I will not do my part to reinforce a sexually repressive nor sensually harmful society. It is not an egalitarian (nor feminist, womanist, anti-racist, anti-ableist, anti-classist) view of the world that our bodies — any of them — should be treated, taught to be thought of, nor enslaved within a paradigm of shame. ~Creature Karin Webb

I am a professional Dominant. I am also someone who has searched for a sugar relationship (Sugar Daddy/Sugar Mommy) from time to time, I’m a longtime sex educator, and I’ve flirted with various other forms of work defined under the beautiful Red Umbrella. You probably know that each of the terms I just used references different vocations, yet how different and how similar are they? Every now and then while chatting with a potential client they’ll dislike something I say and act out about it. It usually happens when I hold my boundaries and they don’t line up with that person’s fantasies, and so in Aesop’s sense of the phrase they go all sour grapes on me — frequently punctuating their distain with a piggy-squeal attempt at derogatory insult hurled in my general direction such as, “Whatever, I don’t date escorts”, or, “if I wanted an escort I’d date a stripper”, or, “I don’t pay to get my cock wet, whore.”

I don’t really get heated by these outbursts anymore (regardless of how obnoxious and annoying they are), I generally laugh at the complete ignorance contained within their utterance, and then smile at the fact that we’ve successfully vetted out yet another anger-issue burdened, entitled bro from the herd — absolutely not my client demographic. Sometimes I’ll make an effort to educate the lad before I block him (yes, it’s always, every single time, a him). Recently a guy was chatting me up about being a sugar daddy and he got pissy when I said I wouldn’t get involved with him completely on his terms for free (aka send him a bunch of nudes and video just because he rudely and inappropriately demanded them from me about 10 messages into our first ever conversation). His first retort was “sugar babies are just girls who want to be paid for doing nothing”, and when I explained what a sugar baby was he bounced back with “I’m not looking for an escort.” Following was my response, and the inspiration for this article:

Being a sugar baby is very different than escort work — no slight to escorts, they’re awesome. Escorts are event based. Sugar is ongoing-relationship based, and often puts someone on allowance. Full Service Sex Workers (FSSW) are hourly or activity based. Strippers are club based. Doms are BDSM session based (which I actually do professionally). Porn is film based. Wives are marriage based (historically and still quite presently today)… Sex work is as old as time and it’s the only honest way that our patriarchal society levels the playing field in response to the financial and social disadvantages it puts on women and minorities.

If you’re cheap or don’t want to look at the wage gap between you and your partner, that’s your damage. I make less than 15,000 a year. I’m clear about what I put my time and energy into — the things I care about, and the people who value my time and attention. You are obviously not one of those, so bye. Good luck finding what you’re looking for. I hope your perspective grows and changes over time. Xx

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This article endeavors to help define what different types of sex workers actually do. That said, being a sex worker of any type is an extremely personal profession, and no two sex workers are going to have exactly the same skills, offerings, boundaries, or ways of working. This article is meant to give a general sense of what these words usually refer to, especially within the context of a society which so brutally represses sexuality, consensual sex work, women, and minorities while at the same time financially rewarding those with more social privilege while also instilling a sense of entitlement over women’s and minority people’s bodies. It’s my belief that capitalism and sex work go hand in hand like the yin and yang. Without capitalism (and so systemic sexual repression to keep a particular hierarchy of power in place) there would be no need for sex workers (I’ll write an article expanding on this purview sometime). In the meantime, let’s chat sex jobs!

