New Love: Latex

Mistress Couple and myself at La Domaine Esemar making rubber magic!

L is for Latex, R is for Rubber Bands (ouch), B is for Balloons — last weekend’s activities smelled of rubber and felt even better… I have always eyed the latex at fetish cons, but never tried it on. The price tag was too heavy, and it seemed like a pain in the ass to deal with knowing I wasn’t going to buy any — in full disclosure, I am a sniffer though, and I have lingered in rooms just for the smell of it. Over the years I’ve gazed long and hard at alien-like designs in smooth black rubber stretched over bodies making animated oil slicks and curvy, tight, sausages from people’s soft structures. Photographs of the Rubber Ball were an alluring fascination for my imagination years before I found my place in the kink community: what did these people do (other than look sexy fabulous)?

I’ve tried a few different drugs in my time, but I’ve never felt so perfectly high as I did wearing a borrowed latex dress to a kink party. Seriously. I could not keep my hands off myself. After stroking the latex over and over again I couldn’t stop touching my own hands too — they felt different after petting the non-porous completely smooth second skin. I was grateful that my clothing attracted not only my own sensational desire, but the hands and caresses of others all night long. This Creature was very, very happy. I got to experience being shined with latex lube which encouraged more petting and a professional attention and pressure. It resulted in an illumination and glow to the slick rubber holding me in which was stunning. Temperature play and getting wet are entirely new worlds through this material too, and after a good paddling the heat radiating off my ass through a latex skirt was fabulous.

Latex is bondage. I’ve always been partial to steel boned corsets, and though latex alone won’t hold my spine up straight, the sensation of being sucked in everywhere my dress covered my skin was a phenomenal secret bondage for the night. Being held by this stretchy, strong, thin material was a practice in constriction I adored. The Baroness (latex designer and absolutely wonderful diva person) said something to the effect of “everyone thinks wearing latex is about looking good for other people, but really it’s all about how you feel in it. It’s for you”. I must agree one hundred percent. I felt incredible. And yes, it smooths out some lines, but I didn’t even care what rolls or lines were evident, as the sensation of this skin tight material was truly a beautiful one.

I felt powerful in latex, sensual, animal, and sexy… I feel sorry for those allergic to it, and glad my irritation only extends to the mucous membranes. Rubber Latex proves to be an aphrodisiac to this sex-ambivalent kinkster. What a wonderful gift, once again, Mother Nature has provided for our pleasure.

Play On My Friends,
~ Creature (Crea)

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

H is for HOMEWORK

Finishing this homework led to one of the sexiest events of my life…

I really enjoy homework. Homework is a creative prompt with which I aim to please my partner. Homework gives me permission to let go and get raunchy and overtly sexual, to be nurturing in a welcomed way, or be useful as set specifically forth by my lover. Homework can stretch my ideas about what I’m capable of, or help me get inspired by new situations I had never dreamed of. Homework definitely presses my “desire to please” buttons, which is a turn on for me too. As for giving homework, it gives me a chance to ask (or demand) what I want from a partner, knowing that they want and value my instruction. It gives me permission to want and practice asking. I delight in the gifts and updates my partner brings me, and each completed task feels like respect and love. Giving also presses my empathic buttons, and I get to enjoy constructing an experience that affects someone, to feel their desire for me as they jump through my hoops…

Some homework instructions I’ve been given, or have given others:

