Newbie Kinkster? Great Advice Ahead

8459416342_70dc0f3f59_oI am lucky to know a lot of really incredible doers and thinkers when it comes to kink.  One such person wrote a piece meant to help newbies in the scene break into kink safely and with good starting etiquette at hand.  I think it’s one of the most clear and helpful things I’ve read on the subject, so today I share with you Match Stick’s tips!  Enjoy Loves…

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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Match_Stick’s Top Tips for New Friends in the Scene

Version 1.4

1. Get an email address without your real name in it. You will need it for invite lists and such.

2. Get a FetLife account, and put a picture up. No need for your face to be shown, but put something up. Something other than a shot of your genitals.

3. Find local events such as munches and classes to go to.

4. Pick a name to be known by in person. If you have a common first name, you may want to use that. If you don’t, or want to be even more careful, pick another name. Remember, people might buy “Buddy” a beer, but no-one wants to buy “Lord Domly Pants” a beer.

5. Practice introducing yourself. You will be doing it a lot.

6. Understand that gender, genitalia, presentation, orientation, and power preference are unrelated. Specifically, be ready to use people’s preferred pronouns. Use the pronoun they tell you to, regardless of how they look to you.

7. Go to real life events. Everybody is shy sometimes. Go to events and introduce yourself. A lot.

8. Make friends, before you make play partners. They will help guide you.

9. Don’t touch people or stuff without permission. You will notice that people in the scene can be touchy and huggy. They know each other. If you get to know people you can probably get hugs too. If you want. People should not be touching you if you don’t want them to.

10. Guard your identity. Don’t give out your real name, phone number, or post pictures of your face without a good reason. Get a Google voice number to hand out instead. It also works with texting and you can block calls with Google Voice if you need to. You can choose to be out at a later time if you want.

11. Meet new people in a public place or at a group event. Trade personal identity information later if you feel comfortable, and want to meet them privately.

12. Learn what a safety call is and use it. At the very least tell a friend where and who you are meeting, and let the person you are meeting know you did this. (SM 101 is a good resource).

13. Read a lot! SM 101, Screw the Roses, Loving Dominant, Ethical Slut, etc.

14. If you are looking for a mentor, look at your peers. If you are a submissive, find an experienced submissive to mentor you.

15. Ask questions. People are happy to help you learn.

16. Practice saying “No, thank you”. Be firm but polite. You may get many offers – much more than what you are used to in vanilla life.

17. If you are at an event, please say hi to the hosts. We love to meet new people, and we can introduce you to good people. Also, volunteering is a great way to meet people and make a good impression.

18. Ask for what you want, when you are ready. And don’t be afraid to ask for something simple and mild.

19. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, assume it is.

Copyright 2011,2012, Match Stick, major contributions by kaminaru. Licensed under the Creative Commons Share Alike Attribution License. Please feel free to copy, improve, translate, and share. You don’t need to ask permission first.

Feel free to tattoo it on your ass. If you do, please send me a picture!

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~Thank you.

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