H is for HOMEWORK

Finishing this homework led to one of the sexiest events of my life…

I really enjoy homework. Homework is a creative prompt with which I aim to please my partner. Homework gives me permission to let go and get raunchy and overtly sexual, to be nurturing in a welcomed way, or be useful as set specifically forth by my lover. Homework can stretch my ideas about what I’m capable of, or help me get inspired by new situations I had never dreamed of. Homework definitely presses my “desire to please” buttons, which is a turn on for me too. As for giving homework, it gives me a chance to ask (or demand) what I want from a partner, knowing that they want and value my instruction. It gives me permission to want and practice asking. I delight in the gifts and updates my partner brings me, and each completed task feels like respect and love. Giving also presses my empathic buttons, and I get to enjoy constructing an experience that affects someone, to feel their desire for me as they jump through my hoops…

Some homework instructions I’ve been given, or have given others:

  • “Go to the hardware store, pick out the hardware needed to create hardpoints for our bed, then come to my work and lay them on the counter in front of you. Remain standing in front of them until I come over.”
  • “When you get up this morning, insert the Duotone balls and edge seven times. Text me asking to orgasm when you’ve gotten to that point. I might let you.”
  • “Write me about a fantasy of yours… Be careful what you wish for”
  • “Write: “I am a very naughty boy” after every hit you take, and number each entry. You had better have good penmanship.”
  • “Go into the bathroom and take a photo of “X” (X = toy I’m wearing, me topless, fingering myself, me bruising myself… any number of deviant or perverse things) and text it to me before returning to the party/dinner/roadtrip.”
  • “Write to me and tell me three things you’re interested in experiencing.”
  • “Show up to our date with toys.”
  • “I am not your “Mistress”, that title doesn’t suit Me. I expect you to show up to our dinner with a handwritten apology for both incorrectly assuming My title, and that you’re worthy of speaking it without My explicit instruction. You may address Me as Sir in your letter.”
  • “You need to take better care of yourself, make sure you take a bath today. Tell me about it when you’ve finished.”
  • Here are examples of my favorite homework assignments completed: the blogs Sports Bar Fantasy and Homework, and the photo above…

As fun as it seems homework can be hard to navigate though, and it takes commitment from both sides of the equation to pan out well. Homework can be hard to negotiate in a few ways, and easily become a game people fall out of playing or get stressed out over rather than turned on by. Creating the right amount of tension and finding the best types of tension in play in any relationship dynamic is hard, BDSM and kink games are no different. Here are some things to consider:

For the Dominant/Top/Asker/Homework Giver: It’s important to remember that the Top in the homework game needs to be held accountable too. If the person providing homework doesn’t check the homework or respond when it’s complete, the bottom’s incentive to be a “good boy/girl/creature” starts to diffuse. If that happens too many times, your bottom may no longer feel like homework is fun, and it may start to feel less like foreplay and more like a thankless chore. This isn’t to say all homework must be fun, per se, though an eye to balance is always helpful in a heartening relationship. Part of what gives homework its appeal are fresh opportunities to please a partner, and ultimately the connection (or “treats”) one gets from their D-type for doing a good thing. When no one checks your homework or comments on it, or brings things to the next level as reward for a job well done (or not well done), what’s the point of doing it in the first place? The magic will begin to fizzle. Notice what homework your partner enjoys completing, is good at, is awful at, seems depressed or stressed out by, etc. It’s your prerogative to only give challenging, hard, stressful, unforgiving, depressing homework to your partner, but it’s also their prerogative to think you’re an asshole and stop playing with you. For best results consider how much homework someone has, and how that affects the rest of their life. There is a fine line between asking too little and too much. A good amount of tension can work well in this game and a Sadist who enjoys eliciting a manageable level of stress might use this knowledge to their benefit.

