ABCs Of Kink

Does Your Privilege Sound Like Silence when Silence Equals Death?

May 24, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

I don’t know how to talk about anything except how tired I am right now. It’s deep in my bones. My spine hurts. My brain hurts. Days feel rote and disinteresting. I can’t tell if this is me heading to the low place in my emotional cycle or if I have indeed lost my joie de vive… It’s been a hard Winter, yes, but it always is. It’s been a hard couple years. Politics have asked a lot from people who already struggle because of politics.

It’s tiring having conversations stirred which evoke wounds and lifelong fears, lifelong worries, lifelong vigilances, lifelong lessons about what I can and cannot have without tirelessly fighting. It’s important that these conversations are heard though. Heard by those who don’t struggle these struggles. It’s important that the voices instigating these conversations are not the voices of the people who have lived them—as much as it’s important that those who have lived these struggles are always promptly given the mic when they show up to speak. I cannot fight the patriarchy as well as a cis man can, as well as a white man can, as well as a straight man can. In fact, honestly I probably can’t fight the patriarchy as well as a person of an organized faith can. People who support inhumane policies which would take my earthbound rights, my body, my voice away from me are not open to hearing my commentary. Still, I speak and I fight everyday. I’ve been fighting since childhood vocally and demonstrably. I will be fighting until the day I die.

I need to hear more men speak up to call out marginalization and micro-aggressions, make space for new ways of thinking, and demand respect for those who are not being seen and cared for by society on the regular. It’s important that men educate themselves, and dare to invest in conversations with people who do not share their privileges or ease of movement within the system which targets so many others. I am grateful for the men in my life who really get this and fight too. I wish there were more of them. It’s not enough to be a good sort and sit comfortably.

Since last year my online hits for this blog have been nearly cut in half. Part of this is fallout from the FOSTA/SESTA generated fear of anything which speaks about sex online. Part of this is that I just don’t have the money or the energy or time to figure out how to convert this blog to the secured “https” format. I’m sure part of it is that cis-hetero guys find me less conventionally attractive than they did when I passed as more of a femme/female and less trans (regardless that my inner world hasn’t shifted in the least bit). Part of this is the crackdown from instagram and facebook about what they are allowing to be shown on their platforms, and lessening the visibility of links to (free or not) anything outside of their platform from creators who aren’t paying for ads. No longer shall a vast proportion of my friends see my posts about what art I’m making, what blog I’ve written, what show has me in their line-up, or how to support me through Patreon—without me paying for the privilege. My artistic and educator voice online is quite literally being silenced without funds to advertise on platforms which tout “community” as their main point of existence. I am particularly vulnerable to these tactics being female, queer, a sex educator, a sex worker, trans, and an artist. All that I comment on these days seems to be verboten.

I care about, speak about, and think about black people, people of color, and indigenous people though I am not these things. When I speak of issues which effect me, I consider and bring attention to how the problems I’m addressing are often intensified or different for people with less privilege than I, a white queer. I understand that my audience is pretty white. I know white people are able to hear me and sometimes feel comfortable asking me questions, or holding back their knee-jerk reactions to what I’m saying in a way that they won’t or can’t or haven’t done with people who are not white. It’s not just what I believe in, it’s what I would do for anyone I care about, no matter what their struggle. If I can see it, it’s important to speak it and hold space for it.

Courage is important. Research is important. Approaching conversations with people you feel comfortable asking for direction from is important. We teach within community, because that’s what community is meant for: Learning. Support. Guidance. Evolution.

Social media is great for sharing our good days, the things we’re proud of, the moments we want to share. It’s good for the occasional confrontational outburst and emergency call for help. Social media is not good at helping us witness one another in our times of need or within the moments which are struggle, which are tiring, which are stolen from us. Who (for the most part) has the energy to post that?

If you like me because I’m pretty/handsome/my own, because you’ve been attracted to my art, because you appreciate my mind and wisdom, because you learn when you speak with me, because I’ve created space for you yourself to grow, because you feel it’s possible to be connected to people you admire, because there’s something in what I bring to the table that feels good or that you want: know that I became this creature that I am through daily struggle, through unconscionable treatments, and a life full of repression leading to the inner value of rebellion. I am kind and thoughtful. I am also angry, make no mistake. I am too furious not to show up with my words and considerations of others. I create the things I create, I value council with others, I unendingly research the questions I have, and refresh my perspective by adding new questions to research because I want no part in the insidious brutality I see around me and that I’ve felt, that I witness and feel.

