P is for PAINGASM

Smiling Girl in Ropes

Today I am writing about a subject which I experience that doesn’t seem to have much information on the internet about it.  I am writing about the PAINGASM ~ the experience of coming to orgasm through painful stimulation.  I’ll write about my own experiences, and hopefully open up a larger discussion on the topic.  Should you have them, please tell me about experiences of your own.

When I think back and realize, “oh, maybe I’ve always been a masochist”, there are a few highlights that stand out:

  • I took classical ballet classes through my entire childhood and youth.  When we would do the “russian warm-up”, which consisted of an hour of holding squats and deep pliés and controlling long count grand battements.  It was the toughest thigh and core workout I had ever experienced.  In these classes I was elated.  To my memory I was the only student who was happy when we did this type of class warmup, and definitely the only student who would request it.  Those classes required me to breath into the pain, remain steady, and focus on my strength to get to the other side…  the other side for me was release and the feeling of powerful chi flowing all through my body for hours.
  • I get this feeling from swimming in the ocean in Maine in April or November too.  After getting out of the bitter cold water I want to walk around naked in the cold air breathing and feeling the openness in my body.  My spine seems straighter when I walk, movement is effortless, I can feel my heart beat through my entire body, and I am at peace.  When I worked on a farm I would set my alarm for 4am many mornings, steal a bike off the rack, get to the ocean, and swim naked until I was sore.  Then I would crawl unto the beach and watch the sun rise while I ate a bit of bread and cheese, and bike back in time for my 7am shift start.
  • When I got my nipples pierced I was wet for a week.  Literally.  There was no point in that healing process that I was not coming.  It felt great.  And distracting…
  • The first sex party I went to I didn’t have sex.  Instead I ended up on a bed with 10 people massaging my body, then slapping and punching it, then biting it…  I’ve always loved biting and being bitten, but this was (to that point in my life) the most intense experience I’d ever had.  I remember the pain coming in layers and me climaxing over and over again with every mouthful, wondering how I could survive another second, and being released with a shudder shaking through my whole body.
  • In a scene once I was told I had to take a pair of butterfly clamps off of my own nipples.  They had been on there a long time, and I was terrified, but clamp by clamp I hardened my resolve and tore them off.  The pain and the release and the sensitivity and then the warmth, the feeling of love, and emotion – I started to cry.  But I cried not out of pain, but out of that orgasmic connection to my insides and my self that happens sometimes when I come.
  • During a scene my top put their hand between my thighs and withdrew it wet asking,is that the pain or is that me”?  I didn’t really know how to answer but honestly what came out was, “the pain”.
  • More than once I’ve had my orgasm stolen from me…  One time I was on a bed being bitten on the stomach, a friend was holding my hand and laying next to me.  Just as I was about to climax through the pain of the bite, she shuddered and howled.  I felt my energy leave me and move through her.  My friend, I learned that day, is a pretty sensitive sadist, so through feeling me experience that pain, as I was receiving it, she built with me and reached orgasm herself…  just like that.  It’s an incredible thing to think about.
  • The first time I was roped up in an ebi tie, I was pushed to the point of extreme fear, some pain, and terrifying numbness.  When I was released I felt all of the oxygen in the world flow through me and I laughed.  I laughed so deeply and so long that my top joined in and the two of us sat there, in the middle of a hotel room, in the middle of a fetish con, gushing with pleasure.
  • There are a million more examples I can tell, but what got me thinking of it for the blog was when recently I was receiving a really brutal massage from my partner.  Fingers and elbows were scraping muscle away from bone, boring into my most sensitive places, finding pressure points, and by degree more and more deeply moving in.  I felt it, clear as day, in my hip, that one spot.  We breathed together, the pressure getting harder with each breath, and all I could see was that one point of pain.  It had arms and legs shooting down into my thigh and knee, and shooting up into my neck and shoulder.  It was a red hot button of what I can only describe as intense pleasure, even though in truth it was a pain sensation I was receiving.  I could feel the energy build and build and build until I thought I would burst.  The same as any orgasm’s build.  Upon release of that spot I shuddered and squirmed, I flailed and laughed and breathed deeply.  Satisfied.  One with my body and my partner.

I’m interested in knowing if anyone else out there has these experiences too.  The experience goes a steps beyond liking the endorphin rush after pain play, and is on par with a full body orgasm in many cases.  The physical movement in the time leading up to release is similar, often the emotional experience is too, and the bonding/connection with my partner feels the same.  There are many many ways to like pain if you are wired to like pain, and it’s fascinating to me to really notice the differences.  I am on the “anorgasmic with partners” spectrum, meaning I extremely rarely come to orgasm by a partner toughing me if I’m not doing a certain amount of the stimulation myself.  I am thankful for this type of pain/pleasure release in my play – something someone else can illicit in me with their own touch and command.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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~Thank you.

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