingus on me, with that person assuming they’ll get me to cum (much less experience pleasure at all), is definitely not a scenario I’m going to negotiate if I’d like to have a great time in the sack with someone I barely know.

Here’s another thing to know about this:
I’m not abnormal.

I know tons of people across sex and gender spectrums who function similarly to me. Having a hard time coming to orgasm, not being able to achieve orgasm at all with a partner, or only being able to orgasm in specific positions, by using particular toys, or from within certain emotional or mental spaces are all common sexual experiences. Just because sex and orgasm might be easy for you to achieve does not mean it’s easy for the people you find attractive. There’s so much shame, disappointment, and fear around sex in our culture, it’s really important to understand this reality and create space for other people and their experiences and needs to shine as brightly as your own, when approaching others for a hook-up. Just because you fantasize about what feels good to your body, or things you’d like to do to someone else’s body, doesn’t mean those things are pleasurable (or even interesting) to that other person.

For me, what great sex looks like is what we generally sweep under the rug in the name of “foreplay”. I LOVE spending hours getting freaky and exponentially turned on by way of relaxation, trust, playfulness, and tease. I absolutely love to cum(!) and I usually end up using my vibrator in combination with various other body parts from my intimate friends in order to get there. I can count on one hand how many times in my life I’ve had an orgasm which was “hands free” (meaning my hands were not making an orgasm happen with the use of my vibrator). Of those few orgasms, only one of them didn’t involve my vibrator at all. Every single one of those orgasms involved me being under the influence of marijuana.

I am not broken. This reality is not uncommon.

Just because you fantasize about a scenario with a particular person doesn’t mean the person you’re fantasizing about has the ability to—or even the interest in—engaging in that fantasy. Connection with other people is just that: the bringing together of individual intrigues and talents in order to experience the specific alchemy that can be expected from the intrigues and talents of those particular autonomous individuals. One single person cannot make partnered sex good. Participation (in some manner) by that other person is required. Pleasurable partnered sex means that more than one person’s needs, interests, body, and desires must be taken into account. Not all good sex looks or feels the same—as anyone who’s had more than one sex partner should know.

So, how do we cultivate better communication around sex and negotiation so we can all have a great time? How do we share our fantasies with people who are the object of our intrigue in ways that might attract them to us rather than repel? Let’s even dare to ask: how do we get our personal fantasies fulfilled without regard to someone else’s interests (if that’s what we truly desire from a tryst)?

  • Get better at thinking about and talking about sex in detail. Learn to talk about it, think about it, and ask about it very specifically, even graphically.
  • Learn to ask questions and be curious about other people’s experiences and sexual preferences.
  • Learn to view your fantasies as your own and not confuse them as anyone else’s.
  • Be curious about what gets a person (who isn’t you) off.
  • Consider whether the things a potential mate shares with you about their interests and body are things you’re interested in engaging with or not.
  • Be honest about whether or not you’re looking to please others. If you’re in the sex game simply for your own agenda to be met, be honest and upfront about that. Some people are pleasers. Probably someone will be into your ideas.
  • Know your own boundaries, and respect other people’s stated (and non-verbally communicated) boundaries.
  • When someone says “no”, voices disinterest, or suggests they’re not into your fantasy, DON’T DOUBLE DOWN ON IT.
  • If you’re only after getting your own fantasy fulfilled, have the grace to thank the person who doesn’t share your agenda for their time, wish them well, and move along to the next person to find out whether they share your enthusiasm for the activity you’re trying to negotiate.
  • Don’t try to convince anyone that they’ll “love it” if they just let you do what you want… (I mean that sounds rather rapey, doesn’t it?)

Everyone involved will be much happier in the long run. When you have these communication and negotiation skills down, you’ll probably get laid more often, and more people will experience pleasure in the laying. The reward for better vetting and negotiation practices is improved quality in your sex life! 

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

Decadence for Dreamers

I offer my vision for the week: A kinky high protocol multi-course dinner between friends…

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Aperitifs and Hors d’Oeuvres are served as people arrive

Aperitif Options:

  1. Absinthe is served traditionally at a Fountain with Water (not prepared with sugar*)
  2. Gin, Grapefruit Seltzer, Bitters, garnished with a Bitter Candied Orange Slice, and offered with drama by lifting a glass cloche, under which a Rosemary Sprig has been set afire trapping Smoke within
  3. A Mocktail is made similarly to the drink above by using Blackberry Vinegar in Lieu of Gin
  4. Coffee & Tea Service (Milks may be offered upon request*)

*sweetener is not offered pre-dinner, as the purpose of aperitifs is to stimulate the digestive process utilizing bitter drink. Sweetness suppresses the appetite.