  • “Go to the hardware store, pick out the hardware needed to create hardpoints for our bed, then come to my work and lay them on the counter in front of you. Remain standing in front of them until I come over.”
  • “When you get up this morning, insert the Duotone balls and edge seven times. Text me asking to orgasm when you’ve gotten to that point. I might let you.”
  • “Write me about a fantasy of yours… Be careful what you wish for”
  • “Write: “I am a very naughty boy” after every hit you take, and number each entry. You had better have good penmanship.”
  • “Go into the bathroom and take a photo of “X” (X = toy I’m wearing, me topless, fingering myself, me bruising myself… any number of deviant or perverse things) and text it to me before returning to the party/dinner/roadtrip.”
  • “Write to me and tell me three things you’re interested in experiencing.”
  • “Show up to our date with toys.”
  • “I am not your “Mistress”, that title doesn’t suit Me. I expect you to show up to our dinner with a handwritten apology for both incorrectly assuming My title, and that you’re worthy of speaking it without My explicit instruction. You may address Me as Sir in your letter.”
  • “You need to take better care of yourself, make sure you take a bath today. Tell me about it when you’ve finished.”
  • Here are examples of my favorite homework assignments completed: the blogs Sports Bar Fantasy and Homework, and the photo above…

As fun as it seems homework can be hard to navigate though, and it takes commitment from both sides of the equation to pan out well. Homework can be hard to negotiate in a few ways, and easily become a game people fall out of playing or get stressed out over rather than turned on by. Creating the right amount of tension and finding the best types of tension in play in any relationship dynamic is hard, BDSM and kink games are no different. Here are some things to consider:

For the Dominant/Top/Asker/Homework Giver: It’s important to remember that the Top in the homework game needs to be held accountable too. If the person providing homework doesn’t check the homework or respond when it’s complete, the bottom’s incentive to be a “good boy/girl/creature” starts to diffuse. If that happens too many times, your bottom may no longer feel like homework is fun, and it may start to feel less like foreplay and more like a thankless chore. This isn’t to say all homework must be fun, per se, though an eye to balance is always helpful in a heartening relationship. Part of what gives homework its appeal are fresh opportunities to please a partner, and ultimately the connection (or “treats”) one gets from their D-type for doing a good thing. When no one checks your homework or comments on it, or brings things to the next level as reward for a job well done (or not well done), what’s the point of doing it in the first place? The magic will begin to fizzle. Notice what homework your partner enjoys completing, is good at, is awful at, seems depressed or stressed out by, etc. It’s your prerogative to only give challenging, hard, stressful, unforgiving, depressing homework to your partner, but it’s also their prerogative to think you’re an asshole and stop playing with you. For best results consider how much homework someone has, and how that affects the rest of their life. There is a fine line between asking too little and too much. A good amount of tension can work well in this game and a Sadist who enjoys eliciting a manageable level of stress might use this knowledge to their benefit.

For the s-type/homework receiver: You must be willing to let your D-type know what is on your plate so that the game can be played in a way where what is asked of you continues to feel fulfilling/sexy/fun/flirtatious/the right kind of stressful/a turn on… Know what affects your ability to say “yes”, and be willing to draw necessary boundaries and say “no” when those boundaries are being violated. There is a big difference between homework which makes you creatively problem solve to get it done, and homework which threatens something you don’t want affected by a your sexual or kinky relationship. For instance, I am a very driven and focused worker. I have a lot of deadlines, and a large portion of my sense of self is derived from meeting my professional goals and a job well done. If I have a really busy day with very little time for myself, and a long list of things to do from my Dominant shows up with a deadline of that evening, I am probably going to be really stressed out — and not in a good way. I may not have time to accomplish all that is on the list and I’ll feel torn between my professional life and my partnership (which for me is an ultimate “not sexy” turmoil). If I have three rehearsals that day, two meetings, and I need to get a blog written, you better believe I’m not excited about a list of time consuming expectations due before dinner. In fact, I’ll probably get emotionally bent out of shape about it, or just feel tired and the opposite of playfully turned on and connected to my partner. I may feel they are being a domineering jerk who doesn’t respect my professionalism rather than my loving thoughtful Dominant trying to add some color and connection into my day. It is my job to let my partner know that I have these boundaries around my work life. It is my job to ask for a later deadline to get this homework done, or essentially safeword out of that tasklist. If I do charge into my day with that list in hand, the homework I accomplish will be under duress, shoddily done, or completed with resentment… No manner of “good boy” head patting at the end of the day will lift my spirits from not taking pride and deviant joy in doing my homework, or worse from having compromised my professional focus and personal values.

