Bodies.  Are.  Autonomous.

Photo by Jonathan Beckley

Photo by Jonathan Beckley

Bodies.  Are.  Autonomous.  End of story.

If someone shares their body with you, your responsibility is thankfulness and gracious treatment.  If that same person changes their mind part way through, it is because they need to.  Done.  Respect their body and wishes.  No coercion, no pushing, no manipulative whining, nothing less than “of course, and I value you” should be passing your lips.  They are the owner of it; not you.  And because this is a blog in part about it, this applies to BDSM too.  No Top/Master/Mistress/Dom/WhatHaveYou is exempt from the concept of “going too far”.  There are always consequences for your actions, whether you suffer them or not.

When I was in 7th grade I had a teacher who was a “good ‘ol boy’s club” type.  He would tell lengthy (often personal) stories about things that had nothing to do with our history lessons, and at least once a day I would be moved to raise my hand and say something to the effect of “that’s sexist”.

What’s wrong here?  Why is a 12 year old kid telling a grown man in school that he is overtly perpetuating a patriarchal system that devalues her very existence?

One day he was fed up with my calling him out on sexism, and assigned the class an essay for homework.  We were to write about who had it worse: men or women.

Photo by Hans Wendland

Photo by Hans Wendland

I wrote that both men and women had it pretty hard for different reasons*.  Women were given the short end of the stick societally (political inequality, monetary repression, etc), but men were expected to maintain and play into a social status quo which stunted them socially (repressed emotions, expectations to put work ahead of family, etc).  I wrote that Patriarchy was the real problem with our culture and not one’s gender, and that until that was understood nothing would change.

This weekend, over and over again, I read sentence after sentence about “feminists being the problem with the world today”, that if “a bunch of bitches get killed it’s good for the world and should teach the nation and those sluts a righteous lesson”, and that “women who aren’t interested in a man’s conversational oppression, misogynistic POVs, much less actual dick, are sluts and whores”.  ARE YOU GODDAMN KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!

Photo by Sarah Paterson

Photo by Sarah Paterson

Why do I have friends in men’s groups like the ones touting these messages and ideals?  Cut it the fuck out and get some therapy.  Every last one of you.  No person with a brain or half an ounce of social awareness is interested in your poor me attitude about getting less sex than you think you deserve, non-consensual aggression and disrespect of boundaries, rape-cult(ure) rhetoric, narcissism, ignorance, or your inability to evolve past an infantile and violent lizard brained reality.

Real men (and all the other people in the world) find ways to get along just fine, and can continue on fine without you.  If you need to enact physical, emotional, or psychological violence to get some of that pussy you “deserve” so much, the only person you have to blame when you’ve had to rape, threaten, or kill to get it, is your own fucked up self.  The world and my body owe you nothing.

May I be judged for my actions and the content of my character and not by the the profile of my born reality or identity.  To anyone who can’t wrap this incredibly simple concept around their brain: eat shit and disappear.  Otherwise you’ve got some hard work to do.  Welcome to the world.

To Breath and Being,
~ Karin

*in 7th grade I was given an F for my essay on sexism, not because it wasn’t well written, but because I “didn’t choose a side”.  A clear illustration why critical thinking is the most important skill to teach your children.  What kind of shell is a person if that shell has developed no individuated POV, no critical thinking, no ability to question or evolve, no voice?


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~Thank you.

Be an ABCs contributor:  Have a story or perspective to share about kink or want to promote a kinky event?  Email Karin directly at: or fill out the as-anonymous-as-you-want-it-to-be feedback form below and you could see your writing published as a part of Wednesday’s “Perspectives on Kink: Conversations with the Community” blog on this site.  Don’t know what to write about?  Consider answering some of the Survey Questions I posted recently.  Happy writing, and thanks!

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