Introducing: Professor Oni

I was lucky to take two of Professor Oni’s classes at the last Bound in Boston.  He was teaching about rope as one might guess, well, really more about the people attached to the rope.  The first class I took was “Minimal Bondage: Maximal Effect”, and the second “Negotiation and Body Assessment for Rope”.  Minimal Bondage was a lot of fun, it was totally hands on and encouraging of experimentation in rope play.  He was tuned into my favorite subject in life: Connection!, and I must say, that when we changed roles midway through class in our practice scenes, this rope bottom had an AMAZING time topping, he might have made a monster out of me right then and there.  The Negotiation class was informative and got into the anatomical ‘whys’ of negotiation.  We had to speed negotiate with people in class – really useful for practice figuring out what people might want in a short amount of time, and for ingraining pertinent questions into my own negotiation skills.  I had a great time talking with Oni at the conference, and asked him to write for the blog.  Below he presents his journey through coming out kinky, not at all a simple or uncomplicated struggle.  I hope you enjoy his brains as much as I do.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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Coming of Age in Middle Age: How a 39 Year Old Nice Guy Became the “Endorphin Engineer”

Written by Professor Oni

Professor Oni's Website is www.onisensei.org

Professor Oni’s Website is www.onisensei.org

I spent the first four decades of my life carrying around a great deal of social programming related to how men are supposed to treat women, how sexual one is supposed to be and what it means to be attractive. Doing this left me feeling guilty for my desires, unfulfilled in my relationships and with a really unhealthy case of body dysmorphia. It wasn’t until I dipped my toe into a completely foreign lifestyle that I finally felt at home.

In 2005, still licking the wounds of a divorce, I moved from Boston to Tampa, FL. Still buying into the notion that I needed to be partnered, I joined Match.com and happened across a woman in town who struck me as very different, but also very familiar. In our initial communication, she revealed that she was bisexual and also polyamorous.

I had very little experience with Poly, but what I did know made sense and specifically, it seemed only logical that a bisexual person would never be fully fulfilled with one partner, regardless of their gender. After this, she also revealed that she was exploring BDSM.

I really had no idea about this, but being a good Internet researcher, I quickly got the gist. It didn’t jive at all with my social programming, but I was in the process of reinventing myself, so why not check it out? We attended a few events and tried out all the toys. She flogged me and loved it. I had no issue taking the pain, but the only pleasure I had was watching her enjoy it. The same occurred when I flogged her. This left me less than jazzed to really pursue this life until we went to a munch, which is a “dinner with like-minded people” where no one plays or tries to pick up anyone.

Here I met the people behind the players. Folks who were just beginning to explore as well as people who had been doing this BDSM thing for decades. They were all friendly, welcoming and most of all extremely “normal.” We began attending local “dungeon nights” and these folks were also there.

She took to the impact and pain side of things like a duck to water, but I struggled with my social programming. Hitting women is wrong, right? I’m a small guy, how can I possibly dominate anyone? All these guys are taller, more muscular and more attractive than I am, so who would want to play with me anyway, even if I did know what I was doing?

All this uncertainty sent me back to an old comfort zone: photography. I began photographing folks at parties and displaying my work. This allowed me to be in the group, but not actually “do BDSM” or so I thought. The very act of watching and capturing power and control being consensually exchanged began to affect me. It began chipping away at the social programming and the recognition of my “eye for authenticity” gave me credibility in this new world.

One evening, I was talking to the leader of the group and said I was about to throw in the towel. None of the manifestations of power and control I saw appealed to me, so maybe I just wasn’t right for this BDSM stuff. “It doesn’t matter what you do, just why you do it and who you are.” That very night, I saw my first rope bondage scene.

At that moment, I knew there was a place for me in this community, and a way that I could dominate someone with respect, care and artistry. I was very fortunate that the person topping that scene took me under his wing. Through rope, he showed me a gentle way to express my dominance, but more importantly instilled within me the confidence to make my own version of bondage rather than following a formula. With this foundation and motivation, I began sharing and taking power with people who, to my amazement, found me attractive.

The more I did this, the fuller and rounder the dominant side of me grew and the more I pushed toward the edge. The edge of pain. The edge of comfort. The edge of my own internal taboos. And then I met my first masochist.

She wasn’t a slave, or a submissive. She was a self-confident, independent, sex positive woman who knew that the more pain she received from someone who cared enough to dish it out in creative ways, the more she came. She pulled more power and pain out of me than I ever dreamed possible, and I will always be grateful to her. She showed me raw, unfettered sexual energy and allowed me to play chemist in the pharmacy of her brain.

Since then, I have continued to push the edge and make all of my BDSM encounters as raw and energy-rich as possible. I have evolved into a different being. I am a receiver, generator and mover of energy. A designer of desire. Creative and effective with pain, but not quite a sadist.

The mild mannered man tiptoeing on the egg shells of propriety is now the “endorphin engineer” unapologetically marching through the recesses of the minds of those who have honored me with the gift of their energy.

It really doesn’t get any better than that.

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You can follow Professor Oni at www.onisensei.org or find him on Twitter at: Professor_Oni 

If you like my blog, please check out my Patreon Page and consider supporting me, or just click here: Support the Artist

~Thank you.

Questions, curiosities, or just wanna know more? Email: Karin@ABCsOfKink.com

or fill out this anonymous form:

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