ABCs Of Kink

Art, Herbs, and Kink

October 28, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

I’ve been decorating tincture bottles with wire, inspired by the massive amounts of herbal research I’ve been doing in the past few months. They make me happy. The idea is to develop this aesthetic further as I explore my thoughts on worth, the economy, classism, energy, healing, nature, capitalism, availability, and erasure (or invisibility).

I filled a clear bottle with a St. John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum) oil I made. It’s great for healing cuts, bruises, scrapes, nerve pain, and sore muscles and it has such a lovely pink color! I’ve begun labeling with oil pens using both a common name and binomial nomenclature (“latin” name), while inscribing lot numbers on the bottom of filled bottles. I’m still developing exactly how I intend for them to be labeled fully, but it’s a good start.

The photo below is a Damiana tincture I made next to a green bottle I decorated. I’ll be concocting a Damiana elixir or bitter from the tincture to fill it with.

What does this have to do with being kinky? Good question! This weekend I was at a queer and kinky play party. I took a “Hot Nuts” challenge someone decided to lead at the event, wherein I ate 10 extremely spicy peanuts, 2 at a time at 5 different heat levels. The first level (the least spicy) started with Carolina Reaper saturated peanuts, and moved on to Carolina Reaper + Ghost Pepper, all the way up to Carolina Reaper, Ghost Pepper, and some insane number of units of pure Capsaicin added in! There was no drinking or eating of other foods between rounds, and we had to sit and wait at least 2 minutes after all the spiced nuts had been chewed and swallowed in order to win the challenge.

I’ve never done a spicy heat challenge before. I don’t even really eat spicy hot food much. I am a masochist though! It was a trip. I loved the challenge, and thoroughly enjoyed the heat and pain which bloomed fiercely in my face and throat. I laughed through the twitching, snotting, and uncontrollable streaming of tears down my very red face for approximately 30 minutes, which is how long the challenge took including the pain that stuck with me afterwards. What I did not like was the cramping and intense nausea which incapacitated me for another half hour when the spice worked its way past my diaphragm toward my stomach. I offer many apologies to the other event attendees for taking over one of our bathrooms for a solid 15 minutes as I alternated between laying on the floor, trying to poop, and dry-heaving… Oy! I won alongside one other adventurer though!

The next day, as you can imagine, my stomach was not very interested in warm or stimulating foods. Elimination was rather punishing as well. I mixed some marshmallow root powder in cold water and shook it in a capped jar until it was nice and thick and viscous. I drank some and waited, and then took sips of it between mouthfuls of food. Marshmallow is the perfect herb to have on hand for this situation. Every single sip felt like a cool happy coating relaxing, nourishing, and comforting my digestive system from mouth to tummy (and beyond). It allowed me to eat without immediately having to use my bowels or getting stomach cramps. Such a lovely friend to have in my time of need.

In the future, should I be confronted with an opportunity like this again, hopefully I’ll be prepared ahead of time. In that instance I’d definitely take marshmallow infusion before eating the spicy things (and probably after), to enjoy my “neck up” masochistic experience without having to deal with that same amount of nausea and discomfort as it passes on down.

I suspect the same curiosity within me which adores breaking the body down masochistically and sadistically is the same curiosity which adores plant medicine and natural healing methodologies. One day perhaps I’ll spell out on my shingle, “Come session with the Dominant who breaks you down and patches you back up naturally!”. There’s something very primal and exciting about trusting one’s body, the skills of one’s friends, and Nature to provide challenging and healing experiences as we roll through life. This 21st century we’re in is overcomplicated and anything but natural when it comes to contemporary lifestyles. We live completely unsustainably, and we don’t have to. There’s a missing knowledge needed to bridge the gap. I want to be part of handing down these wisdoms. I want to offer opportunities for personal examination of physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually realized experiences. The current (overblown and unbalanced) emphasis on mental and intellectual note-taking fractionates what we know of each other and ourselves.

Onward, and into a
Temple of the Body
School of Experience
Love of the Earth that we come from and return to~
Art, Herbs, and Kink.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

My writing takes time, research, and consideration: it is my art.
Please help me continue by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational Session with me. Thank you!

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: damiana tincture, herbal healing, marshmallow root, natural healing, nurturing, primal knowledge, Pro Dom, spicy food challenge

Dear Creature: What Are My Kinky Motivations?

October 24, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

Dear Creature,

I hope you wont mind me asking you something, you seem to have such a wonderful grasp of the the dynamics and psychology of most things sexual. I, on the other hand, have only just discovered the “Domme Daughter/sub daddy” thing. Here’s the thing: as a single Dad whose wife passed when my daughter was only 3 years old, I raised her all on my own. She’s 33 now. I never had one single sexual or inappropriate thought about her. Never did. Never have. Never will. So… why is it that I found the dynamic of this scenario so very enticing when I stumbled across it online? What’s driving me? ~Stumped by Motives

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Dear Stumped,

What a great question! Many people struggle with similar questions when their fantasies are socially taboo. Sexual shame and sexual shaming is so prevalent in our society, it’s not just age players who worry about whether or not their desires are “wrong” or wonder where they even came from in the first place.