Hors d’Oeuvres: “Friends & Strangers.” One perfectly peeled Large Grape, presented in a Chinese spoon atop Grape Peel Fragments and Dried Citrus Peel Spirals strewn about the small ladle artfully. Reishi Powder, Thyme Powder, and Gold Leaf decorate the grape itself. A long skewer (2 feet in length, minimum) pierces the grape. One must offer the skewer’s end to a friend in order to enjoy this hors d’oeuvre. The bitter crumbs in the spoon are also to be eaten.

At the appropriate moment our Host moves us to the dining table

Soup Course: “Soup from a Stone, fancy that.” A bowl of steaming Hot Water is presented with a Stone in the center bottom. Surrounding the bowl are a number of test tubes and smaller measuring bowls containing various ingredients: thin Shallot and Scallion Slices; Pearls of Baked Pumpkin or Squash; Grilled Red Pepper Diced into small cubes; Water Chestnut Coins; a very Hot Spicy Oil; a Chiffonade of Spinach, Seaweed, and Parsley Leaves; Nettle Gomachio. The stone is removed from the soup after tasting for flavor, but before eating. [Wine & Water Service]

Bread Course: “We are the experience of Earth which we consume.” One large (2 inch cube), toasted, well Herbed Crouton. Three Dipping Sauces are smeared on the plate to the South, West, and North. The sauces are inspired by the directions, correlating to Wind, Fire, and Water. [Wine & Water Service]

Main Course: “There are secrets hidden where you smell the soil moist.” Crisp Mushroom Ribbons: Freshly foraged mushrooms are cut into impossibly fine strips and quickly seared, arranged on the plate to create a triangular mound resembling a glorious bush. Garnish joyfully with small brightly colored edible flowers. This preparation rests atop a well marinated (sweet and hot), seared tofu steak crusted with cashews, pecans, and pink peppercorns. A moat of Sweet Garlicky Mushroom Broth Reduction encircles the masterpiece. Using fingers and licking the plate is highly encouraged. [Wine & Water Service]

Salad Course: “Courtship.” Basil Leaves are wrapped around individual Grape Tomatoes, Radish Rosettes, striped Cucumber Wedges, and floral arrangements of assorted raw Bean Sprouts, each leaf is pinned in place with a pick. A pyramid of Pungent Cashew Cheese rests on the plate as well, with an Herbed Lemony Balsamic & EVOO dressing Pollacked about, sparsely sprinkled with a scattering of Rock Salt and Capers. [Water Service*]

* No wine is offered during this course. One purpose of a salad course after main is to offer acid to the stomach. The competing flavor of vinegar from wine fermentation is subtracted from this course to allow the salad’s dressing to shine.

After this course the table is cleared and crumbed for dessert.

Dessert Course: “Incentive to Live.”

  1. The server presents each guest with a glass of Dessert Wine, (or Non-Alcoholic Dessert Drink alternative), and a tray arranged with a number of high quality Dark Chocolate Pastilles textured with Cacao Nibs and Cacao Dirt. Alongside the pastilles are a few paper parcels rolled up & marked with pencil promoting the various Herbed Sugars and Tasting Powders inside, as is a small bowl of warm Drinking Chocolate.
  2. The server pulls the guests’ seats back an adequate distance from the table. Each server then pulls a string, allowing their apron to fall to the floor, revealing themselves more fully. The server moves to the front of their guest, and takes a comfortable position between the guest and dining table.
  3. Each server asks permission to blindfold their guest, proceeding to do so as granted.
  4. The server feeds their guest dessert, employing playfulness, good communication skills, and engaging in proper negotiation due to any instruction or requests. There must be one server for each guest at the table for this course to be properly enjoyed. [Dessert Wine & Water Service]

Rose Scented finger bowls are offered following this course

Fruit Course: “Hooked.” A Fishing Line is hung just above the hight of the guests’ heads, centered down the table. Hanging from this fishing line are various Exotic Semi-Dried Fruits (sturdy enough to hang on the line, though soft and chewy enough to easily bite). One must stand to eat. No hands. Fruit should be spaced so that it offers a playful intimacy to bite from the line at the same time as a guest nearby.

We leave the table for nightcaps and further entertainment…

After Dinner Drink Options:

  1. Scotch (prepared with water or ice)
  2. Grand Mariner
  3. Coffee & Chai Service
  4. Mint & Herb Blossom Water

Snacks: Bowls of Dried Fruit, Nuts, & Chocolate are set about

At this point we should be fully capable of entertaining ourselves…

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I hope you enjoy! Hire me and give me a budget! I adore producing events such as these.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

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