What is and what is not sex work? In light of Fosta/Sesta and the breakdown of the USA’s functional ability to properly or safely converse about and connect on the subject of sex work online, it’s an important moment to continue public discourse on the subject and contribute to visibility rather than erasure of this human reality. Knowing the difference between “sex work” and “sex trafficking” is an important and essential understanding for anyone who might become involved in any aspect of either. So, let’s start by defining those terms first:

• Sex Trafficking: Sex trafficking is not sex work. Sex Trafficking is abuse and absolutely a serious human rights issue. It defines 100% of exchanges which provide trade, profit, fraud, or money for underage sexual activity. It also defines any exchange where someone is coerced, forced, threatened, held hostage, defrauded, or is non-consenting to provide any type of sexual activity for trade, profit, or money. It is illegal. It should be. It’s a serious global problem with victims and perpetrators anywhere and everywhere around the world. It is not always easy to recognize. There’s a good website, www.StopTheTraffick.org, which can educate you further on sex trafficking, how to recognize it, and what to do when you come across it.
• Consensual Sex Work (aka “Sex Work”): Consensual sex work is the negotiation of sexual or sensual activities between consenting adults for money, trade, or profit. Consensual sex work is the true meaning of the term “sex work”. If certain acts are not agreed upon during negotiation of sex work, yet come to pass non-consensually against a sex worker, it is still rape, and it is still illegal. Sex work takes many forms, and any given form of sex work does not categorically guarantee a specific sexual or sensual act will be provided. Sex workers decide individually what skills they are interested in sharing with clients, what boundaries they have, for what price range they will be compensated at, and who they are willing to work with, unless they work for a third party who sets these expectations. Sex workers maintain the right to work or not work for a third party (person or business entity), and if they cannot exercise the right to leave work or refuse service to a client, they are not involved in sex work, but being trafficked.
• Survival Sex Work: There is a kind of grey area in the world of sex work which reflects the reality that some people are willing to do sex work for their survival, but it’s not necessarily something they would do otherwise. It can be an every now and then thing to put food on the table or to make rent, or it can be work that someone finds their way into and eventually feels trapped by or unable to switch out of. Even though a survival sex worker may not find their work to be abusive, coercive, or they wouldn’t define what they’re doing as a form of trafficking, they’re often not engaging in sex work as an “enthusiastic yes”. Survival sex workers are usually people who come from poverty, and are frequently marginalized people who feel (or have experienced) that they can’t get hired into a different well paying job or career.

The following list includes sex worker and sex worker-adjacent jobs. The definition of what “sex” is varies from person to person, and there is no federal definition of such. You may or may not agree with my definitions, and that’s fine. You might think I’ve defined professions which shouldn’t be included under the umbrella of sex work, or that I’ve left off things that should. That’s entirely okay. This list is not meant to be a definitive list of what does and does not belong in discussions of sex work. My hope is that it represents a solid jumping off point for many varied complex conversations on the subject. Thank you for reading.

