Anonymous

Photo by Mélissa Kooyomjian Kemp (@CapturedExposure on instagram). I’m performing as “Sirius Black”, ultimately transforming into a dog. Apparently my nipples can fuck up theaters and entire social media platforms. MY NIPPLES ARE VERY DANGEROUS!

A straight identifying submissive of mine came across an online profile where I was marketing my skills to an arena of mostly gay and bisexual men. He texted me about it in a cute and flirtatious manner. He also asked if I thought I had hope of finding clients through that particular forum. Following is our short exchange over the matter. It was an affirming conversation to have, and I’m thankful that the people I choose to work with are generally very kind and interesting ones:

Me: My _X_ profile? Hopefully [I’ll find clients]. I dunno. I don’t pass masculine enough for most gay spaces and I don’t pass femme enough for most het spaces. It’s a quandary. Honestly, I like marketing to gay/queer men more than I like marketing to straight men… It feels much more liberating even though I get way fewer hits. I get shite from both sides — straight men are like, “Ew ur too masc/hairy/insert dumb oppressive misogynistic remark,” and gay men are like, “Ew pussy/fishy/insert dumb oppressive misogynistic remark”… There is no hope for our world but for the people who dare occupy in between. Xx ~Sir

Him: I guess I now have to wonder where I fit in? Married, wearing lace underwear, vibrator in my ass and getting my cock kicked by you. I guess I am one confused Mo Fo

Me: There is nothing confused about that. Pleasure is not confusing. Those who seek out pleasure are the least confused. (Within the boundaries of consent and no actual harm, of course.)

Him:  😀

This was on the heels of a few days arguing with facebook about whether the photo above is obscene or went against community standards. My sub’s short chat with me was a nice lift to my spirits.

This brings us back to my nipples: MY NIPPLES MIGHT CRASH THE WHOLE DAMN SYSTEM!!! After returning from FB probation, I made a tiny censor to the photo (covering the few pixels defining my nips) and re-posted it with a request to anyone who comes across the link to please post their own version of this photo in solidarity. You can see the post here, and I would love for you to join the fun (read: protest) if you’re so inspired. Here’s what I wrote:

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A REQUEST: I would like every person who can get away with it to post in the comments an uncensored photo of themselves, posed in this position with their shirt off. Please? It would make my day, and a point. I love you art family! Feel free to share widely and freely. Xx  

My words to FB: This is sex based discrimination. This photograph is from a performance where Sirius Black transitions into his dog form. The character of Sirius Black’s legacy is one of protest. I am a professional drag king performer who, in full drag, performed this piece. A male performer would not have had to wear pasties, so I do not wear pasties. It is in protest, absolutely. This photograph documents my freedom of speech within the art of performance. There is nothing sexual happening in the piece, nor is the piece itself about sex. The performance is about transition, the body we have, the person we are, and how we change and actualize in our lifetimes. I am also a transgender artist and performer. This piece of performance art not only makes these arguments in general, but these arguments are reinforced by the politics of my own identity performing this art. I am speaking up against the unfair laws put upon my body — against my will — since the time of my birth. The few pixels of nipple revealed in this photograph has eclipsed the image’s meaning entirely: my physical form being an embodied image of freedom and joy. Facebook’s community standards indicate that “protest” is one reason in which “female” nipple is allowed. This photograph of a piece of art is absolutely a protest performance and message to our community. My upper torso should not be censored because of an assumed (and unrevealed) genital correspondence. If an assumed or passing “male” performer was pictured in this photograph it would not have been flagged nor treated as a violation of community standards. Your decision to censor this photograph rests on blatant sexism and sexualization of my body and my image. What this effectively does in our “community” is erase my existence in the social arena, and thus historical log. You should reverse your decision on the grounds of egalitarianism, what’s right, and in an effort to value all people in the marketplace instead of disproportionately allowing male bodies to exist over female, trans, and queer ones.

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Please do share your own photo, I would appreciate it. I would love to see a million men post themselves posed like my character with their shirts off in the comments in solidarity with anyone who might be disallowed such a simple pleasure. People who suffer the most from unfair laws need allys willing to stand up and support causes that don’t directly affect them. Please join my campaign.

As for the title of this blog, Anonymous, I am performing at Oberon again this Sunday. This time I am performing in tribute of the historical phenomenon known as “Anonymous”. Come see the show, it’s called “Herstory: A Burlesque Retelling of History’s Greatest Women“. The show is raising money for Red Light Legal and Alisha Walker in these days of FOSTA/SESTA, and the line-up of performers is astounding. Now, off to make my costume… get your tickets here!

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon, or for one time: Support the Artist or email me.
~Thank you.