What types of circumstances are exciting for you to give under? What types of circumstances are undermining to the intent homework is trying to cultivate? What feelings do you want homework to inspire in you or in your partner? What feelings or circumstances do you not want to face while being asked to do homework? What kinds of homework turn you or your partner on? What types of homework are you ambivalent about? What types of homework do you loathe? What types of homework will you not do?… The more you know yourselves and the clearer you are with one another about what does and doesn’t work, the easier it will be to help each other know what to ask and what not to ask for a strong connection and desireable turnout. The more an s-type shares with their partner, the better a D-type will be able to read them and decide where and how to challenge as they see fit… What D-type doesn’t want that?

I hope you think up a million ways to play with one another, and send me the stories of your favorite challenges and homeworks along the way… To adult imaginations, finding the proper tension, and satisfying, perverted play!

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and support me. For one time donations click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Kink Dreams Are Made of These: Truth or Dare

Come out, come out wherever you are! Check out my Truth or Dare blog and fill out your own game card. I love reading people’s entries…

TRUTH: What is the kinkiest fantasy you haven’t fulfilled yet? This was the first Truth or Dare game card I received from a reader, and there’s something so beautifully ice breaking about it, so here goes… Thank you Playful Reader!

Photo by Jonathan Beckley

First off I am horrible at designating “est”s… I tend to be pretty in-the-moment about stuff, and what I desire one minute may be far from my interests the next. Fickle? Yes I am, absolutely. I am also present and connecting to what is happening right here right now as deeply as I can manage most of the time, so it pays off in the long run… Upon considering my answer, I stumble on the questions: “what is super kinky?” and “what is kinky at all?”… There are a lot of different directions I could go with in my answer, so I’m going to start out with an exploration of these ideas, and narrow in as we go.

I’ll start here: the things I haven’t done are the kinkiest things. Once an activity has been experienced, I have a relationship with it and it becomes a pet of mine; something I know about. It ceases to be as kinky and starts to be an activity I enjoy, or not. Yet another way to look at this pandora-like box we’re opening is: what is “not kinky”? I remember when I was in high school and my partner wanted to tie my hands up with silk scarves during sex. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know it was a thing yet, and I was willing to try — sure, why not? But the idea didn’t turn me on. I didn’t know what it was for, and it didn’t end up doing anything for me. I simply couldn’t use my hands during sex, and I really like using my hands, so it felt like more of a weird hindrance than a sexy new challenge to get my juices flowing. It was a fun idea nevertheless, and I like trying new things, so we did it a couple times; it just didn’t really ever develop into a thing between us… Skip to years later, and I had a partner with whom I enjoyed a lot of kinky fun with; the idea of being tied up and fucked or having clothespins put on me, or any number of other creative games was super hot to me at that point… So something got processed for me between these two moments in time. I had been introduced to an idea as a naive person; in the time since then I had the experience of being employed in a sex store and gained lots of creative knowledge about what sex could look like; and in time my brain figured out what to do with the idea of being tied up — I found lots of ways to make the experience both desired and pleasurable.

I’ve said a couple different things here: in my first experience, being tied up wasn’t sexy or kinky, it was a sensual experiment that no one really got off on (to my knowledge or memory); in the second instance being tied up was definitely kinky and fun and something I got worked up about — something so hot it became a sex act in and of itself. Add that dichotomy to my first premise that, “the things I haven’t done are the kinkiest things”, and we have data that looks pretty contradictory… So what’s happening here?