• Cammers: webcam models and actors are people who perform sexuality on camera, usually to be live-streamed through a website for paying (and often also nonpaying) consumers. The hosting website takes a percentage or fee from whatever “tips” are earned by the the cammer during their session. Tips can come from random people who are watching that cammer’s “room”, from playing “games” with the cammer (ex: tip to roll the dice, tip to spin the wheel, etc), from tip-per-minute private room sessions with the cammer, or any other number of creative online flirtations.
• Dom(me)s, (Professional): professional Dominants (Doms/Dommes) are people who offer BDSM play sessions in exchange for “tribute” usually. Sessions can be hosted at a professional dungeon, home dungeon, hotel, etc. Sometimes pro Doms are self employed, and sometimes they work for hire at a public or private dungeon. Professional Dom/mes generally do not offer “sexual services” in accordance with their state’s solicitation law definitions.
• Erotic Massage Providers: utilize any number of massage modalities in service to their clients, which may or may not include the famous “happy ending”. Erotic massage providers usually do not shy away from contact with the client’s “private parts” during massage, including breast massage, buttocks, and genital massage. Legally, state or federally licensed massage therapists may not receive money for erotic massage work without losing their licenses and/or being fired by their company if found out. Some erotic massage providers may provide prostate massage, yoni massage, tantric practice during massage, happy endings, etc, while some providers limit their erotic touch to external stimulation.
• Escorts: are people who are hired for a certain amount of time to be a companion to their clients. The work might include being a dinner date, attending a public function, spending time doing a particular activity together, etc. Whether or not the escort engages in sexual acts with their client during that time is up for negotiation between the two of them.
• Full Service Sex Workers (FSSW): is the non-slur way of saying what people mean when they use the term “prostitute”. FSSWs are usually for hire by the hour or by the sex act. For a rather lengthy period of time leading up to 2009 in the state of Rhode Island, full service sex work which was negotiated “indoors” (off the street) was decriminalized due to a loophole in the writing of Rhode Island’s solicitation laws. When that loophole was closed, research data showed that for the period of time sex work was decriminalized: cases of gonorrhea in females went down by about 40% statewide, and rape cases reported across the state were down about 30%. Great arguments for decriminalization of sex work, wouldn’t you say?!
• Marriage and Domestic Partnerships: marriage and domestic partnerships are painted to be the ultimate form of romantic love in our society. Historically though, and contemporarily, people still find themselves exchanging sexual favors for security within the bonds of matrimony. It’s built into the patriarchal organization of our civilization. When one sex of people categorically makes more money than the others, I can’t see how the exchange of spousal duties (sex acts) for a place to live, food to eat, healthcare, etc… is any different than any other form of sex work. Unfortunately some people in this role may be more prone to emotional, psychological, and physical violence over time due to the legal sanctioning of their agreements. It’s much harder to divorce an abusive partner and banish them from your life than it is to get a restraining order for a problematic client — especially once you have children together.
• Models, (Fetish & Adult): this category includes people who model for photos, film, or perform on stage providing content which is nude, fetish oriented, or otherwise adult in nature. Models often make income by being hired for a photoshoot, a short video clip, a club event, or stage performance. Many models also create their own content and sell it online to paying customers, or receive commissions to create specific content for an individual client.
• Phone Sex Operators: talk sexy on the phone and usually charge by the minute. They can work for themselves or a larger phone sex operator company. They usually only receive a percentage of the money charged to their client, while their employment agency takes the rest. Phone sex operators sometimes also text these days. Depending on the company they work for, they may have the option to provide photos and short videos through text, or book private video chats for clients in search of personalized connection and entertainment.
• Porn Stars: are actors who perform various sex, BDSM, and sensual acts on film. Like the  non-porn film industry there’s a wide range of film styles and professionalism represented in the final product — from local amateur video to big budget and widely distributed work. Porn actors are usually paid a daily or hourly fee or stipend to perform in a film, or might be paid a percentage of the film’s profit over time. The porn industry has its own adult entertainment awards hosted by AVN (Adult Video News) much like the Oscars. Smaller independent sex shops around the country sometimes host local amateur adult film festivals — there could even be one in your area!
• Sex Coaches: help people with a wide variety of issues concerning sex, relationships, identity, and intimacy. There are programs that certify sex coaches, though there is no regulation of sex coaching, so anyone with experience and interest can find clients and work as one. Most sex coaches will have a specific area of expertise that they focus on. Sex coaches usually utilize a “talk therapy” model while working with clients, and may assign homework for their clients to explore outside of session.
• Sex Educators: cover a wide range of activities such as giving age appropriate school presentations, providing curriculum writing on sexuality education, sexuality themed column writing (or blogging), sex toy party teaching, working outreach for companies such as Planned Parenthood, teaching classes and workshops at the local independent sex store… Sexuality educators generally build a career around teaching, answering questions about, and sometimes demonstrating information surrounding sexuality, sexual identity, BDSM, sex and gender issues, sexual orientation — the field of human sexuality. You can be certified as a sexuality educator through ASSECT, though not every sexuality education position requires that you obtain this.
• Sex Surrogates: are people who provide a variety of intimacy and sexual services to a client while working in tandem with a licensed sex therapist. You can get certified to do this work though not all sex surrogates do. The idea behind utilization of a sex surrogate’s skills is that some people, prescribed within their therapy, may want to have real life sexual or intimacy experiences in order to help their emotional, sexual, psychological, or physical growth and well being. In these cases a therapist will bring a sex surrogate on board to consult with their client. All three people work together to execute a program which the client and therapist decide will be helpful within the client’s therapy. The client and therapist have regular therapy sessions ongoing throughout the length of this process, the therapist and surrogate define a plan of action together to address the client’s intimacy and sexual needs, the surrogate and client have a number of sessions or “dates” where they practically work through whatever intimacy or sexual issues have been targeted within the plan, and the surrogate and therapist check back in about the client’s progress after each surrogacy session.
• Sex Therapists: are professional therapists licensed by the state who have taken additional (and ongoing) credits within the field of human sexuality in order to specialize in areas pertaining to sexuality. Sex therapists are just like every other therapist in the types of therapy they may offer, but their specialization will be in topics concerning sex, relationships, and sexual identity. Sex Therapists may decide they would like to work with sex surrogates or not when appropriate, and may offer referrals to sex workers when they deem it appropriate to a client’s health or needs.
• Strippers: are dancers in strip clubs who may also work privately or for hire at private parties and events. Strippers generally dance and remove clothing in a sensual and sexy manner for tips. Strippers usually work for a strip club and they often pay a house fee or percentage of their earnings to the house to dance on any particular shift. They may also be expected to tip out the DJ, bar staff, security detail, house mother, or other club workers after their shift. Strippers generally perform on a club stage, in VIP rooms, and in private booths. Lap dances can be bought by individuals and couples by the song or by the minute. Cities (and then clubs) set the rules and regulations concerning the age of dancers, what parts of the body must always be covered (or don’t have to be), work fees, and any other number of specifications about what a stripper is allowed and not allowed to do during work. The movement to unionize strippers is important — even earlier this year there were organized stripper strikes in response to NYC clubs which were enacting racist hiring and scheduling practices, promoting “instagram girls” as bartenders and floor models, and robbing hard working strippers of their tips in plethora ways.
• Sugar Babies: are the people who find “arrangements” with Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies. The general expectation is that there will be an ongoing relationship between “babies” and their “Sugar” which honors the sugar baby’s time and attention financially. Like any relationship the frequency of dates, the expectation of emotional and practical connection, the amount of spoiling or allowance provided, and the degree of sexual contact between participants is a personal arrangement which develops over time.