For the s-type/homework receiver: You must be willing to let your D-type know what is on your plate so that the game can be played in a way where what is asked of you continues to feel fulfilling/sexy/fun/flirtatious/the right kind of stressful/a turn on… Know what affects your ability to say “yes”, and be willing to draw necessary boundaries and say “no” when those boundaries are being violated. There is a big difference between homework which makes you creatively problem solve to get it done, and homework which threatens something you don’t want affected by a your sexual or kinky relationship. For instance, I am a very driven and focused worker. I have a lot of deadlines, and a large portion of my sense of self is derived from meeting my professional goals and a job well done. If I have a really busy day with very little time for myself, and a long list of things to do from my Dominant shows up with a deadline of that evening, I am probably going to be really stressed out — and not in a good way. I may not have time to accomplish all that is on the list and I’ll feel torn between my professional life and my partnership (which for me is an ultimate “not sexy” turmoil). If I have three rehearsals that day, two meetings, and I need to get a blog written, you better believe I’m not excited about a list of time consuming expectations due before dinner. In fact, I’ll probably get emotionally bent out of shape about it, or just feel tired and the opposite of playfully turned on and connected to my partner. I may feel they are being a domineering jerk who doesn’t respect my professionalism rather than my loving thoughtful Dominant trying to add some color and connection into my day. It is my job to let my partner know that I have these boundaries around my work life. It is my job to ask for a later deadline to get this homework done, or essentially safeword out of that tasklist. If I do charge into my day with that list in hand, the homework I accomplish will be under duress, shoddily done, or completed with resentment… No manner of “good boy” head patting at the end of the day will lift my spirits from not taking pride and deviant joy in doing my homework, or worse from having compromised my professional focus and personal values.

What types of circumstances are exciting for you to give under? What types of circumstances are undermining to the intent homework is trying to cultivate? What feelings do you want homework to inspire in you or in your partner? What feelings or circumstances do you not want to face while being asked to do homework? What kinds of homework turn you or your partner on? What types of homework are you ambivalent about? What types of homework do you loathe? What types of homework will you not do?… The more you know yourselves and the clearer you are with one another about what does and doesn’t work, the easier it will be to help each other know what to ask and what not to ask for a strong connection and desireable turnout. The more an s-type shares with their partner, the better a D-type will be able to read them and decide where and how to challenge as they see fit… What D-type doesn’t want that?

I hope you think up a million ways to play with one another, and send me the stories of your favorite challenges and homeworks along the way… To adult imaginations, finding the proper tension, and satisfying, perverted play!

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Kink Blog’s Resurrection Brought to You by the Asheville DMV

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Hatching too many plans will make a fool of you…

Why hello Dear Readers,

*Note: Blog updated 11/21/16 to reflect the current “published” status of my Patreon Page!

It’s been almost a year since my last blog, and I’ve run a million miles since we last connected… I have been toying with the idea of resurrecting ABCs for a few months now, and all of a sudden I find myself with a couple free hours courtesy the DMV’s insane lines… This is the second time I’ve been turned away at the window to get my new driver’s license — third time’s the charm, right? Oy.

Here’s the quick version of where I’ve been since October: I was on tour across the USA for 9 months with my at-the-time partner performing puppet shows as a full-time job. It was pretty amazing to have that job, great to see new cities, wonderful adventures were had, and I even managed to get out a few times to kink events in various cities we passed though. Play on the road didn’t happen enough for me to stay completely satisfied, but it was greatly educational when it did happen. Post tour I moved to Asheville, NC to be with my partner, but our relationship was not to last, and I found myself alone in this new city trying to figure out what my plan B for the next couple years should look like as I mourned the disintegration of my plan A… …And here I am: moved to a new place after an intense ride a very long way from what I’ve called home for the past 18 years. I am still figuring out what I want, where to go, who I am now, and taking stock of, well, absolutely everything.

Reflecting on all I’ve been through in the past year I realize there’s a lot for me to write about and the list keeps growing, subjects like:

  • Breaking the Ice in a New Kinky Community
  • Kink on the Road: playing with strangers and increasing your chances at being invited over
  • Negotiation Tactics and the Importance of Learning From Mistakes
  • Kinky People and Leather People: What’s the distinction?
  • C is for CIGAR PLAY
  • B is for BLOOD PLAY
  • B is also for BOOTBLACKING
  • H is for HOSTAGE TAKEDOWN
  • H is for HOOK SUSPENSIONS
  • Sexy Kinky Camping Weekends!
  • What if You’re More Kinky than Your Partner?
  • Sex and Kink or *No Sex* and Kink?
  • The Immense Importance of Autonomy
  • Mono/Poly Relationship Dynamics
  • The Finances of a Sex Writer…

Not a bad start huh?

