Photo by Phode
Otherwise known as Tuesday nights (I like to keep it classy with my partners)…
Kinky Bitch Date Night was created as a way to address the problem of follow through in my current relationship. We are great at dreaming with one another, negotiating is becoming easier, and we’re awesome at talking about sex but actually DOING the things we were talking about was becoming an ongoing issue that we both felt stressed out about. Feelings sometimes got hurt, both of us were afraid to or confused about how to step forward and make the shit happen, there was a whole lotta worry that the other person wasn’t into these ideas and too much timidity on both our ends… So we talked it over and decided that if deadlines could help kink happen more regularly, then deadlines and regularly scheduled playtime we would embrace!
To give this some context, my partner and I play at building a relationship that has a D/s dynamic to it. We both really enjoy that type of play, though we are both short on experience in that department. My parter is not an experienced Dominant. I am more experienced bottoming/submitting in pick-up play, but this is not the same as being involved in an ongoing D/s relationship. Kink is new territory for him all around, and new territory for me in the realm of going steady. He is trying, sometimes failing, and definitely growing a lot as he figures out what it means to Dominate rather than Top a scene (or even build a scene for that matter). Internalized stress for both of us about how we measure up to these roles has been a problem – even keeping in mind that there is no “right way” to do kink. We are building a road to our kink life, and for now it’s still a bumpy unpaved one…
Kinky Bitch Date Night has been quite a ride so far. I think that it’s really hard to follow through with play desires even when a schedule is set; sometimes because there is a schedule set angst levels about moving forward can also grow higher. Planning to play has caused strife for sure, but we’ve gotten some pretty awesome scenes off the ground because of it. I think the growing pains are worth it.
We have had a lot of conversations about scene set-up, boundaries, clear negotiation, realistically focusing on what exactly we’re doing that week… and also on personal fears, our (in)ability to connect in any moment, shut-down mode, preparedness, meaning making about what is going to happen, and why…
Kink is hard. Community is important and finding it has been vital to our happiness and continued growth. Repression is one of the hardest habits to walk away from and is pervasive in its reach. I believe though that a personal realization of freedom and confidence, even/especially after hard battle waged, is absolutely worth the win.
I’m interested in knowing if you have gone through similar or different growing pains in the realization of your kink or relationships roles? Please write me with your thoughts on the subject.
To Breath and Being, ~ Karin
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~Thank you.
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