Trans is not One Thing

Hi everyone (especially those of you on dating apps and other p2p platforms meant to connect people), I want to remind you that being trans is not one thing. Trans does not only mean MTF (male to female), though that seems to be what the majority of people think or assume trans looks like when they think of trans people. People who are FTM (female to male) also exist, and make up a good percentage of the people in trans communities. People who are non-binary, genderfluid, and agender exist in large numbers in trans reality too. When someone identifies themselves as trans don’t assume you know what their body looks like, what their life experiences have been, what they are looking for, or what they enjoy doing (in or out of the sack). Trans is a very diverse spectrum of people.

It’s demoralizing to get on one of the very few trans dating spaces online and read through ads realizing that the vast majority of them are not for “trans” but for one specific type of trans person who is being fetishized so thoroughly it’s impossible to feel visible or attractive even on that page which is supposed to be “for you”.

When I was in the process of deciding to start taking testosterone, one of the things which made me the most excited to begin the journey I’m on, was heading out to a festival geared toward QTPOC. It was everything I needed to be around at that time. There were so many different bodies celebrating out in the sun, dressed this way or that, changing appearance regularly, and mixing up masculine, feminine, and androgynous cues so thoroughly that at some point I consciously realized I couldn’t know anything by just looking. It was impossible to see where someone had started on their journey and where they were headed — or even make assumptions about where they were then. The festival lasted a week, with hundreds of people celebrating, enjoying their bodies, being visible in whatever way they desired, changing as the whim struck, eating, playing, performing, commiserating, sharing ideas and space. It was everything I wanted the world to be and an opportunity to participate in my own way. It felt like coming home.

I’m writing this in part because I’m tired of being in the middle-of-middles and having to articulate myself repeatedly to people who don’t know the first thing about non-binary reality or the beautiful and diverse spectrum of trans identities out there. I am tired of writing something about who I am and having strangers think they know what it means and still try to fit me into a box which isn’t mine, that I’ve never claimed, or don’t want to participate in anymore.

Language is this imperfect thing we agree to try and use together. It’s a jumble of words which are approximations of reality. We learn to use these approximations as starting points, and then we work toward cleaner and clearer understanding through deeper conversation. Here’s an example:

I identify as “sexual”. I might introduce myself by saying that I’m “bisexual” though, especially when I don’t have the time or desire to have a more lengthy conversation about my sexual orientation. Most people know what “bisexual” means but may be confused if I said “sexual” with no clarification of my meaning attached to that term.

That’s an example of me using linguistic shorthand. Instead of engaging in a more precise conversation using less generically understood (yet more accurate) terminology, I’m giving someone a basic idea of my meaning without being too concerned with the details. Here’s another example:

I am nonbinary trans (ftm)

This is a sentence I’ve written in dating profiles and ads. You can see that in the sentence itself there is a collision of ideas being represented, specifically nonbinary in juxtaposition to ftm. Right off the bat I’ve given specific information about my assigned sex, in hopes that it’ll narrow down the response shenanigans I receive. And, yes, I chose to write “ftm” rather than “AFAB” (assigned female at birth) because in my experience more people are likely to know the term ftm.

I do not identify as “ftm”. I am not interested in being or becoming “a man”. I am nonbinary. I identify somewhere in the middle of things and my presentation of and interest in gender fluctuates regularly. However, if I don’t insert the “(ftm)” in the sentence above, a few things happen. The first is that most people will assume I have a dick. Not the kind of dick I can strap on, and not what I might call my enlarged clitoris from time to time, but they’ll assume I have a phallus complete with balls which has been attached to my body since birth.

Why would people assume this if all they read was “I’m nonbinary trans”?

  • Because Patriarchy.
  • AMAB (assigned male at birth) people are the default in this culture, and so if I don’t mention I’m not AMAB, it’s frequently assumed I am. Society sees AMAB bodies as default, and AFAB bodies as marginal.
  • This is the same reason everyone knows what drag queens are, but the minute I mention I co-created a drag king troupe which performed together for 15 years, people ask what a drag king is. Our rootedness within misogyny is deep.
  • This is also connected to the economic disparity between gay male and lesbian communities. Many trans women have embraced their transness from within the gay male community, and many trans men have embraced their transness from within the lesbian community. Because of the elevated resources of cis men in general (regardless of the orientation of those men), trans women often navigate communities enriched with cis male money and cis male desire/gaze/expectations from the beginning of their identity journey (which is its own burden absolutely), where trans men often flounder within invisibility and lack of community resources until they can pass as cis male and are allowed to “join the club”. This doesn’t even begin to address the realities of people who will never pass as the “other” regardless of whether or not they even want to.

Why do I care if people responding to my ads assume I’m MTF or not?