Sexual fantasies are stimulated by a number of factors, and we don’t always know exactly what drives them. Having an interesting fantasy is also not the same thing as desiring actualization of the fantasy played out in real life or within established relationships. Your interest in exploring a Dom Daughter/daddy sub dynamic could be rooted in lots of things. First, consider what about the dynamic is exciting to you.

When you’re faced with an unfamiliar intrigue you want to know more about, think about the specific parts of the dynamic or scenario that turn you on. This is a great way to suss out what attracts you to it. In my experience age play and related dynamics aren’t usually about “age” specifically (though for some people it is). More often than not people who engage in age play (Big/little, Little/big, DD/lg, Daddy/boy Mommy/boy, Mommy/girl, Caregiver/little, etc.) dynamics are seeking to create a safe space to experience things like: innocence, the idea of a simpler time in life, the joy of caregiving (giving and receiving), indulging the senses in less than grown-up ways (sometimes including adult activities), being allowed to play pretend or enjoy playtime, personal stress management for high pressure work, cultivation of relationships where you can enjoy being in charge without the usual consequences of pulling rank, wanting permission to get whatever you truly desire in a scene without feeling guilty for wanting certain things, or sometimes even just simply enjoying taboo and perverse concepts in a safe environment with consenting playfriends…

We’ve all been kids, and we’ve all had experiences being cared for in our youths. Regardless of whether or not a person has parenting experience, many people are interested in age play, kinky familial play, and exploring culturally inappropriate or taboo subjects. As a person who has parenting skills you might feel you’d be good at roleplaying that dynamic, which is certainly a relaxing and potentially stimulating concept. Maybe you adore nurturing, pleasing, or being at the mercy of someone smaller than you? The Daughter-as-Dom spin on the more common Daddy Dom/little girl (DDlg) dynamic might point to you not wanting to be in control, even as you enjoy caregiving or being a nurturing partner. We all grow up, but that doesn’t mean we stop needing playtime or to exercise our imaginations.

More specific to this particular dynamic and role, when I brainstorm the idea of “daddy as sub”, I can come up with lots of ideas that make it an attractive play option:

Its intersection with age play
Fun with taboo and/or role play
Taking on the role of caregiver without that role being in conflict with having a sexual appetite in a relationship
Enjoyment of being in charge (Daddy) without having to be in charge of what happens (sub daddy)
A desire to be “taken” by someone smaller or more innocent than yourself
A love of cute things (if your fantasy Daughter is such)
Liking the idea of “teaching” someone about their sexuality on their terms
An attraction to youth explored consensually and legally
Desire to cater to or be in a relationship with a “Princess” type
There might be stories from your youth about this type of relationship being romanticized or sexualized
The power differential is different than what’s commonly depicted in D/s “norms”, which may give you freedom to distance yourself from other gendered stereotypes you might not be comfortable with
A desire to be Dommed by someone you feel safe with, more trusting of, or more deeply connected to than one who simply considers themselves Dominant
D/s that feels like it’s built off more equal ground (age differential favors Daddy, D/s differential favors Daughter)
There are hundreds of ideas I could generate about why this scenario is potentially attractive, but you’ll find more fitting answers exploring your own thoughts on the subject

You can travel as deeply as you like down the rabbit hole of psychological meaning making. At the end of the day, if an idea turns you on and negotiating play in a healthy manner with consenting adults is something you’d like to try, why not do just that? However, if your fantasy is more pleasurable than roleplay might be, just keep fantasizing.

Healthy BDSM encounters offer the opportunity to experience things we wouldn’t explore or can’t explore without negative consequences. We humans are curious creatures. When something is banned in society, it’s natural for a part of our brains to speak up and say, “but what if…?”. Consensual BDSM offers a sensual and sexual framework to explore these questions ethically, and (hopefully) gain pleasure from negotiating well with others!

When Rhode Island decriminalized indoor prostitution for six years at the turn of this last century, some interesting statistics surfaced. Specifically, in that period of time incidences of forceable rape went down statewide by 31%. The largest portion of that statistic applied to the city of Providence where much of the state’s sex work industry is centered. Rape declining by a third is nothing to scoff at! It was legal to engage in indoor sex work during that period of time, meaning sex workers themselves were able to report without consequence, so these numbers wouldn’t reflect that proportion of rapes shifting onto sex workers themselves. While we don’t know exactly why this happened, what it brings to mind is the possibility that people who may relieve sexual tension through non-consensual behaviors were presented with another less stigmatized outlet to fulfill their needs: legal, accessible, indoor working (which is statistically safer than street encountered) sex workers.

