Fear and Faith

Naked Mole Rats. Photo by Edward Russell

Naked Mole Rats. Photo by Edward Russell

I woke up
My parents were divorced
Both sets of Grandparents
Divorced
I didn’t know my Great Grandparents, except my Great Grandmother
Her husband died before I was born
Three of my four Aunts
Divorced
I’m divorced

The marriage lasting so far in my family
Is the one between my born-again Christian missionary Aunt
And her high school boyfriend
They have a litter of kids and live in Guatamala

I wonder
Are fear and faith sitting in line with one another
A continuum strengthening as well as destroying relationships of all type and sort
I think community holds the middle
Naked Mole Rats crawling over one another
Blind but figuring it out together

The smell of our loved ones makes us safe

Ritual
Coming together
Sounding off on the finer, admirable aspects of humanity
Advice to the lowliest points in ourselves
Voice that with faith we move on, there is a way
But without our tribe, who keeps the heart strong
What path is discoverable

I am not religious
I do not believe faith belongs to God fearing masses
But beneath the dogma, cults might do something right
Our bones know the need for others
Wrapped into their traditions, they fulfill

Come to dinner with me
Bend your face to mine
Talk bloodrush and sorrow, joy, trepidation, adventure, and fear
Daydream with me

Therapy has helped
Outstretched fingers of my friends leading me from darkness too many times to count
Partners and family and loved ones crawling over one another in the dark
We fight, we fuck, we love, we cuddle, we learn

Paralysis is no fodder for connection

Your warm hand on my shoulder releases me
Helps me find faith
That love is worth the work
The work is overcoming fear

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

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~Thank you.

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