V is for VOYEURISM

"Peeping Tom" by Jean Carolus

“Peeping Tom” by Jean Carolus

How strange is it to be a voyeur?  I would say not so very much at all, though many of the common practices that include the act of “watching” are not really labeled as voyeuristic.

What is Voyeurism?  Voyeurism is the practice of watching.  There are a lot of sexy kinky ways to watch things, and also some illegal/creepy/damaging ways to do so too.  If you are questioning which is which, think about consent first before setting up your peephole – without first being granted permission to watch (from all of the participants involved), you are not doing your sexy due diligence, and remember that watching an illegal activity counts as participating in said illegal activity unless you’re reporting it.

Am I a voyeur?  Well, I dunno, are you?  Following are some questions that might help you meditate a little more on your relationship with voyeurism:  Do you like to watch porn or erotica?  Do you enjoy watching your partner masturbate?  Are orgies much more fun when you’re wrapped up watching body parts tumble across one another, rather than planting your face in a place that narrows your vision?  Do you go to sex and kink parties to chat with friends and then walk around to see what other people are up to rather than (or in addition to) making spank-dates of your own?  Do you enjoy videotaping your own sexy times?  How does “being cuckolded – as long as you are forced to watch” sound?  How many mirrors are in your bedroom, and where are they placed?

As you are starting to see, there are a LOT of ways to enjoy voyeuristic activities, and this list is hardly exhaustive.  As highly visual creatures, it is hard not to enjoy watching other people perform the activities we know would make our bodies feel so good too.

Voyeuristic permission finding:  Consent is a really important part of being a successful and respectful Peeping Tom.  If you would like to watch someone do something sexy or private, in most situations you should ask first or even arrange a date to make that happen.  Usually when you are in a situation where you can easily watch people go at it, you should not have a hard time approaching them at some point and letting them know that you appreciate what they’re into and would like to watch, if it wouldn’t be too intrusive.  You can also ask to participate by watching.  You should also ask if it’s alright to masturbate nearby their sexy activities if that’s what you would like to be doing.  Some people will find an eager onlooker a complete turn-on and enjoy the added energy surrounding their scene, whereas others may be shy or feel as though their privacy/intimacy/connection is being violated by that same presence.  Whatever your occasion may be, find the specific words you need to ask if they mind you watching.

There are specific exceptions to this rule:  play parties or public play spaces, and shows or performances that are designed for people to watch.  One party I went to mentioned in its rulebook that your entrance into the party assumes you default consent to only one sexual activity: being watched.  Even in these situations though, there are still good etiquette standards to follow which keep one safe from being mistaken as a predator:  Be mindful of your distance and intensity, don’t be a stalker watching every scene a particular person engages in, don’t stare too long or too intensely, and don’t situate yourself close enough to the activity to bother the active participants. Casually watching people play with one another is a very different scenario than the one I’ve described above.  And, if you would like to be a “stalkery/close range/intense long starer” type without being labelled a predator and getting kicked out the door, you gotta go back to the first rule and GET YOUR CONSENTS IN ORDER.

Photo by alicia rae from Pittsburgh, USA

Photo by alicia rae from Pittsburgh, USA

My life as a watcher:  I have not gone soooo so far down the rabbit hole with this one, though I will say one of the things I enjoy most about watching people interact intimately with one another is that I feel connected to them and their energy in my moment of observation.  I absolutely enjoy the visuals.  The choreography of touch and physical response, the look on people’s faces while they decide how they feel about an unfolding situation, the dance between bodies, the determination or bliss and…  well… the je ne sais quoa of it all!

I also learn from watching.  I learn a lot.  I learn about form and skill, I learn about what the body is capable of.  I have watched things I thought would be impossible to bear as they were happening and came to understand how someone might LOVE to do that crazy thing.  I have also learned a lot about what turns me on and what does not.  The idea of some activities turns my stomach, but having witnessed the deed done, I can recall being stunned, wet, breathing with the people engaged, and wanting…  I would count the first time I saw someone mummified in these ranks, as well as watching someone be bullwhipped, some cutting and needle play, and a very intensive wax play scene.  These are all things that I’ve understood better by seeing them happen before my own eyes; because of it some of these activities have been added to my own bucket list as well.

Go forth and be kinky.  Love one another the best you can.  Do it consensually, and do it well!

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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~Thank you.

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