I’m pretty high functioning, which mustn’t be confused for a life without pain. I choose to invest love in those I am around, it is my greatest resistance to a society I loathe and a system I see grinding up the remains of everyone in its path who isn’t prepared to choose the people they walk by on the street over the selfishness of participation in the system.

What does this mean? Following are some of the thoughts I have when I reflect on such things. Obviously this is an inexhaustible list, and not everyone has the bandwidth or resources for each of these things. But the list is a great start toward making a difference, and if you already do all the things think of a new one and add on to it:

Look people in the eye when passing on the street. Everyone. Notice who you have an easy time smiling at and who you avoid connecting with. Consider what it means to practice things that don’t come naturally.
If someone helps you in an intangible or nurturing way, thank them and think about how you can help them back—ask.
Confront your fears and expectations of other people, especially concerning any “types” you entertain in your head or heart reactionarily.
Meditate deeply on the reality that other people’s lives and realities are not about you, no matter how much you feel they might be.
Retire objectification unless you’ve negotiated it with someone purposefully and to mutual benefit.
Learn to know yourself, your boundaries, your limitations, you desires… and learn to speak them—practice speaking them.
Ask questions. Sometimes ask if you can ask a question, knowing nobody owes you the energy of answers. Learn to research on your own, but don’t believe that what you’ve read is a more important perspective that what a person shares with you about their experiences.
Don’t beat yourself up when you realize you’ve put your foot in your mouth or offended someone. Definitely feel bad for a minute and sit with that feeling, it’s an important teacher. It will help you understand the shape of your mistakes so you can resolve to speak or act differently the next time.
Forgive your past arrogance and work to become a more compassionate present and future. Arrogance and ignorance are often bedfellows.
Give money to people who teach you and care for you. Teaching and care-taking are jobs. They require not a minimal amount of effort and they are careers born out of love, and frequently pain and struggle. Your teachers have seen things/done things/survived things/endeavored to grow and share their meaning makings. We owe our teachers homes and food and enough to thrive, not just barely survive.
If you don’t appreciate how hard someone is coming across about their politics, and that person experiences less social privilege or different forms of marginalization than you do, connect with your resources for compassion and consider the conflict a lesson in curiosity and empathy rather than a battle for “rightness”. What don’t you understand about the equation?
If you love people who have female reproductive organs, right now is an extremely scary and exhausting and depressing time. It has been for(ever) a couple years now and it’s getting worse. It’s continuing on and on and on. It’s a war waging, not a battle here and there to be won or lost. Our bodies are on the line and there is no escape. Maybe offer people with female reproductive organs things like massages or other nice things—like completely reversible and less invasive operations such as your vasectomy…
If you favor a female, PoC, LGBT, or poverty immersed-and-versed political candidate, speak up about them online frequently. Post articles. Write a line or two about why you favor them each time you post something. Engage in conversations with your family and friends about why you value their platform and perspective and how their status as a marginalized person is a strength with potential to better serving everyone within our communities.
When you see a wall of white male faces doing anything anywhere, question it. Wonder why their group (maybe even your group) is as homogenous as it is. Wonder how other people in the room feel about the presence of this group and who might be stepping aside or taking a backseat in conversation or networking, or diplomatically making nice within the set of circumstances you’re within. Don’t change your situation through tokenization, but absolutely start being interested in the personhood and lives of people who aren’t white.
Have you ever hired a marginalized person for a job? On purpose? As a practice? Have you seeked out people who are marginalized to come apply? Do you look for small businesses from marginalized communities to give your money to? Have you gifted a marginalized person who you value in your life something lately? Sure, it’s not your job to do these things, but proximity to wealth, ease, and social networking are things you can not only have but be.

I think that’s all I have in me today. I hope it’s been helpful.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please visit my Patreon, offer one time Support or email me for options. Thank you.

Filed Under: Brain on Download Blog Tagged With: abortion matters, how to use your privilege, learn about minorities, political action, redistribution of wealth, silence is death

How Transphobic is the FDA and the Pharmaceutical Industry?

May 21, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

This essay chronicles all I’ve done over the past 6 or so months to obtain my prescription medications, and then gets into a couple of other related issues concerning healthcare. I hope it helps others find answers when they realize they’re unable to get a prescription filled in a timely manner. I never knew it could be so complicated or that I’d learn so much about the ins and outs of the pharmaceutical industry until my medication was placed on backorder from the manufacturer for a 6-9 month period of time. I was suddenly unable to fill my prescription and given no answers about what to do next. Following are the steps I figured out and followed, and an account of how my self-advocacy has gotten even more difficult after my medication was made available again.

