The Problem with Pubic Hair

I whipped up this photo in response to an article I wrote about the painting "Portrait of Ms Ruby May, Standing" by Leena McCall

I whipped up this photo in response to an article I read about Leena McCall’s painting, “Portrait of Ms Ruby May, Standing“.

Women’s pubic hair is a topic of conversation I’ve been reading about a lot in the past month…  I love my pubic hair and quite often have quite a bit of it too.  After this March’s Madonna has pit-hair instagram thing, a few articles have jumped out at me recently:

…female pubic hair is considered irredeemably, and problematically, erotic. The documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated revealed that the 2003 Vegas flick The Cooler was given an NC-17 rating thanks to 1.5 seconds of Maria Bello’s pubic hair. The whys and ways of the MPAA rating board are somewhat mysterious, but after directors agreed to cut the pubic hair (though not the oral sex leading up to it), the film earned the far more commercially viable R rating. Meanwhile, films that show horrific violence against women—like The Killer Inside Me, which lingers over the graphic murder of its female leads, or The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which features a long anal rape scene, are given an R rating.

Although women outperform men all over the place, we still feel light years away from shaking off a generalized squeamishness at the functions of the sweating, bleeding female body. Body hair is one of the most visible manifestations of this.

“It seems so odd that at a time when women are more powerful than ever, there’s a simultaneous impulse towards diminution, which is what hair removal represents, since it’s returning an adult female body to an aesthetic akin to that of a prepubescent child,” says the feminist writer and psychoanalyst Susie Orbach. “We remain very scared of the smells, blood and secretions of the human body, especially the female form, and are more comfortable erasing the reminder of these functions all together. All female bodies, whatever their age, weight or appearance, are beautiful, but we’d rather punish ourselves than acknowledge this.”

Evolutionarily speaking, sex is the whole game. Sex with the wrong person can kill you and your genetic line – through disease, infertility, misfortune. With the right person, it can assure that your genes are transmitted to the next generation. Armpit hair signals sex because it grows during puberty and is one of the first signs of maturity (and fertility). And it signals sex because it transmits the scents that lead to mating. It triggers disgust because it reminds humans how dangerous sex can be. And that’s why we shave it off. Because armpit hair betrays the western fantasy about sex, which is that sex is fun, pleasurable, innocent, and inconsequential, a fantasy that elides the evolutionary truth. The revulsion at armpit hair might be evolution’s way of saying “proceed with caution,” and its removal one less barrier to cross.

When I played the "Wet Spot Fairy" in the Slutcracker, I always felt intensely sexy and empowered, hair and all! Photo by Hans Wendland, cropped for this blog by me.

When I played the “Wet Spot Fairy” in the Slutcracker I felt intensely sexy and empowered, hair and all. Photo by Hans Wendland, cropped for this blog by me.

Here are some of my thoughts on the subject:

Once I hit puberty I shaved regularly for about one month.  Thinking it was so boring and dumb I stopped and have never gone back.  Even now as an adult I find that hairless armpits make me feel more uneasy than hairy ones.  I think the shading and shape of hair makes the arm look more muscular and inviting, and less weirdly undefined and whale bellyish…  but that’s me.  The few times I have shaved in my adult life I’ve had the unsettling experience of feeling a lot of shame as it was growing back.  Thankfully though, once it’s happily past the stubble and itchy scratchy stage, I feel quite comfortable and confident about having my body hair back again.

I wonder if because I am someone who feels major safety issues around sex and male behavior in general, that my brain attaches to the idea it is dangerous or a warning sign to have body hair – the idea that I’m maintaining barriers and telling people to beware?  I don’t like to think of it that way though, I like to think about how it shapes the contours of my armpit, how soft it is, how it regulates my temperature, and holds my animal scents for lovers who are lucky enough to get that near…

Cunnilingus, in my opinion, is so lovely when your lover has a full bush.  It smells nice, is soft (not stubbly and ready to give me a rash), and when it is long enough it aids in parting the labia aside to delve all the way in.  I don’t find loose hair abounds when the hair is long enough.  And I love to stroke it before and after being intimate.  It is beautiful to me.

I remember changing after swimming at the YMCA with a friend of my mother’s, I was probably 10 at the time.  She had armpit hair.  I remember falling in love with it, being shocked yes, but thinking it was beautiful and wild and sexy and that I wanted to be like that too… maybe just seeing another woman accept her body was enough to make me want to accept my own in that way.  Years later I still think back on that moment and now, as an actor and burlesque dancer, the presence of my body hair on stage shouts out to every audience member there:  I exist!

