Does this Embroidery Floss Make My Vulva Look Trans Enough?

My fingers have been acting as though it’s fall and itching to make things instead of type. This past week I taught myself to embroider. I have a project in mind…

Imagine a wall of images speaking to sex positivity and exploratory instigations instead of yarns of religious shaming and status quo generalizations. A few pieces are started, one is almost done.

A new sort of sex education…

Let me know if you’re interested in commissioning anything. Prototyping is fun, and my hands, apparently, want the work.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon, or for one time: Support the Artist or email me.
~Thank you.

Connections

Photo by Jonathan Beckley

There are days I need to be quiet. Hours of nothing. Stillness. Rumbling within. Mouth glued shut around my impending vocal boom. There are days I need not to move.
~Creature/Karin Webb

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A new acquaintance on Fetlife asked me about being ftm today. They said they had a theory about why there’s an 8:1 ratio of trans women to transmen (I number I hadn’t heard before). They thought it might have something to do with societal privilege and how it’s less acceptable in our culture to be a feminine man vs. a masculine woman. He is getting at something there, of course it’s not the whole story. Here are a couple of other things I think:

Patriarchal society is always more interested in what happens to what it perceives as male bodies, than what it perceives as female bodies. How that plays out can be deconstructed in a number of ways.

There’s an economy in place meant to keep men from a full experience of their bodies, their emotions, their sensuality, and their femininity in order to control their physical strength. Men are rewarded economically for “being men” and aligning themselves with macho values.

Trans reality flies in the face of that economic hierarchy and people who have been vested with “membership to the club” face a lot of violence when eschewing privilege by honoring their identities. Adversely, people who have never been rewarded or welcomed into the club, those who have been neglected or maligned since birth, can more easily pass under society’s radar when not adhering to the rules. Being a butch woman is more socially acceptable than being a feminine man.

When you’re part of a minority class, assigned at birth, it’s hard to want to claim space in the class of your oppressor even when you feel you belong to it. You often understand more nuances concerning the reality of privilege because you’ve grown up experiencing it from the oppressed end. Identifying as “butch” rather than “trans” can sometimes be enough for survival, or may feel more accessible to someone who already has to survive on other levels in their lives (economic, racial, sexual, etc.). This may be one reason it appears there is a disparity in the number of trans men vs. that of trans women.

Dominant society’s interest in AMAB bodies far exceeds its interest in AFAB bodies, and shines a spotlight and throws money there. AFAB bodies are not invested in socially or monetarily, they can sometimes more easily disappear.

Connected to this phenomenon, take a look at lesbian and gay cultures, and you’ll see the same imbalance magnified. Most major cities will have at least one (usually more) dedicated gay male spaces that run 24/7 as gay male spaces, in effort to proudly serve that community — which also may benefit trans women, yet historically much less so welcome trans men. In these same cities there might be one or two lesbian “nights” around town on a weekly or even monthly basis. This speaks extremely loudly to the economic divide which is reinforced when 2 privileged people in relationship (gay men) are funding their community vs. two underprivileged people in relationship (lesbian women), who are often unable to fund or network to the same extent for theirs. Here we see the cis gay and lesbian communities mirroring dominant culture and even exacerbating a gendered resource divide.

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On Wednesday evening I hosted the first (I hope) meetup of people who identify somewhere within queer, trans, kinky, sex worker, sex worker friendly, POC, people with disabilities, and politically active. We talked about a number of things — our needs and desires as individuals, what actions we’d like to see happen around us or navigate making happen ourselves, what’s already going on in RI, Switter, sex worker strikes, stripper unionization, poverty, women’s work, what it’s like to strip in different parts of the country, how artists fund their art, how race and gender and disability and poverty intersect with all of these notions, how struggle can make you more informed about a lot of issues, the differences and overlaps between chosen work, survival work, and victimization…

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Recently a conversation about the history behind the terms Womanism and Feminism came up. It was a good one to be having.

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On Wednesday morning Trump signed FOSTA into lawYou can sign this petition to overturn FOSTA, I hope you do.

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A friend recently mentioned I should make t-shirts which say:

Sex Work is
Women’s work
POC’s work
Trans work
Work for People with Disabilities
& Poor People’s work

Sex Worker Rights are Human Rights
Support Sex Workers
Decriminalize

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From shit we rise.
It’s starting to feel like Spring…

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

In Service to Gold

My “Ropes” performance adjusted for a film scene. Photo still from the short film “Legitimate” by Izzy Lee

I’ve been trying to figure out where to put my energy these days, and it’s a little overwhelming. Moving forward in a career which I feel has no real definition other than “utilizing my talents and drive” is hard. It takes risk, and energy, and for building blocks to be invented and reinvented constantly.

