Readers Write: Coming Out… Normal

I LOVE coming out stories.  They are so personal.  There is something about them I find compelling – in coming out stories the wheels are always turning, something is being figured out or accepted.  People are caught in a moment of turning their brains over and over to find the right perspective with which to claim: Yes!  Me!

So thank you to this next write, a reader of the column, who had some really wonderful words to share with me.  I value your voice, and am honored to publish!  I hope this makes your day too, Other Readers, and please feel free to follow suit and contact me with your own writings, POVs, experiences, thoughts, and ideas.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin


Photo by Jacobo Canady

Not a photo of the writer.  Photo by Jacobo Canady

I’m still a bit new to actually practicing any kind of kink (having finally found a more-than-willing-partner), but I wanted to share my story, as it’s something I’ve been thinking about with interest lately.

It simply never occurred to me that kink was unusual. I entered the fantasy/sci-fi/alternative convention scene (with friends, not parents) at the sexual awakening age of 13. People with collars and scratch marks, workshops on proper rope bondage and healthy dom/sub relationships – these things were, while we laughed at them and the blatant sexuality, completely normal. My best friend made jokes about it, didn’t quite understand it, but I was curious.

When I was 16, a few of us traveled south to work a convention. The only eighteen year old in the group (a known kinkster) quickly made friends and disappeared, to play parties and mysterious secrets, returning later with odd marks and fun stories. Again my best friend teased him, but I was fascinated. Too young to attend the parties with him, I marveled the beautiful folks with their red cuts and leather. On the drive home, my friends kneaded my arm with their sharp nails as a joke – and it felt *amazing*.

And finally, years later, I found a boy, at the same convention that opened all these doors to me. We had many good, thorough conversations on our preferences and wishes. Now I am bound and cut up on a regular basis (sometimes for photoshoots!), and it is just as wonderful as I hoped.

I’ve never had to deal with any feelings of ‘this is wrong, I shouldn’t want this, who the hell gets off by being hurt’. It astounded me, at first, to hear people talking about that. If you like it, why should it be wrong? I feel so lucky to have grown up in an environment where all bodies and sensations are loved and valued. I do sometimes worry that I’ll find a partner someday won’t want to bite me until I’m gasping, or run a blade across my neck, and I won’t be able to enjoy it. But I think it will be okay. And I’m excited to return to the convention where I first discovered play parties, for the first time since really figuring myself out…



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~Thank you.

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

Questions, curiosities, or just wanna know more? Email:

or fill out this anonymous form:

WARNING: Explicit Content

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This site contains adult images, descriptions, and material dealing with Sex, BDSM, various Kinks, and Fetish Lifestyles

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