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I am so frustrated right now. I have been trying to refill my prescription for the last two weeks. I have to refill it every 3 months. I still don’t have what I need or any real answers about when my pharmacy will be able to obtain it for me. To give a little context here’s some background: I’m transgender, meaning I’m medically diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria, and I take hormone replacement therapy. I’m on Testosterone Enanthate weekly. I take Testosterone Enanthate rather than the more popularly prescribed Testosterone Cypionate because I have a pretty intense allergy to the Cypionate version of the drug. Taking it results in head to toe itchiness for almost a full week after each shot, a constantly runny nose, sensitive and runny eyes, mucus producing lungs, near constant exhaustion, a shiny swollen and pink puffy face, and a slight paralyzation of the right side of my face occurred over the time I was on it. With each shot my symptoms grew worse. That’s what happened over the course of a 3-4 month period I was on Cypionate when I first started hormone replacement therapy. Since switching my prescription to Testosterone Enanthate I no longer suffer any of these symptoms and I’m happy to say that my face looks normal again.

Testosterone Enanthate has been on backorder from the manufacturer for something like the past 6-9 months. I have no information about why it was on backorder for that time period. The manufacturer of this medication is Hikme Pharmaceuticals (1-877-845-0689). I called Hikme a few weeks ago to get to the bottom of this backorder problem and was provided no answers as to why. I was instead informed that it’s no longer on backorder, and Hikme is currently filling orders and sending them out as requested… so why am I still not able to find a vial of this medication near me in the State of Rhode Island weeks later?

Starting at the beginning, what happens when you need a prescription filled but it’s out of stock at your pharmacy?: Usually when I need a prescription refilled I simply notify my pharmacist and it’s filled within a couple hours or so, ready to pick up. I currently use CVS Pharmacy as there’s one near my house and I do not have a car. If my refills have run out (every third time I order), I’m informed by the pharmacy that I have to ask my Doctor to call them with the new prescription. So I call my Doctor in order to make that connection happen. It’s a little annoying, but not the end of the world. Usually within a day or two my issue has been resolved. My Doctor at Thundermist Health approves the refill, and their technicians or a nurse sends the script over to my Pharmacy for them to fill, and for me to go pick up.

For the past 6 months whenever I’ve had to refill my prescription, I call CVS as usual, and they say they’ll let me know when I can pick it up. Sometimes I don’t get contacted, and I end up remembering about a week later that I haven’t heard from them. I call CVS again to follow up, asking what the hold-up is. About 6 months ago at this point in the process I was informed that the medication had been ordered because they were out of it, and they’d let me know when it came in… A week passed again, and after not hearing anything I called back to ask when the order was supposed to arrive. During this call I was informed that my medication was on backorder from the manufacturer. I really wish I’d known this sooner, because at that point I was on my last dose. I worried about how long it would take to get my prescription, which was also stressful because Testosterone is supposed to be withdrawn from slowly by reducing your dose over a period of time.

I asked what I was supposed to do with that information, and was told that I can try to find another pharmacy that might still have my medication on their shelves. Annoyed that I could have been searching for pharmacies two weeks prior, I went about calling pharmacies. I called every pharmacy I could find in my area, and then beyond, until I found one who still had a vial of the medication. So, now I knew where I could obtain my medication, however that pharmacy doesn’t have my prescription because my home pharmacy has it. Testosterone is a controlled substance and they cannot transfer my script from one pharmacy to another—even between stores within the same company. The first time I found a pharmacy with my medication on hand it was a 30 minute drive away. Luckily I was able to borrow my roommate’s car for an afternoon to pick it up. This time around I’ve had to call out of state to find it, and I don’t currently have access to a car.