I write this blog on kink, sexuaity, gender, identity, and politics. I get paid through my Patreon campaign to support it. It’s steady work even if it isn’t a lot of money, I make about $375/month. That’s not as much as I’d like, but I’m grateful to have built up to this point. Hopefully as my blog’s reach grows so will my patreon supporters. I know I need to be better at advertising and asking people to support it directly. Here’s practice: If you enjoy reading this blog, or have mentioned it to someone else, or have found yourself thinking about my writing from time to time, please consider contributing to support me through My Patron Campaign. Thank you.

I am also a professional Dominant. I don’t gig doing this very regularly. Though when I do have the opportunity to, I enjoy it extraordinarily. I am a consummate lover of connection, and have a personal fetish for being paid and feeling valued on the job. Professional Dominance highlights my interpersonal skills, natural sadomasochism, lust for research, enjoyment of teaching and challenging the people around me, love of doing things well, and affecting others. It challenges me to be fully in the moment with my client. Each scene is just that (similar to my theatrical practice), a moment in time with a beginning, middle, and end, and we rehearse these adult games, these flesh sports, these sensational experiences for so many varied reasons — definable and not. It is a fantastic ride. I do BDSM sessions, and I also train people in submission and service. I enjoy guesting at various dungeons and sceneing with other Doms when I have the opportunity to as well.

I just started camming. It’s an ok way to make some money on the side. So far other than it being a bit on the boring side, it’s entertaining enough. I enjoy private shows the most — again being a connection lover it feels more rewarding financially, conversationally, and in the moment. There’s definitely a learning curve I’m on, but it’s an interesting way to fill a few hours when I’ve got them.

I teach drag king classes, performance art skills, all about the creative process, ballet and other movement techniques, character development and acting, gender exploration workshops, sex/gender/identity lectures, sexuality education, BDSM skills, the list goes on, and I also direct. My clients are high school GSAs, colleges and universities, business companies, people who organize a group of friends to get together, individuals who approach me for help with a certain project, piece of art, personal idea, or desire. I love these gigs and feeling helpful when I’m supporting someone in a way that’s important to them, or encouraging a person to try something new, or teaching skills that are valued.

I perform my own original performance pieces for production companies, party hosts, bachelor and bachelorette parties, event coordinators, bars, theaters, and schools who hire me to be in their curriculum all over the country. I create new content, choose from a long list of performances I’ve created over the years, offer up my solo show: NO SHAME, or rework a favorite piece to be more appropriate to the particular audience I’m performing for. My work spans performance art genres from drag to burlesque, monologues, character acting, spoken word, mask, dance, puppetry, interactive characters, living statue, storytelling, physical theater, and straight up performance art. I’ve been a professional in this career since I was 11 years old, and have multiple degrees, certificates, and awards in my field.

I make art. Visual art. I’m immersed in a couple of projects currently. I create my own costumes, props, sometimes set pieces, and other objects my performance and visual art installations require. My visual art is multimedia spanning across costuming, jewelry making, puppet and doll creation, design, painting, found object manipulation, photography, animation, and whatever else I need to learn to make an idea materialize.

None of these things on their own are paying my rent. Together they are keeping me at a level barely afloat, and I wish I was not as close to my bottom line. For now it seems to be working though, and I’m grateful to be at the place I am at. It’s been a lifetime to get here. I spend a good percentage of my time doing administrative work rather than actually creatively building and gigging. Booking, negotiating, applying for opportunities, website building and maintenance, outreach, networking, research on whatever specific idea I’m currently working on, trying to maintain a reasonable social media presence, the list goes on… That’s the bulk of where my time is spent.

Do I wish I made more money and that it wasn’t so hard to stay afloat? Yes.

Do I think I’m valued by the communities of people I work with? Yes, in fact very much by some, and that feels extraordinary to me. It helps me not give up (I often feel as though I could).

Do I wish I was spending more time creating and gigging than grinding away at office duties for most of my day? Absolutely! I would love to have a booking manager/office manager supporting me by piecing this crazy career together. It’s hard to find someone with the skills I need though who’s willing to get paid gig by gig.

Am I grateful to be where I am? Very grateful. Thank you.

Thank you for reading this blog. Thank you to those of you who find ways outside of reading to support me. Thank you to people who send gigs my way, hire me directly, and think of me when they have questions about identity or sexuality, or hire me to have talk sessions or counsel them as they work toward personal goals of their own. I am passionate about these things, and all of the pieces help me grow into who I mean to be.

I don’t see the difference between art which is hanging in a gallery, the art which is my body telling a story on stage, or the beauty and gold I can cultivate and coax out of someone’s body/mind/emotional experience when we intentionally meet with a goal in mind. I love people. I admire struggle and meaning making and connection. I get excited to share what I know and what I see and explore unknowns with those interested and willing. This work is real work, and sometimes it’s hard to reckon with the reality that even attendants of fantasy and muses with far-reaching skills need to eat.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

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