S is for SELF CARE

Photo by Davis Aquilina

Photo by Davis Aquilina

This week’s blog is going to be short and will not follow the format I usually employ.  It’s a busy week for me, and this is the compromise I’ve come to (that in an of itself is a great self care practice).  While most of what’s below can be used anytime and anywhere by anybody needing self care, the intent is to think about this subject in the context of maintaining healthy kink/BDSM/sexuality realities.  Enjoy!

  • Be realistic about the amount of emotional, physical, and mental energy you have to give to others and allow yourself to limit your spending as you see reasonable when those reserves are low (communicating your needs clearly is key if you’re negotiating the practicalities of these realities with others)
  • Clearly ask for what you want and need from the people who matter to you
  • Take time for you!  Sleep in your own bed or space if you’ve got it, keep a journal, make a date with yourself…  there are a million ways to do so
  • Learn to feel safe being vulnerable around those you trust
  • Learn to trust others and learn to trust your gut.  These things are not mutually exclusive
  • Develop good communication skills
  • First ground yourself so that you may share that grounded you with others when you want to
  • Therapy can be a wonderful gift to give yourself
  • Don’t beat yourself up for being wrong or making mistakes, learn from them and live more deeply and intentionally knowing that you’ve failed, you’ve survived, and you’ve grown because of it
  • Touch your skin in soothing and loving ways
  • Masturbate/have orgasms when you want them.  Masturbation is great at relieving stress and grounding you in yourself
  • Take a time out to remind yourself that you are sexy, smart, lovable, and worthy of lightness, fun, good energy, and happiness
  • Put something in your mouth that makes you melt.  Enjoy it through the final shadow of its lingering taste
  • Exercise!  Move your body!  Dance!  Walk!  Run!  Stretch!!!  Your body matters to your mental and emotional reality.  Lethargy can lead to depression quickly
  • Talk with trusted friends and family members about things that are hard for you to reach out about.  Being a human being means you experience similar conflicts and emotions as other human beings.  You can talk about your problems with others – even the kinky/sexual ones – you have permission.  Everyone’s experiences may differ, but we are united in our need for reassurance and help from our fellow community members
  • Meditate
  • Find and face your fears honorably.  They developed because you needed them at some point, if they do not serve you and your desires now, figure out how to let them go or at least be present with them as they arise
  • Remember why you do the things you do, why you are committed to the things you are committed to
  • Do research on stuff that turns you on and advocate for the healthy presence of those things in your relationships and find ways to give those things to yourself
  • Think about whether or not you carry shame or judgement with you into your sexual, kink, or other relations and try to figure out where that those things came from.  Can you leave that shame and judgement behind and find a path to a more accepting and loving you?
  • Play.  Have fun.  Try something new.  Make a mess.  Life isn’t perfect, so let yourself go when you need to
  • Sub/Dom/Top/Switch/Bottom/Pet/Teacher/Slut/Boi/Whatever things you think typify you:  You are not a box, and you were not born with a box shaped body.  Remember that you define your labels, your labels do not define you.  This entire self care list applies to everyone regardless of which roles they do or do not embrace as their own
  • Take responsibility for yourself, doing that may open up doors you never knew existed

Do you have self care techniques that work for you?  What are they?  How did you discover them?  Will you share?  Please comment below.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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~Thank you.


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