  1. When I’ve experienced something it gets less kinky to a certain degree and becomes a normalized activity.
  2. If I don’t already know about something or desire it myself, trying something new doesn’t necessarily feel kinky to me, it might feel boring or oppressive instead of fun.
  3. After I’ve processed an idea, and know enough about it to be curious, it can become kinky to me, desired, and therefore more pleasurable to try out… and we cycle back to #1…

I’m going to give power here to the idea that “knowing” is an important aspect of feeling turned on. At least for me it is. I’ll add in there “chemistry” is too. I get turned on by different people in different ways, and what might feel like the best scene/activity ever with person A, might be a completely boring or strong rejection material for playing with person B. Very few people do I get genital-sex desirous of or curious about. I am more kink-slutty with people in general. Sometimes I can do both of those things (“sex” and “kink”) with the same person; sometimes I can only do one or the other; sometimes what I want to do with someone develops after a long period of time; sometimes things are hot and heavy and really open at first, and then cool off after a few experiences…

Why is it important to look at all that? Well, because when I tell you some of the ideas that turn me on — the ones that I would consider the kinkiest fantasies I haven’t fulfilled yet — there’s a truth in there about the fact that some (maybe all) of those things feel kinky and sexy to me specifically because they are fantasies. These things would not be kinky or sexy in reality if they were being done with the wrong people, and some of these things might fail to be sexy or kinky if done with the right people if they’re done in a way that doesn’t feel safe to me. What I like about my fantasies is that I can use them to get off. Period. I don’t really “need” more. My psychology during fantasy time is processing edges and emotions in a way that is technically safe (’cause it’s all in my head) yet at the same time still unsafe feeling to talk about or acknowledge out loud with partners (or people in general) because I fear judgement or rejection or any other number of things I worry about on the daily. That very juxtaposition is what makes the fantasies feel kinky. Which means, in part, that the very kinkiness of them is attached to the “in my head-ness” of them.

I feel as though many people would say rape fantasies are the kinkiest or scariest or least healthy kinks to explore. I disagree with this, as I think exploring our boundaries, fears, traumas, etc. can be potentially healing and strengthening (done in the right ways at the right times). I definitely have rape fantasy scenarios in my bag of mental tricks. Maybe someday I’ll meet the right people and I’ll have some scenario enacted that will move that fantasy into a kink exploration… oh no, wait… I have actually. At kink camp I participated in an organized forced sex/physical abuse kinky gang bang as a bottom, and now that I’m thinking of it I’ve also enacted fantasy scenes that were con/non-con (consensual non-consent), and I’ve explored aspects of being forced to do something within partnerships and found it pleasurable (and not) on varying levels… Ok, scrap that one (if you want more in depth stories, make a game card of your own!). I think I jumped to that one because I don’t feel like  I’ve explored it fully or in specific ways yet.

So, I think I’ll have to go with kidnapping. There are a couple groups of people I would love to be kidnapped by… Oh, wait! I have been kidnapped before too, but it was before I ever thought about the idea as a kink — it was a really lovely and surprising gift from a group of amazing people I worked with on my last day of work — in the days before I was out to myself as kinky. Again though, I think because I wasn’t thrown in the back of a trunk, maybe I feel like it didn’t count? Hmmm…

Perhaps surprisingly to many, I’ll have to go with an AMAB/AMAB/Me threesome (or moresome) including double penetration and being used. That is something I fantasize about and have never done, and I’m rating the est part of kinkiest by how challenging the fantasy feels to me emotionally when I think of it. Other fantasies/curiosities I haven’t explored yet I have more warm-fuzzies about, but this scenario for me is interesting and scary, and that is an emotional mix (within the confines of my brain) I really get off on. If the group could be as Tom of Finland about it as possible, that would really do it for me. I fantasize about being some Master’s boy, used to serve their whim at their discretion, with their friends, to be fucked/beat/whatever as they see fit… So there you go.

Funny, but I think this scenario may be way less kinky to a lot of people, than a lot of activities I actually regularly enjoy on a successful Saturday night. However, genital sex is a boundary of mine that I have a ton of controls around. It is something I feel really unsafe about with most people, even though as a sexual animal I desire it regularly. So for me, breaking out of that controlled mentality and playing with those boundaries feels really kinky. Maybe someday I’ll meet the right group of people to unlock that one with…

Thanks for asking, who’s up next?!

Play On My Friends,
~ Karin

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

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