The Messiness

“Don’t let my tits stop you from calling me “Sir””

My dudes, life is messy.  This has been a public service announcement.

The only thing we can do to stay circling around our borderlines buoyantly is embrace the messiness. Finding balance is an active state, not an accomplishment. Sometimes life asks you to be there for others until you’re so stressed out you need others in the ways you’ve been holding space. Sometimes it feels as though you don’t exist. Sometimes everything you do is wrong and the paranoia that you’re unloveable comes crashing down all around. Sometimes you need to create the space for yourself that you so desperately want someone else to create on your behalf. Sometimes you need to be left. the. fuck. alone.

It seems like most of the time people are miscommunicating or ignorant of one another’s complicated and distinctly meaningful lives. Stepping on toes. Lashing back. We put our feet directly in our mouths — astounding considering society’s loss of flexibility these days. We look back in shock at what we’ve said/done/thought in the past and flush, hoping those memories are carried only inside our own brains, forgotten by others.

We live in this fucked up computerized place where everything is recorded and there’s no escape from bumbles or mistakes, learning situations, or outright shitty behavior. Growth isn’t pretty. We “other” others immediately upon unearthing disapproved content, rather than ask questions and try to understand the behaviors or actions we don’t enjoy. Do we think distancing ourselves from someone else’s bad behavior indicates we won’t ever have to undertake their same fate? This impulse is not only incorrect in my esteem, it’s not gracious (not that anyone owes anyone grace).

While distancing ourselves from the undesirable “other” we undercut communal progress ever further. This is especially true when there’s no end to excommunication, or understood process for rehabilitation. When no friends are willing to help growth occur.

Subsets of people who have been banished from society have banded together and voted for Trump or started hate groups which plague our society further because doubling down and retribution are meals, and being left to fend for oneself alone in the cold with no timeline nor clear path forward toward rejoining the fold kills compassion for the place one used to call home…

In this day of mono-generational clusters, where we’re frequently unaware of the historical struggles we build upon, and the reasons for some limitations in the individuals we rail against,

In this day of silent segregation affording comfort for the privileged,

In this day of fear and fake news,

In this day of highrises and disappearing trees and fields,

In this day of unrest within our ever growing poverty stricken ranks,

In this day of side-eye and disgruntled daily discipline,

In this day of money over everything,

In this day of the disintegrated American Dream,

In this day of epic arguments with friends over words instead of destruction of the ideals which reinforced these boxes we feel trapped by in the first place, new code writing, or building different perspectives in exciting new ways,

In this day of unchecked sadism paired with a masochistic addiction to drama,

In this day of fuck-all refusal to see humanity over stats, and the issuance of name calling over compassion,

On this day of Empathy’s death,

I slide my stiletto heel, lubed by your own saliva and snot mixed with overwhelmed tears into the orifice you hate to embrace the most and call you “piggy”, because you are. And you aren’t. You’re afraid that if this confession, this atonement, this build of pressure doesn’t burst in the most memorable way possible, that we’ll all go down sober and wishing we’d tried to connect. I’m a clown and you’re my muse. This touch isn’t violent, though it’s wrapped in the banners of war — an illustrated history of fucking the soldiers who lost, the families who cannot afford a room at the castle, the bought and sold bodies-as-chattel of our slaves, the mothers and daughters of our friends against their will, the hated queers and perverts, all messing up The Man’s straight line to success.

We fuck when we conquer to cement the meaning of this newfound position. To mix our kinds in hopes the future will not rebel. To escape our past wrongs. To celebrate the dissipation of stress, or in hope of something happy to come. We fuck for creation. We fuck because making love is a privilege that not everyone can accomplish. We fuck to get off.

We submit when conquered to save our bodies and our families, loved ones, our lives and our homes. In submission we become a responsibility to be taken on. We submit for pleasure in downfall. We submit to acknowledge we were wrong. We submit to feel our bodies in ways our bodies have been taken from us. We submit for connection. We submit to know our strength — a promise to ourselves of survival. We submit because we want to be taken. We submit to get off.

Am I submitting or fucking in this “mr. piggy and the Dom clown” scene? Paid to alleviate something eating away at your mind. Paid to perform, as anyone who’s spent time rolling in the messiness might be able to. Or am I just “Femmeboy Sir: Friend, Councellor & Consultant” to the asses of personkind who worry and desire, afraid and entitled, searching for new perspective? Being fucked is something every one of us, outside of our million recored mistakes, greatly needs.

