Choosing Between Loves

My favorite comment about this photo was “Dr. Suess after dark”. I think that’s a pretty fitting description of my oeuvre… Mardi Gras 2018

This past year I have been going rounds back and forth trying to figure out what I should be focusing on in my life. Art or Kink? My ultimate answer is “both”, though anyone who hustles for a living knows that more than one career in the works makes it hard to streamline a business plan, and you feel as though you’re doing more work for multiple endeavors than you can fully utilize when focusing in one solitary direction. My interests and skills are diverse, as are my passions, and so I pursue multiple endeavors hoping to find wholeness and peace in time. Puzzling through how to improve my life on a severe budget with a workaholic’s workload is what keeps me… a workaholic.

I’ve recently settled into a housing situation which demands I make a larger amount of income than I’ve needed to make in a long time. My Patreon campaign which helps pay me to write this blog and invest in all of my artistic work is a large portion of my income, I also teach and Pro Dom sessions with people around BDSM skills, I teach artistic skills and identity explorations, I perform in shows, and I get hired to Direct, Produce, house/petsit, and as many other odd jobs as I can handle to pay my bills on time. To make ends meet in ways I am passionate about, I must constantly be on the hustle. I spend a great amount of time booking, networking, following up on dead ends, applying to opportunities I won’t get, researching where the money is and trying to find situations that I fit into which pay. I spend a lot of time reading, researching, organizing, developing programs for new clients’ specific needs. I dream, plan, create, draw, build, feed, and fantasize. There are too many things on my plate and they all look good. It feels overwhelming. I must start somewhere.

Recently I had two gigs back to back, the first was a kink training session, and the second was a ballet class. I was so happy over those couple days! For the BDSM gig I dressed as a strict school teacher, cane in hand. For the dance class I dressed as a ballet teacher: ballet pink tights, black leotard, bun, and ballet shoes (I could have carried a cane but decided I didn’t need to). During each class I spend time critiquing my client’s physical form, I led each student through a set of physical exercises repetitively, critiquing details (being a perfectionist pain in the ass), I assigned homework, and I sent both students home sore. After each class I felt full in my body, mind, and heart, and I had connected well with both students. Each are embarking on a development program with certains goals they’ve asked me for help achieving. Each student showed advancement between the beginning of our class and the end. I feel hopeful and excited about the journey each student is on.

The universe does not seem to be asking me to choose. I love this. It feels good to continue to be put through my paces as a trained artist through performing, creating new art pieces, and teaching, and it feels good to have an opportunity to work with more and more kinksters as a Dominant and skills coach.

What do I want to do ultimately? Well, that’s hard to say specifically, but the ideas I’m juggling right now are these:

  • Approach Brown University and ask about working on my Masters or Doctorate in Sexology coupled with Theater and Direction. For my thesis I would rewrite and expand on my solo show which delves into and explores sexuality and identity, No Shame.
  • Figure out some way to fund getting a Sexology Degree online so that I can expand what I teach and how I offer BDSM classes and counseling
  • Find a piercing studio to apprentice with and deepen my understanding of human anatomy, piercing technique, and handling the body for ritualistic and pain processing purposes
  • Tour the country with other Kinky Professionals and a Documentarian in a BDSMmobile teaching and exploring various communities around the country
  • Move to Paris and continue to do all the things I’m doing now, but in French…

Obviously all of these choices require fundraising. This is a consideration in everything I do creatively, especially in how fast I feel able to move forward with my plans. A lot of my life is spent feeling held back. My hope is that these current baby steps of momentum in my new city continue to build, and that in a year I’ll feel solidly engaged within all of my career paths. Specifically I want to be engaged and have more reliable free time to move and build socially and artistically. Thank you for reading, and if you or your wealthy friends like to support sex and kink positive artists please contact me about how, or check out the support links throughout my blog.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

Pleasure is Little Things

Pleasure is not a huge feeling

Shaking the walls and gold-encrusted ceiling of a beautiful atrocity

But small reminders that everything is well

An eager wet tongue, heavy through the leather of my booted foot

Perfectly heated water in my bath

Thorough cleaning: fresh, open, and free

Perfectly made coffee or tea

Flowers arranged artistically

Witnessing a loved one dressed in their private clothing — the articles they let others see when they’re safe and happy

Tamlin purring on my chest

Warm full lips sucking on my growing clit, unflicked

Being told when I’m allowed to come

The words, “Yes, Sir” smiling in my ear

New experiences

Pervercity

To be offered that which causes me no strain nor second guesses to accept

Pleasure and freedom are wrapped in an honest day

Of details

 

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

Stepping Up and Stepping Down: Let’s Dance

Will we put our money where our mouth is?