  • Because I don’t want to have my time wasted with annoying questions about my nonexistent dick.
  • I also don’t want to deal with the disappointment and demoralization which comes with being told I’m not what the person I’ve been chatting with is looking for, after I mention all my dicks are in drawers, and I’m not necessarily interested in strap-on or phallus-centric sex to begin with… It’s fucking exhausting.
  • As someone who feels too masculine to be comfortable identifying as female, who is on testosterone and enjoys some of the physical manifestations of it, and is also way too femme to pass as male, I don’t want to write a book every time I identify as trans. I also don’t want to deal with being the “wrong/disappointing type of trans” either.

If you’re looking for a pre-op transwoman who likes her genitals played with, say that’s want you’re looking for. Don’t act as though anyone who mentions they’re trans is that particular type of trans person, and definitely don’t be less than graceful when you realize the person you’re talking to doesn’t have the plumbing you’re prowling after. It’s entitled, objectifying, dismissive, privileged, shitty, disrespectful, irksome, exhausting, and boring.

Do not treat people who are part of a marginalized reality as though they are worth less for not fitting into your fetishistic image of that group. Trans does not exist to serve cis fantasies. Trans does not exist to please male fantasy. Trans people may want to be sexual or may not want to be sexual with you. Trans people may enjoy having sex in ways you’re familiar with, and/or in ways you haven’t learned about yet. Trans people are vanilla, kinky, GLB, asexual, tops, bottoms, switches, unaffiliated, and/or finding their truths and desires just as we all are. Trans people are diverse. Treat trans people as you would anyone you were interested in: like someone you don’t know about yet. Ask respectful questions while you decide if you’re interested or not. Be polite and caring regardless of whether or not you find you are.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations: Support the Artist or email me.
~Thank you.

Self Care Against Desire

What I hope to look like someday without spirit gum glue…

It turns out I’m allergic to the testosterone injection that I take. I’ve been prescribed testosterone cypionate which in injectable form is created from the testosterone cypionate chemical, suspended in cottonseed oil, and mixed with the preservatives benzyl alcohol and benzyl benzoate… I’m fairly certain I’m allergic to the preservatives, benzyl alcohol and benzyl benzoate.

I’ve been on T shots for about 3 months, and the side effects get steadily worse, so I’ve been lowering my dose hoping it would be less irritating to my body until a check-up appointment I have in September. In the meantime I’ve been learning about compound pharmacies and other forms of T that I could be taking instead. Compound pharmacies are pharmacies that will mix your prescription for you from the base elements, which gives people the option of drugs tailored to their particular physiology rather than being stuck with standard doses of standard drugs. The testosterone alternative to cypionate frequently used in the United States is testosterone enanthate. Enanthate is suspended in sesame oil and uses the preservative chlorobutanol which generally has a lot less allergy issues from what I can find on the chemical… That’s what I’ll try next. Unfortunately it is more expensive by about a third. Money aside though, I’d rather not look tired all the time, have headaches, dark circles under my eyes, a puffy face constantly, a red and itchy face, neck, and injection site, or have the injection site remain irritated for longer than a week at a time… These are not normal side effects.

It takes time though to know what’s normal and what isn’t when you’re on a new drug. It doesn’t help that I’ve been traveling all over the place for as long as I’ve been taking shots — is my reaction environmental? Is it my diet or caffeine withdrawal this week? Is it the drugs? Is it transition itself? I get itchy when hair wants to grow in new places on my body. My face morphs and changes over the course of each week and I can’t tell if this is because of the allergy or because of my shapeshifting from testosterone? My body weight, fat distribution, and strength shift over the course of the week, my voice is getting lower and plays up and down a varied course too. There are days I love my body and days I’m really uncomfortable in it. There are a number of factors which feed into each of these observations. It’s hard to know for sure what’s normal and what is not. I look forward to mid-September when I get back to my doctor and can be prescribed a different drug.

I am writing this here today because I think it’s important to know what you want, yes, but it is equally (if not more) important to be physically self-aware. There are consequences to everything. Whether it be bruises from a great night of rough body play, hickies from steamy kisses on the neck, or losing your job for calling in sick after another long night of hang-over inducing fun… What matters is that you know your body and are choosing, to the degree you are able to, the consequences you receive.

I am negotiating with T these days. I might have to take some time off this course. I might have to look into options that are healthier for me, that create less physically expensive consequences. At the end of this desire to alter my physique is a healthy person who knows themselves and doesn’t need a drug more than I need my health. There are a million ways to be who I am. I am being honest with my journey. Following someone else’s path toward success will never bring me as much success as listening to my own needs and finding answers which first and foremost work for me.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature

Please support my work on Patreon. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist 
~Thank you.

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