I believe the true place of this piggy of mine, grunting away, heeding my command and perilously close to being punctured, is where every human’s place is: on earth in the messiness — finding out through trial and error what is fucked up and what is right so that we can trust at the end of the day that we’re still allowed, with all of our faults acknowledged (though not necessarily excused), to come home.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

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~Thank you.

We Make Mistakes

Todays blog is brought to you by adults not jumping into drama when something goes wrong, but talking things out instead. It takes courage to admit you’ve made a mistake. Yet everyone makes them and has to learn to face them when they occur. I made one recently, and while they never feel good to deal with, it’s important to figure out what to do rather than kneejerk react. Throughout my life I’ve found that facing my fear of being in trouble is a more helpful coping mechanism than running away. Respect is an important part of being in community, and though not everyone will be friendly or happy together always — or even like each other fundamentally — I think how we choose to connect with one another matters on a larger scale. It certainly helps alleviate stress over time.

Recently I was at a BDSM play party, and I spent a little time chatting with a submissive person who I had met at a prior event. We were talking about a particular pain toy I enjoy using, and he seemed interested in seeing how it worked. I brought it to him and we moved fairly organically from a quick demo of the toy, to having a lot of fun together, and a pretty solid scene developed between us. What I did not know in this equation was that this particular person was the property of another partygoer. Mid play he mentioned I shouldn’t mark a certain part of his body. I stopped cold. It is a pretty big faux pas to play with someone else’s property without asking first. It’s something I care a lot about respecting, as I would never intentionally cross someone else’s play boundaries. I asked this sub if I should be asking someone for permission to play with him, and his expression immediately turned sheepish. I was informed that yes, he was in fact there with a Mistress…

I felt awful. I didn’t know his Mistress, I had just met her that day, and the last thing I wanted to do was approach her and tell her I had played with her toy without asking. I could have gotten angry and made a scene about it. I could have stopped playing with the sub and not addressed his Mistress, hoping she wouldn’t find out. I could have thought, “whatever, we’ve gone this far already, he’ll sort it out on his own with her later,” and continued to play. I could address the matter with his Mistress then and there and hope for the best. This last scenario is the one I chose. I scolded the sub for putting me in a very uncomfortable position (and I chided myself for not thinking to proactively ask). I told him to follow me as I made my way into the dungeon to seek out his owner. When I found her, I asked if I could play with her sub. She said that I could, and I informed her I had already started to, and that I hadn’t realized I needed to ask her permission first, and I apologized. She seemed a little taken aback, but after a moment looked at me and said, “thanks for letting me know”. She then went about her business, and the sub and I went about ours. He apologized to me for not letting me know sooner, and took responsibility for not saying anything early on. After sufficient acknowledgement of our feelings about the situation, we continued our scene and continued to have a great evening. Fortunately, I don’t feel my relationship with him or his Mistress was compromised. I would definitely have worried about that if she’d found strange marks on him later without my apology attached to them.

Scenarios like this one are tricky, and happen frequently. I’ve noticed similar conflicts within polyamorous and BDSM circles, and (actually pretty frequently) monogamous people who cheat rather than examine their non-monogamous impulses. People lie. People don’t tell the whole truth. People manipulate situations and other’s perspectives through lies of omission to get what they want. People get caught up in unexpected moments of desire and feel all kinds of feelings when they realize they’ve violated agreements or relationship boundaries with their actions. Life is not as clean cut as most humans would like it to be. I think it’s admirable to face the mess and try to help reality function more smoothly.

I live for my relationships and ties to people I care about. It matters to me that I face my mistakes when I know I’ve stepped in something I shouldn’t have. I’ve been lied to and cheated on multiple times in my relationships, and I don’t want to cause the hurt and mistrust in people that I’ve been made to process myself. Am I perfect? Hell no, I am not. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and I’m sure my score won’t ever be a perfect one. I do try and face the things I know I’ve fucked up about though. At the end of the day I’ve found it’s brought me closer with many people and cut a lot of drama out of my field of vision.

It’s normal to feel fear and not know what to do or freeze up, and it’s human to be graceless, or not understand the consequences of our actions. It’s impossible to know everything the people around us think we should know, but I also think it’s important to care about doing better. It’s important to cultivate fortitude and resilience and learn from our mistakes. Not everything in life is about “getting it right”, but growing and learning and becoming bigger than we already are is one of the things we get to keep working on. Reaping the rewards which living a vibrant and nontraditional life can bring you does require sacrifice: courage against the pain of fear.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

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