Let’s back up a minute though…

Each time I find a vial of my medication at a pharmacy which is not my home pharmacy, I have to call my Doctor’s office and have her forward my prescription to the new pharmacy once I’ve confirmed they actually have the medication on hand. Confirming is important, as sometimes their inventory says they have it but it’s not actually on the shelves, and even if it’s on the shelves I’ve found stores stocked only with medication that’s expired. So, after confirmation I call my Doctor’s office and speak to the receptionist, who gives my Doctor the message that I need my script forwarded to the new location. It takes a day or so for her to sign off on the prescription usually. After my Doctor writes the new prescription, I’ve been told by the receptionist that the prescription is sent to “technicians” (and/or Nurses?) at Thundermist who actually send my prescription to (hopefully—and not always) the correct pharmacy. This procedure is supposed to take 24-72 hours. As of my last trip through this process, it took an entire week including two days of calling back and forth between the pharmacy and my Doctor’s office multiple times for it to actually happen. This time, even after my doctor’s office called the prescription in, it turned out that because I could only find a pharmacy out of state, the Doctor had to fax the prescription to the pharmacy instead of call it in. I checked in with Thundermist after being told they had to redo my order, and was assured they’d get to it quickly… When I checked the pharmacy a couple hours later it still hadn’t been done. I called, ping-ponging between these offices at least four times that day trying to actually get it done. Unfortunately that day happened to be the last day I had access to a car in order to get to the pharmacy I had found in Massachussetts, and even though I explained my situation to multiple people at my Doctor’s office, I was not able to get it done within the timeframe I needed to. It’s filled, but now it’ll be a bit before I can actually pick it up. This is exactly why I give myself extra time when I fill my meds.

So ok, the pharmacy finally got my scrip correctly. At this point the pharmacy is supposed to fill my prescription and call me letting me know to come in and pick it up. Sounds easy, right? Well, so far I’ve frequently not been called by the new pharmacy once they have my script. I make more followup phone calls and finally I’m told I can come pick it up. The last time I went through this song and dance and was finally told it was ready for pick-up, when I went to pick it up the next day (in coordination with my car situation and availability), and after an hour of driving I was informed that my prescription wouldn’t be ready until the next day because the pharmacist couldn’t get to it right then*… ?! I let them know I was supposed to be able to pick it up the day prior, and that I wouldn’t be able to get there the following day. The person at the window grumpily said she’d look into it, and all of a sudden the vial of medication was available.

*A thing to note about Testosterone Enathate is that it comes in a glass vial, 100% ready to administer from the manufacturer. It is not compounded or altered in any way at the pharmacy when I pick it up.

Ping-ponging between my Doctor and the pharmacist, and calling around to every pharmacy I can find is usually as far as I have to go looking for my medication. This most recent time it went a bit differently though.

Pharmaceutical Manufacturers: As I mentioned earlier, this time when I buckled down to find the medication I need, I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to find a pharmacy who carried it at all, or one within my means of travel. I was also worried that because I’d come across an expired lot at one pharmacy, that maybe all Testosterone Enanthate I could find would soon be unviable. I started asking more questions. I asked my pharmacist why the medication had been on backorder for so long and if they had any idea about when it would be available again? I was told it was on backorder from the manufacturer, and that’s all my pharmacy knew.

I took this information and did some sleuthing online. I found the manufacturer of Testosterone Enanthate: Hikme Pharmaceuticals. I called them asking why my medication had been on backorder for so long, and when it would be released again. I was given no answers about why it had been on backorder. I was told though that, yes, it had been unavailable for a long period of time, but that it had just recently (within a week or so it seems to me) been put back on the market and they were filling orders as they got them. Great news, right?! Well…

I called CVS back to inform them of the updated situation. They offered to start actively ordering my prescription for me again (something I didn’t know they had stopped doing). They said they’d put an order in for me and that order would be repeated each day until it was filled. I thanked them and waited… and waited… and waited… Spoiler Alert: I’m still waiting.

A couple weeks went by without any word from CVS or any notification to come pick up my medication. I called and asked about the order they said they’d placed, and they confirmed that they’d been ordering it daily, and that their distributor was still saying that the manufacturer wasn’t filling orders. So I called Hikme back. I was assured that they were filling orders and sending out Testosterone Enanthate to everyone who ordered it, including CVS’s distributor, Cardinal Health. I found this curious, wouldn’t you?

So what’s up with Cardinal Health?: Of course I called Cardinal Health. They were the least helpful company I spoke with in this ordeal. Since I did not have an account with them they were unable to speak as to why CVS’s order was not going through. They tried to tell me that the drug was backordered by Hikme, and when I told them I had spoken directly to Hikme and that was no longer true, they told me they’d investigate further. I waited a few minutes, and was told at that point that I was correct, and that they were filling orders for Testosterone Enanthate, and they couldn’t tell me anything about their account with CVS… So back to CVS again.