I bring this point up because there are people out there who do struggle with problematic thoughts, desires, fantasies, and urges which sometimes result in unsafe or violent behaviors. Whether a person is hiring a sex worker to help them address their needs, or they find relief with consenting partners utilizing BDSM activities and role play, the opportunity to shed shame and stigma while engaging in a fetish, fantasy, or fulfilling a need without harming others is a huge benefit to those people who might act out harmfully otherwise, their potential victims, and our larger community as a whole.

You’ve stated that your interest in Daughter Doms isn’t connected to your parenting relationship to a real human being. Honestly, there’s no reason it should be conflated as such in the first place. Your role as a parent is not the same as your role as a sexual human being. There’s no way to know for sure what specific mechanisms are at work for you outside your own thoughts on the subject. At the end of the day, if you’re attracted to the idea of being a sub daddy to a Daughter Dom, online BDSM communities like Fetlife are a great place to learn more about the dynamic. You can get to know others who enjoy that type of play too. Good luck kinking!

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me out by joining my Patreon campaign, Donating, or booking a professional or educational session with me. Thank you!

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: age play, big/little dynamic, Daddy/daughter dynamic, DD/lg, dear creature, incest play, why do I fantasize about

Home

October 21, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

After a solid two years in the city of Providence, there are finally a couple places outside of my home where I’ve found I can go and effortlessly feel free to be myself. White Electric Coffee is a cafe I often go to write. They’ve got great bagels and decent coffee. The people who work there are lovely, the customers are diverse in terms of age, race, gender, and queerness. In the tradition of coffee houses, the mood is political and communal. There are theater seats in a corner. In short, all I need in order to think and feel comfortable in the world around me.

The herbal shop that I intern at, The Farmacy, is also an accepting and inspiring space to be. Their shop is full of bulk herbs, tinctures, salves, teas, and various medicinal elixirs I help stock the shelves with and make on my day there. There are stacks of books to refer to, and a wealth of wisdom from the herbalists, as well as customers themselves. Each time I go in I learn new things. I appreciate the opportunity to work there very much.

This Summer I’ve been contemplating the condition of my heart. I’ve been acting the recluse for a while now—since I’ve been in this city at least. I haven’t taken the time to hunker down and find ground or community. I didn’t have a car for most of my time here which made it easy not to go out. I can order in tailored sensual encounters on Grindr or Fetlife or through any number of apps. In contemporary civilization people don’t have to effort much in order to be less alone. Despite the proximity and ease of social opportunity, I still feel quite alone though.

For the most part, I’m ok with that. Regular companions are fun, but they’re also stressful when goals for a shared home life aren’t aligned (and I’ve yet to find many people whose idea of interdependence matches my own). I feel the pull of expectation from others’ on me when I’m sharing space, yet most days I need wide open spaces to cultivate inspiration and hunker selfishly into my work. I love rising to the occasion of a friend when they’ve negotiated a spot in my calendar. I don’t mean to come off as cold or inflexible. My heart may be more guarded than it ultimately needs to be. But it’s where I am.

I appreciate observing this internal struggle of mine, and exploring my feelings without self-judgement or shame. It’s refreshing not to worry there’s something wrong with me as I feel the dissonance between where I am and where I believe I want to be. I don’t want to interact with the world “passing”, as I’ve felt I had to in the past. Existing that way encompassed a lot of self-repression and took the form of deep unhappiness. Trying to find myself in the midst of public spaces, and incessantly working with stressful deadlines wasn’t healthy. And maybe, just maybe, life doesn’t have to be so extreme, so all or nothing.

I live with a lot of fear, as do many. When I started taking testosterone and it became clear I wasn’t going to pass as either/or as far as the gender binary was concerned, it took a long time to go out on the town and not worry about being judged and unsafe for my appearance. I felt the need to go out with friends, but didn’t really know many people around here to go out with. It’s hard to do the work of change. It’s discombobulating and distorting, and often it’s a longer trust fall than you thought it might be. The old position may have been uncomfortable, but at least I was already used to the geography of discomfort it asked of me.

I believe in more. I believe in the possibility of yes. Suffering against self is not representative of the abundance we have on Earth.

I want to create joyful, useful, meditative, comforting, inspiring, opportune spaces where people can do the work of shifting, of growth, and of recalibration. We all deserve to better know ourselves in this one life we have to live. Who you are, how you desire to be talked to, or treated by others is less actualize-able in a society that doesn’t allow freedom to define oneself on personal terms rather than through pre-established generalities. Think about how much easier it would be to live in a society where others didn’t second guess our names, try to control our pronouns, immediately judge one’s choice of clothing, or limit self-expression so violently. I want to represent and work to cultivate that society.

Let me be your day off, your environment of ease, your science lab, your craft room, your kitchen, your holy space. I owe it to the places, the people, and the organizations who have given these things to me. I want to welcome others into respectful and responsible spaces of my making, environments which effort to make everyone in them happy. Places to connect and learn from others about what happy can even look like—all sorts of different ways.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me pay rent: join Patreon, offer Support or email me directly. Thank you

Filed Under: Brain on Download Blog Tagged With: creating safe space, passing as cis, providence RI, trans friendly spaces, what it means to be out