That last subject, “The Finances of a Sex Writer”, is one I’d like to elaborate on briefly now as naturally it’s something I’ve been thinking about for some time. To make ends meet I currently work full-time in a cafe which is exhausting physically, mentally, emotionally, and takes a lot of extroverted energy. Carving out space in this new life and the new place I’ve landed takes time end energy to build up. With a full schedule I find it difficult to meet kinksters and performance artists or even make it out to events that fall outside my evening and weekend work hours. I am starting this blog up again, and my current goal is to publish at least once a week. I want to ramp back up into actualizing the performance art that happens in my head, and I want to tour the country and abroad performing my work, teaching, and continuing to research kink and the kinky communities I come upon. I want to scene, demo bottom, burlesque, drag, clown, puppet, write, direct, teach, learn, and build what is most meaningful to me as a thinker and as an artist, and create what I feel my audiences get the most from…

I need income coming from a source other than my day job for my goal to manifest fully. I need the time and the space (mental and physical) to create. I need to be paid for my time and the effort that I take to research, negotiate, experience, process, reflect on, and put my point of view forth in both written words and performance creations.

There are already a couple ways you can support me for my work on this website and I [Update: Have just published]am in the process of adding a Patreon project to the current list. Please consider whether the ABCs Of Kink blog has meant anything to you or someone you care about, and if you find the answer to be yes, please financially support me so that I can continue to build the sex-positive, kinky, queer, loving, open-minded, constantly learning and teaching artistic vision of the world I struggle to make. These are ways you can support me, and thank you for your consideration:

  • Donation Link: At the top right of this and most pages on this website is a “SUPPORT THE ARTIST” button. Please click on it for one time gifts or recurring payments to be processed. As little as a few dollars, or $10, $20, $50+… a month is extremely appreciated and helpful. Thank you!
  • Kink Academy: If you like the website www.KinkAcademy.com, please consider getting a membership (short term or ongoing) using *THIS LINK* to access the membership page, and I will receive a percentage of your sale. This website is a resource I personally love and value and I’m happy to be associated with them through their referral program. Thank you!
  • My Patreon Page: This campaign [Update: is awesome and live and please check it out]is still being created and I’ll update the link when I go live… Please check back!
  • Other Ways to Support Me: If you don’t have money to spare or you want to help me make what I make in other ways, please be in conversation with me. Drop me a line, check out the CONTACT PAGE on this site and write to me. Hearing from you is a great way to keep my spirit and energy afloat as I work. I do this for me, but I also do it for you.

I look forward to bringing you content that will be exciting, interesting, educational, and a great push off for conversation. I look forward to hearing from some of you. I look forward to suggestions about what I should write about… Thank you for reading my words.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Survey Questions

I am a curious kitten, dear Public, always interested in how people think differently about various topics.  Maybe it’s the character actor in me, or the peacekeeper, maybe it’s just the way I’m wired – with an appreciation of people’s differences and desire to be exposed to new ideas…  In light of my kittenishness today I’ve decided I will throw some questions out TO YOU with the hope that responses will come back to me in surprising, ticklish, and challenging ways.

Either for yourself or for response (if you’re so inclined), I challenge you to take a moment to think about some of the answers you have to the questions below.  If you like, write them down and send your responses to me: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com or go to my Contact Page where you can fill out the comment form anonymously (or not – you choose).

Please take note:  Any content I receive that I think would be great to host on the blog will posted anonymous unless you specifically request it not to be and provide your credit information and links to include in the posting.  I look forward to hearing what  YOU think about the subject of kink, here goes!

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Survey Questions!

I suggest picking three, and feel free to get in as much depth as you like:

  • Curious Kitten KarinAre you kinky?
  • Are you interested in kink?
  • Are you experienced in kink?
  • If you’re kinky, at what point did you come out to yourself as such and why?
  • What was your first exposure to kink?
  • Can you define what kink is to you?
  • Are kink and sex the same or different in your experience?
  • Is kink an activity or an identity?
  • What is your favorite kink?
  • Do you have family members who are kinky?
  • What is the line between “vanilla” and “kink” to you?
  • What questions do you have about kink?

I look forward to hearing your answers!

To Breath and Being
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

WARNING: Explicit Content

Hello, and thank you for stopping by ABCs Of Kink!

This site contains adult images, descriptions, and material dealing with Sex, BDSM, various Kinks, and Fetish Lifestyles

It is meant to be viewed by Adults Only.

The creator of the site does not consider the pictures to be pornographic in manner, though there is nudity, and the images published are not appropriate for minors.

If you are UNDER THE AGE of 18, please EXIT the site now

If you are OVER THE AGE of 18, press ENTER and enjoy

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