Is this specifically a CVS problem or is it Cardinal Health’s, the distributor’s, deal? Or is there another option I don’t know about that no one is being the least bit upfront about?: After what seemed like my 50th phone conversation and follow-up of the day, I was informed that CVS’s distributer, Cardinal Health, is “allocating” shipments of the medication to CVS stores who have a “high demand” for the medication. Apparently because my store hasn’t carried it for a while (due, I assume, to the facts that it’s been on backorder from the manufacturer until very recently and I’ve been sourcing it from other stores in the meantime, and Enanthate is not the most common form of this medication—used by many fewer patients), I suppose my store is not considered a “high demand” location. To get this medication sent to my store, the pharmacist at CVS has to file an appeal with CVS’s “Care Team” and their distributor, Cardinal Heath. I’ve been told filing an appeal entails a number of steps starting with my Doctor formally writing to CVS stating that I cannot use another form of testosterone other than the one she’s prescribed, Testosterone Enanthate. At that point the CVS Care Team will decide whether or not to fill my prescription and (hopefully) send my pharmacy the medication they’ve supposedly been requesting for me every day over the past couple of weeks. I decided that rather than trust CVS and Thundermist to speak with one another about this process I would call and make sure my Doctor had everything she needed to advocate on my behalf. Unfortunately I’ve been informed by Thundermist’s front desk that my doctor is out of the office and won’t be back for another week. [Insert silent internal screaming!]

My resounding question for this circle jerk of a process is, why?! Why does a prescription of mine need to be defended to a pharmacy? If my Doctor has prescribed Testosterone Enanthate to me, why does she need to back that prescription up with any other information? Doesn’t this bleed into the realm of breaking Doctor/patient confidentiality? If a pharmacist requests medication from their supplier in order to fill a prescription that’s been called in, why would the corporation that owns that pharmacy stop it from being sent to the store requesting it? Even further, why would a distributor of the medication have any say whatsoever as to which stores receive the medications they have prescriptions for? What’s actually going on here?

I’m unclear about whether CVS, the larger corporation, is having a hard time obtaining my medication from Cardinal Health without this appeal process in place, or whether the issue lies mainly with CVS’s “Care Team” deciding whether ot not to distribute medications they already have to my particular location. All of this is a ginormous headache, and as a patient I should definitely not be making this many phone calls in order to receive the care that I require, the care that my doctor has prescribed, the care that my insurance covers, and the care that I need to remain healthy. In the tired sounding words of my pharmacist (tired I’m sure because she was sick of speaking with me), “It shouldn’t be this hard to get a medication”.

I concur.

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A note about compounding pharmacies: When a medication is unavailable by normal commercial means or it needs to be altered in some way in accordance with a person’s allergies, or to obtain a less common dosage requirement, etc., one can often find a compounding pharmacy available to make a small batch of the medication for that patient’s use. When I first became aware that Testosterone Enanthate was out of stock from the manufacturer I called all of the compounding pharmacies in Rhode Island I could find and was either informed that they were not able to compound testosterone medications, OR (in one case) that they had discontinued compounding testosterone in accordance with a request from the FDA for them not to?! When I pressed further I was told that because testosterone is a controlled substance they were under pressure to comply unless they wanted their pharmacy to be under heavy surveillance and suffer potential complications with their license. If this is true I can’t imagine this isn’t a game the FDA is playing on behalf of big pharma…

A note about syringes: My insurance just stopped covering syringes for my injectable medication. When I spoke to someone from the insurance company they did mention that they cover needles for diabetics… but that’s an advocacy for another day as I just simply cannot right now with another thing. Luckily for me I teach BDSM needleplay skills and safety, so at least I know how to order my own and they’re not that prohibitively expensive at the moment.

A note about blood transfusions: If the idea of pharmacies and our government being queerphobic or transphobic surprises you at all, please recall that prior to 2015 all men who had sex with men were banned for life for donating blood. These days, since 2015, as long as a man promises to be good for Uncle Sam and abstain from sex with another man for 12 months they should become eligible to donate once again. A friend of mine accurately retorted, “So if I’m in recovery from my faggotry I can donate? How open minded of them. 🙄.” Right now there’s a type O shortage in the country. Type O is the most commonly used blood in emergency rooms, as it’s the only type which is compatible with every other blood type, though people who are type O can only receive type O themselves. Only 7% of the population has type O. I’m O+ and there are numerous reasons I cannot donate according to the Red Cross and the FDA.