I hope you can see the pattern clearly outlined above — sex work is less an issue of sex in this society, and more an issue of money. Those who have ample financial resources are in a position to search for sex for free or to commission it. Those without financial security consider all of their assets — physical body, sexual skills, emotional maturity, sensual intelligence, communication skills, capacity for empathy, etc., as commodity. Though it is possible for any person of any sex, gender, race, or background to become a sex worker, the fact that we so predominantly fetishize women, people of color, LGBTQ people, and youth in our society teaches — I’ll even say “grooms” — these demographics of people to consider their inherent worth in terms of sexual prowess and appeal.

I am not against sex work, just the opposite. I am for complete ownership over one’s body, including the choice to use one’s body for labor in whichever way one decides. As someone who’s been a sexuality educator for a couple decades now, and who has dabbled in various forms of sex work over time, I’ve found it can be a fulfilling and even healing endeavor when approached carefully and intentionally by those involved. Sex work needs to be decriminalized and better understood by society. Sex work as an institution, and sex workers and clients as individuals, need to have support networks built around them including resources for safety, continued education, support to enter and exit specific vocations, safe spaces to work and negotiate, open conversations about problematic and unsafe individuals and behaviors within community, and more. Sex work needs to be valued and legitimized for the skilled efforts and work that it is, and people seeking sex workers need to have instilled within them a healthy and professional respect for those whom they might work with… Either that or we need to get rid of money completely and provide for and treat all people equally. I have a feeling decriminalization will have to come first.

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