ABCs Of Kink

The Promise of Imperfection

June 16, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

My character, “Super Grandpa”, is the most autobiographical character I’ve created and perform to date.

I fall in love with unsymmetrical faces. I have no love for the perfectly clean and tidy. This holy, messy Earth we are made of sings to me. I glimpse a stain, an imperfection, a story, and I am drawn closer.

I intentionally fail at times. Weak within my own fear of falling short, I fulfill the prophesy. This is my most human accomplishment. Without triumph I see another day to make gains, another day to become better than I am. It’s not admirable to peak in high school, in college, in one’s 20s, 30s, and so it goes… on until Death. My lineage lives long. I’ve a surplus of decades to fuck up and learn within before my time has run out (should my stock be the decider of such things). I have no regrets in this process. No shame.

Instead I practice rejoicing my shortfalls. I revel like a child in the mud. I am dusted with a smell of rot, as are gardens that grow wild. I contemplate all it is to be alive. I contemplate what it means to fear my shadow, or other creatures upon the Earth. I eat food, dirty with soil Mother prepares me to return to. This place was meant for far more than singular visions of perfection and tight-fisted notions of what’s “right”.

At this moment my familiar lays next to me unconsolable, as I pet my keyboard instead of her own thick wonderful fur. I understand this jealousy.

I know what it means to nurse a tear-filled heart, spine pressed against the side of someone unfaithful to my desires.

I know what it is to roar without a bosom to fall upon after releasing my pain.

I know what it means to suffer quietly, a peasant among bountiful friends.

I’m glad she forgives me daily for this work that I do—the stroking of keyboards which are not her body. She quietly and lovingly gives me strength to fight on in my own life.

My feet, naked upon the Earth, are ripped and hardened from the tasks at hand. There are feathers in my cap from battles fought, and wings upon my back which I have grown. My breast is full and will bleed, spill freely upon the land with my efforts and passion. This battle ritual—transforming from chattel to human in the eyes of the Gods, unable to be dismissed by larger society—is the ritual of claiming a place here on land, amongst “the man”, with leverage in law.

I mutter indiscriminately into the wind, “I am here”. Whether I am heard or not is theoretical and unimportant. It is not the aim of this moment I am living. It matters simply that I am, and that I say so. Have I friends who see me? Have I lovers who might call to me in moments wavering within their hearts and minds? Have I fans who see behind the curtain to the core of me, the performer, masked and shadowed for the pleasure of an audience’s dream? Have I parents who understand the arc of a storyline beyond comprehension of their own lives? Have I lineage peeling back through the ages, touching land upon land upon land… We belong to one another. This is my ultimate claim as I stand.

In this moment of unremarkable history, I am soul wrapped in flesh. I am voice, marring and mastering my telling. I am prepared to come and go, tossed this way and that as the wind sees fit. My story continues to be spun. I am thread. I am beautifully, imperfectly stitched.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me pay rent: join Patreon, offer Support or email me directly. Thank you

Filed Under: Brain on Download Blog Tagged With: fighting for visibility, human story, imperfections are human, learning to fail, perfection in the imperfect details

Who’s Allowed at Pride

June 1, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

Evil is the belief that exploring one’s identity should be relegated only to the select few privileged to be deemed “enough”. This stance is built on an underlying belief in purity, coupled with a binary perspective which does not exist in the spectrum-rich genius of nature.

We are not pure. We human beings are emergent messes/masses of opportunity, and as a race we thirst for education, for knowledge, and to know our place in this chaotic period of time we call life. We also yearn to know the peace and joy existent in our own bodies regardless of boundaries or lines constructed specifically to grant access, and certainly even moreso to gain power through an ability to deny.

We are born with a right to one thing only: our bodies equipped with emotions, spirit, and mind. That we strive to do no wrong to one another is at argument with our autonomous selves at times, a struggle which every individual must walk along and learn their balance within. This imperfect and rife-with-mistakes quest is the line. The journey. The story of our individual lives.

Please come to Pride and experience openness for other walks of life, openness to your own possibility, openness with one another pointing out the similarities and differences within our collective and ritualized proximity. Far be it for my queer-ass self to tell you how to navigate your journey, discover your kinks, or shake the hand of revelation, appreciation, friendship, admiration, happiness, pleasure, or love. It won’t be easy, fun, joyful, or pretty all of the time. We are complex, and that in itself is where perfection derives.

This protest is a party meant for liberation. It is a fierce cry to the patriarchy that we will not be repressed, suppressed, hidden, tortured, extinguished, killed, or denied. Those who take to the streets may not be our lovers but they are, in less distant ways than we sometimes may conceive, our friends and allies.

Bad behavior could be addressed authentically, not used as a weapon to “other” the hearts and minds of those who currently identify in a more mainstream way than we ourselves may do today. Being in whatever specific moment of our own journey we’re in and embracing whatever queerness we can within our bodies has been a journey. Admit that. Queers are referred to as “family” because we teach one another how to grow, how to love, how to better be. Believe in that family. Come to dinner. Participate.