I find it interesting that donors now report gender on their form, which seems to indicate that FTM trans people who have sex with “men” (I’m not sure what exact definition the Red Cross uses for this word considering it’s a gendered word and not a sex designation) are included in the man-on-man sex disqualification list. I’m not sure where that would leave trans women who have sex with men or other trans women, as it doesn’t say whether the donor identifies their sex on the form. Therefore, depending on how and if the agency reports the donor’s sex, that may be a disqualifier too. I’ve had one trans woman tell me that if a trans woman reports having sex with another trans woman it’s at the discretion of the interviewer as to whether that person qualifies or not, and if they’re rejected they have to wait another 12 months to try again.
I find it interesting that under the Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) section of the Red Cross’s blood donor eligibility page they write, “Women on hormone replacement therapy for menopausal symptoms and prevention of osteoporosis are eligible to donate”. There’s no mention of trans people at all. Does this mean all trans people on HRT are disqualified? How about post-menopausal women on testosterone for low libido? How about men on testosterone for low libido? How about men on estrogen for low libido? How about weight lifters?
I find it interesting that if you’ve ever accepted money, drugs, or “other payment” for sex you are banned for life instead of having to wait a year like everyone else to “re-qualify” for blood donation.
I think it’s interesting that if you’ve ever taken intravenous drugs without a prescription you are also banned for life.
I find it interesting that if you’ve been in jail for 72 hours you have to wait a year to donate blood because you’re considered a higher risk for carrying HIV/AIDS or Hepatitus. This of course targets people of color, as black men are incarcerated at 5 times the rate of white men, and black women at twice the rate of white women.
I find it interesting that the common answer for why these groups of people are not eligible for donation is that they’re a higher risk for HIV/AIDS or Hepatitus, yet all blood donated is screened for each of these, and only some of these people have to wait a year to be “cleared” to become eligible again, while others remain excluded for life…
I find it really interesting that if you’ve been raped or sexually assaulted you don’t have to report that to the feds or Red Cross before they decide whether your blood is good enough to take. Why is that United States FDA? Does it seem wholly unfair to target innocent people who have had bad things happen to them, yet somehow extremely important to target those who live on the outskirts of what society deems “normal”?
I think it’s interesting that you don’t have to have been tested for STIs recently, or even in the past year for your blood to be accepted for donation (especially considering that most of the queer people and sex workers I know get tested more regularly than the general population).

A note about Truvada and the cost of keeping HIV and AIDS at bay: Recently Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez confronted the CEO at Gilead (the maker of Truvada, which is the most commonly used PrEP medication), about why a month’s prescription of the drug costs $8 in Australia and almost $2000 here in the United States? The medication was funded with US tax dollars, is owned by US Citizens, and yet has been privatized for multi-billion dollar profits taken directly out of the pockets of US citizens. This line of questioning only begins to raise questions about pharmaceutical and medical industry ethics. According to the CDC, of the people who are offered and fill prescriptions for PrEP, only 4.7% are women, and of that percentage 68.7% are white women, even though at least 68.4% of female patients who are indicated for PrEP are women of color. Similarly, though 52% of HIV diagnoses occur in the South, only 27% of PrEP users are located there. For years reports about who has easy and affordable access to PrEP have shown huge discrepancies concerning the populations most in need of it. This is just one of the ways we can choose to notice the layered realities of being part of an underserved community.

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Why is it like this? Is all of this about queerphobia and transphobia? Is it about bottom line discounts and profit margins for lesser used medications? Is this about controlling the health and resources offered to people on Medicaid and other low income patients? Is this about big pharma getting to decide who can provide which medications at what price point?

I’m exhausted. Advocating for my needs on top of everything else going on in the world makes me feel as though my body and my freedoms are personally under attack. Maintaining a prescription I’ve been on for 2 years running should not be this much of a drain on my energy. I’m glad that I can find time to research, advocate, and fight. I’m stubborn enough to continue asking questions, and I’m a good enough communicator to not completely turn off everyone I need to interview over and over again throughout this process. I’m lucky in these matters and many other people are not. I hope that if anyone finds themselves in similar circumstances that my recounting will help them know which questions they can ask, and will help shorten their own self-advocacy process.