We are living within a new articulation of social dynamics as they pertain to sexual agency and community positions. This affects more than sexual politics too. Change is hard. The #metoo conversation has started and it is not even remotely close to over. One of the more interesting conversations circling communities that like to think of themselves as progressive, is the “people of privilege should step down and let underprivileged people start serving the community and working at higher visibility/more responsibility/better paying positions” one. Obviously there is a lot of lashback from the (mostly privileged) status quo, but there is also conversation around the idea, which I think is great. Recently I read an article on Fetlife which was not disagreeing with this position, but was basically saying “if we ask people to step down, or if there are positions to be filled (especially as a result of an abuse of power), then underprivileged people need to step up”. The article’s author then sited his experience trying to fill a role on a local committee where no women, transpeople, or POC applied. His point seemed to be “why should I relinquish power if there’s no interest from someone with less privilege to take on the position I’m relinquishing?”. I’d like to examine the meat between these ideas. Yes to both of them (privileged people should step down, and underprivileged people should step up)! Let’s figure out how we do these things effectively though, by looking at what brought about this gap in action:

First, it’s important to understand the power structure that has left minority people behind in the first place, and how that influences underprivileged people’s interest and ability to step up when a leadership role is passively open for the taking. I’m speaking of socialization and business grooming practices. Consider this: White cis men in power, men, white people, cis people, straight people, able-bodied people, people with financial privilege, and other people with privileges who are in power currently, should be actively on the lookout for people without those shared privileges and directly ask them to become involved.

Why, you may ask? Most people who are minorities, especially people who have multiple minority realities in their lived experiences have never (or have rarely) been seeked out or directly asked to contribute to communities other than their own minority ones by fulfilling leadership roles. When there’s a space to fill in a community which is historically headed by people with privilege, there is frequently not an instinctual “Oh, I should go for it, I bet I’d get hired” bell which rings for the underprivileged person with interest. This is effective socialization and there are facts and figures about how that socialization works to keep “like people” in power over time and effectively separate those with differences out of the advancement equation. If that bell does ring though, it is often immediately accompanied with a “but I’m probably not qualified”, or “will I be the only ____ on the committee, how will that feel, how much education/energy/argument with my own board will I have to engage in to feel like it’s a safe and progressive space to send my attention and time into or associate my name with?”, or “I’d love to, but it doesn’t pay and I don’t make enough money to spend a ton of my time volunteering for something right now”, or any number of things which speak to the fact that most minority people are not directly supported or groomed throughout their lives within mainstream (or even underground privileged-people-running-the-show) communities to step up. Often minority people enter various community spaces feeling somewhat isolated, feeling “other”, feeling less powerful, feeling unheard, making constant accomodations for various levels of ignorance or outright bigotry they find themselves surrounded by, etc. It does actually take more energy for a person without certain privileges to hang out for any length of time in a room full of people with privilege than the other way around. I speak from the perspective of someone who has some privileges and not others. I have been the privileged person amongst others with similar privileges in many rooms, and I have been the minority person surrounded by people who didn’t understand what it was like to constantly deflect conversations, read and evaluate body language, check my safety situation, educate instead of freely converse, decipher whether or not it was safe to be out about certain conversational topics or should I remain quiet about my reality (if that was even an option)… The list goes on. It is tiring. It is hard. It is a skillbuilding opportunity. It doesn’t make me feel as though I should make my way to the head of the room and start speaking out.

In the performance art world I frequently hear people with privilege echo this same perspective: I want more ___ people at my event, why aren’t they showing up in droves?!

As a producer, director, and teacher the only answer I have is this: You haven’t literally gone to ___ spaces and let ___ people know they are a valued asset in your space. You haven’t directly gone out of your way looking to hire ___ people, or actually hired ___ people if you had a chance to. You haven’t made sure to smile at or approach ___ people when they did come to your events and make certain they felt seen, welcome, heard, valued, and safe. These are actual actions you can take to help ___ people want to be in your space. Once ___ people want to be in your space they often bring their ___ friends.

I understand that this may sound like unreasonable work to do — after all people are submitting themselves to your ad for leadership already (privileged people mostly or entirely) — so why should you have to seek out people who aren’t just applying like all those privileged folks are? Please consider that when you are one of the few ___ people in a room, the chances that you feel freely welcome to take over that room (should an opportunity arise), is much less taken for granted and is actually more personally and sense-of-communally complicated for the ___ person than for the person with privilege(s). Therefore attention to those truths is a part of this conversation.

I absolutely vote for ___ people stepping up. I also think it’s important for ___ people to be directly cultivated and warmly invited by the current privileged powers-that-be to step up when the time comes. This is how we much more quickly approach balance and do something actively to disintegrate and restructure a cis white heteronormative patriarchal hierarchy (cough *pyramid scheme* cough) which currently serves no one wholistically in reality, but we’re so used to moving within it, has started to feel like the air we breathe or the matter the universe is made up of.

I would love to be groomed for greatness and community service at an organizing level personally. I also have no idea how I would begin to feel safe, listened to, and as though people were interested enough in my thoughts for me to put my hat in most rings when I do see an ad up. Being asked by someone well respected and already involved in the power structure of that community would do a lot towards bridging that gap. These are real world complexities to consider.

In a conversation about community balancing itself through thoughtful action based in behavior modification, it’s hard to feel as a though someone who is comfortable in their position must “give up” something they value. I think of it like this: in a family when you notice someone not participating to the level they are capable of for whatever reason, you can act as a family participant and help them find their niche even if it means inviting them to do some of the jobs you enjoy doing. You don’t go on whining about how you’re both basically the same (the “we’re all human” tantrum) so that you can staunchly keep doing whatever you want to do and not contribute to the balancing of family industry. We must work together to shift the burden of a system we’ve taken for granted for too long, and change it into something which benefits us all.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

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