Straight men shouldn’t be objectifying lesbians, just as gay men shouldn’t be grabbing the breasts of women and saying it’s “ok because they’re gay”. Cis women and lesbians should leave any TERF opinions they may have in the garbage at home, and bachelorettes must acknowledge the celebration surrounding them isn’t theirs to dominate. There is no yardstick measuring how tall you must be to get into Pride, merely a wish for freedom, celebration, support, visibility, and understanding. Save your velvet ropes and vitriol for harassers and bigots; those people inciting actual danger and damage; politicians signing restrictive and offensive, demoralizing, life threatening bills into law at this very moment we’re taking to the streets protesting. If you want to control a guest list, certainly have yourself a house party.

If I cannot find and cultivate my freedom despite (or as an essential truth because of) the differences surrounding me, what hope do I even have in this thing called living?

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please help me pay rent: join Patreon, offer Support or email me directly. Thank you

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: are you queer enough, is kink queer, LGBTQ, Pride, what's safe space

How to Approach a Sex Worker, a Woman, a Stranger, or Anyone Else You’d Like Something From

May 31, 2019 by ABCs Of Kink

The following rant is not the way to make money (unfortunately), but hopefully it serves as education and a mental jog for entitled dudes. Yes, in my experience it’s pretty much always dudes who think sliding into my DMs with a “hey” or “I’d love to sit on your table”, and then get all, “oh I didn’t know you’re only here for professional” (or worse, like throwing a tantrum or becoming agro/offensive), when I offer to share my rates, is a way to connect with me or literally get anything they want from anyone ever.

For context, my profiles are very clear about what I’m looking for on Fetlife and other professionally oriented places I advertise my services. I offer: professional Domination; BDSM skills and safety classes; sexuality, gender, identity, and relationship coaching; relaxation massage informed by a background of various dance/physical alignment modalities and from the perspective of sexological bodywork.

Unless a person is capable of actual seduction in an environment where I’m looking to be seduced—not form community and find clients—there’s absolutely no reason why I’d be interested in servicing said stranger, or engaging in some inarticulate thing which takes up my time, energy, and career knowledge. This is especially true considering what these people are looking for is within my industry, and so I have plethora investment and skills in sensuality, BDSM, and sexuality education. I deserve better. So does every person alive. Therefore, to the people who insist on chatting me up in the least interesting and most entitled ways possible, I have this to say:

Your communication is lacking, your profile usually doesn’t tell me anything about you (almost every single time your information, photos, even your kinks haven’t been filled out), and your approach of me is extremely less than considered. Honestly, you’re categorically not my type outside of client relations. You’re not even my type within client relations, but I’ll spend more energy getting to know someone who’s paying me for my time to do so. I’m sure you understand, I mean it’s pretty basic when you consider the fact that I, stranger you find attractive, don’t owe you anything.

Please do feel free to talk to me like a human being who has something you desire and value though. Approach me in a manner befitting someone you are attracted to for reasons. If you decide I’m worth your energy and thoughtful consideration, feel free to try and befriend me without expecting anything other than friendship. Alternately, if you’d like an experience where you don’t have to try as hard, and will compensate me for my time and energy to that end, definitely let me know in your introduction.

When I share my rates with you, it’s best that you either don’t respond because you’re not interested, or respond generously and thank me for my time. It’s even appropriate to let me know you can’t afford my rates, or wonder if I’d ever consider trade or an alternate arrangement. As long as you acknowledge that you’re asking for something of value from me and understand you’ll have to put in energy too if you have any hope of gaining these things you desire, we can at least have a respectful exchange before I decide whether or not I’m interested.

I don’t owe you my time, attention, skills, consideration, or anything else. I enjoy working with patrons who value me, and I share my skills when appropriate and joyfully with people I’m close to—I even share a ton of knowledge for free through my kink blog. You, stranger popping up in my feed, aren’t these things to me. You’re a boring entitled waste of my time and energy, and I delete a lot of you from my inbox daily.

Spend your own energy before you attempt to pilfer mine.

For those of you who are realizing that you yourselves, perhaps, have approached women, queers, sex worker professionals, and other regularly sexualized, fetishized, or objectified persons with such demand or ignorance: I’m glad you can see it. It’s not hard to change, you just have to write a thoughtful sentence before you hit send. Just write one thoughtful sharing thing to say, that might pique the receiver’s actual interest in you as a person. Eventually you might work up to two or three sentences, and someday you very may well knock my socks off with a (not narcissistic or completely self absorbed) couple of paragraphs cultivated in order to let me know a bit about you, why you are interested in me, what you’d like to offer me for my attention, and a bit about what specifically you’re looking for.

We’re both adults (otherwise you shouldn’t be approaching me about such things in the first place), and I expect adult behavior from people who want to engage in adult activities. Everyone starts at the beginning, don’t get stuck before you’ve learned a single thing.

Absolutely no one is into it. This behavior is no one’s kink.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

This writing takes time, research, and consideration. It is my art.
Please visit my Patreon, offer one time Support or email me for options. Thank you.

Filed Under: Perspectives on Kink Blog Tagged With: how not to objectify, how to be a good client, how to talk to a sex worker, how to talk to strangers, sex work