I loathe the United States’ systems of hetero-fascist anti-queer mysogynistic and racist policies informed by what can only be explained as mountains of ignorance and deeply rooted bigotry. When those systems are placed within the medical sphere of influence though, it ends people’s (read: demographics of peoples) lives. We must pay attention. We must fight.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please visit my Patreon, offer one time Support or email me for options. Thank you.

Filed Under: Brain on Download Blog Tagged With: cardinal healthcare, healthcare, hikme, how to get a medication that's backordered, HRT, is big pharma transphobic, is CVS transphobic, RI trans health, testosterone enanthate, thundermist health, who can give blood, who cannot give blood

Trash Fires

May 13, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

Deep breath. Slow, in and out. Let go of the tension. Calm the nerves. Allow my cortisol levels to drop… Steady. Grounding. Coming back to the moment I’m in. It’s going to be alright…

If I took the time to do this for five minutes everytime I read about or experienced an injustice which directly impacts me (much less the ones I read about and witness others who are less privileged than myself endure) I would be in a constant state of meditation. I would live the life of a monk. I would never be able to stop paying attention to my breath and body. Understandably, there are many days I don’t have the bandwidth to post about or speak on the subjects I find demeaning and unfair.

I am exhausted that so rarely people who aren’t directly targeted by a particular social issue speak up about it on my or other’s behalves.

When someone is hit by a car they are generally not the one calling 911 and managing the scene of the accident. If you were lying there, trying not to paralyze yourself, focusing on managing your broken physicality, amped up emotions, and fearful mind until help gets to you, other people—people who were not directly effected by the accident, and perhaps the person responsible for the harm—are the people who manage response. They are the people who call for help, who ask you if you’re ok, who make sure that whatever information needs to be gathered is being taken care of, and that you are out of further harm’s way.

For some reason racism, sexism, and other human rights issues are only treated when the victims of these crimes take responsibility for everything related to response and cleanup of the crime—even to the point of educating perpetrators and managing their resistance to compliance within our social order. There are so many problems with the world that we live in, this cannot continue to be the way we make meaning or allocate our resources.

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Racism: Anyone and everyone harbors bigotry somewhere inside. It is every individual’s job to examine their personal issues and learn to grow and share this planet we live on. Because our country (and the world) is a place which has hundreds of years of institutionalized bigotry directed specifically at nonwhite people (therefore unfairly, disproportionately, and over generations exponentially profiting white people), racism cannot be thought of as anything other than a problem for white people to examine and solve. Consider it a disease if that helps, and seek treatment. We white people must educate ourselves about what to do in situations where racism is evident (and to see evidence of racism), regardless of whether or not people of color are present. We must challenge ourselves when we are called out, and begin to see the racism we ourselves perpetuate. Until white folk are as clear about what oppression looks like as the oppressed are, racism and the enculturation of violence by it shall persist. As long as there is institutionalized bigotry, every single white person will profit off of racist behaviors in one way or another. We should not want those things.

Sexism: See “racism” above. Apply to sex and gender based bigotry.

Abortion Access: AMAB folk, and people not able to get pregnant must speak up in favor of bodily autonomy for women and AFAB people who risk both wanted and unwanted pregnancies. Not only does the law in the United States state that abortion is a private medical matter, but access to abortion is protected until and, in cases that threaten the life of the mother, through the third trimester. Access to safe abortion is an issue which directly effects ONLY marginalized populations. Not a single person who can get pregnant is of the highest and most privileged ruling class. Something to think about: what does it mean if you support taking a marginalized person’s bodily autonomy away from them?

Anti-Choice: If you are anti-choice because you believe yourself to be pro-life, that is entirely your own right, and please do not have any abortions. I beg of you to follow your heart entirely in such matters. In the meantime, it’s obviously a primary directive of yours to ensure that all children who are born have access to affordable healthcare and medication, healthy food and nourishment, safe housing, and safe family situations or adequate alternative parental support. It’s clear that you care deeply about access to top tier education for all regardless of class, and honest discussions about sex alongside comprehensive (definitely not abstinence only) sexuality education offered to young people. It’s wonderful that you voted for increased state funding for easy access to free birth control, as this method has proven to drastically lower the rate of teen pregnancy, as well as the rate of individuals under 30 seeking abortions—yay! I assume you rally as hard against the school-to-prison system as you do Planned Parenthood, as prisons rob families of two-parent households and the income they need to rear children sufficiently in alignment with the wild abandon you celebrate every embryo’s right to life. Thank you for being so active and vocal in the fight against immigrant children being taken away from their parents, and being as intolerant of detention centers as you are. I really appreciate all of the hours and money you pour into anti-gun violence legislation, your sincere efforts to keep weapons out of schools, and your pledge to keep all children who have been born safe, healthy, out of abject poverty potentially leading to a life of crime, and alive.