Mission accomplished.  Love for my body maintained.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Do you have a story or perspective to share about kink or would you like to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

You Gotta Be Responsible

"AIDS awareness - HIV testing and treatment" mural from Mozambique. Photo by Jacopo Werther

“AIDS awareness – HIV testing and treatment” mural from Mozambique. Photo by Jacopo Werther

It’s been about three months since my last STI testing post, and my next appointment is already in the calendar for next week.  Today’s post is a nudge to you to think about how important it is to keep up on your personal health care.  Your status may not be something you think about a lot, but it is important for you and any and all of the partners and partners of partners you may be connected to…

Look at the National HIV and STD Testing Resources website if you don’t know where to get checked out.  They’re a great resource, especially for travelers like myself, the newer to non-monogamy types, those who’ve just changed partner status recently, and really anyone at all who wants to know what’s going on with their body.  Get tested as a treat to yourself.  Take a mental health day, walk in the sun, eat your favorite foods, take yourself out to something fun, and make an appointment to get your blood drawn, your urine tested, and have a quick chat with a healthcare professional who can answer some questions about your lifestyle realities including risk factors.  My love and support to you on that day.

In response to my post last wednesday, a friend posted this article from The Advocate on my FB page:  STUDY: Biphobia Puts Bisexual Men at Risk for STIs.  I have gotten a bunch of responses from people since last week’s post, and I thank you all very much for offering me your insights on the subject.

Please feel free to post/publish/share last week’s post far and wide: Male Sexuality as it Pertains to Other Men.  After an in person interview, a few chats, some personal accounts written to me, and other tidbits of fun, I’m ready for more!  Happy summer my friends.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Do you have a story or perspective to share about kink or would you like to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

Male Sexuality as it Pertains to Other Men

Photo by Victorrrmz

Photo by Victorrrmz

I am in need of help from people with a male perspective/experience who are willing to talk to me about their sexuality.

I am currently working on a project centered around the idea of men’s sexuality as it pertains to other men.  I am looking to collect stories, perspectives, and thoughts on the subject from as many sources as I can.

Please email me: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com
or comment below if you’re interested in helping or learning more and don’t mind sharing publicly. Here’s a little more about what I’m looking for:

It occurs to me that in the United States (and many other countries) boy people/people with a masculine perspective/body/gender/sex history are under a lot of different types of societal pressure when it comes to their understanding of self where it pertains to other men. I think our patriarchal reality perpetuates a lot of threatening and violent messages toward men on the subject of sexual interest or curiosity in other men.

The experience of male (identified or experienced) people who are attracted to, interested in, or curious about other men in any kind of sexual way are a subject of great interest to me, and one I would like to understand more fully. As a not-male person I would like to know better what that experience is like for the half of the population who does.

In the process of coming out to myself as some form of bisexual (I now identify as “sexual”) I hunted high and low for personal accounts of bisexuality, and I mostly found scientific writing which didn’t make me feel better about the emotional turmoil I was going through.  It did not suffice to better my understanding of my identity as I was feeling it for the period of time I was actively questioning, exploring, and coming to terms with who I might be and what that meant.  I got through that process with the support of a LOT of peers and a wonderful (mostly artistic) community…  I know men today who are going through this same questioning, and it has given me pause, made me curious about how that process might be different for guys.

So, people who know what I am talking about, I ask you to help me understand better.  Here’s what I am looking for from those who are interested in talking to me; please send me something relating to this list (it can be anything at all you think to be an interesting or personal perspective on the subject):

  • Coming out stories (regardless of whether you are straight, bisexual, curious, onmi, pan, gay… whatever), just stories about what coming out means or has meant to you.
  • Thoughts on the difference between your sexual orientation and your sexual behaviors (if there are any).
  • Thoughts or experiences about why men sometimes choose to be “on the DL” about their orientation or sexual behaviors, even with loved ones.
  • Links to your favorite erotica or porn or images (written, drawn, photographed, video… etc) that has to do with attraction to masculinity, or other men, or men and other genders.
  • Stories about various experiences you’ve had with people of various genders and how you feel it does or does not effect your orientation
  • Links or writing resources on whatever you might consider bisexual/queer/curious/etc sexiness
  • Stories of how your partner(s) have or have not helped you or supported you as you’ve come to terms with your desires/urges/interests/whathaveyou as you’ve looked at what those are.
  • Experiences you’ve had with other men and how that did or did not effect the way you look at your sexuality.
  • What you think the difference is between various sexualities and curiosities
  • Stories about questioning your sexuality that either end in you changing your feeling about your orientation or not.
  • Anything else this list makes you think of that I haven’t mentioned explicitly…

Thank you for your help, I look forward to reading as much as I can on the subject.  Please share resources and do feel free to write me if you are a non-male-identified person who also has thoughts on this subject.  I appreciate it all greatly.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

###

Be an ABCs contributor:  Do you dave a story or perspective to share about kink or would you like to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: Karin @ ABCsOfKink . com or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

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