Immigration: No people came to this piece of land we call the United States seeking home because they weren’t looking for a better life. The white people who first colonized this land did so violently, and it is not acceptable that we continue perpetuating their inherited violence onto those who would peacefully do only what our forefathers, foremothers, and forezaddies have already accomplished. Waging a war primarily on brown people in the name of protecting our country is unconstitutional and definitely unpatriotic. US citizens: we must do better. Our national birthrate is dropping, and the economy requires an influx of working citizens to sustain itself and keep up growth.

Orientation, Sex, and Gender Diversity: Who the fuck cares about defining the private bodies or affections of others? If you find that you do, I implore you to get a job so that you might have less time to squander on such trivialities. To what end does disrespecting someone else’s stated pronouns or other identifiers benefit you in any possible way? If you’re not LGBT or genderqueer, what possible stake might you have in denying someone their pronouns or preferred name within conversation? Why do you care who “Jess” brings to the company picnic, as long as their +1 offers up a delicious peach pie? These are not brain surgeon level complications regarding the work of adulting. Get the fuck over your personal shit and act like a community member and fellow individual. At least fake-it-till-you-make-it as a well adjusted human being for the sake of the rest of us.

Sexual Appetites and Relationship Styles: Since when is someone else’s relationship style or interest in various sexual or sensual activities (between consenting adults) any of your nevermind?! If you aren’t being pulled into a scene you don’t want to be a part of, it’s not your goddamn right to act out about it. If someone is pulling you into something that feels uncomfortable: you’re an adult. State your boundaries, negotiate shared space if you must, and move along for Lilith’s sake. I believe in you. If you are an employer you certainly don’t need to know about any of these things, however if you are privy to privileged information you certainly shouldn’t be running a business based off of someone else’s afterwork bedroom/kitchen/dungeon plans. I absolutely believe in your ability to effectively compartmentalize—how else did you ever become a boss to begin with?!

Human and Sex Trafficking: Shame and classism are primary ways we institutionally regulate people’s access to healthy sexual expression and response, as well as to social status including upward mobility. If this wasn’t the case I’m pretty sure trafficking would be MUCH less prevalent worldwide. Children, women, and other people unwilling to share their bodies with you should never be put into situations leading to abuse and enslavement. Do your due diligence when contracting illicit work from a marginalized person, make sure they are not under someone else’s control. Learn to report trafficking where you actually find it.

Sex Work: Speaking of demand for service… those people who participate in the workforce surrounding consensual sex and sexuality, are people who have some stake in the healing of sexual wounds and shame—not only their client’s, but in some cases their own as well. What happens between two consenting adults within a respectfully negotiated sexual/sensual scene, even when money is involved, is not the business of anyone who isn’t participating. People engaged in sex work should be protected just as enthusiastically as people of any other workforce are. Don’t contribute to violence against sex workers through your own words and behaviors.

Rape: Stop trying to control others. Your sexual release is your job to advocate responsibly for. Masturbation is your friend and well within your means. Self love is an important step toward treating others equally. Rapists should definitely not have their sentences forgiven because being convicted of rape is embarrassing. Rape could be understood as a crime which fucks up the lives of perpetrators exponentially more than that of their victims… Let’s get with the program.

Abuse: Be the end of abuse by breaking the abuse cycle. Get help if you’ve been affected. Get help and learn not to abuse if you’ve perpetrated. Evolve. The only way to heal the world of the poisons we’ve ingested is by turning our knowledge of adversity into motivation to become the sort of person who’s able to hold space for the complicated reality of humaning as it effects others who are in need. We can do epically more positive work in our lives when we examine and heal from our own maltreatments and misfortunes.

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This is the end of my rant today… I’m sure it’s evident that my bandwidth is pretty low right now. I’m angry. I’m hurt and I’m furious. I’m mortified and deeply sorrowful. I’m impassioned and I will not step aside. We must look at the wrongs ourselves and our communities perpetuate, and we must each commit to furthering the (r)evolutionary: positive growth, peaceful coexistence, and radically humane change.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

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Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: classism, control issues, pro life, social change, what to do about bigotry